Dean-Na and the Hairless Rose

by Robyn Fraser

  Deanna shook her head. No, they certainly wouldn’t have.

  “So when I came from Illusiland to Mundaland to get you, I came up with this great idea. I’d sneak into one of those buildings where they kill all the Mundaland chickens, get myself sliced and packaged and make my way into your home by way of freezer.”

  Rose shook her head, and tears welled up in her eyes. “But I had no idea how awful it would be. I can’t bear to think of it.” She twitched a stump as though to wipe her tears, then stared at it sadly. “It’s a real pain in the pooper not having wings. But at least they’ll grow back once we’re in Illusiland.” She sniffed. “I’ll smell better too. Sorry about that.”

  Rose drew her teary gaze back to Deanna. “As to how I found you, well,” she pointed a stump in the general direction of Deanna’s right hand, “I followed your ring. There’s a spell on it, so I could hone in on you using my tracker.” Rose stuck out her tongue. It was pierced with a small, heart-shaped stud, much like a lot of older kids had. “Cool, huh?”

  Deanna said nothing. She was beyond confused at this point.

  “Do you know what day it is, by the way? I sort of lost track while I was in the freezer.”

  “Oh. Um, it’s Tuesday. October 4th, that is.”

  Rose’s eyes widened. “It is? Well! We really must be off. Right this instant.” She turned and stepped up to the slide’s opening. “You are coming, right?”

  Deanna had almost no idea what was going on. That morning she’d put a chicken out to thaw for dinner and now here it was, alive, featherless, wingless and chatting to her about strange lands. This was more than bizarre; it was fantastical. “Of course I’m coming,” she replied. Her insides quivered with excitement.

  Rose smiled. “Good. Follow me.” She turned to the slide, stepped on and, in a most unglamorous way, perhaps due to the lack of wings to help her balance, slid down the blue plastic tube, taking a curve to the right and disappearing.

  Deanna hopped on and followed. As she made the curve, everything went black, the floor of the slide gave out beneath her, and she fell into darkness.

  Chapter Three

  Where We Experience Excellent Exposition

  “Umph.” Deanna landed heavily on…what? She glanced around. She was in a jungle-like forest, surrounded by huge ferns and massive trees, with trunks as big as trucks. A musty, earthen smell permeated the moisture-laden air.

  “You okay, D?”

  Deanna glanced over to where Rose was standing. The chicken was using her beak to groom a tiny blue and yellow feather on her chest—one that Deanna was almost positive hadn’t been there before.

  “Where are we?” Deanna stood up slowly, wincing a little from the fall. Even though she’d landed on soft mossy ground, her butt would be bruised for sure. Behind her was a wide vine that curved down from a tall tree in a suspiciously similar shape to the slide.

  “This is the Juggernaut Jungle. One of the southernmost places in Illusiland.”

  “Is that where we are now? Illusiland?” Deanna asked as she brushed dirt from her jeans and shook leaves out of her hair. She was grateful that her backpack had managed to stay in place during the fall. The sketchpad and pencils within it were her most valued possessions.

  “Indeed it is,” replied Rose. “I don’t suppose you would remember being here; you were too young.” She glanced sideways at Deanna. “You don’t remember, do you? Or maybe your parents have talked to you about this place?”

  Deanna frowned. “You’re saying I’ve been here before? And that my parents know about it?”

  Rose nodded, and a shadow passed across her face. That was because a large fern leaf had flapped in the breeze between Rose and the sun.

  “You better have a seat, D,” said Rose, pointing with one stubby wing (was it just a touch longer than before?) to a fallen log a few feet away. Deanna obeyed and Rose plopped herself down on a smaller nearby branch.

  “Even though I always knew I’d be the one to tell you this story, it’s harder than I thought.” Rose took a deep breath. “But here goes.

  “Just over seven years ago, you and your parents lived here, in Illusiland. Well, not right here, but in the western realm of Magitoria.” Rose pointed a definitely larger wing stub to her right. “Actually, I’m not sure that’s west. I’m a little bit turned around, to be honest. But no worries, I’m a good navigator. We won’t be lost for days wandering around in the jungle, trying to avoid being eaten by pleongers. We’ll find our way out.”

