The Perfect Lie

by Karen Osman

  It had been annoying, she remembered now, but the thought was still not enough to stop her from releasing a sigh of frustration at Jamie. But then she saw his little smiling face peeping out from his den and her irritation faded. That was motherhood right there – a revolving door of emotion. It was bedtime, just past seven o’clock according to the Gro Clock on the shelf.

  ‘Hurry up, Mummy! The dinosaurs are waiting!’

  ‘Waiting? Whatever for?’ she asked in mock surprise. As if she didn’t know.

  ‘A story!’

  ‘Well, we can’t possibly keep them waiting! What story are we reading tonight?’ she asked browsing through the bookshelf.

  ‘The Gruffalo,’ came the muffle of her son’s voice. Claire guessed he’d gone back into his den to retrieve whatever treasures he wanted to take to bed with him. ‘And the dinosaurs want the funny voices, like Daddy does.’

  ‘Do they indeed? Well, what the dinosaurs want, they will get,’ replied Claire, bending down to enter the den to try and entice him out and into his bed. She always failed though because he liked one story in his den and three in his bed. Jamie was very particular like that.

  Five years.

  Had it really been that long? She sat crossed-legged, the lurid plastic toys lined up in front of her and Jamie on her lap as she read out loud. At some stages, it had felt like forever, especially during the terrible twos. Jamie hadn’t been the easiest child and Claire guiltily knew she would have preferred to be navigating the complex legal system on behalf of her most demanding client than trying to reason with a screaming toddler.

  But she and Chris had both agreed that working as a criminal lawyer full-time and trying to look after a young child wouldn’t work. Instead, she would take a year’s maternity leave and work part-time as a professional support lawyer until Jamie turned five and went to school and then they’d review the situation. They’d done the same thing when Joshua was born but back then, she’d been so excited about having a baby, she would have given up work completely if Chris had asked her to. Looking back though, she was glad that she’d kept her hand in, even if she was only doing paperwork.

  When Julia and herself had set up their own law firm in 2007, she’d been honest from the beginning about her desire to have another child and Julia had understood. Well, not the call of motherhood – Julia Stephens had always been clear in her preference to remain childless – but Julia had reassured Claire that they could work out a plan so that Claire could take maternity leave and then return with some flexibility. Indeed, Julia had even gone so far as to say that their own firm would be the perfect solution for a mother who still wanted to work.

  And it would have worked well – it was just unfortunate that giving Joshua a sibling had taken longer than either Claire, Chris or Julia had anticipated. Claire knew her career had suffered but what was the alternative? You couldn’t be at the beck and call of both a demanding judge and the needs of a baby.

  Now, with Joshua soon off to uni and Jamie heading to school, she’d somehow managed to sell the idea of her going back to work full-time to Chris over a bottle of wine the night before. She had successfully leveraged the fact that one of their couple friends had just hired a nanny and apparently it had been life-changing, so they would hire a nanny too, to do the afternoon school run, and to watch Jamie in the afternoons. Claire had been deliberate; she’d only broached the subject once the wine bottle was almost empty and as she watched him mulling it over, she knew that even if he didn’t agree to her proposal, she would have to find a way to go back to work full-time somehow. Her brain physically ached for the hum of court. She missed having a purpose that was just hers, and hers alone. And when she won a case… well, there was simply nothing like it. And she used to win often. The adrenalin would keep her going for days.

  *

  Luckily, she’d timed it well with the wine and Chris had agreed, no doubt buoyed by the thought of the extra income from her salary. While he earned well, the pressure to succeed was constant and with the two of them working, perhaps he would be able to take it a little easier, thought Claire, as she finished reading the story to Jamie with her best impersonation of a Gruffalo. She knew how stressful it was relying on one salary especially with their high standard of living – their mortgage payments alone were eye-watering. But as Claire finished reading and closed the book, the little mouse safe in the wood eating his nut, she knew she was ready to take on more demanding and lucrative cases.

