A Reluctant Bride

by Michaels, Jess

He jerked at her observation. “What—why?”

  She shrugged. “You just looked like you were pondering something. I thought perhaps you had recalled a fact about your brother that could aid our search.”

  He almost laughed. For the first time in over a year, his brother’s actions hadn’t been at the top of his mind. She had made him think of his own life, his own future, and that was a gift in itself.

  “No,” he said, and when she frowned, he knew she didn’t believe him. He caught his breath. “I wasn’t thinking of Solomon or your sister, I assure you.”

  She hesitated, and then nodded. “Very well.”

  “But we should put our focus back on the matters at hand. We’ll start in the outbuildings, I think. There’s a storage building, and I know a great deal of Solomon’s things were placed there. Only a few items were put inside the manor.”

  “Good,” she said, motioning to the exit from the library. “Then lead the way.”

  * * *

  Thomasina was trying to keep up her cool exterior, but it was difficult when she could see every ounce of pain and anxiety on Jasper’s face. Where before he had kept himself so separate, he seemed to be remaining true to his word and revealing all to her now.

  They walked along the paths down toward the outbuildings, away from the main house. It had rained several times in the past week, but today the sun was shining brightly, accosting her pain and fear with its beauty. She wished it would become stormy again instead, to remind her that the situation was tumultuous. To be a physical manifestation of her anger, even though she felt sympathy for her husband.

  “Why do you think your brother involved himself with a criminal like Maitland?” she asked. “He had power and influence of his own.”

  Jasper shook his head. “And no limits. My father would not give him any because he, himself, did not subscribe to them.”

  “He was as wild as Solomon?” she asked, thinking of the soft rumors she’d heard whispered about the previous two earls once her sister’s engagement had been announced.

  “Worse, in a way,” Jasper said, staring off into middle distance up the road. “My brother, at least, didn’t have a bride or a family to destroy alongside himself. My father had two sons and a wife. Two wives, considering Solomon’s mother died.”

  “How did she die?” Thomasina asked.

  He pointed to a building just at the end of the lane. “There is where the things were stored.” He sighed. “Er, my father’s first wife? An illness when my brother was young. Solomon didn’t even remember her. Our father used to talk about what a love match they were. He said it in front of my mother a dozen times over the years, I think just to watch her flinch.”

  Thomasina flinched at just the thought. “That is cruel.”

  “Well, he was that. He thought it was comical. He prized nothing more than a joke at someone else’s expense. If you think my mother cold and distant, I think he made her that way. It is what I tell myself, at any rate.”

  Thomasina glanced at him from the corner of her eye. Jasper was so often accusatory of those in his orbit, seeking blame for all that had gone wrong. But he was willing to offer grace to his mother, even if she might not fully deserve it.

  She didn’t know many people who would do the same to a mother so cold and brittle with her children.

  “He hurt your mother, often on purpose,” she said.

  “And my brother,” he continued, bending his head. “He was abundantly cruel to my brother. He used to pretend as though he would include him on outings, to teach him to take his role. They’d rub it in my face, laughing that it was for first sons only, but then my father would leave without my brother. He waved from his horse as he rushed out of the gate, laughing at both his sons. And yet Solomon kept trying to earn his love. Earn his regard.”

  Thomasina shook her head. She understood a little about never being able to earn a parent’s love, but her father had certainly never been so abjectly cruel about it. “I’m so sorry that happened to you both,” she said, fighting the urge to touch him, to comfort him with more than mere words.

  “Here is the building,” he said, digging in his pocket for a key he’d retrieved from Willard before they left the house.

  As he fiddled with the rusty lock, she saw the worry line his face. He was truly afraid of what he would find here. She knew as well as he did it might destroy any small bit of goodness he recalled in his brother.

  She couldn’t imagine feeling that way about Juliana or Anne. She knew their hearts and characters. To lose that faith in them would crush her.

  “You told me once you were separated from your father at some point,” she said softly. “How did that happen?”

  He pushed against the door with a curse and it slowly creaked open. She caught her breath. She’d been expecting a few trunks or items in the medium-sized building but it was filled with them. Boxes and piles of an entire life.

  “Jasper,” she breathed as he stepped aside to let her come into the room.

  He stared at it with her, and his voice cracked as he said, “I didn’t want any of it when he was dead. I didn’t want it at all.”

  Now she couldn’t deny herself anymore. She turned on him and wrapped her arms around him, drawing him against her. He let her for a moment, sighing against her shoulder as she smoothed her fingers through his thick hair. She felt him soften, releasing some of the tension he always carried. She took it, bearing it on her shoulders for a moment and praying it would give him strength to carry on.

  But the moment passed, and at last he lifted his head and stepped away. “I don’t deserve that kindness,” he said softly. “After what I did.” He turned away, cutting her off from his emotion and looked at the pile before them. “God’s teeth, there is so much. Where to even start?”

  She motioned to the back corner of the room. “From the back forward, I think. We can clear a bit of space away from the wall, go through each trunk and stack them afterward.”

  He nodded. “Yes, a very good idea. Let me move these things and give us a working space.”

