by Rena Marks
“What about Beatrice?” Joy asked.
“I’m sure you don’t have a name for me. I can’t use Bee and I can’t use Tris,” she said sadly. “The Quakers called me Bee and I used Tris when I moved to this planet.”
“Then we’ll go with Trisha.”
“Well, that sounds like kind of a frou-frou name. And I’m more of the intellectual type.”
Joy fought the smile that almost hit at her sister’s indignation. “It’s only temporary. Until the bastards leave.” She chalked up a mental point onto her bucket list of sin since she’d offhandedly cursed, too.
“The good news is you’re young,” Marcie said to her. “Your hangover should go away once you get a little nutrition and hydration. I brought you a coconut from the Bubbled Waterfalls. We’re going to punch a hole in it so you can drink the water inside…”
“Will that get me pregnant?”
“Pardon me?” Marcie blinked, and the other human ladies stared.
“I-I know you all got p-pregnant with the silver babies from visiting the Bubbled Waterfalls. I think your baby is precious, and I love to help sit her, but I really don’t want one of my own. Maybe someday…but definitely not today.” Joy eyed the coconut warily. “So if there’s something in the water…”
“You can’t get pregnant from a coconut!” Anita snorted.
“Please!” Lara said to her sharply. “Pariah knew but…well, these girls are extremely virginal.”
Beatrice, Virginia, and Molli leaned in eagerly. Joy avoided everyone’s eyes, since she could feel her freckles standing out with the heat in her cheeks.
“Um, well, remember those sex toys we showed you?” Lara spoke directly to Joy.
“Uh, huh?” Did she ever. They had been trying on cast off clothes that the human women had stored in their closets, trying to re-create something for the ball, when someone found out they had no sexual knowledge whatsoever. The sex toy education began by Marcie showing them images of severed male anatomy—some that moved, and some that held still. Various colors, sizes, and textures. Then it was discovered that Anita actually had one in her possession.
“Have you, um”—Lara cleared her throat—“used the one we replicated?”
“Yes,” Joy said, shyly. “Now that we have our own rooms and have some privacy.” She glared at her sisters, who looked up at the ceiling.
“Oh, good.” Lara looked relieved. “That makes it much easier to explain—”
“Wait a minute,” Anita said, suspiciously. “Where did you use it?”
The other humans gasped.
“Ex-excuse me?” Joy said.
“Where?” she barked.
It made Joy so nervous, her mouth opened and the words vomited.
“I rubbed it on my neck. And the back of my shoulders.” The blush burned on her cheeks. “And the front of my shoulders. And…and…” Joy covered her face with her hands. “And I watched in the mirror as I did so!” she wailed. “It was so sexy!”
There was silence while she sobbed. She felt such shame with her perversion.
“Well, um, that’s perfectly normal,” Marcie said. “A lot of people are titillated by watching. But, definitely more sex lessons are in order. We kind of assumed you knew more than what we thought.”
“I’ll do it,” Anita said. “I’ll teach them all they need to know.”
“No,” Marcie and Lara said simultaneously. “Maybe Jannie would be best.”
“Jannie would definitely be best,” Diamond snickered. “I’ll let her know.”
Anita sighed. “You’re opening up a can of worms with that one. I’m telling ya. It’d be best if I did it.”
“No,” Lara said again with a glare.
Anita shrugged.
“We need to get back. The guys are having a meeting today with the Commander before he and Pariah take off on the honeymoon. A new ship has descended with a crew of Freijians they’ll be introducing to us. We’ll talk to Jannie immediately, and it’s probably best if just one of you gets lessons from her and relays to the others. She’s trying to get pregnant and chases Chautles every chance she gets,” Marcie said. “I’d rather she scarred one of you than all four.”
“It’s disgusting,” Anita said. “Sometimes you see more than you want to.”
The other humans snickered, though Joy didn’t quite understand what was funny.
“I’d like to be the one to go see her,” Joy said quietly.
“What about your hangover?”
“I think it’s clearing.”