  *

  Claire was trying not to panic. She’d just finished the last of the six nanny interviews she’d set up for the day and not one of them was suitable, despite them all being brilliant on paper. She thought of Viktoriya who had a flawless CV written in English but then could barely utter two understandable sentences. Or Rebecca, who spent most of the interview showing Claire her Instagram account and explaining how she had big dreams of becoming the next Kim Kardashian.

  Why would I hand my child over to you?

  Sighing, Claire went back to her laptop on the kitchen table and started a search in her inbox again. Maybe she’d missed someone? But as she started to reread the CVs, she knew she hadn’t. She’d received a lot of rubbish and the interviews today were the best of a bad lot. She sighed, pushing the laptop away from her.

  ‘You look like you need a strong cup of tea,’ said Irene, her broad Yorkshire accent reminding Claire of childhood days out in the Dales. ‘Shall I make you one?’

  ‘Thank you, Irene, that would be lovely,’ she replied as Jamie came storming through to the kitchen, a rocket in his hand, which was swooping precariously close to the biscuit tin.

  ‘Mummy! Do you want to play rockets with me? I’m going to visit the moon!’

  ‘I’d love to, Jamie,’ replied Claire, swiftly moving the biscuit tin out of Jamie’s path, ‘but Mummy has a few things to do first. What are you going to do on the moon?’

  ‘I’m going to play Snakes and Ladders,’ announced Jamie.

  ‘Oh, well that sounds like a lot fun. Why don’t you go upstairs and put on your astronaut suit, then you’ll be ready for your rocket trip.’

  With relief, she saw his eyes light up and watched as he ran towards the stairs to go to his bedroom. A few more minutes of quiet while she had a cup of tea and then she would get back to her search. But just then the front door slammed, and she heard Joshua and his friends in the hallway followed by a loud crash. Claire and Irene looked at each other in alarm before rushing through to the hallway. A bunch of flowers was upended, water spilling all over the tiles from the gift box vase that Claire had bought the day before. Two of Joshua’s friends were poised mid-wrestle, looking at the sodden mess.

  ‘Sorry, Mrs Carmichael,’ one of them said before extracting himself and starting to pick up the flowers, his wrestling partner following his lead.

  ‘Sorry, Mum,’ said Joshua, also bending down to help.

  Irene and Claire watched in amusement as the two boys attempted to rearrange the flowers on the sideboard while another one took the tea towel Irene had handed him to mop up the water. Eventually, Claire stepped in.

  ‘Why don’t you go and get yourselves a snack from the kitchen and we’ll finish up here,’ she suggested. ‘There’s pizza in the fridge.’

  They didn’t need to be asked twice and Claire watched as they trooped past her before they charged into the kitchen. One of them had already put some music on and she could hear them slamming the fridge, opening cans of Coke, and no doubt smearing slices of bread with butter for sandwiches. After a few minutes, she heard them take their snacks and storm upstairs to Joshua’s bedroom. After a final door slam, the music was turned up high and Claire breathed a sigh of relief. Finishing the flowers, Claire went to sit back down at her laptop while Irene cleaned up the kitchen.

  ‘You don’t know anyone do you, Irene, who might be looking for a job as a nanny?’ she asked now as her weekly cleaner put the tea in front of her. She didn’t know why she hadn’t thought of asking her
before. Irene had been born in Yorkshire and had moved to Castlefield on the outskirts of Manchester when she got married at eighteen. Now she was fifty-five years old, and knew pretty much everyone in the small town. She came in once a week to do the ironing and a little light cleaning. She was constantly sucking on Werther’s Originals but there was no one who could get the creases in shirts as sharp as Irene. She was very much in demand in Castlefield and no doubt Claire would have to let Irene go if she managed to find a nanny. Irene pursed her lips in thought, the Werther’s Original on hold for the moment.

  ‘Well, there’s Lillian’s girl down at the bottom of Cressfield Lane. I know she’s looking for something part-time.’

  There weren’t many run-down areas in Castlefield, but if there was one, it was Cressfield Lane. Still, if she hired a local girl, then language wouldn’t be a problem.

