Claiming His Forever (Battle Born MC Book 8)

by Scarlett Black

  I want to pull my hair out. Every word from his mouth is twisted and manipulated into a story that benefits him. “I never wanted any of that. I never wanted you to force me outside of the MC, to play with me like your puppet until you’re satisfied. I’m not doing it anymore, Kilo.”

  “Oh, but your boyfriend can slap your ass and toss you around and you like it. You are just as twisted as me, Jaz. Don't play me like I did anything wrong. It’s cool, babe. You’re upset.”

  Kilo, the master of crazy, looks too cool and too calculated. I need him gone and I itch to get this over with. “We are done. No more hookups, late night calls. Friends with a history. That’s it—”

  He sneers, “If that is what you really want. I thought our history spoke louder about who we were together.” The amusement drops from his voice, and back is the dangerous man. “I’ll be around, Jazz. There are just some people who can never leave our lives no matter how hard we try to push them away. You’re it for me.”

  Kilo leans forward with his forearms on his knees and pierces me with a warning. “Adiós, bella, for now. I have work at the club. What’s happened, get over it. I will be back”

  My body deflates and I sink into the cushions once the door shuts. My hands rub my face and my muscles tremble all over. All the pent-up fear and emotions leave my body. I’ve not only had to say goodbye to the boy I thought I knew, but the girl I was. I had to face the man I trusted with my body and my life. The freedom of it all is scary.

  Also, I don’t believe this is over, just as he threatened. He will never let me go. Kilo sees me as his, no matter how volatile we get. He only sees this as my fault, a twisted tale of denial. I’m too exhausted and confused to see what he was manipulating. What? I have nothing for him to take, besides the baby, and he can't have her. I groan to myself in the quiet, darkened, lonely apartment. This baby is slowly draining the life out of me. I’m tired. But I think it was more the fact that I haven’t really pushed myself to move on with my life. I was complacent.

  One thing is for sure—I won’t be anywhere unprotected again. I get up and load my handgun. Kilo will not scare me into being his plaything. If anything, this surprise helped me realize there is a future waiting for me and to fight harder. After the shock of the news wore off, she became mine to protect, and that means I must protect myself too. Drifting through life is over. Small hope blooms and I am more determined than ever to do this right. I think I’m falling in love with the little creature that has taken residence in my life. No matter the cost, she is the most important person in my life.

  Chapter 9

  Spider

  It’s all fucked. The rage threatens to eat me whole. The black hole wants me to give in, to take control of my thoughts and actions. The twisted, dark side of me wants that too. After hearing Jazz and Kilo talk about what they “are”, it all feels like nothing. She sounded upset, but why? It wasn’t the strong voice she has used with me. Was it because she loves him and wants him back? Kilo pushed her when she said it was over. He can fight for her when I can’t. Keeping it all together is shredding the restraint I had. She is ruining me.

  Nothing has changed except the denial that I hold close, like the bottle of booze in my fist. Both are my best friends. They help me to unsee the shadow of death that follows me around, a past that won’t let me forget the one person I promised to protect yet didn’t do enough to save. I work hard by day and drink hard by night. It’s all piling on top of me. Meanwhile, happy couples are sprouting all around me. I could give two shits to the quiet in the room, or the brothers who stare at me. I shake my arms out and sink back to my seat.

  Sip by sip, I block out the whispers of the devil and demons. They tell me I’ll have my revenge on everyone. Anger is for amateurs. At the very least, I’m not seeing red. The group in the bar is feeling my vibes and gives me a wide berth. There is no way I can sleep, so I plan on finishing this bottle, hoping it’s enough to knock me out for a few hours.

  The only person I even feel that I remotely want to be next to is Pawn. He’s in as much of a foul mood as I am, so when he sits next to me, I welcome the same feeling of hatred radiating from him. Our silence is a pact between us. I’m drowning slowly under the pressure of each task. If I fail, then all my family could die. I look around the room and the stress pools around me, pulling me under its strong current. I fear that I’ll make a mistake. There is no room for those thoughts or doubts. I force them away and anger grows in their place. I can be angry—no one will see that as a weakness.

