Sworn to Defiance
Page 23
Now we just need to meet with these representatives, set up patrols, boundaries and stations and they’ll be preparing while we go off to Kifar, Ciardis thought aloud.
If only it was that easy, said Sebastian in her mind.
What do you mean? she said with some alarm. She didn’t need another problem. She had enough problems as it is.
The noble courts have never been a group to work as one mind. More like fractured little fiefdoms that will hack and bleed at anything that crosses them, in order to get their way.
Ciardis stopped and turned to Sebastian, “Surely that won’t be the case now. They know the urgency of this cause. The dire need of our situation. And besides we won’t be negotiating with all of them, just the three representatives.”
Sebastian looked at her, “Bloodthirsty wolves, Ciardis. Isn’t that what we compared them to yesterday? Just because they’ve joined our cause and donned sheep’s clothing, doesn’t mean they’ve changed their true natures overnight.”
“If ever,” said Thanar disdainfully as he swaggered past them to the arena doors.
“Neither of you have any faith,” Ciardis said with a polite sniff as she moved on.
They both looked back at her with raised eyebrows. Vana came around the corner with Christian and Caemon by her side, “And you have too much.”
Ciardis put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes, “How do you even know what we were talking about? You were out of hearing range!”
Vana gave her a wicked smile. “Doesn’t matter. The statement still stands. You trust too much and fear too little weathervane. One day it’ll get you killed.”
Ciardis refused to pay mind to a shiver that went down her spine. She didn’t believe in prophecies. Especially from female assassins who didn’t have a prophetic bone in their body. Instead of responding to Vana’s retort, because she was at least half right—she did trust too much, she turned to Christian and gave him a warm hug.
“It’s good to see you again,” said Ciardis warmly.
“It’s only been two days,” said Christian with his eyes sparkling, “You hug me as if we’ve been apart for months.”
Ciardis put her hand to her heart and teased, “An hour is too long to be away from your presence.”
Christian looked at her solemnly for a moment. Ciardis was aware of Vana and Caemon hanging back, to give them space, but her focus was on Christian.
“What is it?” Ciardis asked with worry filling her tone. He was much too quiet. Then a horrid thought entered her mind.
Searching his face anxiously as she looked into his eyes she said, “You haven’t relapsed, have you?”
He looked at her with a puzzled frown. “No?”
“I mean, it’s possible isn’t...with your condition? I just meant you were feeling horribly just days ago. Like on the verge of death horrible and I didn’t think to ask until now—“
Christian stepped forward and put both of his hands on her shoulders. “Calm down, love, you’re babbling.”
‘I’ll say,’ sniped Thanar from where he leaned against a far wall looking bored.
‘Shut up, you!’ Ciardis thought at him.
“What?” said Christian while slowly lowering his hands.
“What? No!” said Ciardis frantically while grabbing for his falling hands, “I didn’t mean you. I was talking to Thanar and well I sort of spoke aloud what I was thinking.”
If possible Christian looked even more puzzled than he had before. “What are you talking about?”
Ciardis looked up at him and squeezed his hands, realizing that she effectively announced to the emperor before she’d told her friends...that, well, she was engaged to their future ruler and soulbound to one of their most hated enemies.
“Umm, well?”
“You can talk to Thanar in your head?” said Christian with a thoughtful glance at the daemoni prince. Christian’s gaze wasn’t judgmental. Perhaps because he hadn’t seen the horrors that Thanar had wrought in the north or perhaps because they shared a blighted kith heritage in Algardis history. A heritage that Christian, of course, had the option of hiding and Thanar proudly displayed to the skies.
“What?” said Caemon with a frown as he came forward, “What does that mean?”
Ciardis sighed and bowed her head—thinking over how to break the news.
‘Why don’t you let me?’ said Thanar, his voice soft.
Fear went through Ciardis’s mind. Not because she feared what he would say, but because she feared how her friends would react. How her family would react. Her mother hadn’t said anything against the union, but then again the gift of Thanar’s power in the bond had been the only thing allowing Ciardis to put up enough of a fight to call in soul winds and kill the emperor’s guards. Ciardis also suspected that the bond, its power and the usefulness it would provide for the emperor fascinated the man more than the potential threat the three of them posed as a united front.
Speaking to Thanar, she said No, not this time.
Thanar’s presence in her mind turned dark with anger and unease.
I’m not rejecting you Thanar. I’m not rejecting your help. I don’t fear what you’d say. I don’t fear having you speak up. I fear not being the one to speak for myself. I fear hiding behind you and Sebastian, when it is I that should speak up and say what I want to say.
But this isn’t your fault. That was the first time Thanar had taken on even a modicum of blame for their bond. The first time he had acknowledge it was in some way wrong.
No, but I am not faultless either. By asking you to save me, by lying helplessly in your arms as we fell through the sky, some of the blame falls on me. I gave you my permission and my agency by staying silent. This time, I will speak.
Thanar’s aura had gradually lightened until she found nothing but pride and cautious hope in his presence.
Very well, Golden Eyes.
Throughout their conversation he hadn’t moved from his spot.