  ‘Interesting,’ replied Claire. ‘You wouldn’t happen to have her phone number, would you?’

  ‘Why don’t I give her a call now and see when she’s free?’ suggested Irene.

  ‘That would be great, thank you.’

  *

  She’d bought Irene a box of chocolates for introducing her to Lucy. As soon as Lucy had kneeled down to Jamie’s level and asked him about his red car, she knew she was going to give her the job. They’d met in a coffee shop and as they’d sipped their drinks, Lucy had explained how she was currently studying part-time for her child-care diploma and would be able to work in the afternoons and early evenings. It was the perfect arrangement and while Lucy had no formal experience, she’d played a big role in raising her four brothers and sisters. After completing a reference check, Claire had invited Lucy to come to the house.

  ‘Thank you for giving me this chance, Mrs Carmichael – I really appreciate it,’ said Lucy.

  ‘Please, call me Claire,’ she replied trying not to notice the look of awe on Lucy’s face as she took in her home. She supposed it might be considered grand, even for Castlefield. Despite the endless mess the boys created on a daily basis, wooden floors, plush white sofas, and glass chandeliers had been on Claire’s wish list when she’d started decorating a few years ago. They’d just added the conservatory last year and as a result the kitchen had also expanded so it was large enough for an island and a dining table.

  ‘And you’re welcome,’ she added now. ‘It’s a relief to know that I’ve found someone with so much experience!’

  Lucy smiled and for a moment Claire wished she was young again – smooth skin and her whole life ahead of her.

  *

  ‘Joshua, do you have a minute? I just want to talk to you about something,’ said Claire, peering into her son’s bedroom and resisting the impulse to comment on the smell. ‘Can I come in?’

  Joshua nodded, his eyes never leaving the screen of his mobile phone, and Claire took the opportunity to discreetly open his bedroom window.

  She sat on Joshua’s bed and her son reluctantly put down his phone.

  ‘What’s up?’ he asked now, putting his arms behind his head.

  ‘Well, you know I’m planning to go back to work full-time when Jamie goes to school.’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Well, to do that I need to get someone to look after Jamie in the afternoons.’

  Joshua nodded.

  ‘I just wanted to check you’re okay having someone else in the house. I’ve also asked her to keep an eye on you and make sure you’re doing your homework and not just playing video games,’ she added with a grin.

  ‘Mum! Don’t worry, I’m fine!’

  ‘I know you are, I just wanted to check in, that’s all.’

  ‘So, have you found someone?’

  ‘Yes, her name is Lucy. I think you’ll really like her.’

  Joshua nodded again, and she could see he was already losing interest in the topic.

  She decided to change the subject. ‘Are you ready to go back to sixth form?’ Claire had worried that Joshua might get bored during the summer holidays but, if anything, the break had done him good. He’d gone for a week away on his first boys’ holiday. Claire hadn’t really wanted him to go but Chris had persuaded her. Said it was important to give him the freedom he needed and in the end she couldn’t say no, not when all his mates were going as well. As Chris had predicted, Joshua had come back happy and relaxed and Claire felt nostalgic for the family holidays they used to take, desperately hoping that she would still have a few more to look forward to in the future.

  ‘I s’pose,’ replied Joshua feigning boredom, but Claire knew he secretly loved it even with the workload. ‘I might go over to Mark’s tonight,’ continued Joshua picking his phone back up.

  ‘Okay, love. What will you do for dinner?’

  ‘We’ll get something, Mum,’ he replied, sitting up on his bed. Claire knew that probably meant a McDonald’s meal and made a mental note to make him a sandwich before he left.

  ‘Okay, well, I’ll leave you to it. You’re sure you’re okay with me going back to work full-time?’ she asked.

  Joshua rolled his eyes. ‘Mum, I’m fine!’

  Claire made to stand up, somewhat reassured, but not before Joshua had the chance to grab in a brief hug. ‘We’ll miss you though,’ he muffled into her shoulder and Claire felt her heart swell as he grinned at her before going back to his phone.

