Losing It: A Collection of VCards

by Nikki Jefford

  “Ian.” I placed a hand on his chest. “I can’t lay down.” Even as I said it, I felt my eyes close. I jerked them open and tried to sit up.

  Ian kept his arm around me, keeping me down. I didn’t have enough strength to fight him and fell back to the pillow.

  My mom sat down on the other side of me. “Es, you’re making yourself sick. You may be immortal, but even witches need sleep. Immortality doesn’t mean you can’t die, or get sick. There are still things out there that can kill us, just not as easily as a mortal. Like a gunshot won’t kill you, but Belladonna can. Sleep is still essential, and you need it.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t. If Nicholas finds me, he finds all of us. I don’t want to see him right now.” I wasn’t sure, but my voice sounded far away, detached from me. I couldn’t help but giggle over the slurring sound I made with each word. I was definitely overtired.

  I felt a hand on my forehead. “I will keep him away. I won’t sleep until you awaken.” It was my mom. Her confident voice gave me the peace I needed.

  Hope filled me. “Really? You can do that?”

  “Of course.”

  I wasn’t sure if she meant it, but my body didn’t care anymore.

  ***

  Ian

  “Can you really keep Nicholas away while she sleeps?” I looked down at Es. Her eyes were closed, and I could still see the dark circles around them. Her face was taut. It was hard not to notice she was wearing herself thin.

  “I don’t know, but she wouldn’t sleep otherwise. I’m going to try something though. Just stay with her.” Her tone was serious, and I couldn’t figure out why she thought I’d leave Es. I nodded. No one was going to take me away from her. Not now, not ever.

  Adonia stood and stretched with her hands on her back. “Ailaina and Torres should be back soon with our drinks. Personally, a cup of coffee is what I’ll need.”

  “That’s an understatement.” I yawned, suddenly feeling extremely tired. I pulled Es up so her head rested comfortably on my shoulder and wrapped my arm around her. Within seconds, my eyes closed.

  ***

  Esmerelda

  I looked around cautiously, standing outside back at Jarak’s cabin. Fog swirled around my feet and ankles. Footsteps crunched leaves somewhere behind me. Spinning around, I raised my hands and took a stance, ready to defend myself against Nicholas.

  My breathing hitched when Ian walked through the fog. I relaxed a little seeing him. It had been forever since I’d dreamed of him. His all-black clothing made him look like a shadow walking through the mist.

  “Hey, good looking. I didn’t expect to see you here.” I met him halfway and reached up to place a kiss on his cheek.

  His brow rose. “That’s all I get?”

  I smiled. It was so nice to relax for a moment with him. I almost forgot what it was like to just soak in everything about him.

  He smirked. “Strange.”

  “What is?”

  “This. I mean, one minute I was laying on a bed with you and the next I’m here, at Jarak’s cabin with you.”

  That was strange. “It’s a dream, Ian. Right?” I felt my heartbeat pick up faster. “My mom said she’d let me sleep.”

  Ian took my hands. “If it was just a dream, then how can you remember everything from while you were awake? Besides, after you fell asleep, Adonia told me that she could only try and for me to not leave…” he trailed off.

  “To not leave what?”

  “You. She said not to leave you. Now I get it. She didn’t know if she could keep Nicholas away so she sent me. That’s why I’m not really sleeping either.”

  Great, one more person who could see into my head. Was nothing sacred anymore?

  He let go of my hands and ran his up and down my arms. The feather-like touch from his fingers made me shiver. “Es, it’s not all that bad. We’re alone.” He wiggled his brows and I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my lips.

  “Yes, we’re alone. For now.”

  He inched closer, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me closer. His voice dropped to a deep whisper. “I’ve been wanting some alone time with you.”

  Not to be outdone, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed myself against his rock hard chest. “Oh really? And just why would you be wanting that?”

  Ian picked me up and carried me up onto the deck, then gently sat down in the porch-swing with me on his lap. I didn’t care if it was a dream or not, I also wanted time alone with him. So many things just kept getting in the way.