She also noticed that Sebastian had said nothing throughout to her about her next steps. She wondered why. The doubt must have clouded her mind and some of it must have appeared in her thoughts or on her face because the next second his presence brightened in her mind like the rays of the sun spreading the dawn.
I chose not to speak up, Ciardis, because I believe I made you a promise just two nights ago.
A promise? she asked a little hesitantly.
A promise of trust.
Love flooded their bond from her end and from his. Sebastian continued, A promise I intend to keep. A promise to work on us together. A promise to stand by your side.
Then he hesitated, And for now if standing by your side also means standing by Thanar’s I’m there. Until we can get him sorted out of our bond.
Our? She said in a teasing voice.
Our. He repeated firmly.
She nodded and slowly focused back outward as she felt Christian squeezing her hands tightly and she could see that Caemon’s face next to his was filled with anxiety. Closing her eyes briefly and giving a quick prayer to whichever of the gods were listening she said, “I’m bound by life and soul to Thanar...as well as Sebastian.”
Caemon’s jaw dropped open. Christian blinked in surprise and some of the joy dimmed in his eyes.
She bit her lip, “A full seeleverbindung.”
Caemon lightened a full two shades paler as he blanched. Then Caemon said, “I’m going to kill the bastard.”
He went around Christian to do just that. At the last minute Christian grabbed onto Caemon’s shoulder to stop him. Caemon tried to shrug him off like an irritating fly. When that didn’t work he whirled around and threw his arm outwards to break the other male’s hold on him.
With anger in his eyes Caemon shouted, “What, Christian?”
Christian dropped Ciardis’s other hand and said, “Which one will you kill? The daemoni prince or the prince heir?”
Caemon stared at him open-mouthed. “The daemoni prince of course.”
Ciardis stepped forward, “There’s no need to be hasty here Caemon. I’ve had words with Thanar, we’re settling this on our own.”
“Words?” said Caemon while spluttering in his fury, “You’ve had words with him? Do you even know what he’s done to you, you stupid girl?”
Ciardis’s eyes widened in hurt at her twin brother’s words.
Then Sebastian stepped in. “That’s enough of that, Caemon Weathervane. You’ll watch your tone or I’ll watch it for you,” said the prince heir coldly.
Caemon whirled on Sebastian with no sign of abatement in his fury. “And you. How could you let, let that animal do this to her? I thought you loved my sister.”
Sebastian’s eyes looked like hard chips of emerald. “I do love your sister.”
“Yeah, you let that filth bind his dark soul to hers for eternity?” Caemon said while literally shaking in rage.
“Caemon,” said Ciardis, “I think—“
“No, Ciardis! You don’t think,” said Caemon in a harsh tone, “I knew when I met you, you were ignorant. Ignorant of weathervane history and customs, but I never thought you would be so stupid as to let this happen—“
She sucked in a harsh breath. Her heart was in pain.
But she didn’t cry. She lashed back, “Like I was so ignorant that I trusted you and let you use my gifts to enhance Thanar’s arcane spell and destroy the protections on the Sanctuary? You trusted him as much as I did, even more so since you knew him for far longer.”
“No, dear sister,” Caemon said with shoulders slumped as he ran a tired hand through his hair, “I never trust that dark son of a demon’s spawn—“.
Caemon’s trembling finger pointed at Thanar who had risen and stood on the outside of their circle, visibly angry. He hadn’t interfered yet but his hands were curled into fists, his wings were upraised and a light mist of dark winds hovered around his pale alabaster skin like a cloak.
“Never,” concluded Caemon, “I used him. I tolerated him. But I never—“
Ciardis wanted to think that what he was about to say was, ‘trusted him’ but she knew and Caemon knew that wasn’t what he was about to say.
And then he finished his statement, “I never fucked him.”
She didn’t even bother retorting. She did rush up and slap him so hard that the sound reverberated in the marble hall and her hand hurt so much, she wondered if she had bruised her muscles.
Trembling she screamed, “Leave me, get away! Away!”
When he ran off, she whirled around and went to a quiet corner to keep from following him and wringing her twin brother’s neck. When hands reached out to pull her back, she shrugged them off and said, “Just give me a minute please. A minute to myself.”
The hands disappeared and to her relief they left her alone. She didn’t cry. She didn’t scream. She just hugged herself. When she emerged her face was calm.
She cleared her throat and stared at the gathered group. The Kifar team and the home team had come together for one last meeting before half their group split to go to the western city and half stayed here to form a battle plan against the blutgott. She had been one of those who was supposed to stay behind, but when the emperor ordered you to get out of his city, you left or accepted the probability that your head might not be there the next morning.
“I’m going to say this and say this only once,” she said in a quiet voice, her eyes hard, her hands balled. “I will do anything to keep this group together. To save the empire and to save my family and friends. But no one judges me but myself. No one makes my decisions but me. I’m my own person and living my own life. I don’t need bullshit. I don’t need judgment. I need allies who will stand by me. Yes, I do make mistakes and I expect you to call me on them. But don’t think for one second that you can say what you want to say and I won’t speak up. I had enough of that as a laundress. I won’t do that again..”
