Kristin Vayden

by Surviving Scotland

  I stopped and turned slowly. Was he telling the truth? Did I want to go anywhere with him? I studied him for a moment. Attraction warred with irritation. His green eyes were steady as I watched him, so I nodded.

  “That’s a good lass, let’s get ye back ta yer room and find ye a—”

  “No. I’m not going back there, at least not yet. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be stuck up in one room for so long? I understand! I was sick! But I’m not dead. I need some space, some air.” I released a heavy sigh and closed my eyes then inhaled the fresh air. I glanced back to Ioan and waited for his response.

  He studied me for a moment, his green eyes narrowing in concentration. Belatedly, I realized I had lapsed into a more articulated accent rather than a Scottish brogue, but I didn’t care.

  “Lass, I understand, but if we’re ta go ridin’ then ye’ll need a bit more clothing.”

  I glanced down at my dress. It wasn’t indecent, but it did feel a bit light for the weather.

  “How do I ken ye willna lock me in my room once I get there?” I narrowed my eyes.

  Ioan grinned and took a slow and purposeful step forward. “Ach, lass, if I locked ye in yer room, ye wouldna be wantin’ to leave.” He winked at me and I blushed at his implication. Though I was certainly attracted to Ioan, I was equally annoyed with him.

  “Ye’ve lost yer senses, but I knew that already. Are we ta go or what — or are ye goin’ to sit there dreamin’ o’ me all afternoon?” I retorted, arching an eyebrow.

  “Ach, lass, my dreams are far better than the likes of ye.” Ioan responded lazily and leaned against the stone fence.

  “Then I don’t think ye’ll be lockin’ me in my room, eh?” I grinned.

  “I willna lock ye in yer room, for pity’s sake. Where do ye get these ideas in yer head, Elle? Ye need to be more of a lady.”

  “You are the one that said—”

  “Ach, lass, I implied. You took it from there. I’ll meet ye in the kitchen in about a quarter hour.”

  He turned and left, whistling a merry tune as if he hadn’t a care in the world. I fumed, angry at his implication and more so, that he had bested me.

  Two can play that game, Ioan.

  ****

  True to his word, Ioan was waiting for me in about fifteen minutes. Though I had only seen him in the belted plaid, I still struggled to keep my eyes from staring at his bare legs and tall socks. He looked every bit the highland warrior and my annoyance melted against the heat of my attraction. And then he opened his mouth.

  “I’ve been getting grey here waiting. Did ye try on all yer clothes tryin’ to impress me?” He tisked with his tongue and shook his head. “‘Twill never work. ‘Tis best if ye ken now no’ ta fall for me charm and braw body.” He tossed me a charming grin and strode over to where I waited, silently fuming.

  “Actually, it just took me a moment to stomach the fact that I had ta spend the afternoon in the company o’ the likes o’ you.” I spoke through clenched teeth.

  “Ach, Elle, donna pretend ‘tis no’ true. Lyin’s a sin, ye ken.” Ioan lips twitched in a half grin.

  “I could say the same ta you.”

  He chuckled and walked to the door.

  “Are ye comin’ or are ye goin’ ta sit there with yer mouth open catchin’ flies?”

  With a deep breath I followed him out the door. If I made it through the afternoon without strangling him, it would be a miracle.

  We walked to a stone stable and he led me to a brown horse. There were only three in the stable.

  “Where are the other horses?”

  “Other horses?” Ioan glanced at me as he patted one gelding’s rump while walking behind it.

  “Aye, certainly there are more—”

  Ioan’s laugh interrupted me.

  “Are ye sure ye didn’t hit yer head as well as catch that fever? More horses? Donna ye ken how blessed we are ta have three? Many donna have even one!”

  He shook his head and began leading the horse outside. “Dag is yer mount. He’s a gentle one. Come here and I’ll give ye a lift.”

  I eyed the beast dubiously. Surely I knew how to ride? Ioan gave me a long-suffering sigh, and I straightened my shoulders and strode over to the horse. With little effort, Ioan hoisted me onto the saddle. Automatically I straddled the horse but it felt wrong. Though my position was secure, it seemed like my legs should be together. Ioan’s lips twisted in a wry grin.

  “Donna tell me ye now use the sidesaddle? Elle, what happened? I leave fer a few years and come back ta ye thinkin’ ye’re a lady.”

  “I am a lady.” I shot back.

