Losing It: A Collection of VCards

by Nikki Jefford

  I placed a hand either side of his head, leaning down to kiss him. He covered my mouth with his, twisting his fingers into my hair. His hands ran down my body, starting at my shoulders. They came to rest on my hips, and we moved in unison, fitting together like a lock and key. I didn’t think about what we were doing. I couldn’t allow myself thought, only feeling, and being touched in places no one had ever touched me before. It sent shivers through me, lighting up every nerve ending in my body until I thought I’d explode.

  Josh traced a line up my back with his fingertips, and brushed over my wing scars. The overload of sensation made my wings burst free, and I arched my back, unable to contain my cry. He grabbed my hips. His fingers dug into my skin and he shuddered beneath me.

  I collapsed onto Josh, nuzzling into his chest and covering us with my wings. He stroked my feathers, and I concentrated on the feeling of his hands running over them. When I lifted my head, Josh’s chest was wet with my tears. Their presence surprised me, and when I realised I was crying I couldn’t stop.

  What had I done?

  “I love you, Grace.” Josh ran his hand through my hair and cupped the back of my head. He pulled me to him and kissed me. I shivered, and my wings trembled. “Why are you crying?” he whispered, his breath caressing my lips.

  I still couldn’t say it back.

  I pulled away and sat up, covering my chest with my arms, wishing he wouldn’t look at me. I wrapped my wings around my body so he couldn’t see, and scrambled off the bed.

  “Can I … have a minute?” I asked.

  Josh frowned but didn’t question me. He got up and retrieved his clothes from the floor. He stopped in front of me and stared into my eyes. I read his mind which was full of conflicting thoughts, and something I hadn’t planned on giving him. Hope.

  I pulled my wings closer, wishing he’d leave so I could get dressed.

  “I’ll be downstairs.” He kissed my forehead and left the room.

  Once he was out of sight I retracted my wings, and picked up my clothing with shaky fingers. More tears lined my cheeks as I got dressed. I went into the bathroom to splash some water on my face in an attempt to calm down, but staring at my reflection only made it worse.

  I leant on the vanity as a sob heaved its way out of my mouth. My shoulders shook, and I pressed the back of my hand to my lips to stifle my cries. In the moment, being with Josh had been amazing. In all my existence, I had never experienced anything like it. But it had been a mistake to make him think we wanted the same thing. It hadn’t been the right time, but I’d let it happen anyway.

  Josh waited downstairs for me, but how could I follow him knowing I was about to break his heart again? How could I do that to both of us? The thought of misting home, leaving there and then, entered my mind. Running away and never looking back seemed like a good option. Still, I couldn’t do it.

  I had to face him, no matter how painful it was.

  I took a deep breath. The stairs creaked under my weight as I took each step slowly. Josh stood, staring out the glass door, standing in the same place I’d wiped his tears. I wondered if he’d be strong enough to wipe mine once I’d said what I needed to say.

  He heard me coming and turned to face me. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and hunched his shoulders. “You’re leaving.”

  I pressed my lips together to stop them from trembling. “I can’t stay.”

  “I know.” Josh stared at his feet. “You know where the door is.”

  Silent tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t move. How had we gotten here, where everything hurt so much?

  Josh streaked past, rocking me on my feet, and opened the front door.

  If I stayed, it would never work; not while I didn’t know where Seth was. But if I left … would I ever be able to come back to us? Or would there always be a cloud of betrayal hanging over our heads?

  Reluctantly, I walked down the hallway and stopped in front of Josh. “You have no idea how much I want this to work—”

  “But you can’t make it work, Grace. Please, I don’t want to hear your excuses.”

  “How do we fix this?” I whispered.

  “Sleeping together obviously didn’t help.”

  I placed my hand on his chest, over his still heart, and the coolness of his skin penetrated the fabric of his T-shirt. “You said you wanted me to come back to you.”

  Josh gripped my wrist and pulled my hand away. “Not like this…Not with him between us.”

