Kristin Vayden

by Surviving Scotland

  Ioan’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared at Cullon’s words, but he nodded after a moment. He gestured with his left hand toward the trail and waited for Cullon and me to lead. As we passed Ioan, I met his gaze that had shifted from anger to torment. He offered me a sad smile. It was the first smile I had seen in weeks. Before I could return it, his gaze moved to the ground and I passed him.

  Cullon engaged me in light conversation and, to his credit, put me at ease. The entire trek I felt Ioan shooting daggers at my back. As we traveled, Cullon whistled merrily or laughed at his own jokes. If I hadn’t been so distracted by Ioan’s presence, I’d have laughed at the irony. Ioan and silence, I never thought I’d see the day. Not long ago, I would have treasured a moment where he wasn’t tormenting me in one way or another; now I simply wished he’d even just say my name, or call me his wee haggis.

  I tried to be good company, but Ioan’s presence was entirely distracting. Even if he was glaring and unhappy, at least he was there. I was starved for his presence. This was the longest amount of time I’d spent with him since we arrived at Dumbarton, and I savored each moment.

  The ravine came into view. The deep cliffs were surrounded and marked by jagged stones worn by wind and water. Sparse trees grew here and there, but a pale green moss covered most everything. The sight truly was beautiful, and I took a step forward to get a better view. Behind me Cullon began to explain why he loved this place so much. The story was lost on me. A hawk circled high above us, and the peaceful expression that overtook Ioan’s face when I turned my head to see him distracted me. A hand came across my waist and pulled me back into a strong chest. It was wrong and I tried to get away, especially when I saw a murderous glint in Ioan’s eyes as he watched. Cullon leaned forward so that his lips grazed my ear and I stiffened. What was he thinking?

  “Lass, I need ye ta slap me. Just do it. I’ll forgive ye. But give me a few moments. Aye?”

  I nodded carefully, hoping I was making the right choice. Slowly Cullon reached around with his other hand and pulled me tighter into his embrace, and then quickly turned me around, and before I could gasp, his lips pressed against mine in a strong kiss. I was so shocked it took me a moment to try and pull away. He held my arms and prevented me from moving, but after a moment of my struggle he released one, which allowed me to do just as he requested. I tore my hand away and slapped the side of his face with all my strength. Immediately an angry red handprint revealed itself on Cullon’s face. He grinned at me, then turned to give an arrogant smirk to Ioan. I started to turn around to see what was going on, but was moved out of the way by strong, familiar hands. Ioan catapulted himself at Cullon, knocking them both to the ground.

  “Donna ye ever touch her like that again!” Ioan snarled at a still smirking Cullon.

  “And why no’?” Cullon asked then threw a punch into Ioan’s midsection, allowing him to roll out from under Ioan’s pin.

  “Ye canna treat a lady so!”

  “Is that all then? I promise that next time I’ll ask… but I’ll be askin’ soon. Her kisses are sweeter than honey.”

  Ioan roared and swung at Cullon’s face, but he ducked in time and tackled Ioan back to the ground. Ioan struggled and raised his leg over Cullon’s chest and forced him backward. Ioan used it to his advantage and twisted so that Cullon had his chest to the dirt with his hand twisted behind his back.

  “Ye willna touch her,” Ioan swore to Cullon, increasing the pressure on his arm and continuing to lift it higher.

  “And why no’?” Cullon’s voice was strained from the weight of Ioan on his back and pain from his arm being twisted so fiercely.

  “Because the lass is mine,” Ioan spoke through his teeth with a savage gleam in his eye.

  Cullon turned his face toward me, grinning largely. I moved from my frozen position and took down my hands, which were covering my face. Though the fight was quite short, it felt like hours. Yet when I heard Ioan call me his, time paused. My heart pounded wildly, and I touched my lips lightly as I relaxed my hands. Ioan wanted me, Cullon was right.

  “Ioan?” Cullon asked tightly.

  “Aye?” Ioan spoke menacingly.

  “‘Tis about time ye got yer head out o’ yer hind end.”

  Ioan’s face relaxed from his threatening glare to a confused expression. He stood, releasing Cullon who coughed and dusted himself off.

  “I donna understand.” Ioan didn’t look at me, but his eyes remained focused on Cullon, who stood grinning wildly.

  “Ye never were that bright,” I spoke, unable to resist lightening the mood. I giggled and Ioan turned to give me a suspicious gaze. He scrutinized me, and then he turned to Cullon.