  But, now that we had the time, my heart raced as a new excitement filled every part of me. I wasn’t sure what to do, but I had to have faith that he did. Magic would only get me so far, and this wasn’t a place anyone else could train me for.

  “Es, you’re so beautiful.” He rested his forehead on mine and ran his hands through my hair. “Happy Birthday.”

  I cocked my head slightly. I had been so busy and so tired that I didn’t even realize today was my birthday. Looking into his eyes, I couldn’t imagine a better present than to be with Ian in my dreams.

  Alright. I could do this.

  Trailing my finger down his jaw line, and over the rough stubble from his five o’clock shadow, I felt a warmth spread down low.

  I’d felt tingles with him before, and a desire to touch him, but this was different. Much different.

  His hand found its way to my lower back and sent a shiver through my spine. His other hand held the back of my neck and he used it to pull me closer to his mouth, his lips caressing mine in slow movements, barely touching my skin, teasing my already wanton mouth. I never knew I could need a kiss so badly.

  Ian had never kissed me this way. There was something special about the way he savored this moment that made me writhe on the inside.

  Sitting in his lap, I could feel the bulge in his jeans grow. Instantly, I was excited and afraid at the same time. I wanted this. Probably more than I could fathom. But what if I didn’t meet his expectations?

  I started to pull back, but he stopped me, keeping his hand at the back of my neck. “Let me love you, Es.”

  It was so innocent, yet it was the question that burned in between my thighs. I loved him. More than anything.

  He waited without touching me. The sudden loss of his lips on my flesh made me ache with a new need. I knew why he stopped, but I didn’t want him to. Damn him and his gentleman qualities, I didn’t want him to ever stop touching me.

  My head clouded over and the only thing I could think wouldn’t come out in sound, so I grabbed his shirt and lifted it up over his head, dropping it to the deck.

  Running my hands over his chest, I could feel his muscles and the way they flexed with each movement. He wasn’t just my boyfriend; he was my protector, my guardian.

  Ian’s lips crashed down on mine with a matched desire. His tongue slipped out to find mine, like a slow dance he was my perfect partner.

  Leaving my lips, he trailed down my neck. I was already breathless, I couldn’t imagine this getting any better. There was no way a make-out session this intense could be beat.

  I gripped his hair and held him close. Leaning forward, I brushed his ear with my lips as I whispered. “Don’t ever stop.”

  “Hell, girl, you don’t know what you do to me. I don’t think I could, even if I wanted to.” The husky tone sent ripples over my skin.

  “I love you.”

  He stared into my eyes. His were dilated and pooled with a desire I never saw before. “I’ve loved you before I even met you, Princess. And I’ll love you eternally.”

  He groaned and shifted me in his lap so that I straddled him. I could feel the length of him pulse against my thighs and I knew the heat in my cheeks wasn’t from the heat he was creating.

  It was strange knowing that part of him could grow like that just by kissing me.

  I tensed with a gasp caught in my throat.

  What I felt was definitely not a banana.

  “It’s okay. I promise,
I won’t do anything you don’t want. If you’d rather wait,” he paused.

  “No!” I blurted out in my own syrupy voice. Calmer, I ran my hand bravely down his chest to his nipples and stopped. “I definitely don’t want to wait. I’m just a little nervous.”

  Ian slid his hands up my shirt at the waist and inched higher, his eyes never breaking my stare. “Do you trust me?”

  I nodded, but partially because I couldn’t speak. His hands were burning flames in my vision. All I could think about was where his fingers stopped—right under the wire of my bra.

  When his hands moved from their spot to slip around to my back, I was both disappointed and relieved, until the clasp of my bra was releasing my breasts.

  A quick gasp escaped my lips as his hands returned to the very spot I was just seconds ago craving his touch.

  I wasn’t sure my heart was even beating anymore, and time slowed to a complete stop as Ian cupped my breast in his hand and gently kneaded it.

  Moaning, I was not prepared for the plea of my body as it reacted to his touch. Did I move? Sit still so he didn’t stop?

  There was no stopping my body as my back arched on its own accord. I didn’t even try to stop myself as it seemed to know the rules to this new world of passion I was entering.