Lara nodded. “Okay. Let’s have you all—minus Molli—meet outside the ship. The guys will be there after their meeting with the new Freijians. Might as well get it over with and introduce you as our just-landed human cousins. Then Joy can get on her way to Jannie’s house.”
“Come straight home, afterward,” Molli said. “I want to hear everything. Every single detail.”
Chapter Two
There were already a handful of people gathered at the base of the ship when Joy, Tris, and Virginia approached.
“There you are,” Marcie called out. “This is my cousin, Josie. From Earth. Jo, meet Rojan.”
Dear Goddess, what were the chances there’d be two wonderfully built, handsome Freijians by that same name?
Joy slowly raised her downcast eyes to see the vicious bounty hunting killer she was being introduced to. Hopefully he was ugly, with scars, and not the handsome lover from the party…
Not a chance. He was even taller than she remembered, and built like a tank. His skin was a medium silver shade, but his eyes were so easy to get lost in. The eyes were windows to the soul, and this man had a glorious soul. Even more glorious was the rest of the body. The strength in him was unrivaled—showing in the bulging biceps and thick shoulders. She so wanted to be the one he carried off over his shoulder while screaming, “Mine.”
But at the same time, she felt sick. How could the man who dominated her fantasies be the one man with the mission to kill her?
He stood there, looking puzzled. “It’s you.”
“Have you met?” Marcie asked.
Joy smiled broadly, because he recognized her. Obviously the interaction had meant something to him. Then she forced the corners of her lips to turn down. What was she thinking? She shouldn’t care so much that he recognized her from last night as the girl he danced with.
“The night of the reception. She disappeared on me,” he growled. “Just at the same time I was going to seek out the Puritans—when it was announced they’d all disappeared.”
Joy gulped. She couldn’t be associated as a missing Puritan.
“I’m so sorry. I had an emergency. My sister got sick.”
“Didn’t you tell me your name was Joy last night?” He seemed suspicious. “That’s a Quaker name. I’m sure of it.”
The faces of the human ladies looked rather silly, frozen with their fake smiles on their faces.
“No,” Joy said. “I said, Jo, probably. It’s short for Josie. I think maybe you mixed me up with someone else you danced with that night.”
“There was no one else,” he growled, as his cheeks darkened. His buddies chuckled, and everyone began talking at once.
“Maybe he thought he found a Puritan,” one said under his breath.
The Freijian next to him snickered.
“It’s why we’re here,” Rojan said sharply. “Business, not pleasure.”
“I wasn’t aware you two had met,” Marcie laughed, though it hardly sounded natural.
“I didn’t know who he was. Just that he was a wedding guest. And I don’t know who the rest of you are.”
“These snickering knuckleheads are part of my team. Echo Nine consists of four of us. Me, Rojan. This is Hekek. Viktel. And Bob.”
“Bob?”
“Spelled Baub, ma’am.” The demon stepped up, tipping the cowboy hat that was specially cut to fit his horns. “Short for Baubles. ‘Cause mine are huge.” His voice was matter of fact.
&nb
sp; Baubles? Didn’t that mean…by the sound of Virginia’s gasp, it did mean those large gray sacks that hung from some of the vibe-er-ators and the…dilders.
“Whoa. Stand down there, cowboy,” Anita said. “This is not a Friday night at a nightclub.”
“Yes. This isn’t a joy ride. We’re here on a mission,” Rojan said. “We’re here to search for the Quakestrarians’ Puritans who visited this planet. There doesn’t seem to be any pictures of them, so we don’t know what they look like…”
“No,” Marcie said smoothly. “It’s against their laws to take pictures.”
“It’s against their culture to drink also.” Joy smiled. “So you won’t find them among us—extremely attractive—human females. Who do drink lots.”
Marcie snorted. “There are many things the Puritans couldn’t do.”
“And many things we would.”
Silence followed Virginia’s comment as the men thought about that.
Joy cleared her throat. “Not that we’re judging those poor unfortunate souls.”