  Deanna hadn’t been worried until that moment but, even though she didn’t know what a pleonger was, a flutter of nerves now tickled her stomach.

  “I imagine this will come as a bit of a shock, Deanna, but your mother was the Queen of Magitoria and your father her King by Marriage.”

  “Ummm, okaaay.” Deanna wasn’t so much in shock as she was utterly confused. She rubbed her forehead with her knuckles. “Wait. Do you mean my parents, Dr. Julia Doomore and Bob Martin? Or are you talking about parents I’ve never met? I’ve always thought I was adopted, you know.”

  Rose shook her head, and the three purple and two orange feathers that now poked out on top fluttered a little. “No, no. You’re definitely not adopted. And yes, I am talking about your parents. But I can understand why you might feel like you have other ones. Because in some ways Julia and Bob—which are their Mundaland aliases, by the way—aren’t really your parents.”

  Deanna scrunched up her eyes and frowned at the clearly crazy chicken. “You’re saying that I’m not adopted, but that my parents are not my parents?”

  “Well, they are, but…well…” Rose whacked her right wing stump—which was now a few inches long and had several tiny purple feathers on it—against her forehead. “Oh, bumblepoop, I’m messing this all up, and I’ve barely even started the story.”

  She took another deep breath. “Okay. Your parents, whose real names are Queen Juliana and King by Marriage Robert, were great leaders and great illusibeings too. They were kind and fair and felt strongly that imagination was a right of all citizens. That no one, no matter their age, income or anything else, should be denied flights of fancy. Dog only knows that life can be difficult enough without losing the ability to imagine.”

  “Wait, what dog?” Deanna latched on to the one thing the felt she could immediately question in this onslaught of fantastical information.

  “You know, Dog, the great supreme being that lives above the clouds, watching her people, spitting drool down from the skies, farting out thunder and sometimes digging holes in our ground. Dog, our creator. The giver of life and death and everything in between.”

  Rose cocked her head and stared at Deanna. “You’re not a Dogless, are you?” Her eyes widened. “Or worse, a Felinist? I’ve had more than enough run-ins with Felinists in my time. Oh sure, they seem quite friendly at first but spend a bit of time with them and their claws come out.” She shook her head. “No, I prefer to keep my distance from Felinsts now. So, if indeed that is what you are, D, if somehow Mundaland has taken you to the dark side, I’m afraid we must part ways this instant.” She stood up as though ready to leave.

  “No, I’m not a…a Felinist. But I’m also not a Dogist—or whatever you call it—either. I’m just, well, me.” Deanna was so thoroughly confused that she wasn’t sure what she’d said made any sense whatsoever. However, Rose’s frown softened and she relaxed back down on her branch.

  “Well, I can live with that,” she said. “Now where was I?”

  “Something about my parents, who are from this place, rulers of a land called Magitoria, and being really pro-imagination.”

  Rose smiled. “Yes. Good listening. So the problem is that there’s a ruler of a land known as Concreta, which is to the east, who came into power around nine years ago. He is known only as Mr. Sactual, and he’s against all things fanciful. We in the west have never laid eyes on him, but he is known to hate all things and people and places with any hint of creativity. Once he started ruling, C
oncreta quickly became all grey and concrete and work and no fun.”

  Rose scratched the back of her head with her half-wing—it had grown even more and was almost fully covered in a layer of purple and red feathers. “Which was fine enough. Mr. Sactual left the West alone, and Queen Juliana let the East do their thing.”

  Another shadow crossed Rose’s face, and this time it had nothing to do with flapping foliage. “That is, until seven years ago.” She paused and looked at Deanna. There was prolonged silence as Deanna waited for her to continue. But the chicken just stared at her, eyes wide.

  Deanna was wondering if perhaps Rose’s tongue ring had caught her mouth closed, when finally the chicken spoke again, slowly enunciating the last few words: “I said, that is until seven years ago.”