  He just grinned and went to his mount.

  Ioan led us onto a road that wound around a glen and through lush forests. The damp air was chilly, so I pulled up my plaid tighter around my shoulders. The rhythm of the horse’s pace was relaxing and though nothing I beheld was familiar, I was at peace. That Ioan was astoundingly quiet added to that sense of well-being. I wished I remembered our history. Had we always fought? He had been so tender when I was sick, checking on me. The stirring clarity of his light green eyes captivated me, and I had been looking forward to knowing him better. Yet each time he opened his mouth, I wanted to slap it shut. Certainly, there had never been a more exasperating man. My sense of peace now gone, I decided to ask Ioan some questions.

  “So where are we?”

  “Scotland.”

  “Ye’re helpful.”

  “I try.” He glanced back at me and grinned. “Kilmartin Glen. This is where I saw ye and drug ye home in the rain.”

  “I suppose I should thank ye?” I arched an eyebrow.

  “Ye can thank me later.” His eyes trailed from my boots up my leg and boldly took in my body till he reached my face. With an unrepentant wink, he turned back around.

  I bristled at his insinuation, though my body betrayed me and stirred with warmth at the muted smolder of his eyes.

  “Never.”

  He laughed loudly, scaring a flock of birds into flight. Dag shied and jumped a few steps before he shook his head and continued his docile pace.

  “Even the birds canna stand ye.”

  “I live fer yer compliments, Elle, truly.”

  “Did I ever like ye?” I spoke through clenched teeth.

  “No. Ye loathed me.” Ioan turned back and gave me a mischievous grin.

  “Ye sound thrilled.”

  “Oh, I am. I’ve worked hard fer years to attain that place in yer sweet little heart.” Ioan chuckled.

  “Perhaps the memory loss is a blessin’ then. I canna remember yer torture.”

  “That’s why I’m tryin’ so hard now.”

  “Ye’re succeedin’.” I mumbled.

  “Good ta ken.”

  We plodded along for a few more minutes before I thought of another question.

  “So ye’ve just returned?”

  “Aye, I was gone fer about four years.”

  I waited for him to explain, curious as to whether anything he said would bring up a memory.

  “Our clan is related ta the Argyll Campbells. When the civil war broke out in England, the supporters o’ the Crown fought against the Covenanters. Argyll attacked those who didn’t support his covenant cause, mainly the Lamonts, Lavines, and, later, the MacDonalds. There was a horrible massacre, but ‘twas a while ago. But then the Jacobites began their uprisin’ an’ again, the Campbells aligned themselves with Fraiser, Monroe, an’ Grant ta form the Reicudan Dhu, or Black Watch. I enlisted in the watch fer three years, wore the kilt, and fought, but when I was injured, I returned home.”

  Silently, I contemplated his short history lesson.

  “Ye didn’t even care ta ask about how I was injured! Ye wound me deep, lass.” Ioan gave me a pitiful expression over his shoulder. Clearly, he was alive and well enough to torment me. “Quiet now? Are ye realizin’ I’m right? Must hurt the pride somethin’ fierce.” He chuckled, his broad shoulders shaking. The movement fascinated me.


  “Elle?”

  Ioan turned his horse around and gave me a concerned look. Quickly I met his gaze, hoping he hadn’t noticed my intense study of his body.

  “Stunned into silence by my backside? ‘Tisn’t the first time, ducky.” His arrogant smirk removed any attraction I had experienced; all I wanted to do was beat the grin from his face. Had I always been so violent?

  “Ducky?” I asked carefully, I highly doubted he meant the term as an endearment.

  “Aye, but if ye prefer I can call ye me wee haggis.”

  “Wee haggis?” I was quite sure I wouldn’t like that name’s meaning. Ioan struggled to restrain his laughter. His green eyes twinkled and matched the green forest behind him.

  “Aye, donna tell me ye donna remember haggis. ‘Tis near every Scot’s heart, it is.”

  “Enlighten me?” I asked with a wry tone.

  “If ye insist. Ye will find out soon enough though, we have it often at supper.”

  “Is it a dinner or a dessert?”

  At my question Ioan howled with laughter. The unrestrained mirth made his already handsome face downright devastating. I wanted to make him laugh again, just to watch him. How could I be so attracted to someone so annoying?