Everyone stared at her. But no one said anything until Sebastian came forward, “You have us. As allies. As friends. As fighters.”
Terris nodded and came forward, “Caemon will come back. He just needs time.”
Ciardis shook her head and her lips trembled, “I don’t think so.”
Thanar came forward with his arms folded and hands loose, “I know so. A lot of that was coming from his time bound by the northern mages. He was their slave. He had no willpower of his own. To see or even think of the same possibly for his sister would be devastating.”
Ciardis dropped her head. “I didn’t think of that. Maybe I should go talk to him.”
“No, there’s no time to go after him,” said Lord Meres with a frown as he walked to the doorway leading into the arena, “It’s time.”
Meres said, “Ciardis, I’ll speak with him. I’ll have all the weeks you are in Kifar to get to the bottom of this. If there are wounds in his mind, emotional or physical, I’ll find them.”
Ciardis grabbed his hand with strictly more force than necessary and put her empathy in the strong grip of her squeeze. “Thank you.”
He nodded.
As he turned she asked, “Christian?”
He turned to her as she walked toward him. “Yes?”
“When you hesitated after I hugged you...what was that about?”
He turned back with rueful smile on his face. “I was afraid when I shouldn’t have been.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Afraid for the moment, that you had forgotten what I was. That you had forgotten I was koreschie and would flinch away the moment you remembered.”
Ciardis flinched but not in fear, instead of empathy. Shaking her head she rushed back into his arms and tightly hugged him. “Never.”
She said never as she flashed back on the time she had seen Christian fully transform. His hands and skull had turned transparent until she could see the muscles and veins under his skin. As his power flowed out through his arms, the veins underneath had glowed an otherworldly purple while the ghostly power of his gifts had flowed until Thomas, the evil satyr’s, neck. With that power came the pestilence of the koreschie race that had eventually killed the satyr. She didn’t think she’d ever forget that moment. To see someone so beautiful turn into something so deadly.
In her mind she felt the slight twinge of fear which she quickly overpowered and pushed down into the bottom of her mind. She trusted Christian. He was her friend. He would never hurt her. She knew all of this, but Ciardis wondered if she was the only person to get the slightest twinge of doubt even in the arms of a trusted friends. Self-preservation was a powerful concept. But she wouldn’t let it override her own desire to keep her feelings private. So she masked her face and she could feel her features smooth and her eyes even retain that bit of happiness.
Ha, I’m getting better at lying.
She felt Thanar snort in her mind. As better as a crafty five-year-old could be. Sure.
She mentally stuck her tongue out at him.
In Christian’s arms, she felt him smile through his voice as he leaned down and returned her hug. “I do not doubt it now.”
She leaned back. “Good.”
They exchanged nods and parted to walk together through the doors that Lord Meres opened from them.
Chapter 29
Ciardis almost stopped in her tracks she was so amazed. It was a good thing she didn’t stop because the next moment she had to duck and turn so fast that she ran into Christian and they both dove to the floor. They weren’t under attack. At least, not unless you considered flying shoes a method of attack.
Peeking up from where she lay flat on the floor beside Christian who was alternating between curses and groans, she stood and helped him up when she confirmed that no more shoes were headed their way. Then she stared at the three nobles, two mages and what looked like a soldier struggling in a pile against the table. Everyone in the room that wasn’t the soldier seemed to b
e struggling with him. His sword lay on the table untouched and Ciardis noticed that he seemed to be refraining from reaching for his knife strapped against his waist even though he was fighting against five other people. Instead the soldier had his hand splayed on the face of a rather fat gentleman, holding him back with firm fingers, as the man wind milled his arms in a futile effort to reach the armored soldier.
If Ciardis hadn’t known any better she would have said she wandered into the wrong room. This couldn’t be the war council of the preeminent group of nobles and mages in the empire. The group of individuals who were destined to lead the fight against the blutgott. She stared harder as the nobles fought dirty, or rather their version of it. When one nobleman yanked on another noble’s topknot to try to get in the way of a rather-determined mage, the mage pulled on their robes so that the noble couldn’t get at the soldier first. If the general situation hadn’t been so dire, she would have laughed her head off. Because they looked ridiculous.
Then a voice cleared their throat. Ciardis turned to see Lord Crassius leaning against the far wall, almost invisible behind the entrance doors.
She blinked. “Lord Crassius, what in the world is going on?”
He looked over at her. “These are the nobles and mages elected to the war council. They had a...disagreement.”
“Already?” said Christian incredulously, “The meeting hasn’t even started.”
“Nobles and mages?” Ciardis murmured.
“Aren’t most nobles practicing mages, anyway?” she continued.
“Most are,” conceded Lord Crassius, “Especially since the Initiate Wars. Makes it easier to protect their land.”
Ciardis eyed the tussling group, “Then why are only two of those people wearing quite distinctive mage gowns, when I can sense that the three nobles are at the very least as powerful as they are, if not more powerful?”
Thanar came up with a smile. “Another effect of the oh-so-lovely Initiate Wars.”
“What do you mean?” asked Christian with a baffled frown.
“Something a koreschie doesn’t know? I’m shocked,” said Thanar.