  The mean bastard Pawn has turned into reflects how I feel about the rest of the world, a scandal away from being trapped by some bitch. I run my hands through my hair when the memory stirs, the comforting touch and smirk on Jazzy’s beautiful face capturing me. I can’t go there. She can’t be another complication. As much as I want her to be, I’m juggling too much as it is. No one knows about us and I need to keep it that way. With the way things are going, I may be alone for the rest of my life. If this is the burden that I must carry, then I need to come to terms with it. Would that be so bad?

  As Pawn sits next to me, it hits me like a sack of bricks how similar he and I are, wanting women that we can’t have. Feather is knocked up with his kid and Tami ran into Solo’s arms. Can’t say I blame her. The worst part is, we’re in the middle of a trial, fighting to keep Pawn out of prison. The club has searched for proof that he was set up on false charges, but it’s not looking good. Pawn reminds me of my brother, and I can’t give up on him. That was clear when I picked him at the strip club and beat him senseless with frustration. I wasn’t going to leave him to his own devices. Until he decides to fight for himself, I was going to fight for him, like I should have my brother. I failed once, and that’s not an option anymore.

  Since we moved up here to Reno, it has been a battle, a fight after every small victory, and it’s still not enough. Forcing me to question, is Kilo better for Jazzy than I am, and I’m too stupid to see it? Like Pawn is too stupid to see that he never stood a chance with Tami. Love is a fool’s game that neither one of us knows how to play. But here we both sat at the same bar and asked for those cards to be dealt. Fuck me. My hand squeezes the short glass before I toss back the rest. The burn is a welcome reaction to numb the guilt. Can I keep everyone safe and have a real chance with Jazz? Do I even want it? If things were different I would at least have the time to find out.

  I egged Pawn on to go get Tami at one point. I guess that was when I had my first taste from the victory of having Jazzy. I was falling under her spell and I took Pawn down with me. Would he have gone for it had I not told him to? Did I drag him down to the depths of Hell with me? Each man is his own, but I can’t tell my head any different. There isn’t enough room to pile more on my shoulders than there already has been. But I do it anyway.

  Each thought takes me down a spiral of no return. There is no light and that’s where I want to be. Alone. Any more and I could lose the balancing act I’m juggling. All the balls are in the air. One mistake and our world could be wiped out. The club, gone. I know more about Kat and her background and affiliation with the Cartel. The brothers walk around not realizing the real threat that lurks in the dark. It’s not their job to know, though. Only Kat, Blade, and I wake up every morning knowing the risks. We all could die.

  Pouring another drink, I tell myself it’s the last. Just one more so I can sleep. Guests stroll through the front doors. My breath catches at the sight of thick, dark hair. A sister club came to check in with Blade, and with them they brought a handful of fresh bitches. When the brunette turns, it isn’t the face I was wishing for. I thought it was Jazzy, but this girl is not her. My gut drops and I’m angry with myself for my foolish desires.

  “Need a hit?” Pawn asks and hands me a lit joint. He knows I’m struggling just like I can see the same in him. Forgetting about the newcomers, I accept it and take a long drag. After a few more hits between us, the effects are more than I want. Instead of relaxing, I daydream of Jazzy
, seeing her face in the stranger who came in just seconds ago. Pawn starts with a deep chuckle that turns into full blown laughter. “I laced it,” the motherfucker confesses to me.

  My mind feels too delayed for me to capture the words. “Acid? You’re a fucking dick.”

  Pawn takes the last drag, not giving a single fuck. I get it. The drug takes your mind to places that are not your reality. Maybe that’s exactly where he wants to be, picturing the face of the person who is not here. I don’t ever smoke the shit, but today I trusted my brother. Even in this state, I’m not mad at him. He’s drowning just like me. We are twin souls.

  Sitting back, I wait for the effects to wear off. The longer I sit, the more her face is in front of me. Jazz, mi sucia. I blink but then it’s the face of the woman who came in moments ago. My head drifts off to the voicemail left accidentally for me. Did she even know that she sent it? My skin caught fire and I saw red when I heard the words of her making up with her man. She used me to play him right to where she wanted. I hate her for it. That’s not true. I didn’t see it and got sidetracked by it.