  *

  ‘I found a nanny!’ whispered Claire down the phone, quietly shutting the bedroom door behind her. Chris had gone to bed early after a rough day in the office. His ability to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow baffled Claire who had always found it difficult to switch off.

  ‘Yes!’ cried Julia, who’d heard all about the drama of trying to find someone suitable. ‘I knew you would! That’s great news!’

  ‘It is, isn’t it?’ Claire said, still keeping her voice low.

  ‘Why are you whispering?’

  ‘Because Chris is sleeping.’

  ‘Oh, okay. Speaking of Chris… is he… on board with it? You know, you coming back to work full-time?’

  Claire frowned. It was unlike Julia to sound so tentative.

  ‘Yes, of course, why wouldn’t be?’

  ‘No reason!’ Julia quickly replied. ‘You just mentioned it was a big change for him, that’s all.’

  Claire thought back to Chris’s response when she’d told him she’d found a nanny. He’d seemed surprised that she managed to find someone so quickly.

  ‘Yes, he’s fine. Besides he’s working so hard at the moment, he won’t even notice I’m not here.’

  ‘And Jamie?’

  ‘The same – he’s so excited about school and he’s really enjoying having Lucy giving him so much attention and playing with him all the time.’

  ‘Amazing – I’m so happy for you and I’m so pleased that you’re coming back full-time! Can you believe it will be our ten-year anniversary as well? The business really needs you – we have so much on. Did Greg get you up to date on the recent developments on the Barker case?’

  As Claire listened to the intricate details of one of their firm’s most prestigious clients, she was reminded of when she and Julia had discussed setting up their own business all those years ago when they’d both worked in the corporate world at JWTS Solicitors.

  *

  ‘Come on, Clairey,’ Julia had wheedled. ‘You know it’s the right thing to do!’

  The fact that Julia was using the cute version of her name told her that she wasn’t going to let the matter drop. Julia was not one for cuteness or nicknames.

  ‘And you have to admit,’ added Julia, building up her case, ‘we would be amazing, wouldn’t we?’

  Claire picked up her glass of Sauvignon Blanc and looked out over the view. It was a beautiful day and they’d come out for lunch to celebrate a case Claire had won. It had almost cost her her sanity but she’d done it. Months of work for her and months of billing for JWTS Solicitors, which would no doubt make Matthew happy. She thought of her boss with his fat babyish face ato
p his man’s body and involuntarily shuddered. He was a screamer and if something didn’t go his way, he made sure the whole office knew about it.

  Unfortunately, he was also a brilliant lawyer and despite numerous complaints, HR had failed in persuading the board to get rid of him. He’d turned the firm around in just two short years and JWTS now boasted an incredible portfolio of clients. But the pressure was immense, like a boiling pan of eggs, everyone waiting to see who would crack next. Luckily it hadn’t been Claire or Julia, but since Claire had come back to work at JWTS after having Joshua five years previously, she knew it wouldn’t be long before the stress would get too much. Children and a career in law just didn’t work.

  Of course, it was all there in writing – support for mothers in the workplace, later starting times, remote working and so on… but everyone knew how it worked. You got the crappy cases, your childless colleagues made your life hell, and you would never be made Partner. On numerous occasions, she’d been tempted to chuck it in altogether. What was the point in trying to do everything and enjoying nothing?

  She should be celebrating her recent win but instead, she was sat here worried about the impact the last few months had had on her young son. There were too many missed bedtimes and school pick-ups. She’d missed sports day and the festive sing-along and although Chris had been able to make the sports day, her guilt that her son didn’t have any parent there for the sing-along was like an open, festering wound. Every time she thought about it, she added a little more salt.

  She looked at Julia – perhaps her idea was worth considering? Yes, it would be stressful to set up their own practice but at least she would have more flexibility. And no verbal abuse from fat-faced Matthew. Turning back to her friend now, she compromised.