  “Then why did you let me do that with you, if you knew I was going to leave?”

  Josh held the edge of the door and it splintered between his fingers. “Because I know it will never happen again. Believing you loved me for even a second is better than you never loving me at all.”

  I stepped across the threshold into the cool night air. “I wish things could be different.”

  “But they aren’t. Goodbye, Grace.” Josh slammed the door, and it was as if he’d grabbed my heart with his fist and squeezed.

  I wrapped my arms around my middle and walked to the lane at the end of the row of houses. Hidden in the shadows, I surrounded myself with my black mist and headed for home.

  For the first time I understood why physical and emotional love were forbidden for angels. With love came the power and capacity for pain.

  Every action had a consequence.

  Now I had to face mine.

  ***

  About the author

  K. A. Last was born in Subiaco, Western Australia, and moved to Sydney with her parents and older brother when she was eight. Artistic and creative by nature, she studied Graphic Design and graduated with an Advanced Diploma. After marrying her high school sweetheart, she concentrated on her career before settling into family life. Blessed with a vivid imagination, she began writing to let off creative steam, and fell in love with it. K. A. Last is currently studying her Bachelor of Arts at Charles Sturt University, with a major in English, and minors in Children’s Literature, Art History, and Visual Culture. She resides in a peaceful, leafy suburb north of Sydney with her husband, their two children, a rabbit named Twitch, and a guinea pig called Squeak.

  Titles:

  Sacrifice – A Fall For Me Prequel (The Tate Chronicles, #0.5)

  Bound (The Tate Chronicles, #0.6)

  Fall For Me (The Tate Chronicles, #1)

  Fight For Me (The Tate Chronicles, #2)

  Immagica

  Author web links:

  Website

  Twitter

  Facebook

  Goodreads

  A Reunion Most Desired

  By Kristina Circelli

  An extended scene from Fragile Creatures by Kristina Circelli.

  Evangeline has just returned to Kindred Hides Wildlife Preserve to join Caster in the new outreach startup in Africa. The following scene, which is an extension of the final scene in the book, answers the question of “what if” what if Evangeline and Caster admitted to their feelings, and took the next step?

  ***

  Evangeline giggled when Ruke searched her hands for treats and ended up licking her neck with a slimy tongue. The giraffe nudged her shoulder with his massive head as though asking for attention. Or demanding it, Caster thought.

  “You really want to go to Africa? Deal with the sweltering heat, get all the shots, potentially deal with poachers and lions that want to eat you?”

  “I get to help animals,” Evangeline replied, leaning over to rest her head against Ruke’s. Disturbed from his perch, Bilbo jumped from her shoulder onto Caster’s and took hold of his unruly hair. “Rick asked me what I wanted to do, what would make me happy, and I kept thinking of this place. I love the preserve and I want to keep being a part of it.”

  He believed her, believed the sincerity in her voice. She was young, but had been through tragedies that forced her to grow up and know what she really wanted out of life. And standing there, one arm wrapped around a giraffe’s neck, that same grumpy giraffe allowing his only real hum
an friend to do so, he knew Evangeline had found her home.

  “You’ll be happy here?” Caster gave her a sidelong glance. She returned his look with a smile of her own.

  “I already am.”

  “Well, sure. I mean, who wouldn’t be happy getting to see me every day?”

  His tone was playful, but the truth in his words had Evangeline pausing. Her hand dropped from Ruke’s head to grip the fence. Up until this point, she’d told herself she hadn’t come back because of Caster, but because she wanted to be with the animals, because Kindred Hides was her new home. The animals needed her, she needed a new purpose, Jett and Lettie needed another helping hand around the preserve. Those were her reasons for returning … Caster had nothing to do with it.

  Now, though, she couldn’t deny that the thought of seeing Caster every day did make her happy, and that maybe Cam had been right when he’d said she had eyes for the boss’s nephew.

  Hell if she’d tell him that, though. Caster’s head was big enough already.