  He stripped out of his jacket and unlooped his cravat, then rolled up his sleeves, took a long breath and went into the back corner of the room. She stood back as he moved around, pushing and lifting trunks and boxes without hesitation. As if he weren’t an earl who could ask a dozen men to do this for him.

  “You asked about why I was taken away,” he said with a grunt as he lifted one trunk onto another. “One afternoon after church my mother and I came home to find my father in the midst of…er…some very amorous activities with my mother’s lady’s maid.”

  Thomasina slapped a hand over her mouth in horror. “Oh no!”

  “Yes.” He hesitated and his jaw tightened. “The countess was humiliated and angry. It was one of the few times I recall her mask of disinterest falling. They quarreled and my father laughed the whole thing off. Disgusted, she packed me up and took me away. He let me go, of course—he had his heir. He didn’t need his spare. I never saw him alive again.”

  “How old were you?” she asked.

  He swallowed as he motioned her forward into the space he had created. “Let’s see…sixteen? My father died five years later, when I was twenty-one and Solomon twenty-six.”

  “You didn’t see your father or your brother for five years?” she asked softly, again stricken by how utterly painful such an idea was to her. She was uncomfortable with Anne being missing for less than two weeks. To go years without hearing her voice or seeing her face?

  That seemed unbearable.

  “The next time I saw my brother was at our father’s funeral service and he was a changed man. As irresponsible and wild as the earl who preceded him. We went out for a drink a few days later, to my club in London. My brother made a mess of things and got us both banned.”

  She shook her head. “Was he sorry?”

  “No,” he said simply. “He was never sorry. I cut myself away from him over time. I only saw him when it was absolutely n
ecessary or when I bumped into him by happenstance. I worked hard to make my own reputation free of any ill repute in the hopes I could make something of myself and protect my mother some small bit. But Solomon’s antics affected me. Kept me from position and respect.”

  He shrugged. “At any rate, it did me little good, and now I have a mountain to climb when it comes to reputation. I suppose that punishes you, as well.”

  She moved forward and crouched before a trunk, unlocking it as she said, “I’ve spent my life with my reputation tied firmly to Juliana and Anne. I recognize the unfairness of being held to a standard that isn’t your own. I know you and I know you aren’t like your brother.”

  “You know that despite what I did?” he asked softly.

  She lifted her gaze to him. “I can be angry and hurt by what you did and not judge that you are an irresponsible person on the whole. Those are two separate things.”

  “What’s in the trunk?” he asked, stepping closer as they closed the painful topic.

  “Clothes,” she said with a sigh as she picked up some of the items and held them out. She moved her hand through them and only found cloth. “Nothing that could be called a treasure unless this Maitland has a desire for waistcoats.”

  He smiled despite the tension on his face and relocked the trunk before he carried it to the corner. They worked like that for a while, silent except for comparing what they found in trunks and boxes. She found it was not an uncomfortable quiet between them. They simply focused on the matter at hand, both serious about what they might find here.

  Had she not discovered his lies, she would have felt the silence, the ability to work together, was further proof of their growing bond. Only right now she wasn’t sure if she’d seen the truth of that at all. She’d imagined they were coming together. Now they felt so far apart, and she was a fool to love him when he was hiding so much.

  He stood up from a crouched position and wiped his brow with the back of his arm. “Dusty work. I apologize about the state your gown is in.”

  She looked down to find her dress was grayed with dust. It put her to mind of that night he had hidden under her bed from Juliana. She couldn’t help but smile. “It will wash out,” she reassured him. “Why don’t we—”

  She didn’t get to finish the question, for the door to the cottage opened and a footman stepped inside. “I’m sorry to intrude, my lord, my lady, but Willard wanted you to know that it’s seven o’clock. Supper shall be served at eight.”

  Jasper let out his breath in a frustrated sigh. “Thank you. We’ll come up.” The young man left and Jasper looked at her with a shrug. “Two hours of miserable work and nothing to show for it.”

  She tilted her head. “Is that what you think? It’s only if you win your prize that you’ve succeeded?”

  “Yes,” he said. “Of course. How can you succeed if you don’t win?”

  “Well, you learn, for one thing,” she said with a laugh. “Gracious, Jasper, we have gotten through ten trunks in what…a couple of hours? We likely only have fifteen left to examine, and then we’ll know for certain that the items out here are not related at all to Maitland and his supposed treasure. That will close out this part of the search at least and let us move to another place in the investigation with a clear conscience.”

  He seemed to ponder that a moment, then nodded. “I suppose I’ve never looked at it that way before.”

  She forced a smile so he wouldn’t see she, too, was disappointed in the lack of any evidence that could help them recover Anne. “Well, now you must. I command it.”

  A hint of a smile softened his expression. “Then who am I to argue,” he said softly, and held out an arm.

  She blinked as she stared at the outstretched arm. The hopeful look on his face. Once again, she was drawn to take his offering, to forget what she knew.

  But she couldn’t. She’d left her heart unguarded going into this endeavor, and knowing he’d lied to her crushed it. She wasn’t ready to offer it again so swiftly, even if she could find empathy for her husband.

