by Lily Morton
Riton’s ‘Rinse & Repeat’ has just started playing and the heavy beat sounds through my body. “I’m sure that you think you’re setting me a challenge,” I say darkly. “Like I’m some starchy lawyer who needs help to let his hair down. I can dance you know. I used to love clubbing but work got in the way.”
He smiles at me. “Johnny I have learnt never to come at you with preconceived notions of how you’ll react because I’d be wrong every time.”
“That’s good though?” I shout. “That’s good, right?” but he shakes his head and draws me into the centre of the dancefloor where people are writhing and moving to the beat. When he finds his spot we immediately start to move, and I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t enjoy the look of surprise on his face when I let my body move sinuously.
“Fucking hell Johnny,” he shouts.
I laugh. “Told you I could dance,” I shout back.
He laughs and we dance for ages, stopping only to get shots which we down hastily before throwing ourselves back on the dancefloor.
It happens quickly. One minute I’m laughing at some move that he’s pulled which is cheesy to the extreme, and then I feel the warmth of another body against me and a hand pulls me back into a long muscled body and what feels like a very hard cock.
I jerk away and Matt’s humorous expression changes in an instant and he moves forward and shoves the bloke back. The stranger is very good looking in an arrogant fashion and holds his hands up in a gesture of apology, but Matt isn’t appeased. “Fuck off,” he mouths, and I grab his arm.
“Matty it’s fine,” I soothe. “No harm done. Come on let’s dance.”
Still glaring back at the offender he lifts his hand and in a very deliberate gesture he wraps his hand around the base of my skull, caressing my hair and pulling me to him until we’re resting our heads together. “No fucking way,” he growls. “He’s not fucking touching you.”
I raise my hands curling them round his and meet his eyes, the pulse of the music echoing in every centimetre of my body. I thought that I would hesitate when I finally made my decision, but the most remarkable thing is how naturally my next words come out. “He won’t,” I say baldly. “Only you can do that.”
He shudders and closes his eyes for a second but when they open again he stares at me and something that feels very much like a promise is exchanged. When he moves back his eyes are clear again but there’s a heat there that I’ve not seen before, and I can’t help but feel the excitement run through me and a feeling of recklessness that I was never allowed to have as a child.
Nothing more is said with words but our bodies tell a different story because now he’s dancing very close to me and touching me all the time. They’re innocent touches at first like a lingering touch to my arm to show me something on the dancefloor, his hands carding through my hair or him grabbing my shoulders and pulling me towards him when he wants to tell me something.
However, when the slow, dirty beat of ‘Angel’ by Massive Attack comes on and slows everything down the situation changes and he lifts his hands deliberately, fastening them on my hips and drawing me to him until one leg is between mine. Our hips meet and then we start to grind together.
I shudder wildly and his hands move tightly on my hipbones like he’s thinking of doing more but is restraining himself, and I realise that he’s holding back because this is new to me and he doesn’t want to freak me out.
This angers me and I haul him closer. “Don’t do that,” I growl. “Treat me like you would another man Matty. I don’t need special circumstances. I might be new to this but I’m not some Victorian maiden that needs treating with kid gloves.”
His head jerks back and he pulls me to him with his hand on the back of my neck long fingers spread wide, but before anything can happen I’m shoved sharply from the back. I whirl around my fist clenched but then groan when I see Ed, his face flushed and eyes sparkling with anger.
“I knew it,” he shouts. “I fucking knew it.”
“Not here,” Matt says wearily, and grabbing him by the arm he pushes him off the dancefloor, looking back to me and gesturing for me to follow. I consider not doing that because I fucking hate scenes, but I hate the idea of him doing this on his own more so I follow him off the dancefloor.
As I near the edge a man appears who is tall and good looking with dark red hair. He grabs my arm lightly. “Are you with anyone?”
I gesture to Matt. “Yes him, why?” I say automatically, no thought to another answer.