  “Oh. Um, what was seven years ago?” Deanna had the distinct impression that the chicken wanted her to ask the question.

  “Oh, it’s too terrible to speak of,” said Rose with a shiver. She glanced away, staring through the jungle greenery. Deanna was about to ask why she’d brought it up then when Rose turned back and continued. “But I must. It is my job, nay, my destiny to share with you this information.”

  “Okay then, get to it.” Honestly, as incredible as all this was, the chicken was dragging things out a bit. And maybe with just a tad too much dramatic flare.

  Rose nodded. “A little over seven years ago, word made its way to Magitoria that Mr. Sactual was building an army to come and take over the West. We learned that he’d been spending a lot of time in Mundaland, studying things called guns and bullets and other weapons. Things we don’t have in Magitoria. Have you heard of them?”

  “Sure, I’ve heard of guns and bullets. But I’m from Canada, so I’ve never seen them in person.” Deanna’s face flushed a little, and it wasn’t just due to the tropical temperatures and the fact she was wearing a hooded sweatshirt. She was admittedly proud of her country’s gun laws, especially compared to its southern neighbor, who shall remain nameless.

  Rose nodded. “So Queen Juliana, that’s your mother, was rightfully concerned by these reports. She was able to confirm that weapons were indeed being built in Concreta factories. Weapons that we in Magitoria have no defense against.” The chicken tapped her blue and yellow-feathered chest proudly with an almost full-length, though still feather-deficient wing. “We’re a peaceful folk, and while we do have magic and imagination on our side, Queen Juliana determined that this would not be enough to stop an invasion by a Concretian army.”

  Rose stared directly into Deanna’s eyes. “I should let you know that your mother was the most skilled magician in all our land. That’s why she was made queen. Well, that and her royal ancestry—she inherited the position.” Rose shrugged. “But still, so much warmth and honesty. The people loved her.

  “Queen Juliana studied and researched and developed the best possible strategy to keep Concreta out of our land. The plan she came up with was a protective spell to encompass all of Magitoria. Unfortunately, it meant that she would be banished from her lands until the spell wore off, which would be in seven years, seven weeks and seven days from the time it was cast.”

  Deanna furrowed her brow, her morning’s math lesson kicking in. “Ummm, isn’t that the same as seven years and eight weeks?”

  Rose frowned. “Well, technically yes. But sevens are important in casting spells, you know. And frankly, it just sounds better, don’t you think?”

  Deanna shrugged.

  “Anyway, Queen Juliana had to walk the perimeter of all of Magitoria and cast the spell from outside its boundaries. Once that was done, she wouldn’t be able to enter her land without dismantling the protective shield she’d created. So, after consulting with her counsel, which included me, she left Percival Portiscue as interim Queen of Magitoria and took her family—that’s you and your father, King by Marriage Robert—and set out to cast the spell.

  “It must have taken her weeks to walk the circumference of Magitoria. Not to mention all the risks—of capture by the Concretians, the Fantabulous Forest, the Mildly Moldy Marshes and more. It was an arduous task that not many would dare undertake.

  “But she was successful, and once she’d completed and fused the spell’s ending with its beginning, she travelled to Mundaland where she, your father and you—you were only four at the time—would be safe.”

  Rose leaned forward. “Then—and this is the crux of our current issue—after your parents created their aliases, including their new Mundaland careers and whatnot, she and your father drank a forgetting potion. Your mother felt it was safer. That way, on the chance they were discovered by one of Mr. Sactual’s people, they would have no memory of the spell or anything else to do with Illusiland. It was the final link to ensure safety for her realm. Also—and this she told me in confidence—the queen knew that she and her King by Marriage would not be able to survive such a dreary place as Mundaland unless they believed that they belonged there. Unless they had no memory of a happier place.”

  Hmmm. As incredible as it all seemed, the story somehow made sense to Deanna. At least it sort of explained why her parents were such dorks and why she’d always thought—and sort of hoped—she was adopted. “Did I take the potion too?” she asked.

