Funny Bone

by Daniel W. Kelly

  He thrust his chest out, taunting Scott with his nipples, which were now poking at the material of his shirt.

  “I’m so happy to see them…I mean, you.” Scott winked as he took Tim into his bulging arms again.

  Tim’s anxious personality didn’t have patience for the platonic hugging. He broke free of Scott’s grasp. “Where’s hot Ken?”

  Tim moved over to a rack of DVDs, dividing his attention in order to look through them for any new ones as Scott poured him some lemonade in the nearby kitchen.

  “He’s upstairs just finishing his shower.” Scott handed Tim the beverage.

  Tim put his lemonade on a small table beside an easy chair, grabbed the remote, and began flicking through the television stations without sitting down. “You guys didn’t shower together?”

  “Not this time. We were afraid you would have snuck into the house and yanked the shower curtain aside like Norman Bates.”

  Tim nodded and grabbed his crotch. “And I would have plunged my knife into both of you.”

  “Yeah? How’d you be able to do that when both of your hands would be wrapped around your ankles?” Scott teased Tim for his purely bottom status.

  Before Tim could retort, a voice came from the next room. “Hey, Scotty? I need to borrow a shirt.”

  Ken entered in only a pair of sweat shorts, showing off his stocky but defined build—equally wide and powerful looking as Scott’s, but a bit more polished. He had warm brown eyes, short but thick mahogany hair, and a well-groomed goatee. His body hair formed itself in tight curls on his chest, arms, and legs.

  “Hey, Tim,” he said .“I didn’t know you were here already.”

  They hugged, the coolness of Ken’s freshly showered body and each hard muscle pressing against Tim, who inhaled the sweet scent of herbal shampoo. “Hey, hottie Ken.”

  “Stop smelling my boyfriend.” Scott playfully pulled Tim and Ken apart.

  “How you doing, kiddo?” Ken asked, choosing to ignore Scott’s provocation of Tim’s flirty side.

  “I’m okay,” Tim said.

  “You look cute as always,” Ken said. It had been agreed there would be no detailed breakup discussion tonight.

  “So, what do you want to do? Go out to eat? Or get pizza and stay in?” Scott asked.

  Tim shrugged.

  Ken noted Tim’s uncharacteristic, somewhat subdued manner. “You don’t look so up to going out.”

  Tim shrugged again.

  “Kooks, this is your night,” Scott said. “Whatever you want to do.”

  “I’d kind of rather stay in,” Tim said.

  “That’s fine. No need to get all dressed up, then.” Scott was wearing just a wife-beater and shorts with a string tie. He gave Ken a smooch and a rub on the back and said, “Huns, you can grab a shirt from my middle drawer.”

  “If we’re staying in, I’m okay like this,” Ken said.

  Tim smiled evilly. “Things are going just as I planned.”

  Ken blushed as he took a seat on the couch. He was more sexually reserved than Scott, not wanting to step on anyone’s shoes by being overly seductive, even if it was innocent flirtation. So he was always entertained when Scott and Tim derived pleasure from creating an almost tangible sexual tension between one another, but turned red when Tim flattered him.

  “Uh-oh.” Scott rolled his eyes and rubbed Tim’s head. “Someone’s horny.”

  “And vulnerable. Don’t forget vulnerable,” Tim remarked as he dropped to the floor and grabbed a hardcore leather magazine from a pile on the coffee table.

  Scott joined Ken on the couch. “So what we doing, KooKoo Bear? Looking at the porno mags, watching the video channel, or choosing what we want to order? Focus. Focus.”

  “D. All of the above. That’s the point of my special talent,” Tim replied smartly as he flipped through the magazine. “Ooh. Yummy. Look at this.”

  He held up an explicit spread.

  “Yes, I’ve seen it,” Scott said. “And immediately thought of you and which of those three guys you’d like to be.”

  Tim smiled piggishly. “I already know who I want the other two guys to be.”

  Ken laughed self-consciously, which was Tim’s cue to start causing trouble. He crawled across the floor on his knees, threw his arms around Scott’s waist, and dropped his head into Scott’s lap, pressing his cheek to the warm bulge. Scott instinctively began rubbing his back and neck affectionately.

