by Lily Morton
Ed spins around holding his hand to his muscled chest. “Oh baby you made me jump. I swear we should attach a bell to you. You move so quietly, like a big tawny cat.”
Matt rolls his eyes. “Or a six foot man moving normally and a model who needs to listen.” I smile and his eyes meet mine in perfect accord, but then his expression clouds with worry as he must see something in my face that bothers him. “I say again Ed what’s going on in here?”
“Just chatter,” I say smoothly as Ed flounders slightly. “And chatter that probably should stop as I have a deadline to finish this book and it won’t write itself.”
Matt gives me a very intent look and then nods, grabbing Ed by the elbow. “Leave Johnny alone Ed. I’ve told you that he’s busy.”
He shuts the door behind him and I slump in my chair letting out a slow breath only now aware of how tightly I was holding myself.
Dinner that night is excruciatingly painful. Odell has outdone herself with Moules Marinieres and homemade bread and a custard tart for dessert, but all three of us pick at our food hardly touching it. Unfortunately the same can’t be said for the alcohol as we’ve gone through four bottles of wine already.
Ed’s face is flushed and his eyes glittery while he elaborates on how the possession of a new car might improve his sad life. Matt hardly makes any pretence of listening, instead staring into space, his face distracted and pensive. I’m still smarting over the conversation in the study to the extent that I can’t look Matt in the face, a fact that I know he’s noticed as for the first half hour he shot me increasingly worried looks.
Finally Ed gives up and shoves his plate away with a petulant huff. “Fucking hell it’s boring here,” he gripes. “I don’t know how you’ve stood it here this long Matt. You must have been dying of boredom.”
Matt’s head shoots up. “Don’t be so fucking rude,” he chides, his voice harsh. Then his expression softens and he looks at me affectionately. “It’s actually been the best couple of months that I’ve ever had,” he says softly, and I raise my glass mockingly.
“Yes, a few weeks of being covered in every dirt known to man, a very bad injury and an allergic reaction to medication. I should really market this place out.”
Matt throws his head back laughing and then his face softens. “Don’t forget Saint Honorat.”
I smile but Ed lets out a rude snort. “Whatever!” Then his head comes up, excitement on his face. “I’ve just had a good idea.”
“Not a statement that you’ve ever made before I expect,” I say pleasantly, and he glares before returning to his idea.
“Let’s go out.”
“Go out where?” Matt asks warily.
“Into Cannes,” he says excitedly. “There’s a fantastic gay club there. I’ve been a few times when I’ve been on modelling shoots.” He grabs Matt’s hand, caressing it slowly. “Come on Matt,” he pleads. “You used to be such a live wire. I can’t stand to see the way that you are now.”
Matt smiles and removes his hand. “And how’s that?”
“Oh all boring. I thought that we’d be in Cannes or St Tropez every night when we made up, but we haven’t gone out once. I brought so many good clubbing clothes with me because I miss the way that we were out every night. Do you remember Ibiza? I had to have a week off work when we got back, just to recover.” He caresses Matt’s hair. “Come on baby take me out.”
Matt shoots an imploring look at me. “Ed we’re guests of Johnny and I’m not going out and leaving him here, and besides I think a gay club is about the last place that he’d want to go.”
I stare hard at Ed’s hand in Matt’s hair, stroking through it and probably feeling the silkiness of the strands the way that I had when I’d stoked his hair on the beach. Suddenly I feel a wave of possessive anger go through me as he smirks at me, obviously thinking that I won’t go. “You know what,” I drawl. “It sounds good, let’s do it.”
Ed looks astonished and pissed off which is not a good look on him, but Matt just stares at me and then something passes over his face, a look of first astonishment and then an almost feral anticipation that makes my pulse speed up and my dick stir. For a second our gazes meet and hold and the silence thickens. He licks his lips and my heart jumps - it fucking jumps. Still holding my gaze almost challengingly he gives a sensual smile that twists his lips. “Okay Johnny you’re on. Let’s see what the night brings.”
