The Heritage Of Hastur d-18

by Marion Zimmer Bradley

  Dyan was watching him carefully. When Regis said nothing, he continued, "Kinsman, one can waste years, precious years of youth, trying to cultivate tastes which turn out to be mistaken. You can miss too much that way. Learn what you want and what you are while you're young enough to enjoy it. I wish someone had given me such advice at your age. My own son never lived to need it. And your father is not here to give it... and your grandfather, I have no doubt, is more concerned with teaching you your duty to family and Comyn than with helping you enjoy your youth!"

  Dyan's intensity did not embarrass him now. Regis realized that for a long time he had felt starved for just such an opportunity to talk about these things with a man of his own caste, one who understood the world he must live in. He set down his mug and said, "Kinsman, I wonder if that isn't why Grandfather insisted I should serve in the cadets."

  Dyan nodded, "Probably so," he said. "It was I who advised him to send you into the cadets, instead of letting you spend your time in idleness and amusements. There's a time for that, of course. But it's true I felt that time spent in the cadets would teach you, more quickly, the things you'd failed to learn before."

  Regis looked at him eagerly. **I didn't want to go in the cadets. I hated it at first."

  Dyan laid a light hand on his shoulder again and said affectionately, "Everyone does. If you hadn't, I'd be disturbed; it would mean you'd hardened too young."

  "But now I think I know why Comyn heirs have to serve in the cadets," Regis said. "Not just the discipline. I got plenty of that in Nevarsin. But learning how to be one of the people, doing the same work they do, sharing their lives and their problems, so we‑" He bit his lip, searching carefully for words. "So we'll know what our people are."

  Dyan said softly, "That was eloquent, lad. As your cadet‑master, I'm content. As your kinsman, too. I wish more boys your age had that kind of understanding. I've been accused of being ruthless. But whatever I've done, I've done it out of allegiance to Comyn. Can you understand that, Regis?"

  Regis said, "I think so." He felt warmed, somehow less lonely, by having someone care how he felt or what he thought.

  Dyan said, "Do you also understand what I said about how the other cadets would take it ill if you shunned their common amusements.**

  Regis bit his lip. He said, "I know what you mean. I do, really. Just the same, I feel very strange about‑" He was suddenly embarrassed again. "About places like the House of Lanterns. Maybe it will wear off as I get older. But I'm a... a telepath‑" How strange it felt to say it! How strange that Dyan should be the first one he told! "And it feels . . . wrong," he said, stumbling from phrase to phrase.

  Dyan lifted his glass and drank the last hi it before he answered. "Maybe you're right. Life can be complicated enough for a telepath, without that, too. Some day you'll know what you want, and then will be the time to trust your instincts and your needs." He fell silent, brooding, and Regis found himself wondering what bitter memories lay behind the pensive look. Finally Dyan said, "You'd probably do well, then, to keep clear of such places and wait until, if the Gods are good to you, someone you can love helps you discover that part of your life." He sighed heavily and said, "If you can. You may discover needs even more imperative than those instincts. It's always a difficult balance for a telepath. There are physical needs. And there are needs which can be even stronger. Emotional needs. And that's a balance which can tear any of us to pieces." Regis had the curious feeling that Dyan was not really talking to him at all, but to himself.

  Abruptly, Dyan set down his empty wineglass and rose. He said, "But one pleasure which has no danger attached is to watch young people grow in wisdom, cousin. I hope to see much of that growth hi you this winter, and I'll watch with interest. Meanwhile, keep this in mind: I know the city well and it would be a pleasure to show you anything you wish to see." He laughed aloud suddenly and said, "And believe me, cousin, such instruction would at least leave no bruises."

  He strode quickly away. Regis, collecting his cloak from

  the seat, felt more puzzled than ever, feeling there was some‑thing else Dyan had wanted to say.

  He had to pass the table crowded with cadets, lounging over cider or beer; he noticed that they were staring at him in no friendly fashion. None of them offered him even the bare civility of a formal greeting. He set his chin and turned his back on them. He heard one say in a low tone, "Catamite!"

  Regis felt a flood of intense anger washing over him. He wanted to turn on the boy and beat him to a crimson pulp. Then he set his jaw, disciplining himself to walk away and pretend he bad not heard. // you listen to dogs barking, you'll go deaf and never learn much.