  “How many times am I going to have to beg you guys?” Tim asked, looking with bedroom eyes (in the living room) over at Ken’s bashful smile.

  “Hey, he’s the boss.” Ken patted his boyfriend’s head to divert attention away from himself.

  “Come on, Scott. Be the boss,” Tim said. “Boss me around. I’ll do anything. And tell Ken what to do to me.”

  “Oh, please. You’re all talk,” Scott said as he massaged Tim.

  “Just let me watch you guys together. It would be so hot,” Tim said, bright-eyed.

  Scott smirked. “For you maybe.”

  “Why are you always so mean to me?” Tim acted like a pouting little brother.

  “Because you’re always asking me to hurt you,” Scott shot back like a taunting big brother.

  “Come on. Whatever it costs, I’ll do it.” Tim sat on his haunches, begging.

  “You’re too innocent to do anything,” Scott said.

  “No way! I can be a pig.” Tim grabbed Scott’s knees and began bouncing his upper body on them.

  “You wanna be a pig,” Scott corrected him. “But you’ll never go through with it.”

  “Pleeeaaassee!” Tim shook Scott to annoy him. He reached his hands up and tried to snatch hold of Scott’s large nipples, permanently swollen from years of tugging, as they practically burst through the material of his wife-beater.

  “Uuugghh! This one’s gonna drive me to drink.” Scott wrapped his hands around Tim’s wrists, dwarfing them in the process. Tim tried to pull away, with no success. He was wriggling all over Scott’s lap. Scott laughed, looking to Ken. “What can we make him do?”

  “You’re asking me? I don’t know.” Ken sat there in his typical serious manner, then suggested, “Our dirty jockstraps are on top of the hamper in the bathroom.”

  Scott nodded. “Aha! That’s a good idea. They’re still nice and smelly. We were at the racquet ball court right before you came over.”

  “So what am I supposed to do with them?” Tim gave Scott a mock submissive look as they continued their little tug-of-war with his wrists. “And what do I get in return?”

  “What do you get in return? One of these days, I’m going to have to teach you the rules of being a little bitch. But you want something?” Scott asked, and Tim nodded. “What you get depends on how far you go. How about…”

  “What? Dare me, and I’ll do it,” Tim said.

  “You so wouldn’t do this,” Scott thought aloud.

  “I so will,” Tim said.

  “Okay.” Scott appeared proud of his idea as he said, “Go upstairs, and come down with one of our dirty jocks in your mouth.”

  Ken cringe-giggled.

  Scott rubbed Tim’s head. “He so won’t do it.”

  Tim stood. “I totally will. They’re in the hamper or on top of it?”

  “On top,” Ken said.

  Scott stopped Tim from walking boldly from the room with, “Wait, there’s more.”

  “Oh, boy. Here we go,” Ken said, no stranger to their boundary-pushing games.

  “What?” Tim asked.

  “You have to wear the other jockstrap, and nothing else.” That got Tim to hesitate for a moment, but he didn’t really have time to let the new challenge sink in before Scott continued, “And you have to come down here on all fours like a dog.”

  “Scott, don’t make him.” Ken was the voice of reason, but Scott frowned with furrowed brows, shaking his head in a he’ll never do it gesture.

  “I’m so doing it.” Tim contradicted Scott’s nonverbal comment as h
e left the room.

  “He’s not going to do it,” Scott promised Ken.

  “You’ve known him longer than I have, and you don’t think he’ll do it? He’s still getting over his boyfriend leaving him, and he’s so frisky as it is,” Ken argued.

  “Of course I know he’ll do it,” Scott said slyly. “If you want, I can go stop him before he crawls in here in a jockstrap.”

  “NO!” Ken said too quickly and totally out of character as he grabbed Scott’s arm to hold him in place.

  *

  Upstairs, Tim found the two jockstraps right where Ken said they would be. His heart was pounding in his chest as he removed the clothes he’d thrown on less than an hour ago. His nipples quickly shrank to points. His dick was already at full attention—had been since he’d begun taking orders from Scott.