Chapter 8
Song: ‘Angel’ by Massive Attack
John
Half an hour later after getting changed I come down the stairs to find Matt waiting in the foyer. He’s changed too. He’s pulled his golden hair back in a low bun and looks exceptionally good in black skinny jeans and a black v neck t-shirt that hangs low showing off his tanned chest. I look at him worriedly. “Do I look okay?” I whisper, not wanting Ed to hear and take the piss.
He looks me up and down slowly, his eyes darkening. It’s the first time that he’s ever done it and although I’m wearing dark jeans, a navy button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up and navy Vans I still feel naked.
“You look -” He stops and clears his throat. “You look amazing.”
I tug on my shirt nervously. “I don’t want to stand out. I’ve never been to a gay club before.”
He smiles. “Well I’m disappointed that you didn’t pack your pink leather chaps, but I’m sure the gay people of Cannes will get over their devastation.”
I shove him playfully. “Oh fuck off!”
His smile slides off his face and he looks serious. “I get the feeling that you were goaded into this so if you want to back out I’ll make your excuses.”
I feel suddenly let down. “I’m going to be in your way aren’t I? I won’t come.”
“Stop,” he says, grabbing my arm and pulling me closer. I swallow hard as he talks in a low intimate tone. “I want you to come. There’s nobody else that I would rather go with but I need to know that you want to go, as opposed to having some sort of pissing competition with Ed.”
“I would very much win that,” I confide. “I think the only thing that he can beat me on are the salaries of the supermodels. I’m afraid that my knowledge of useless facts is a little limited.”
He looks at me almost fondly. “Johnny, you never fail to surprise me.”
“In what way?”
He shrugs. “It’s been a funny few months but you don’t approach anything the way that other people do.” He pauses, shooting me a sharp look. “What did Ed say to you in your study this afternoon? I know that I walked into something and you’ve seemed bothered all evening.”
I shake my head. “He can’t bother me.”
“Johnny,” he says in a gentle voice. “You are the cleverest man that I know and very worldly, but you are also straightforward, direct and honest and expect other people to be the same. Someone like Ed isn’t any of those things and he has a horrible way of identifying people’s weaknesses and digging the knife in. Now what did he say?”
I shrug, affecting disinterest. “About how much you hated me. Nothing that I didn’t know already but very detailed.”
He curses, shoving his hand through his hair and upsetting the bun so that strands fall around his face. “Bastard! What a fucking bastard! Well he’s gone tomorrow. I didn’t want to throw him out and upset you, but he’s fucking gone.”
“How the hell would him going upset me?”
“Well you issued the invitation to him and I didn’t want to usurp you in your own home. Plus, I’m not going to be pleasant and embarrassingly I didn’t want you to see me when I get nasty.”
“Really?” I ask in disbelief. “You’re going to be horrible to that gold digger? How did you not think that I would want to reserve front row seats?” He stares at me and I nod firmly. “I might even invest in one of those foam pointy finger things and wave it in the air and I’ll definitely eat popcorn.”
“Really?”
“Okay you’ve got me, I hate popcorn.”
“How can you hate popcorn?” he asks wonderingly.
“It’s flavoured, airy cardboard.”
“It is not.” He stops and shakes his head at the turn of conversation. “Why are you pleased that he’s going?” he asks, coming closer. His voice has gone deep suddenly and the air seems to thicken around me.
I swallow hard and he watches my Adam’s apple rise and fall, a hungry look on his face. “I don’t think that you should get back together with him.”
“Don’t think or don’t want me to get back together with him?” The question has an abrupt edge to it as if it’s been on the edge of his tongue for a while.
I stare at him feeling unnerved. If I say this I am stepping out onto a bridge with no chance of going backward but equally no knowledge of what lies ahead, but the words come out anyway. “I don’t want you to get back together with him.”
“Why?”