  He remembered various insults be had pretended not to hear, mostly to the intent that the Comyn hung together, that he bad had special favors because he was a Comyn heir. But this one was new. He recalled the taunt Danilo had flung at him the night before his expulsion. Dani was a cristoforo and to him it was more than an insult.

  He knew Dyan would have nothing but scorn for such gossip. He never made any secret of his tastes. Yet Regis felt oddly protective toward his kinsman, having sensed his bitterness. He felt a strange wish to defend him.

  It occurred to him again, with frustration too new for him to realize it was a commonplace among telepaths, that there were times when laran was absolutely no help at all in personal relationships.

  The season ended. The cadets were dismissed to their homes and Regis moved into the Hastur apartments in Comyn Castle. He appreciated the peace and quiet and felt a certain pleasure in being able to sleep as late as he pleased in the morning. And the Hastur cooks were certainly better than those in the Guards mess. The prolonged austerity, though, first in Nevarsin, then in the barracks, had made him almost guilty about this kind of luxury. He couldn't appreciate it as he wanted to.

  One morning he was at breakfast with his grandfather when Lord Hastur said abruptly, "You're not looking like yourself. Is something wrong?"

  Regis thought that his grandfather had seen so tittle of him that he would have no idea what he usually looked like. He

  was too polite to say it, of course, so answered, "Bored, maybe. Not getting enough exercise.*'

  It disturbed him that he could not help picking up his grandfather's thoughts: It's wrong to keep the boy hanging about here when I've so little time to spend with him.

  Hastur said aloud, "I'm afraid I've been too busy to notice, my boy. I'm very sorry. Would you tike to return to Castle Hastur, or go somewhere else?"

  "I wasn't complaining, sir. But I feel I'm no use to you. When you asked me to stay for the winter, I thought there was something I could do to help you.*1

  "I wish you could. Unfortunately, you haven't the experience to be a great deal of help yet," Hastur said, hut could not conceal a faint flicker of satisfaction. He's beginning to be interested. "Some time this winter you might attend a few sessions of the Cortes and find out about the problems we're facing. I'll get you a pass. Or you could ride to Edelweiss, spend a few days with Javanne."

  Regis shrugged. He found Edelweiss dull. There was no hunting except for rabbits and squirrels, the rain kept them indoors much of the time, and he and Javanne were too far apart in age and too unlike in personality to find much pleasure in each other's company.

  "I know it's not very exciting there either," Hastur said, almost apologizing, "but she is your sister, and we do not have so many kinfolk that we can neglect one another. If you want hunting, you know, you are free to go to Armida at any time. Lew is away and Kennard too ill to travel, but you can go there and take a friend."

  But the only friend he'd made in the cadets, Regis thought, was sent home in disgrace, "Kennard is ill, sir? What's wrong?"

  Danvan sighed. "This climate doesn't agree with him. He grows more crippled every year. He'll be better when the rains‑" He broke off as a servant came in with a message. "Already? Yes, I have to go and talk with a trade delegation from the Dry Towns," he said with weary resignation, la
ying down his napkin. He excused himself to Regis, adding, "Let me know your plans, lad, and 111 arrange for escort."

  Left alone, Regis poured himself another cup of Terran coffee, one of the few luxuries the austere old man allowed himself, and thought it over. The duty visit to Javanne could not, of course be avoided. A visit to Armida could await

  Lew's return; he could hardly be intending to spend the winter at Aldaran.

  If Kennard was ill, courtesy demanded that Regis pay him a visit in his suite, but for some unknown reason he was unwilling to face the Alton lord. He did not know why. Kennard had always been kind to him. After a time he focused it down to resentment: he stood by and watched Danilo's disgrace and didn't say a word. Lew wanted to interfere, but he couldn't. Kennard didn't care.

  And Kennard was one of the most powerful telepaths in the Comyn. Regis, feeling this much resentment, was reluctant to face him. Kennard would know immediately how he felt.

  He knew, rationally, that he should go to Kennard at once, if only to tell him about bis newly developing laran. There were training techniques to help him master and control his new facilities. But hi the cadets it had not seemed to matter, and the proper time to speak to Lew about it had never come till too late. Dyan had seemed to take it for granted that he already had what training he needed. Kennard was the obvious one to tell. He admonished himself sternly that he should go at once, now, today.