  My movement brought a slight groan from Ian, and that made me want to do it again.

  Quickly, he removed his hand and grabbed my shirt, ripping it up and over my head. His lips crashed down on mine once again as he slipped the rest of my bra off.

  My chest against his created a euphoria. His heat, my heat. His flesh, my flesh. My nipples brushed his skin and grew taut.

  Pressing myself closer to him, I moved around on his lap, but it wasn’t close enough. I needed… something. But, I couldn’t figure out what I needed. I pushed my hips closer to him, almost grinding on his lap.

  Ian pushed me back just enough for me to see a longing in his eyes before his head dipped to my chest and his mouth took in one of my small peaks.

  Oh. My. Heaven. The heat of his mouth.

  I couldn’t.

  I shouldn’t.

  I needed.

  Delirious over what his mouth was doing, I moaned when his tongue flicked the top of the bud and sent me into a spasm of rapture.

  He moved to the other one, and I was grateful it wasn’t left wanting, but the other peak felt abandoned. Then his hand came and rescued it, kneading the taut nipple between his fingers.

  Good gracious, this man was a god.

  The spot between my thighs was now wet and I tensed once again. Was I supposed to do that? I couldn’t let him down there if I was leaking.

  I squirmed, backing away from his delicious mouth.

  A cool breeze rustled the trees around us and made my nipples stand up even taller, beckoning Ian to take them back.

  “Don’t do that.” He was holding me still. “If you don’t’ stop, this will go faster than I want. I want to taste every inch of you.”

  As desirous as that sounded, the wet spot reminded me that we couldn’t go any farther. My insides pulsed down low, as his hands caressed my lower back and teased the soft flesh on my side. I wished he would stop because I swore I was getting wetter with each touch.

  “I can’t,” I looked away. If I stared into his eyes I would melt, and apparently I already was so I couldn’t afford to lose everything.

  He turned my head with his finger under my chin. His brow creased in worry. “Why? Is there something I’ve done to hurt you? Es, tell me.”

  “It’s not you. It’s me.”

  “What’s wrong?” he asked again, his voice soothing, comforting.

  His genuine concern warmed my soul. “I can’t tell you. It’s embarrassing.”

  I shifted again, feeling his member pulsing between my legs.

  “You can tell me, I promise, I won’t think any less of you. We’re here, ready to make love because we trust each other.”

  He was right, but it was still embarrassing. “I’m leaking something,” I whispered, as quietly as I could.

  “What?” he asked.

  “I’ve got something leaking from my, you know, my stuff down in my panties.” I couldn’t believe I told him. As if sitting on his lap half naked wasn’t awkward enough, without knowing what I could do to make him feel just as good wasn’t enough.

  Ian smiled. “That’s good. That means I’m doing my job right.”

  “Excuse me?”

  He reached up and kneaded my breast, my still peaked button looking just for him. “You telling me that makes me want you even more. It’s hard to resist, but I’m trying to make this memorable for you. If you’re getting wet that means your body is getting ready for me and wants me too.” Pressing his hand deeper to my flesh, he groaned. “Es, you’re killing me. I need you.”

  Swallowing back my fear, I nodded. Whatever he had in store had to be pure bliss. I just needed to trust him that the wet spot was a good thing.

  Lifting me from his lap, he stood and picked me up, carrying me inside and up to the loft. Laying me down on the bed, my heart raced once again, letting me know I wasn’t dead, but alive. Very alive.

  Unbuttoning my jeans, he slid them off, tossing them to the floor. My breath caught in my throat as he stripped himself of his own, kicking them away from where he stood.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he said deeply as his eyes raked over me.

  I couldn’t stop my own gaze from trailing down his torso to the perfect V that began to form where the waist of his jeans rode—and even lower. Stopping at his shaft, my eyes widened. Surely there was no way he would try to put that thing in me?

  It pulsed and stood taller the longer I stared. I wanted to reach out and touch it, but wasn’t sure if he’d like it. But, it beckoned me, taunting me with its head pointing right at me, as if it led Ian like a slave driver.