“And unfortunate souls they are. Since we met those three-foot tall, big mouthed Quaker males, I can’t imagine what the Puritans look like.” Viktel shuddered.
“The ladies probably come to our knees,” Hekek said.
“They’re short and stubby,” Baubles agreed. “And hairy. Don’t forget hairy.”
“Well, I don’t think they’re hairy,” Virginia huffed. “At least, they don’t have to be forever. Once someone teaches them about razors. And things.”
“They are,” Lara said, narrowing her eyes at her as if she wanted her to stop defending them. “Extremely hairy. And ugly, remember? Short, stumpy, hairy.”
“At least they’re pure, gentle women,” Tris said. “Like saints.”
“Saints? According to those Quakers, a male doesn’t want a saint.” Baubles snorted.
“He doesn’t?” Joy asked.
“Hell, no. They said they want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.”
“Well, I wouldn’t pay much attention to what the Quakers want,” Marcie said. “They weren’t the most agreeable of creatures.”
Rojan shrugged. “They’re the ones paying us.”
“Well, it’s easy, then. You’re looking for short, fat, ugly freaks in the sheets.”
“Yep,” Rojan drawled. “That about sums it up.”
“As you can see, there are none of those here,” Virginia said, her voice haughty.
Rojan peered closer at Virginia, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Is that a heart shaped red mark on your forehead?”
Her eyes widened as she panicked and looked at Lara. “A rash. I have a rash.”
Lara giggled. “Yes. You do.”
“It looks sore,” Rojan commented. The other males looked suspicious, leaning forward to study the rash.
Bajoc and Tristan walked down the ramp from the ship.
“What kind of a rash is it?” Hekek asked. “I have not seen anything like it. Perhaps it is a rash from a disease we have not heard of.” He gestured to Bajoc and Tristan to come near. “You two were among those women who taught you of all those strange diseases…”
“Syph…phonics? Siffilsonics?” Viktel said.
Tristan sounded strangled. “This is not any of those kinds of diseases.”
“Well, you would know,” Hekek said. He turned back to the others. “They found the most amazing race. Females only. They never need males to procreate.”
Joy stepped up, hoping to distract them from Virginia’s forehead. Virginia looked as baffled as could be. Just as Joy felt. “I need to be on my way. I thought I’d go visit Jannie today.”
“I’ll walk you.” Rojan stepped up. “I wouldn’t want to leave a lone female unprotected with these dangerous psychos running around the planet.”
“Dangerous psychos? Do you mean the Puritans or the kidnappers? I thought those poor women were kidnapped? What makes you think they’re even on this planet?”
“They could be anywhere. For all we know, they could be innocent and hidden here on the planet. Or, as the Quaker males seem to think, they could be evil enough to help their captors. They say that one of them, Wilma, was a known kidnapper and attempted murderess, and crazier than a hoot-owl. She may be safely locked up now, but until we know the whereabouts of the others…”
Joy smiled. “I’d enjoy the walk.”
His buddies snickered like purple toddlers, but Rojan ignored them as he stepped forward and offered her his arm. Joy tried to act casual, but her fingers curled over the solid muscles of his forearm and locked there. Jannie didn’t live too far, but maybe she could take him for a walk through the village the long way around. Spend some time with him, get to know him. It was best to know your enemy, after all. Joy waved at the others as they began to walk.
“We’ve been asking everyone,” he said. “Did you happen to meet the Puritans at any time while you’ve been on Hesprii? Maybe at the reception?”
“No. We just arrived the day before the wedding. Everyone was so busy preparing that we stayed out of the way. We would have arrived sooner, but our ship hit a galaxy that had a lot of space debris we had to navigate through. Otherwise we would have been here a week before the wedding.” The sin of lie could now be scratched off the bucket list.
From the school room, several of the children waved.
“Joy! Joy!” Titi called, and did a little shimmy, dance-thing.
“Did she call you Joy?” Rojan asked sharply.
Joy smiled easily. “She mispronounces a lot of things.” The sin of lie came easier and easier. “She changed Commander Krieckjan to Cricket.” She giggled. “That’s going to be fun among your men.”