  Caster saw the change in her, so subtle that anyone else wouldn’t have noticed. But he did. He knew her every facial expression, her every movement, even though he’d tried hard to ignore the fact that he was so familiar with the presence of one Evangeline Frost. For months he’d watched her, both up close and from afar the way she so bullheadedly finished her chores, no matter how much pain she was in, the way she let sadness overtake her persona when she thought no one was looking. And he’d stayed away, respecting the time she needed to grieve and heal. When her time in the program was over and she left, he convinced himself it was for the best, that he’d been right to keep his distance.

  Now she was back, and that distance suddenly felt too damn far.

  Caster took a step closer, then another, until he was mere inches from Evangeline. He saw her fingers curl around the fence, saw the deep breath she took even though her eyes remained trained on Ruke, just on the other side. “I’m happy getting to see you every day.”

  When she turned to him, the slightest expression of hope crossing her face, Caster closed the distance and lowered his head. His lips brushed against hers so lightly he nearly groaned in anticipation, one hand slipping behind her back, the other reaching up to her cheek in a tender caress. The moment she angled her head to meet his palm he let his mouth crash against hers, parting her lips with his tongue and tasting just how sweet he knew she was. He felt her hesitance in the way she stiffened, and her acceptance in the way she melded against him, her hands moving to his chest as her fingers tightened against his shirt.

  Caster broke the kiss, his lips trailing across her cheek, along the scar on her jaw. He felt her try to move her head, embarrassed, but he wouldn’t let her. Instead, he grabbed her by the waist and spun them both until her back was against the barn wall and he was pressed against her, blocking her escape. He took her chin in his hand, directing her gaze up at him.

  “Every part of you is gorgeous,” he told her, touching his forehead to hers. The argument formulated on Evangeline’s lips but he kissed it away, and she let him. Her arms went around his neck and she lifted herself to her tiptoes, surprised by her boldness but enjoying it too. If bold had him continuing to kiss her like this, then she would be the bravest girl she knew.

  And kiss her he did. What began as a gentle embrace turned frantic, her hands shoving off his jacket just before he captured her wrists and held them above her head, pinning them both. She didn’t care that someone may see them. She just wanted him.

  Caster released her arms and took hold of her face, directing the kiss, his tongue exploring hers. She’d never been embraced like this, so wholly, so all-consumed by someone who saw only her. What small and naïve kisses she’d experienced before by boys on first dates were nothing compared to the heat of this incredible man. So caught up in the moment, she barely realized when his hand slid up her shirt, but she did notice when the warmth of that hand suddenly left her stomach.

  Evangeline opened her eyes, the question clear. Before she could ask if she’d done something wrong, he whispered the answer. “Not here,” he told her, his voice rough with want and the struggle to restrain himself. Every part of his body wanted to take her right there against the side of the barn, but his heart told him otherwise. Evangeline, the girl he’d had so many dreams about, deserved better.

  He opened his eyes to see the disappointment in hers, and he grinned that mischievous grin until her expression matched his own. Taking her hand, Caster tugged her away from the wall and cut across the preserve, stealing kisses along the way – behind the jaguar enclosure, next to the mural Evangeline had so lovingly painted, against the tree that marked the entrance to the bunks.

  When he reached his room, Caster picked Evangeline up, wrapping her legs around his waist and holding her against the door. His mouth found her throat, teeth nipping at the tender flesh, spurred on by the tug of her slender fingers through his hair. He fumbled with the door until finally it fell open and they tumbled inside, landing on the bed.

  Caster stood long enough to kick the door closed and yank his shirt off before covering her body with his own. She looked up at him, those innocent hazel eyes filled with an expression he had never seen on her before – trust.

  “Evie,” he whispered, kissing her softly, guessing she was inexperienced and worrying about taking advantage of that, “is this okay? We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You can tell me–”

  “To stop talking, Caster.” Evangeline silenced him by lifting her head to capture his mouth with her own. She didn’t know what she was doing, but she knew she wanted this, wanted him. For the briefest of moments she wondered if she was making this too easy, if she was being too easy, if this was so out of character for her that it bordered on ridiculous. After all, she’d only just returned to the preserve and had never let Caster know about her growing feelings toward him, but she was tired of being scared. What she felt for Caster she’d never felt for anyone else before, and that meant something to her.