  But he was still reluctant to face him. He decided to go to Javanne for a few days first. By that time perhaps Lew would be back.

  A few days later he rode north, the weight of it still on his mind. Syrtis lay half a mile from the northward road and, on an impulse, he told his escort to wait in a nearby village. He rode alone toward Syrtis.

  It lay at the far end of a long valley, leading downward to the lake country around Mariposa. It was a clear autumn day, with ripening fruit trees hanging low under their thick harvest and small animals making scurrying noises in the dry brushwood at the side of the road. The sounds and smells made Regis feel well content as he rode along, but as he came down toward the farm his spirits sank. He had been thinking Danilo well off, to be coming home to this pleasant country, but he had not realized how poor the place was. The main house was small, one wing falling into such disrepair that it could hardly have been safe for human habitation. The sparse outbuildings showed how few men must live on the place. The old moat had been drained, ditched and put to kitchen‑gardens with neat rows of vegetables and pot‑herbs.

  An old, bent servant told him, touching his breast in rustic courtesy, that the master was just returning from the hunt. Regis suspected that in a place like this rabbit would be more plentiful on the table than butcher's meat.

  A tall, aging man in a once‑fine threadbare cloak rode slowly toward him. He was moustached and bearded, and sat his horse with the erect competence of an old soldier. A fine hawk sat, hooded, on his saddle.

  "Greetings," he said in a deep voice. "We see few travelers at Syrtis. How may I serve you?"

  Regis alighted from his horse, making him a courteous bow. "Dom Felix Syrtis? Regis‑Rafael Hastur, para servirte."

  "My house and I are at your service, Lord Regis. Let me see to your mount. Old Mauris is half blind; I'd not trust him with such a fine animal. Will you come with me?"

  Leading his horse, Regis followed the old man toward a stone barn hi better repair than most of the outbuildings, being weathertight and newly roofed. At the far end was a screened‑off enclosure; nearer were open box stalls, and Regis tethered his horse in the closest while Dom Felix took a cluster of small birds from the hook at his saddle and unsaddled his mount. Regis saw Danilo's beautiful black gelding in another stall, the old bony hunter Dom Felix had been riding and two good, but aging mares. The other stalls were empty, except for a couple of clumsy plowhorses and a milk animal or two. This was abysmal poverty indeed for a family of noble blood and Regis was ashamed to witness it. He remembered that Danilo had hardly had a whole shirt to his back when he joined the cadets.

  Dom Felix was looking at Regis* black mare with the kind of love that men of his type bestowed openly only on their horses and hawks. "A fine mount, vai dam. Armida‑bred, no doubt? I know that pedigree."

  "True. A birthday gift from Lord Kennard, before I went to Nevarsin."

  "Might I ask her name, Lord Regis?"

  "Melisande," Regis told him, and the old man stroked the velvet muzzle tenderly. Regis nodded to Danilo's fine black. "And there is another of the same breed; they might well be foals of the same dam."

  "Aye," said Dom Felix curtly, "Lord Alton does not withdraw a gift, however unworthy given." He shut his mouth with a snap and Regis' heart sank; it promised ill for his mission. Dom Felix turned away to see to the hawk, and Regis asked politely, "Had you good hunting, sir?"

  "Indifferent," said Dom Felix shortly, taking the hawk from his saddle and carrying her to the enclosure at the far end. "No, my lord, you will frighten a haggard I have here. Be pleased to remain where you are."

  Rebuked, Regis kept his distance. When the old man returned, he complimented him on a well‑trained bird.

  "It is my life's work, Lord Regis. I was hawk‑master to your grandsire, when your father was a lad,"

  Regis raised a mental eyebrow, but in these disturbed days it was not unusual to find a former courtier out of favor. "How is it that you honor my house, Dom Regis?" "I came to see your son Danilo."

  The old man's tight‑pressed lips almost disappeared between moustache and chin. Finally he said, "My lord, by your uniform you know of my son's disgrace. I beg you, leave him in peace. Whatever his crime, he has paid more than you can know."

  Regis said, in shock, "No! I am his friend!" Now the pent‑up hostility exploded.