  “Lass.” Ioan took a break to catch his breath. “No, ‘tisn’t dessert. Haggis is a hearty mix o’ sheep’s heart, liver, an’ lungs, mixed with oatmeal, spices, an’ some other things I donna remember, then stuffed inside a beast’s belly an’ baked. It takes forever to cook but ‘tis a piece o’ heaven. Truly.”

  “Sounds interesting.”

  “Ye’ll love it, ye will.”

  I gave him a tight smile, seriously doubting I’d find it appetizing. As I thought about it, I remembered a meal from my childhood. It was awful, kidney something. The memory was blurry around the edges and I concentrated harder, wanting desperately to have a piece of my past. But as soon as it flashed, it disappeared, leaving me with a faintly familiar mental picture.

  “I seem to remember something like that… does it have a pastry around it?”

  “No, but it has neeps an’ tatties.”

  “Neeps an’ tatties? Do I want ta ken?”

  “Ye donna even remember neeps an’ tatties? Ach, we need ta be holdin’ yer wee hand through it all again, do we?” Ioan grinned, but his lips twitched as if trying to prevent a full-fledged smile. Was he hiding something? “Neeps an’ tatties are the frogs’ feet we gather from the loch at eventide. We call ‘em neeps an’ tatties because o’ the noise they make when ye chew ‘em. They squeak an’ neep, but are tough like uncooked potatoes. Ye got ta eat ‘em, an’ ‘tis verra important ye donna leave ‘em on yer plate. Madge, the cook makes ‘em, an’ they are her favorite.”

  Ioan nudged his horse to come alongside of mine. He lowered his voice and leaned toward me, his green eyes holding me captive.

  “And donna ye ferget that, lass. The last one that refused ta finish his ration was forced ta eat them fer two days straight… no’ pleasant. I donna want ye ta suffer the same fate.”

  “I donna believe ye,” I whispered, our gazes locked.

  “Ye donna need to, lass, but donna say I fergot ta warn ye.”

  Ioan grinned and urged his horse to head back toward the castle.

  “It grows late, me wee haggis, we best head home.” He called over his shoulder.

  “I prefer ducky,” I called as I led my horse to turn around and follow behind him.

  “Ye had yer chance.”

  “Perfect,” I muttered under my breath. Ioan must have heard it, for he began to chuckle. What I wouldn’t give for something to throw at him and knock him off his horse. Next time I would be prepared.

  Chapter Four

  My uncle was waiting for us once we returned. As we came through the gate, he charged toward Ioan with a fierce glare that made my own heart wither. What was going on?

  “I told ye ta keep an eye on the lass, no’ take her scoutin’ the countryside! Donna ye remember the rogues that chased ye no’ a fortnight ago? Are ye daft?” Uncle Maol blustered, turning a mottled shade of red against the leather armor encasing his considerable girth. His reddish beard brushed against his chest, and his blue eyes narrowed as he took in Ioan’s unconcerned expression.

  “With all respect, yer niece was out wanderin’ by herself, so I offered ta take her out an’ about. I dinna want her ta be headin’ out alone.”

  My uncle’s gaze cut directly to me, and I barely resisted the urge to shrink back and hide behind my horse. Traitorous Ioan! I glared in his direction but he ignored me and dismounted, tying his horse to a nearby post. I turned my gaze back to my uncle who waited for an explanation.

  “Uncle, I am well! Ye canna lock me up like a prisoner! All I wanted was some air—”

  “All ye ever want is some air! Lass, ye nearly died! Donna think for one moment that I’m overreacting! Ye will stay in the gates unless ye have my permission!”

  I glared at my uncle and fought against the oppressive sensation of the walls growing closer and closer.

  “Elle?”

  Ioan’s voice broke my staring contest with my stubborn relative. I glanced down impatiently to find Ioan waiting with his arms open. I wasn’t helpless! Did everyone think I was helpless? Though something in the back of my mind told me it was wrong to jump off a horse without assistance, I silenced the voice and straightened my shoulders.

  “I donna need yer help.” I glanced back to my uncle, and with a defiant glare held firmly to the saddle and jumped off the horse, landing with more grace than I had anticipated.

  Both men stared at me with grudging respect, and I dusted my loose skirt and spun on my boot toward the keep. As I left I heard Ioan chuckle and my uncle growl.

  “She may have lost her memory, but she’s still our Elle.” Ioan’s voice was deep and full of appreciation. I grinned in response as I reached the heavy wooden door. But before I entered, I heard my uncle’s voice. Its quiet timbre was almost lost in the groan of the door as it opened.