  He kneeled onto the bed beside me, leaning over with one hand by my head and the other tailing down my stomach waking up the butterflies. His fingers brushed my skin lightly, lower, lower…

  I gasped as his finger expertly slid through the curls of my carefully cropped strip.

  My mind exploded with a plethora of thoughts and emotions as his finger stroked the little nub. Gripping the blanket, a sizzle of excitement flickered to life burning through me. Ian was creating a building passion inside of me that no words in any human language could explain.

  Arching, I raised up, wanting more. It felt so good.

  His lips crashed down on mine and as much as I wanted his touch, I couldn’t breathe. He had me so wound up that I couldn’t catch my breath and doubted I ever would again. His mouth left to trail to my breast.

  Using his hand, he pressed against my thighs, urging them to open wider, giving him better access. I obeyed, with a curiosity that matched the nub he played with in his mouth.

  A pressure inside of me sent a frenzy of pleasure throughout my entire body as his finger slipped inside of me. The shock of him entering me that way wore off quickly as he moved his fingers building a new ecstasy. I didn’t even know guys did that to girls. Sex Ed didn’t cover near enough to prepare me for the state of rapture Ian was swiftly sending me to.

  I could feel myself getting wetter and Ian groaned in his throat.

  “Es,” he whispered against the soft sensitive flesh of my breast. His fingers simultaneously left my wet spot.

  He didn’t need to say anything more. The way he said my name tugged at my soul to connect with his. “Yes,” I whispered back, I had nothing left to hide. I needed him. And just knowing I could make him feel something good in return for what he was doing to me made me want to do whatever I needed.

  He slipped his knee over to nudged my legs open even wider, and I gripped his shoulders, needing to touch him.

  A deep pulse between my legs thumped rapidly in rhythm with my heart, calling out to Ian’s own member. Before he could go any farther, I had to know what it felt like and reached down between us and grasped it.
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  Ian sucked in a sharp breath and hummed. His shaft was smooth and velvety and my hand barely wrapped around it. Gripping this part of him made me feel in control for one fleeting moment before Ian pushed my hand away. “If you do that we won’t be able to finish.”

  I smiled at him. “So that was okay?”

  “It was more than okay. I’ve dreamed of the day when you’d touch me and use your hand, but today’s not that day.” His voice was raspy and somehow I knew he was getting close to whatever was ahead. “This will hurt, but I promise to be quick and next time it won’t be as bad. I’ll make it good for you. Forever.”

  I tensed at his words. Nothing this far had been painful, and I’d forgotten all about that part. The first time was supposed to be painful.

  I stared into his eyes, afraid of what he meant, but more afraid of the unknown.

  “It’s okay. Just relax and it will be easier for me to break through.”

  Relax?

  His hand found a taut nipple and began twirling it between his fingers once again before his mouth claimed it.

  Feathering his lips from my chest and up my neck, they found my mouth and crashed down hard. I felt the tip of his shaft tease near the bud where his fingers brought me to life.

  This was it.

  In one quick movement, the pressure from Ian entering me turned to pain shooting through my lower abdomen. Ian’s lips pressed harder against me, capturing my cries. He stilled inside me, allowing my body to adjust to the enormous invasion.

  I couldn’t stop the tears from silently falling and I hiccupped as I choked back the sobs I was desperately wanted to cry

  Ian kissed each salty drop off my face and began to move, very slowly. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

  I wasn’t sure if I should trust him, but his movements—as sore as they made me—felt amazing and I couldn’t argue with him. At least not right then. The pain ebbed, letting me relax a little more.

  His thrusts were solid and even, but not rushed.

  “You’re so tight,” he groaned against my cheek.

  His skilled movements got quicker. Thrusting his length into me deeper, he pumped against my wet flesh. His dick slid in and out much easier now than in the beginning. It was still sore, but the pleasure won out and I soon found myself rocking with him, wanting to meet his hips with my own. He couldn’t get inside me enough, and I begged with a whimper for him to push himself into my soul where I waited for a release.