He stares at me uncompromisingly, all pretence of lightness gone now. I pause and then open my mouth but shut it again as a door slams upstairs and we hear Ed making his way down the hall.
He grabs my arm and hauls me close, speaking quickly and intensely. “No playing around now. We will revisit this conversation but I want you to listen to me now. I may have disliked you on first sight John but I didn’t know you. Anything that Ed said can be taken with a pinch of salt and with the knowledge that this was everything to do with me and not you. You did nothing wrong at all. You are a fine man who makes my life better for being in it, and that just makes me an idiot for not recognising it at first. But I’m glad that I came here and got to know you, because knowing you has been the most unexpected and confusing pleasure of my life.”
I swallow hard unable to say anything and he looks me in the face checking that I’ve understood him so I nod. Appearing content he drops my arm and turns just in time to see Ed coming down the stairs. He looks good in a red polo shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the tops of his arms, skinny jeans that look like they might cut his circulation off and his hair swept up in a quiff, but as normal there’s a petulant expression on his face. “Matty I broke the strap on my watch. Can I borrow yours?”
Matt looks down at his Breitling Skyracer watch reluctantly. “Will I get it back?”
Ed looks sharply at him. “For fuck’s sake when have I ever not returned something that I borrowed from you?” Matt looks as if he wants to list a few times but Ed continues. “I just want to borrow a watch for Christ’s sake.”
Matt looks hesitant and I push away from the wall. “I’ve got a spare. You can borrow that.” I head upstairs and retrieve the watch before walking back downstairs to find them in the middle of what looks like a very intense conversation. Ed is puce in the face with rage but Matt just looks bored and edgy.
“Here,” I say quickly and Matt exclaims at the watch.
“Jesus that’s a Tag Heuer, John. You shouldn’t lend that out.”
“It’s nothing,” I shrug. “I’d rather loan that than the one you’re wearing. Bram bought it for you didn’t he?”
He nods gratefully and Ed huffs. “Oh Bram then. Well we must all bow down if he bought it. I’m just surprised that it’s not in a fucking display case.”
I shake my head in disgust. “That’s his best friend. What sort of person would he be if he didn’t value something that someone went to the trouble of buying and engraving for him?” The watch has the S.E. Hinton quote engraved on it, ‘If you have one good friend, you’re more than lucky’. Bram has its twin with the same engraving and I know that Matt treasures it. He gives me a grateful look and I shake my head at his obvious worry. “It doesn’t matter, don’t worry about it.”
Ed looks at me, his face still flushed from the alcohol that he drank earlier and a dangerous glint in his eyes. “It must be nice to have such a very good friend like John, Matty. One who knows you so well. But does he know that you like having a dildo inserted when you’re having a blow job, or that you liked licking your come off me when you’d blown your load?”
Matt groans but I laugh. “And that’s the sum of your knowledge of him after a year is it? I’ll make a note of those observations but it’ll be a small note, maybe a post it.”
Ed swells up and opens his mouth but Matt forestalls him. “The taxi’s here,” he says curtly. “Shut up for God’s sake.”
Ed storms out slamming the front door hard and Matt sighs. “Remember the foam finger,” I say softly, and he drags one hand down his face.
“Don’t give it to me for God’s sake or I might end up inserting it somewhere.”
“I think that sounds like something you might enjoy more after that little revelation.”
“Oh fuck off,” he laughs, pushing me out of the door.
We pull up outside the club which already has a long line of people waiting outside, but Ed waltzes past them to talk to the bouncer on the door who promptly smiles and lifts the red rope by the door to let us through.
Ed gives me a triumphant look. “Perks of the modelling jobs,” he says smugly. “I’m not sure what use a lawyer is here.”
I stare at him seriously. “I’m sure that when my job requires me to get people into night clubs I’ll have to adapt, but for now I’ll try and restrain my natural jealousy.”
Matt snorts but when Ed gives him an indignant look his face softens. “I’m glad that your job’s going well. I always knew that you’d make a good model,” he says kindly.