  An evil idea comes to mind. I want to stop this train wreck. In fact, my gut is screaming at me to go to my room alone. Slowly, I stalk the brunette at the other end of the bar. She’s alone and I watch to make sure that no one has claimed her. It’s only my good luck when I find she’s watching me too. “Are you looking for a man for the night?” High or not, I cut to the chase.

  “With you?” She raises a brow. “Not even a question.”

  Nodding to my left, I stand and she saunters closer to me. Our body heat mingles and it’s the gasoline thrown on the fire, the beginning of the end. I will end it all in a blaze. Jazzy will get out of my mind and life for good. I fling an arm over her shoulders, direct us to my room, and shut the door behind us.

  “Get naked,” I order and drop my arm from around her. Her face morphs into a giddy smile and she makes a show of stripping her clothes off. I turn off my mind to what’s in front of me but concentrate on the why—revenge. That makes my dick hard as steel. I will drive home to Jazz that I knew I was the man she used to play her little game. No one fucks me over and gets away with it. No one. Jazzy might have started this game, but I’m finishing it.

  Shrugging off my cut, then my shirt, I mentally prepare myself for what I’m about to do. The lust is a match that will ignite the end. I do it, even though deep inside I’m being ripped apart. I want things to be different with Jazz, but seeing no other option, I’m resigned that this is for the best.

  The pain slices through my heart and I bark out to her, “Bend over on the bed, ass up.” She does as she’s told and situates herself for me. I let revenge and anger enhance the power that unleashed the animal I need to be, the predator that survives. Taking my phone in my left hand, my right hand runs through her drenched folds. “You’re a dirty little slut. You came here to get fucked, didn’t you?” I ask, but she can’t answer because I pinch her clit with my fingers, shocking her into silence. “I want to hear every sound. Every pleasure, I get to hear it.”

  “Yesss,” she hisses back.

  “Good girl.” I take my time stoking the fire. With each stroke of my fingers, she gets closer to finishing. The first little twinge of her muscles, I slow down and tap my screen, picking up the pace of my fingers in her cunt. This is it. The end is here.

  The slut’s moans increase louder. “That’s it, baby, let me hear you,” I grit through my teeth. My cock might be rising to the occasion but vomit clenches in my gut. Even this bitch’s smell is off. No amount of alcohol and drugs can mask it.

  Quickly, I roll a condom over my dick, hit ‘call’ on my phone, and then pound into the bitch from behind like the grand finale is about to go off. I guess it is. An evil laugh erupts when I hear a faint, “Hello, Spider.” Jazzy’s voice ignited my ambition to thrust deeper.

  “Fuck me, don’t stop! I’m so close, baby!” The woman hollers out her ecstasy.

  Each thrust, I picture Jazzy’s tortured face on the other line. The combination of her hot cunt around my dick, the moans, and the feeling of revenge sends us both over the edge. I come and roar in victory in sync with the little slut.

  “Mmmm,” I moan loud and long. “Fuck, yes.” I slow my rhythm, savoring my dirty deeds and hang up the call. Pulling out, I pop her on the ass. “Time to go. Get out.” She gives me a confused look, but what did she expect? Kicking off my boots and pants, I walk into my bathroom, slamming the door shut, locking it, and starting the shower.

  Truth is, I want to scream, to destroy everything around me so it will match my emotions. I just mutilated my heart and soul, obliterating anything that was there. No one will ever see what I just did and how much it killed me to do it. I’m a man who calculates every measure in order to never lose control. But at this moment, there is an unforgettable bomb of chaos that went off inside me and a part of me will never be the same.

  Jazzy

  I barely drag myself into bed after working twelve hours and finishing all my laundry. Unfortunately, a hot shower isn’t enough to relax me so I can finally make the call I’ve been avoiding. Spider’s name flashes on the screen and I’m equally surprised and happy to see it after everything. This has to be a good sign, like he’s reading my mind. I thought in that instant that we could arrange a good time to meet. That is until I heard what he was calling for.