“Shame,” he says looking me up and down. Jesus it’s a bit like being a cow at a fucking cattle market in here. He leans nearer. “If the evening goes wrong come and find me.”
I look at him properly for the first time and analyse my feelings. If I’m gay now or bisexual then surely I should have some reaction to him because he’s movie star gorgeous. But I have no reaction at all, whereas I only have to look at Matt to have so many feelings rush through me that I sometimes feel that I can’t contain them. I shelve that thought for later perusal and smile politely at him. “Thanks for the offer but I think I’m good.”
He laughs. “I have a feeling that you’re really not, but his gain is my loss.” I hear a shout of ‘John’ and looking up I see Matt glaring at the man and I. The man promptly smiles and melts away back onto the dancefloor and I re-join Matt who is still holding onto Ed in a loose grip. I follow him until he guides us to one of the booths that line the dance floor where he gives the attendant some money and she promptly unlocks the door.
As the door shuts I breathe a sigh of relief as the noise level lowers a little bit, but not for long. “Who was that?” he growls, and I look at him in amazement. I have never seen him angry in all the time that I’ve known him, and as I’ve always ended up watching him at whatever event we were at I can say that conclusively. I didn’t even see him angry when Ed kissed another bloke at a party. Now however he’s fizzing with it.
“What is the matter with you?” I ask.
He reins in his anger with seeming difficulty. “Nothing. I just don’t like seeing some man with his fucking hands on you.”
“He was just talking,” I soothe, but Ed steps forward poking Matt in the chest. My fists curl but I take a deep breath and step back letting Matt handle this.
“You never once behaved like this with me,” Ed shouts, enraged.
Matt sighs, his anger dialled down almost immediately. “I’m sorry,” he says thickly.
“What for?”
“I’m sorry that we wasted our time together. I’m sorry -” He pauses.
“No, tell me Matty what are you sorry for?” Ed asks dangerously.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t love you,” he says in a low voice. He looks up. “You’re worth more than an emotionally unavailable partner.”
“So you didn’t love me and that’s why you never got jealous?” Matt shakes his head sadly and Ed’s eyes fire with rage to the extent that I move closer. “Does that mean that you love him now?”
He points at me dismissively and Matt’s head shoots up. He looks at me and something passes over his face too quickly to work out what it is, but Ed laughs and Matt turns back to him. “What?” he asks hoarsely and something seems to have knocked him off balance.
“I should have known, that’s all. You’re always after the challenge Matty, and I know how much you like converting the straight ones.”
“What? No.” Matt looks poleaxed and shoots me a desperate look as I step back involuntarily. “Johnny that’s not true, listen to me.”
“You should worry Johnny,” Ed sneers, putting a horrible emphasis on my name. “You don’t mean anything to him so don’t get serious because all you straight boys are just a stand in for the original one.” Matt gasps looking winded and Ed smiles coldly. “Oh, are we still not mentioning that? Does Johnny not know about Ben?”
“I do know about him,” I say sharply and surprise flickers over his face before he sneers.
“Oh I’m sure that you kno
w some of the story John, but maybe not all. Did Matty mention that Ben was straight before him? That it was letting Matt fuck him that sent him over the edge, that -”
“That is fucking enough,” I say icily, moving in front of Matt who is pale and shaking. “You shut your fucking mouth. Matt is not responsible for that.”
“Oh really and you’d know that how? How on earth would you know how he felt?”
“I do know,” I shout, my temper snapping like a piece of worn elastic. “Of course I fucking know. I was straight before I met him, and if Ben felt anything like I’m feeling now then I’d fucking bet my house that he was happier and more alive than he had ever fucking felt before.”
Silence falls like a thunderclap and for a minute the only noise is all of our elevated breaths and the thump of the music, and then Matt says ‘Johnny’ in a broken voice and I turn instantly to him wanting to protect him, to soothe him, only to jostle forward as Ed pushes me.
Matt shouts out but I turn on Ed and with a hand around his throat I push him against the wall. “You only get one chance at that,” I growl. “If you fucking touch me again I will hurt you, do you understand me?”