  “She’s no’ yer Elle, Ioan. Donna ye ferget that.”

  My head spun with questions, but rather than demand answers to a statement I certainly wasn’t intended to hear, I chose to simply wait. On the way up the stairs a proverb flitted through my mind.

  We learn far more from silence than from speaking.

  Certainly that was the truth here at Carnasserie Castle. I needed to listen far more than speak. The opposite of what I’d been doing. After all, if my uncle wanted me to stay at the castle, I knew I had to obey. My face twisted into a clever grin as I thought of how I could do some exploring, not outside, but of the secrets within.

  ****

  Though I hated to admit it, the excursion with Ioan had tired me, and I went to bed early that night. The morning called at dawn, and I awoke with a renewed sense of purpose. My uncle’s cryptic remark had perked my curiousity. Certainly there was more to the story, and I intended to find it out.

  Silently, I dressed in a light shift with my stays. The straw-stuffed stays were itchy but not unbearably so. A plaid was draped over my chair and I reached for it, tucking it into my waist, around and up, covering me and offering additional warmth. The Arisaid, as Morag had called it, was comfortable and served me well. Yet, as I looked down at my dress, I couldn’t help the feeling of it being wrong. I checked my dress and plaid again, but nothing was amiss. With a shrug of my shoulders, I went to the basin and splashed my face with cold water.

  The keep was surprisingly silent, and I wondered just how early I had awoken. A window offered the barest break of dawn’s light, and I waited for my eyes to adjust. Once I went down the stairs, I walked by a few windows and saw movement in the faint light. I stopped, and then walked closer to the window in efforts of seeing clearer.

  The figure was walking along the perimeter of the wall, and I assumed it was a guard. The Arisaid began to sag below my shoulders, and I shrugged it back into place and continued walking. Another movement stopped my progress, and I
turned, watching a dark figure wait in a corner for the guard to round the bend of the wall. Intrigued, I waited by the window, hiding my body behind the stone wall and barely peeking my face around the edge. The dark figure waited ‘til the guard was out of sight, then carefully ran to the gate. The man glanced back at the keep and I ducked my head back, but not before I caught a glimpse of his face in the torchlight. It was Ioan! What was he doing sneaking around the castle? Curiosity and anger boiled within me. Was he a traitor?

  Though my annoyance with him was strong, I highly doubted him to be a betrayer of my family but, to be sure, I made the choice to follow him. Quickly I ran to the door and remembered how it groaned; I opened it slowly, hoping it would silence the hinges. I began to rush into the beginning light, but stopped. Were there more guards? A quick scan proved the courtyard clear and I raced to the gate, pausing just before the opening. I peeked around the edge and saw Ioan jogging down a misty road. With a backward glance, and a prayer I didn’t get caught, I rushed after him, letting the morning mist cover my tracks.

  The mist swirled around my feet as I followed a narrow path into the trees. Occasionally I’d hear a bird calling or a rustle of the wind teasing the grass, but I had lost sight of Ioan, and I heard no noise to lead me in one direction or another. The path began to disappear in the heavy grass, and I questioned my wisdom in leaving the castle’s protective walls. If my uncle found out, I’d be in more trouble than I cared to imagine. I leaned against a tree and tried to gather my bearings. As I was about to head back toward the castle, I heard a twig snap. The birds no longer called and the silence was eerie. I held my breath and hoped my heartbeat wasn’t as loud as it sounded to my own ears. A rustle of the grass alerted me that I wasn’t alone. Soon hushed voices carried across the fog and I heard a few words, but not enough to make sense of the conversation.

  The difference between Ioan’s usual banter and the way he spoke with whomever he was meeting was astounding. There was no teasing lilt or edge of humor to his voice. At first I almost didn’t recognize it, but the timbre was the same. Another man spoke, his voice deep and rich but a harsher accent to his brogue set him apart. I waited, wondering what I should do next. Did I leave before I was discovered? What was Ioan doing in the forest anyway? Yet, for all I knew, he was just doing his job and meeting with another clan on behalf of my uncle. So much of the politics of how our families worked among the other people was a mystery to me, and I cursed the memory loss once again. What would it feel like to simply know something for certain? I was lost in my own thoughts and didn’t realize the men had stopped their conversation.