Ed looks at him beadily. “I’m sure it seems exotic to you Matt. I mean you’re a bag carrier for Bram, not a star in your own right.”
Matt rolls his eyes. “I’m wounded,” he says, patently lying.
“You see that was the real problem,” Ed retorts. “You never had any real ambition. I mean your company does well, but if you’d just used your connections you could really have been something.”
“I didn’t want to use my connections,” Matt says wearily, and it’s obvious that this is a well-worn argument. “Because those connections are my friends and family.”
“Oh please, they’d dump you in a heartbeat if you stopped being useful. I told you that often enough.”
“That’s enough,” I say sharply. “He’s done exceptionally well for himself. The business is very successful, and those connections that you’re on about would do anything for him. Can you say the same?” I look at him in disgust.
“Can we not do this here?” Matt says loudly and gestures to the double doors where the thump of a heavy beat can be heard.
Ed stalks past us opening the doors and letting out a wave of sound, and Matt seemingly shakes off his mood and catches my arm. “Ready to go through the wardrobe babe?”
“Is that a euphemism for coming out of the closet?”
He snorts. “No, it’s a reference to Narnia.”
I smirk. “I know, although if we were being realistic and you were Mr Tumnus in this scenario then you shouldn’t be wearing anything on your bottom half.” He laughs loudly and then I frown. “Equally that would make me a schoolgirl called Lucy.”
“Disturbing but not as disturbing as the story looks to an adult.” He shakes his head mockingly and puts out his hand. “Come on Lucy. You’re going to go with a half-naked, trouser less stranger to his home where he will give you food and drink and then play you a tune on his fiddle.”
I put my hands over my ears. “Oh my God stop ruining that book for me.” We both start laughing uncontrollably while Ed holds the door open, tapping his feet.
“Come on before Mona Lisa over there self-combusts,” he says and draws me through the door.
I look around curiously. I don’t know what I expected, maybe just another nightclub, but there’s definitely a different atmosphere to this one. It actually looks a little shabby and it’s either been a while since they decorated or they’ve gone for retro 1980’s. However, the atmosphere is frantic and lively with the dancefloor packed with same sex couples who are grinding against each other, and as I look around I see a lot of people who are in t
he advanced stages of foreplay. It makes my blood thrum through my body as if anything is possible here.
Matt pushes me towards the bar lit up by neon pink and green lights. “What do you want to drink?” he shouts in my ear and I lean into him.
“Beer please.”
He nods and while he’s turned away I look around for Ed who seems to have disappeared and then I see him grinding away on the dance floor with a young dark haired man. I nudge Matt and point and he shrugs dismissively before handing me a beer. I clutch it, hastily averting my eyes from a couple of men next to us who appear to be trying to eat each other’s faces.
Matt laughs and glances around. “Is it what you thought?” he asks, leaning sideways to talk into my ear and sending a shiver down my spine. His eyes darken and he puts his hand on my back and draws me nearer to him so that I can smell the warm citrus smell of his Miller Harris aftershave. It makes me dizzy so that my thoughts spin and whir before I remember what he asked me.
“It’s got a good atmosphere.” I shrug. “I like the music.”
For a second it’s like he doesn’t hear me, his attention seemingly centred on the slow movement of his hand on my back, and then he jerks and looks up and I swallow at how dark his eyes have gone. Then he smiles in what looks like wonder. “You’re amazing do you know that?”
“Why?”
“Because you take everything as it is. You don’t demand that it be something else and you don’t freak out. You look at it every which way and then just shrug and get on with it.”
“Is that what you see when you look at me?” I lean closer to talk and he shivers when my breath blows on his ear. He turns his head slowly.
“I see a lot when I look at you,” he says slowly. I swallow hard feeling my blood pulse round my body as if it’s a new feeling, but before I can ask what he means we’re jostled by the snogging couple who have lost their balance after moving onto almost obscene groping.
Matt laughs and accepts their apologies and holds his hand out to me. “Come and dance Johnny.”