I let go abruptly and he falls back against the wall. He looks up at me. “That’s so touching Johnny how you stick up for him, but watch your step. He goes for the dark haired boys and you’re the spitting image of Ben.”
Matt pushes between us as I can’t help but flinch. His face is pale but all his spark is back. “He’s about as similar to Ben as you are to Donald Trump you fucking cretin. The only similarity between the two of them is hair colour and the fact that they both have dicks. You know nothing because on his worst days Ben was never a fucking bitch like you. Now fuck off and get away from me and make sure that you never come near me again because any goodwill I had towards you is gone now. It vanished when you decided to try and eviscerate him.” He points at me and then leans forward and shouts, “Now fuck off.”
“What the fuck Matt? Where should I go?” Ed shouts in obvious amazement but Matt is already turning back to me, his expression stony.
“I’ll send your stuff on, so either check into a hotel or fuck off home,” he throws over his shoulder and then shrugs. “Either way I don’t care anymore.”
Ed glares at the two of us and then shoves off the wall and out of the booth. He slams the door closed behind him with a heavy thump and silence descends between us.
Matt turns to me hesitantly, a look of dread on his face. “Johnny,” he says hoarsely. “Please don’t listen to him.”
I stare at him at the messy hair and beautiful face with the tired, warm eyes, and I realise that nobody has ever felt more to me. Suddenly all my doubts and hesitations and worries over such a drastic change in my life fall to ashes, and before I can even think anymore I pull him to me and seal my lips to his, tasting spearmint and the faint tang of beer.
For a second he stands stock still as if stunned and then a groan rumbles up in his chest and he grabs my shoulders hard and pushes me back against the wall, crowding in against me so that we’re standing chest to chest sharing our panted breaths. The grinding beat of the Massive Attack track echoes in the room seeming to reverberate through my body.
“Be sure Johnny,” he rumbles. “Be very sure.”
However, instead of speaking I just grab his head and pull his lips back to mine, and then there is no more thought, just a hot red darkness around us. He kisses me, opening my mouth and forcing his tongue in to tangle with mine, and even if I wanted to I couldn’t have pretended that there is anything but a man kissing me now.
I feel his stubble against my cheeks and the warm softness of his lips. I feel the weight of him against me which is so much more than the light, fragile feeling of a woman. I feel the height of him and the width of those broad shoulders under my hands and I’m so fucking turned on that all I can do is moan harshly and press against him, deepening the kiss and tangling my hands in his silky hair, keeping his face against mine, his lips locked to mine.
“Johnny,” he gasps, tearing away. “Oh God Johnny I want you so fucking much,” and he finally allows his hips to sink against mine, and for the first time in my life I feel another man’s cock hard against my own. The feeling is indescribable, all heat and pressure and hardness rather than the softness and yielding of a woman’s body.
I groan out something unintelligible and throw my head back moaning as he licks down my throat. He fastens his lips around my Adam’s apple and sucks gently wringing more desperate sounds from me, and all the time his hips writhe sinuously against me and the feel of his hard cock sends sparks down my spine.
“Matt,” I moan, fumbling to pull off his t-shirt wanting only to feel his silky skin against mine. “I need. Fuck I need.”
“I know baby,” he pants, his lips partly open as he draws in desperate gulps of air. “I know. Let me take care of you.” He looks around the booth. “Shit I didn’t want this to happen somewhere like this for your first time. Let’s go home.”
“No.” It’s a desperate groan and I pull him by the t-shirt, my hand going underneath and feeling the hard silk of his ribs. “Don’t you fucking stop. God Matty, I fucking hurt.”
I try to grind against him and he pants, his eyes dazed and unfocused. I grab his arse and cry out in pleasure as his cock is back against me where I need it most, giving me sublime pleasure to the extent that I can feel pre come painting my boxers.