  “Ye set me up.” Wonder and disbelief colored his words. Ioan shook his head and reached both hands behind his neck and bent down, completely reassured in his assessment as Cullon nodded and slapped his back.

  “Ye always were a bit slow. Elle an’ I decided ta move ye along a bit faster. The poor lass was losing her patience in waiting fer ye ta come ta yer senses. She was two steps away from marryin’ me just ta provoke ye.”

  Cullon jerked his chin in my direction and my jaw dropped. The last part was not necessary and completely untrue. I began to stammer about it when I heard a sound I’d missed: Ioan’s laughter.

  “I’m a horse’s hind end.”

  “‘Tis about time ye realized that. I’ve been tellin’ ye fer a while now. Glad ta know ye finally agree.” I placed my hands on my hips and gave him a wry expression. Ioan raised his eyebrows at my remark but didn’t comment for a moment. He gazed at me with a tender humor before breaking into an amused chuckle.

  “Ye will pay dearly for what ye’ve put me through, lassie.”

  “Ach, an’ I suppose that ye were alone in yer sufferin’?” I challenged back.

  Ioan shook his head again and cut a glance to Cullon. “I donna think ye needed ta kiss her though. ‘Twas a bit far.”

  “What can I say? I enjoy a bit o’ the dramatic.” Cullon laughed and slapped Ioan’s back hard. “I’ll leave ye a bit o’ privacy, but remember ye have no chaperone to keep ye in line.” Cullon pointed at Ioan who grinned at me wolfishly.

  “An ye, I give ye permission ta slap him if he gets out o’ hand. ‘Tis a mighty hand ye’ve got. No doubt I’ll be needin’ ta explain the black an’ blue mark I’ll have tomorrow. Thankfully, I can just blame that oaf over there.” Cullon jabbed his thumb in Ioan’s direction and sauntered off, whistling as he went.

  I glanced to Ioan, unsure as to what to do or say. Ioan shook his head again and gave me a repentant gaze.

  “I’m sorry, lass. ‘Tisn’t enough, but ‘tis all I’ve got.”

  “Ye’re an idiot.” Ioan chuckled at my declaration and walked toward me.

  “Just this once, I’ll admit that maybe…” His eyes darkened as he grew closer and closer. “Ye are right.”

  A huge smile split my face as joy overflowed in having Ioan so close to me and not glaring, but grinning.

  “Ioan—”

  “Shhh, Elle.”

  Ioan’s finger touched my lips, effectively halting any words I would have spoken. His touch lingered, sending a delicious shiver down my back. Eyes the color of the moss surrounding us gazed intently at me, alternating between my eyes, nose, and finally fixing on my mouth. Ioan’s lips parted and his breath brushed my face as he leaned forward.

  “Ye talk too much.” Ioan smirked and I opened my mouth to reply, but his lips overtook my own. My thoughts scattered as I lost myself in Ioan’s kiss. Strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me into a tight embrace where every line of Ioan’s strong body aligned with my own. One hand moved from my back and cupped my chin, tilting my head so that he could deepen the kiss. I followed eagerly, making up for my inexperience with enthusiasm. When his tongue teased my lips, I reached out with my own and tentatively caressed his lower lip. Ioan’s response was immediate. With a shiver I felt echoed in my own body, Ioan’s tongue plundered my mouth, and I lo
st myself in the unique flavor of him. I reached up and wove my fingers through his chestnut hair, tugging it from its leather strap. Ioan groaned, and I continued in my caresses, growing bolder. His thick mane was so soft against my fingers. Ioan’s scent filled my senses, a mix of cedar and fresh air that only increased my desire for him. Ioan’s lips left mine and traveled to my jaw and neck, trailing kisses and nips that gave me goosebumps. He rested his forehead at the curve of my neck. The sound of our heavy breathing seemed overly loud in the otherwise silent forest. As Ioan leaned against me, his arms held me tightly so that I could feel the rapid beat of his heart, knowing mine was equally as fast. My touch gentled as I smoothed his hair and then ran my fingers down his back, tracing the hard lines of muscle I could feel through his shirt.

  “Lass, ye need ta stop afore I lose the last shred o’ my self-control an’ take ye now.”

  My fingers halted for a moment. With a grin, I began to caress once more. Ioan’s head rose and he glared at me. I grinned back unrepentant.