  Evangeline’s kiss was all the encouragement he needed. She felt his strong arm wrap around her back as he positioned them on the bed, then he pulled away enough to lift her shirt. She helped him, reaching for the hem and tugging it off the rest of the way. As soon as the shirt hit the floor, nerves crept in and she crossed her arms over herself, never having been this exposed in front of anyone before, let alone a man a man who had most likely been in this position more than once.

  Caster smiled, not moving her arms, but not letting them stop him, either. He placed a kiss against her stomach. “I’ve wondered what you looked like under all these clothes,” he told her, sliding a hand between her chest and arm so that he was cupping one small breast in his palm. “Ever since I told you to lose the shirt before we jumped in the water.”

  “So sorry to make you wait,” she teased, the words sounding breathier than she’d intended. “But you took yours off. I guess fair is fair.” She reached behind her and unclasped her bra, letting him take it off the rest of the way.

  When he gazed down at her and swallowed hard, she knew the time for joking was over. Now they were driven by touch and want and need, both his hands massaging her as his mouth explored her breasts one at a time, the sensation so foreign and startling that Evangeline nearly laughed before getting lost in the feel of his hot breath and light nips of teeth against skin.

  “Remember your birthday? The cake fight?” he asked, finishing the question with a lick that nearly had her squirming.

  “Mmmm,” was all Evangeline could get out as she closed her eyes, basking in the feeling of his hands that had lowered to her hips.

  “I had dreams that night where I was licking icing off you.” Caster lowered himself to her bare stomach, tongue lightly tracing a path up the center. “Like this,” he said softly, his breath warm against her skin, “and this.” His mouth moved again, this time capturing her breast, suckling it to the song of her gasp.

  Evangeline fisted her hands
in his unruly hair, barely able to contain the sounds escaping her. She’d read plenty of books, seen plenty of movies, where this very thing happened, but she’d never been able to imagine what it would actually feel like. She wanted more. More of Caster, more of his skin against hers, more of this sensation coursing through her.

  But he took his time, treasuring her body. She squeezed her eyes shut, wanting to savor every moment, even the hesitance that spread through her when his fingers worked at the button of her pants. His lips never broke contact as he pushed her jeans off, her underwear along with them.

  The bed springs protested as Caster drew back to his knees, staring at Evangeline naked before him. Determined not to show her nerves, Evangeline fought to keep from covering herself. She wanted to be confident, the kind of confident that was sexy, alluring.

  “God, you’re beautiful,” he rasped. His fingers trailed feather-light touches up her leg, barely grazing her lips, up her stomach and shoulders, finally taking hold of the back of her neck. Her skin along that path tingled, leaving the rest of her body craving the same feeling.

  Caster lowered himself to her again, returning his kisses to her lips. Feeling brave, and a little impatient, Evangeline slipped a hand between them until she reached his pants, massaging him through the jeans. She could feel his hard length pressing against the material, and bit back a grin when Caster broke the kiss with a grunt, burying his head against her shoulder. His hips rocked against her hand, and even though she didn’t really know what she was doing, Evangeline figured she must be doing something right based on the throaty groan he was fighting to contain and the way his hands fisted in the sheets.

  Drawing her hand back, she tugged at the button of his jeans and he took over, stepping off the bed to kick off his shoes, then remove the rest of his clothes. Evangeline sucked in a breath, nerves tingling in the pit of her stomach as she looked at him, at all of him. She’d spent a lot of time watching him, too, over the past few months hauling huge bales of hay over his shoulder like they were weightless, stumbling in for breakfast bleary-eyed and still tugging his shirt down to cover those hard-won abs. Even as she’d told herself it would never happen, her thoughts still wondered what he looked like without all those dirt-and grass-stained clothes.