  My finger slides across the screen and my happiness could be heard in my greeting. “Hello, Spider. I’m so glad—” The background noise halts me and my mouth hangs open, stunned. It takes me a moment to realize that he had dialed me by mistake. My hand flies to cover my mouth when the sounds of him fucking another woman assault my ears and my reality. My heart betrayed, and for what? Did I even know him? My eyes dart around the room, and as soon as my chest releases the breath I was holding, I start to hyperventilate. Each inhale feels like a sharp dagger digging into my chest. Dropping my hand to my lap, I’m a captive in this web he’s weaving.

  Pieces of me believed that we were going to be together. Deep down, in that part of my soul Spider already claimed, I still had hope. He would care for me like my dad did my mom, and we would be happy. Listening to my heart for the first time, I took a chance and jumped off the cliff, hoping that my mom was right. I’m more scared of his rejection than to have the baby. Mom said she could see the love I had for him. Surely, she could see it in me because my mom lived it and knew what it looked like. Doesn’t every little girl want what their moms had? I know I did. Foolish dreams I worked myself up to. I imagined what we had was a good start to something. For the first time, I would have given up everything I started building for him, for us. First, I was going to tell him about the baby.

  I can hear the sickening sound of their skin colliding as I envision their bodies covered in sweat and their eyes filled with pure lust. She moans and vocally begs him to keep going while calling him ‘baby’. Why I don’t hang up, I couldn’t even answer. Deceitfully, Spider ensnared me in his web on purpose, that much is obvious, that calculating fucker. My heart collapses and then shatters as each moment passes. As he grunts his release, the phone goes dead. Spider hung up knowing I heard everything. He isn’t different from any other man I know. Men only want what they can get and always leave you in the end. I’m convinced I’ll always be cursed in love. Selflessly, I love with my whole heart, and look where that’s gotten me. Not everyone is meant to be loved, and I’m the obvious example. The Fates must have a sick sense of humor and must have decided love is not in the cards for me. Betrayed and used first by Kilo, and then the vicious cycle continued with Spider, my baby’s father.

  Tears threaten to fall. My hand grips the phone with as much strength as I can summon to channel my anger, wishing I could crush it like he just did my heart. Crushed, like I’m nothing. For the first time in my life, I don’t know who I can reach out to, to share my humiliation with. I scolded myself. Except for my mom, none of the girls know that Spider and I even hooked up a few times. W
ith the deceit Spider exposed, I’m becoming more cynical. Everything is becoming clearer—just because he’s a brother doesn’t mean he has the same values as my family. Obviously, loyalty, trust, and honesty were never bred into him, never mind love. With those values, it's black and white, never any shades of gray. Either you have them or you don’t. Do I want a guy like him around my baby? With what he did today, I can’t imagine allowing him anywhere near me let alone with my child. Whatever brought this on or the reasoning, lesson learned. Actions will always have consequences and you reap what you sow. Little does Spider know, his actions sealed our fate and my decision is now clear.

  Spider is history.

  Fuck him. I stand on my feet, not willing to be a victim and let him run over me. Does it hurt? Hell, yes, it does. It’s not in me to be his bitch and cry for him. I didn’t do that with Kilo, I sure as hell ain’t doing it for Spider. He wanted me gone, it’s done. I’ll never go back for seconds or chase a man.

  I’m tempted to drive up there and get my revenge, take my bat out of my trunk and beat the shit out of his bike. He wanted to play with me? I could show him a thing or two what this could look like. I know for a fact the girls would help cover me, but I don’t want them mixed up in a war between the two of us. This one is on me, a lesson learned. Men are not in my cards for the future. It’s me and my little peanut against the world. I can do it, like my mom did.

  It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t sting, because it sure as hell does. I wipe away a few tears before straightening my spine and clearing my head. If I’m called to Reno, things will be different. I’ll protect myself but more so my baby. Swiping the keys to my car off the dresser, I need to get out of this room I’m feeling suffocated in. Instead, I use all the anguish coursing through my body to throw my keys across the room. I can’t leave, and that makes me so furious. If I leave, I could lose my self-control and end up at his doorstep. I want to bring him to his knees like he has done to me. More than that, I want to be better, and this could ruin me. I can’t waste time over more broken moments. I won’t question my choices tomorrow. I refuse to play this game. This asshole can go fuck whoever he wants while I care for his child, spineless coward that he is. Tonight, I’m finding my bed and wiping this day away along with the memories of Spider.