  “So this is yer punishment for me stubbornness? Ye make me burn knowin’ I canna do a thing about it? Ye always were a cruel one.”

  “‘Tis less than ye deserve.”

  Ioan clenched his jaw for a moment then released the grin he was fighting back.

  “Perhaps. But me kisses make up for a lot, donna they?”

  He winked and I slapped at his shoulder. It was good to have my teasing Ioan back finally.

  “I donna ken, ‘twas but a wee kiss. I’ll need more ta give ye an honest answer.” I sighed dramatically and wove my fingers once more through his hair. He groaned.

  “Donna stop, Elle.” Ioan’s eyes drifted closed in response to my touch. His head dropped slightly, giving me a better reach.

  “Ye donna ken how long I’ve dreamed o’ this, Elle.”

  “This? Me fightin’ yer unruly hair?”

  I gave it a playful tug, knowing he was referring to the kiss, but wanting the affirmation from his own lips. Hadn’t he kissed me before and then broken my heart? Granted, that was a much smaller kiss, but it had given me hope, only to let that hope be shattered a few moments later.

  “Nay, ta kiss ye, lass.” Ioan groaned, still lost in my playful teasing of his hair.

  “Ye kissed me afore,” I offered lightly.

  Ioan’s head rose up and he gave me a disbelieving look.

  “That wasna a kiss.”

  “Still counts. ‘Twas my first kiss and ye did a bad job of it, I must say…”

  “Donna start with me, lass. Besides, ‘twasn’t yer first kiss.”

  “What?”

  Ioan grinned wolfishly and reached up to trace my cheek with his fingers, leaving a warm trail behind his touch.

  “I kissed ye when ye were seven, out by the loch. The verra one ye pushed me inta, now that I think of it.”

  “Ye knave.”

  “Aye, donna ye ferget it.”

  I chuckled, imagining the scene play out in my head, yet wishing I could remember it.

  “Ye did slap me afterward, but ‘twas worth it.”

  “Well, I didn’t slap ye this time.”

  “Wouldna have stopped me, Elle.”

  Ioan’s voice dropped to a whisper, and he leaned forward to touch my lips with a whisper of a kiss.

  “Tha gaol agam ort. I love ye, Elle. An’ I always have. There has never been another in me heart. Ye need ta know that.” I closed my eyes, drinking in his words and memorizing the sound of his voice, the feel of his embrace, and the whisper of his breathing as he rested his forehead against mine.

  “I love ye too, Ioan,” I whispered the words, not trusting my voice with the depth of emotion that phrase carried from my heart. Ioan held me tightly, each of us savoring the moment of love known.

  “Ioan?” I spoke after a moment. There was one question I needed to have answered.

  “Elle?”

  Ioan’s voice was calm. He kissed my forehead and leaned back to see me eye to eye.

  “If ye loved me, if I was the only one in yer heart, why then did ye keep yerself away from me fer so long?”

  Ioan’s expression fell slightly and he closed his eyes.

  “‘Tis a complicated answer, lass.”

  “‘Tis an important one,” I countered back.

  Ioan glanced around and then led me to a large boulder. He sat and I moved to sit by him, but he reached over and pulled me onto his lap. I giggled and impulsively kissed his mouth with a light touch.

  “Ye’ve no’ been in me arms nearly enough. Ye best get used ta it now. I’ve finally got ye, Elle, I donna plan on lettin’ ye go.”

  “‘Tis the best idea ye’ve had in a while,” I teased as I leaned into his embrace.

  Ioan took a deep breath. His hand reached up and teased a wisp of my hair that had escaped from its bindings.

  “‘Tis like thick silk.” he murmured to himself. After a moment he heaved a heavy sigh. “Ye must promise me ye willna spout off ta yer uncle after we speak, Elle.”

  I turned to see his face, curious as to what my uncle had to do with Ioan’s behavior.

  “Elle, your word.” There was no leniency in Ioan’s gaze.

  I nodded.

  “Yer uncle loves ye ta a fault lass. Remember that.” Ioan shifted and turned my body so that I was once again relaxing against him. His deep voice vibrated against my back as he spoke. “‘Twas when we were quite young still, yer uncle noticed my… affection… toward ye. I was but a lad, fosterin’ with yer family. He discouraged me from spendin’ time with ye, but I couldna seem to help meself. Ye were like sunshine everywhere ye went, an’ ye reacted so beautifully to my teasin’. I could always count on a reaction. ‘Twas a wondrous thing for a lad.”