  “We should go up,” she said, pretending not to notice his arm as she swept past him. “To ready for supper.”

  He said nothing, but she felt his stare on her back as they walked up the hill to the house. Back to the place where they would each have to pretend nothing had changed when everything had.

  Chapter 21

  Jasper sat at the head of his dining table, his wife across from him and her family between them. Thomasina picked at her dessert, and he had to admit he was no hungrier than she was as he thought of their thwarted attempts to find information on his brother and Maitland’s blasted treasure.

  “Where did you two disappear to this afternoon?” Juliana asked, oblivious to the tender subject she was wading into.

  Jasper watched Thomasina flinch, but her fake smile was bright as she said, “We walked around the estate. There’s so much to—to discover.”

  He appreciated her attempts to not lie directly. He supposed that was an accusation against him and he couldn’t help but feel it.

  “Thomasina was a great help to me as I’ve been putting off going through some of my late brother’s items,” he said.

  Mr. Shelley tilted his head. “After all this time? I’d have thought you’d just fold them into your own life.”

  Thomasina cleared her throat. “What did you do, Father?” she asked, changing the subject, much to Jasper’s relief. She met his gaze evenly and he nodded his thanks to her.

  “I prepared for my trip to Gretna Green tomorrow,” he said, arching a brow in Jasper’s direction. “As forcefully requested by your husband.”

  “I did the same,” Juliana said as she glanced at Thomasina.

  She jerked her gaze toward her sister. “What? You’ll go with him?”

  There was a lifetime of communication that flowed between the sisters in that moment. Jasper watched it, mesmerized by their connection, feeling, and not for the first time, all he had lost out on through his strained relationship with Solomon.

  Juliana cleared her throat. “I think it best. I can help Father stay on task. You know how he depends on me to organize his duties.”

  Thomasina bent her head, her hand clenching on the table before her. How he hated she had to endure this. How both she and Juliana did, thanks to all those in their lives who they could not depend upon. It was patently unfair.

  “Yes, having your sister there will be a great help,” their father said, then he pushed his chair back. “But we must leave very early, so I will excuse myself. I won’t see you before we leave, so goodbye. Juliana will write, no doubt, to keep you apprised of our search, foolish as it may be.”

  He pivoted and exited the room without so much as a warm glance to the daughter he was abandoning. Once he had gone, Thomasina looked at Juliana. “Will you be safe?” she whispered.

  Juliana glanced toward Jasper. “Assuming the men your husband sends to accompany us are true.”

  “They are,” he reassured her softly. “I’ll give them special instructions to protect you and your maid at all costs. Will having you there truly keep him in line?”

  “Him, my father?” she asked.

  Jasper nodded. Juliana glanced again at Thomasina. “Yes. Of course it will. I can at least actually look for signs of Anne in truth, not just as some show to keep your wrath from coming down upon him.”

  Thomasina stood and moved to sit beside her sister. She wrapped her arms around her, and Jasper watched as his wife shook with emotion. She was losing so much. Because of his family. His past.

  He hated himself for all of it.

  The two women silently held each other for a while, then Juliana pulled back, wiping her eyes. “Don’t worry,” she reassured her sister. “I’ll be very careful and sharp-eyed. If there is news to be found of Anne, I will find it.”

  Thomasina nodded and squeezed her hand gently. “I will get up tomorrow to see you off.”

  Juliana glanced at Jasper and then shook her
head. “No, leaving you will be hard enough. Let us depart in the morning without fanfare. It will be easier for me.”

  Jasper could see how much that request pained Thomasina, but she managed to jerk out a nod. “Very well.”

  Juliana pushed from the table. “I’ll go up now, so say goodbye to me.”

  Thomasina bit out a sob as she embraced Juliana again tightly, whispering to her for a moment before they parted. Thomasina paced away to the window. Juliana’s eyes were bright with tears as she walked to Jasper. She reached out and took his hand, meeting his eyes evenly as she whispered, “Be careful with her, my lord. Please.”

  He nodded and Juliana left the room. Left him with his bride, who was now shaking as she wept against her hand. He moved to her, turning her into his chest and holding her as he soothed her as she had soothed him earlier. And knowing that he could do nothing to ease her pain except everything in his power to bring Anne home.

  And even then it might not be enough.

  * * *

  Thomasina stood at her window, looking out across the moonlit garden behind the house. She had been standing there for almost an hour, thinking of everything this long, horrible day had brought. How much she had lost. How much she could still lose.

  There was a knock on the door that led to Jasper’s adjoining chamber, and she sighed heavily as she called out, “Come in.”

  He did so, stepping into her bedroom and leaning against the door. He had stripped out of his propriety just as she had and stood only in trousers that slung dangerously low on his hips. She turned her back so she wouldn’t be moved by him.

  She didn’t want to be moved by him yet.

  “I was worried about you,” he said softly.

  She stiffened, her fingers gripping at her sides. “You don’t have to be. I’m fine. You ought to worry about yourself.”

  “No, I’ve worried about myself quite enough, I think,” he said, and she felt him move toward her rather than heard it. He stopped just a foot behind her, and then he reached out and gently turned her to face him.