“No one would dare laugh.” His tone sounded reverent. Commander Pritchard must be higher in the ranks than she thought. Score for her with a well-known almost brother in law.
Titi came running as fast as she could, Reese in tow.
“We’re not supposed to leave the yard.” He announced, panting when they reached them. “Titi got us in trouble.”
“No.” Titi glared at him.
Joy couldn’t help but giggle. “What did she do?”
“She told Declan it was okay to bring my daddy’s trunk of tails out of his shed. The tails was supposed to be a secret. Now my daddy isn’t letting us play zoo until all the hoopla dies down, because we are not caged animals.”
“Nuts,” Titi said.
“I’m sure it was an accident. Maybe you can remember for next time,” Joy said.
“Yeah,” Titi said, nodding.
“I guess you’re still my friend, then, Titi,” Reese said.
“Thank you, Weese.”
The two little ones waddled off, hand in hand.
“Disaster averted,” Rojan said. “You’re good with small units.”
“No, they’re just great kids. The Helian Six team did an awesome job with them.”
Rojan watched her from beneath his long lashes. “You are quite the lady,” he said gallantly. “I always wanted to meet one of the elegant human ladies from Ear-th.” His voice sounded full of longing and for a brief moment, Joy felt guilty that she was tricking the bounty hunter. Then she remembered—this handsome hunter wanted her dead.
Dead. For money to pad his pockets.
“Well, you’ve met the best of the best,” she said. “No one’s more human than me. Not even my cousin, Marcie. She’s been on this planet so long, her customs have become strange.”
“Really? How so?”
“Her manner of dress has changed. It’s become simply hideous, like a farm hand. I imagine she’s more like a Freijian female or Hespriian…”
He snorted. “Must be Hespriian. She’s nothing like a Freijian.”
Joy shrugged. “All I know is she’s no longer full Earthling. Like me.” She smoothed down her taffeta pants, made from the blue fabric of the party gown that matched his horns. She loved the color; it made her green eyes pop. She’d paired the new pa
nts with a velveteen vest in the same color, but with a buttercup top underneath. She looked rather regal, and could very well pass for human. While she had no idea what real humans wore as clothing, she imagined that many would dress like she did. She was a trendsetter, for sure.
“Well, here we are. It’s not a very long distance away.”
Rojan turned toward her, but looked regretful when her hand fell away from his arm. “Jo, I’d like to see you while I’m here. Get to know you. If you would like that, too.”
“Sure. I had fun the night of the reception.”
“Are you sure?” He looked confused. “I went to get you a drink and you disappeared. No one had seen you.”
“My—uh—sister had an emergency. And then the party ended abruptly with the Puritans being kidnapped and all.”
“Or when they staged their own kidnapping,” Rojan growled.
She stayed quiet.
“I can’t promise you anything but fun,” Rojan said. “Because I am technically on duty while stationed here.”
“Well, I like fun,” she said with a grin. “I am a wild, fun-loving human.”
“I’ll see you later, then,” Rojan said. “I’ll call on you later today, okay?”
“Please do.”
Then the handsome devil leaned down far enough to kiss her forehead. But he paused, giving her time to turn up her face. When she did, he lowered his lips down further and then settled his softly on hers.
A funny swoosh went through her belly. His lips were soft, but firm. Suddenly they were gone.
Bucket list! She had her first kiss. She felt like whoopin’ and hollerin’, but she had to play it cool. Whoopin’ and hollerin’ was what a Puritan would do. Definitely not a human.
With a tender touch against her cheek, he turned and left her. She watched him walk for a bit, until he was out of sight. Then with a sigh she walked up to Jannie’s front door.
“Yoohoo,” she called.
“Come in, dearie,” Jannie said.
Her house smelled delicious, like soup. Joy felt her tummy rumble with hunger. Perhaps Jannie would invite her to eat.
But the reality was a bit different. Jannie was squatting over a pot, her skirt hiked up to her knees.