  "The friendship of a Comyn lord is as the sweetness of a beehive: it bears a deadly sting! I have lost one son already to the love of a Hastur lord; must I lose the last child of my old age as well?**

  Regis spoke gently. "All my life, Dom Felix, I have heard nothing but good of the man who gave his life in a vain attempt to shield my father. Do you think me evil enough to wish harm on the house of such a man? Whatever yo.ur grudge against my forefathers, sir, you have no quarrel with me. If Danilo has, he must tell me himself. I had not known your son was so young he must seek a parent's leave to welcome a guest."

  A faint, unlovely flush spread slowly over the bearded face. Regis realized too late that he had been impertinent. It came as no surprise that Danilo should be under his father's displeasure, yet he had spoken the truth: by the law of the Domains, Danilo was a responsible adult.

  "My son is in the orchard, Dom Regis. May I send to summon him? We have but few servants to bear messages." "I'll walk down, if I may." "Forgive me, then, if I do not accompany you, since you

  say your business is with my son. I must take these birds to my kitchen folk. The path will lead you to the orchard."

  Regis walked down the narrow lane the old man pointed out. At its end the path opened out to an orchard of apple and pear trees. The fruit, fully ripe, hung glistening among the darkening leaves. Danilo was there at the far end of the grove, his back to Regft^stooping to rake up some mulch around the tree roots. He was stripped to the waist, his feet thrust into wooden clogs. A damp sweat‑rag was tied around his forehead, his dark hair in disorder above it.

  The smell of apples was sweet and winy. Danilo slowly straightened his back, picked up a windfall and thoughtfully bit into it. Regis stood watching him, unseen, for a moment. He looked tired, preoccupied and, if not content, at least lulled by hard physical work and the warm sun into a momentary peace.

  "Dani?" Regis said at last, and the boy, startled, dropped the apple and stumbled over bis rake as he turned. Regis wondered what to say.

  Danilo took a step toward him. "What do you want?"

  "I was on the road to my sister's house; I stopped to pay my respects to your father and to see how you did."

  He saw Danilo visibly strugg
ling between the impulse to fling the polite gesture back into his face‑what more had he to lose?‑and the lifelong habit of hospitality. At last he said, "My house and I are at your service, Lord Regis." His politeness was exaggerated almost to a caricature. "What is my lord's will?"

  Regis said, "I want to talk to you."

  "As you see, my lord, I am very much occupied. But I am entirely at your bidding."

  Regis ignored the irony and took him at his word.

  "Come here, then, and sit down," he said, taking his seat on a fallen log, felled so long ago that it was covered with gray lichen. Silently Danilo obeyed, keeping as far away as the dimensions of the log allowed.

  Regis said after a moment, "I want you to know one thing: I have no idea why you were thrown out of the Guards, or rather, I only know what I heard that day. But from the way everyone acted, you'd think I left you to take the blame for something I myself did. Why? What did I do?"

  "You know‑" Danilo broke off, kicking a windfall apple with the point of his clog. It broke with a rotten, slushy clunk. "It's over. Whatever I did to offend you, I've paid."

  Then for a moment the rapport, the awareness Danilo had wakened in him, flared again between them. He could feel Danilo's despair and grief as if it were his own. He said, harsh with the pain of it, "Danilo Syrtis, speak your grudge and let me avow or deny it! I triSS not to think ill of you even in disgrace! But you called me foul names when I meant you nothing but kindness, and if you have spread lies about me or my kinsmen, then you deserve everything they have done to you, and you still have a score to settle with me!" Without realizing it, he had sprung to his feet, his hand going to the hilt of his sword.

  Danilo stood defiant. His gray eyes, gleaming like molten metal beneath dark brows, blazed with anger and sorrow. "Dom Regis, I beg you, leave me in peace! Isn't it enough that I am here, my hopes gone, my father shamed forever‑I might as well be dead!" he cried out desperately, his words tumbling over themselves. "Grudge, Regis? No, no, none against you, you showed me nothing but kindness, but you were one of them, one of those, those‑" He stopped again, his voice tight with the effort not to cry. At last he cried out passionately, "Regis Hastur, as the Gods live, my conscience is clear and your Lord of Light and the God of the cristo‑foros may judge between the Sons of Hastur and me!"