  Rose shook her head, which was now capped in purple and orange feathers. “You were only four years old. There was no need. Plus, for better or worse, your mother had no choice but to make you a key component in the continued safety of our land. Which is why you’re here now.” Rose sighed and waved her almost fully feathered, fully lengthened right wing at Deanna. “You better sit for this, D.”

  “I am sitting.”

  “Oh, yes. Sorry. It’s been a long morning.” Rose rubbed her golden-feathered face. “Okay. Before Queen Juliana left Magitoria, she gave instructions to me and Percival Portescue. She asked me to travel to Mundaland at exactly seven years from the day the spell was completed, find you, and bring you back to Magitoria. I was not to interact with her or King by Marriage Robert in any way. She made that clear. This is what I have done.

  “Now it’s my job to accompany you to Magus Manor, which is in Magus, the capitol city of Magitoria, to meet with Percival Portescue. Your mother gave a letter to him for safekeeping until your return. Somehow the information in it is the key to keeping Magitoria safe. For you see, in the seven years that your mother has been gone, though Mr. Sactual and his army have not been able to invade our land, we know that his arsenal of weaponry has grown tenfold.”

  Rose dropped her head and shook it. “Unfortunately I’ve been dead a little longer than I’d anticipated. If we don’t get back to Magus Manor and your mother’s instructions soon, then the spell protecting Magitoria is lost, which means Concreta will invade and take over our land, destroying imagination, individuality and probably some property forever.”

  Chapter Four

  Where Deanna Meets a Cute Kitten

  “Well, we’d best be off,” said Rose. She stood and brushed off her fully feathered green butt with her completely formed purple and red wings.

  “Where are we going?” Sweating from the heat, Deanna stood, removed her hoodie, and stuffed it in the backpack, leaving her in a t-shirt and jeans.

  “I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry,” said Rose. “I haven’t had anything to eat since I sent myself off to be plucked and chopped, which was sev—I mean, it was a while ago.”

  She licked the tip of one wing, held it in the air and slowly turned in a complete circle, continuing for another quarter-turn, backtracking a bit, then forward, and then, finally, stopping and pointing straight ahead. “The Carnivorous Cavern is just outside the Juggernaut Jungle. It’s the best place to get some lunch.” She cocked her head. “Actually, it’s the only place for miles, but the food is good and the company is…well…interesting.”

  “Okay, lead the way,” said Deanna. She had to admit to herself that, though she’d only been in Illusiland for a short time, this was the most ‘at home’ she’d e
ver felt. It was like she was back in her own skin after a long time away.

  Rose pushed her way through the thick vines and ferns of the jungle, Deanna stumbling along behind her fantastically feathered new friend.

  “Which way are we heading?” Deanna asked, thinking it might be important to have a sense of direction in this place just in case of…well, just in case.

  “North and just a bit west, toward Slightly Silly Sea—which, by the way, is a large lake,” replied Rose. “The Carnivorous Cavern is on its southwestern shoreline at Port Potty.” She hopped over a fallen moss-covered tree trunk. “The land to the west of the lake is Magitoria; to the east, Concreta. But Port Potty is an Independent; it sits just outside the Magitorian boundaries.”

  “So where are we now, Magitoria or Concreta?”

  Rose stopped and glanced back at Deanna. “Actually, just like Port Potty, the Juggernaut Jungle doesn’t belong to either place. It forms the southern border between the two realms. Slightly Silly Sea is the same—belongs to no one in particular. Then, north of the lake, the Riddled Ridge forms the northern dividing line, but they too decided to be exempt from Realm politics, so they just do their own thing.”

  Rose turned around and began trekking again. “You’ll know when you reach the boundaries of Magitoria because you’ll be hit by your mother’s spell, and it won’t let you in until it can determine if you’re Magitorian or not. And by hit, I mean it feels like you’ve been punched in the gut with a bolt of lightning.”

  The duo continued their hike through the thick green and brown jungle, Rose’s multicolored feathering a clear beacon for Deanna to follow. Though the jungle teamed with wildlife—there was much chirping from the branches above and an almost constant rustling of leaves and snapping of branches all around them—nothing attacked or even showed its face.