Suddenly there’s a gap and air between us and I slit open my eyes and make an inarticulate protest. “No babe,” he whispers. “Trust me, I’m going to look after you. Do you trust me?” I nod weakly and roll my head back against the wall as his nimble fingers pull down my zip and reach into my boxers to pull out my cock.
We stare down at his large calloused hand on my dick and nothing has ever looked so hot. “Look at me,” he pants, and I manage to force my eyes open. “Fuck Johnny, you’re the hottest thing that I’ve ever seen. Do you want this?”
“Matt,” I groan. “I want it all. Don’t hold back.”
He moans, closing his eyes for a second and while he’s distracted I reach for the buttons on his fly. “Wait,” he moans and I push him slightly, making him look at me.
“Matty it’s me and if I’m in, then I’m in all the way. I’m not letting you hold back for fear of offending me. I want you so fucking much that you can’t offend me. I trust you. You won’t do anything that I can’t take.”
I fumble open his boxer briefs finally feeling the warmth of his cock, and for a second I pause staring down in disbelief. I, John Harrington, have another man’s dick in my hand. I wait for the doubt and shame that everyone goes on about to hit me but it doesn’t, and all I can really think about is how hot this is, and how I have never been as turned on in my life as I am right now in some seedy back booth in a club.
The skin on his dick feels sleek and silky and it’s hard as a pipe with an angry purple head that’s leaking pre come. He’s longer than I am but I think I might be wider. I give it an experimental squeeze and then my head shoots up as he gives the most sinful grunt, pushing into my hand and panting through his open mouth. “It feels so good Johnny,” he whispers. “God, so good.”
I decide to treat his cock the way that I like as surely I can’t go wrong with that, so I take it in a firm hold and stroke it from root to tip, twisting on the top and feeling the wide wetness of the flared crown against my fingers.
He gives out a choked groan and then suddenly he’s all decisive motion pushing me back against the wall, stripping off our shirts and fumbling between us, all signs of hesitation gone. I feel air on my cock and then he lifts his hand up to mine. “Spit,” he says in a gravelly voice and I instantly do as I’m told, and then all thought vanishes and my head goes back and smacks against the wall as he grabs both of our cocks in his large hand and starts to rub and thrust against me.
The feeling is strange but so fucking good that I can’t stand it. The silkiness of the skin and the wetness of ou
r pre come lubricate the slide and the fucking insane pressure against me feels desperate. Looking down I see the angry red head of my cock against his, appearing and disappearing from his fist.
I grab his arse and bring him in closer needing more and more and he kisses me again, open mouthed kisses until finally we’re making jerky out of control movements, panting into each other’s mouths as we rut furiously against each other.
If someone came in now they would see everything. Me pinned to the wall by this big man, both of us helpless in our need, and the thought sends a spark down my spine and I feel my balls draw up tight. “Matt,” I cry out. “Fuck I’m going to -”
“Yes,” he groans, speeding up his movements and making a low groaning noise with each whip of his narrow hips.
“Matty,” I shout out and my cock erupts, gouts of come exploding out of me with more force than I’ve ever felt before. It splatters up my torso and chest draining out of me in creamy ribbons, and I give a choked moan as he leans forward and with one swipe of his tongue licks one of the steams that have hit my nipple.
He moans low in his throat and suddenly he stiffens and wetness spurts over me, flying over his fist and landing amongst my pubic hair in glistening streams, and incredibly I feel another spurt of come shoot out of me, weaker this time but enough to make him groan.
Spent he collapses against me and I lift my arms pulling him closer, needing to feel him against me. We rest there as gradually our breaths slow and the silence of the room seems to close in around us. Finally his muscles tighten preparatory to him moving away and I restrain my instinctive desire to pull him back where he belongs. Where he belongs?
He reaches into the pocket of his jeans with one hand and finding a hanky he dries his hand which is still full of come, and then he comes to me and without a word he cleans my dick tenderly and then my chest. His head is bent and he’s totally focused, the way that I’ve seen him so many times over the last couple of months when he’s been bent over a book or a newspaper, or listening to music with a dreamy look on his face.