  I smacked his arm. He chuckled and continued.

  “When I dinna stay away from ye like yer uncle had suggested, he took a bolder approach. Ye see, since he dinna have his own children, ye were — are — the heir. One day ye would marry a man that would likely take his place as the laird. While I come from a strong clan, my family dinna have the… money yer uncle needed.”

  “Money?”

  I was angry and struggled to turn and question Ioan further, but his strong arms held me tightly.

  “Donna fash yerself, lass. I told ye ta—”

  “I know, I know.”

  Ioan’s chuckle shook my body as well since I was leaning against him, and against my will I found myself smiling.

  “Yer uncle wanted — wants — more for ye than what I can offer ye, Elle. I want more for ye than I can offer ye. I donna have lands or a title. I’m no’ even fully Scottish; me grandmither was Welsh.”

  “Welsh?”

  “I tell ye I donna have anythin’ to me name, and ye are worried about me grandmither? For some reason I’m no’ surprised.”

  I felt Ioan shake his head and I glanced back at him.

  “So me uncle told ye ta stay away from me because he wants me ta marry inta money?” A nagging thought tickled my mind. It seemed strangely familiar, the marriage for money idea. I tried to focus on it. In a moment of clarity I saw people dancing, flirting, and milling about a beautiful room. A woman gave me a smug grin as she tapped a gentleman with a fan. The man was well dressed, but overweight and balding. He leered at her and followed her out of the room. Another woman, much older than the first watched their progress with a smirk. She walked over to another lady and began to whisper about money and catching an earl. She glanced over at me — Ioan’s hand snapped in front of my face, bringing me back. I shook my head and stood, confused at what just happened.

  “Elle, are ye alright?”

  Ioan followed me in standing. He took my hand carefully and gave me a concerned look.

  “Yes, I mean, aye.” I shook my head once more.

  “Ye were silent fer a while. I was afraid ye were angry.”

  “No,” I said distractedly, still wondering why I would have such a vivid memory of something that could have never taken place.

/>   “Let’s finish this later, we best—”

  “Nay. Please, Ioan.” I gazed at him imploringly. Ioan breathed out heavily.

  “Aye. ‘Tis best we get it done with an’ ye can make up yer mind.”

  “Me mind?”

  “Patience, Elle.” He laughed softly at my unamused expression but sobered, continuing his explanation.

  “Ta shorten the story, I left shortly after he discouraged me once again, this time when I was about eighteen. ‘Twas the second hardest thing I’ve ever done, Elle. Ta walk away from ye. I dinna even say good-bye, knowin’ me heart would be in me eyes, an’ I couldna stand ta see yer reaction, be it of affection, friendship, or indifference. I joined the Black Watch and succeeded in pushin’ me love fer ye ta the back of my mind. ‘Twas hard ta think o’ ye and fight ta live another day.” Ioan chuckled, but I glared back, horrified at the thought of him in any type of danger.

  “Then ye got hurt an’ returned back ta Carnasserie Castle,” I finished, putting a few of the puzzle pieces together myself.

  Ioan glanced down and I grew suspicious.

  “What did I miss?”

  “There’s a bit… more ta the story than that.”

  “What?” I asked dubiously.

  “The injury was a farce. I’ve no injury, lass. Yer uncle was facin’ terrible oppression from the Jacobites. Ye see they wanted, still want, ta put a garrison at the castle, but yer uncle has remained loyal ta the Covenanters. They continue ta threaten him, fight against his men and such. The last straw was when they sent a missive, threatenin’ ta take ye. ‘Tis why yer uncle doesna like ye ta leave the keep. He dinna want ta ask fer help, but a friend o’ mine notified me o’ the increasin’ pressure from the Jacobites, so I approached me commander an’ explained the situation. To appease yer uncle’s pride, we came up with the story of me injury, so that I could return an’ help protect the castle. A few times a month I’d meet another member o’ the watch ta update them on the threat. If the threat escalated any more, yer uncle would have had the men o’ the Black Watch at his gates quickly. Carnasserie Castle is in a grand position fer Covenanter support, yet all I was concerned about was you. ‘Twas a terrible blow to me own pride ta feign injury, but ‘twas worth it. Yer uncle wouldna have accepted me back if I came on me own accord, especially suspectin’ me affection for ye. ‘Twas the perfect solution.”