  He stepped into one jockstrap (it was still sort of…moist, and slightly too big for him) then moved the other toward his mouth. He smelled it first. It was musky…definitely the rank odor of crotch sweat. He thought of putting it in his mouth, imagined what it must taste like, considered carrying it in his hand until he was right near the den, realized his mouth was totally watering, and then pushed himself to the edge—as always.

  He bundled the jockstrap into a ball and wrapped his lips around it. For a moment, he thought the taste of the sweaty cloth was going to make him gag, but he swallowed hard and allowed his salivary glands to become accustomed to the spice. Mouth full of man crotch remnants, he got down on his hands and knees, shivering as air crawled into his ass crack.

  *

  “I think I hear someone coming,” Scott said as he was flicking through the television stations. “Did he chicken out?”

  The first thing Scott and Ken saw over the armrest of the couch was Tim’s spiky hair.

  “He seriously did it,” Ken said, almost in awe as a nearly naked Tim crawled up to Scott.

  “You little bitch whore.” Scott laughed, impressed at Tim’s daring. Tim waited at his feet with the article he had fetched. “You like that?”

  Scott petted his head then grabbed the jockstrap and began playing tug-of-war. Tim fought back with his teeth, which sank firmly into the fabric.

  “Um, you got a pube sticking out of your mouth.” Scott plucked out a curly hair that was clinging to Tim’s upper lip. He held it up to the light. “Looks like he’s munching on your jock, hubby.”

  All the blood rushed to Ken’s head—both heads—at the sight of his mahogany pube.

  “You want to come up?” Scott patted his lap after tossing the pube into the air.

  Tim obeyed. He intentionally took the long way around the coffee table, stepping over Ken’s feet as Ken tried to move them out of the way.

  “You two are unbelievable.” Ken giggled in response to what he was witnessing.

  Tim climbed onto the couch and draped himself over Scott’s lap. Ken couldn’t disguise his appreciation of the swelling ass that protruded from the jockstrap, revealing two furry cheeks and a fur-filled crack.

  “This little bitch is in heat.” Scott giggled as Tim served himself up. “Look at his ass begging for some attention.” He placed one large hand on Tim’s butt and rubbed his cheeks lightly. “You want me to spank you, don’t you?”

  Tim nodded. He’d spent pretty much the whole of their friendship hounding Scott to administer the spanking he so deserved. Scott had often described in detail his participation in spanking sessions, knowing how hot it made Tim.

  “You think he needs a spanking?” Scott asked Ken, making sure he wouldn’t object to a little play outside their committed relationship.

  “I’d say so.” Ken grimaced guiltily at how badly he wanted to watch it happen.

  Scott gave the round surface a good swat. Tim barked through the saliva-soaked material in his mouth at the unexpected sting. Scott couldn’t help but giggle as Ken rolled his eyes and shook his head. A slap on the other cheek, and Tim’s grunt ended in a muffled sigh.

  “Ooh…he likes it.” Scott rubbed Tim’s cheeks before administering another echoing, open-handed blow.

  “You’re making his ass red,” Ken pointed out from his close-up spectator’s view.

  “He can take it,” Scott said. “I think he probably wants you to teach him a lesson too.”

  “I can’t, Scott,” Ken begged off. “He’s not as close to me as he is to you.”

  Tim’s ass shook in disagreement.

  “Go on.” Scott framed the ass with flowing waves of his hands as if it was a Wheel of Fortune board. “This is how you get closer to Tim.”

  Ken turned red as he bit his lip in hesitation.

  Tim spat out the jockstrap that was still in his mouth, looked over his shoulder, and taunted, “Smack my ass, you wuss.”

  Ken looked at Scott with his mouth open in shock at the bitchy insult, and then he got an enthusiastic revenge snarl on his face. He brought both hands down on Tim’s rump at the same time. Tim moaned. Ken left one hand on each cheek.

  “His ass…feels so good,” Ken confessed as he glanced into Scott’s eyes.

  “I’ve always loved his ass.” Scott took hold of Ken’s hands and they rubbed Tim’s butt together, leaning in and sucking on one another’s lips as they did so. Scott slowly coaxed Ken, their fingers traveling through the jungle of hair that exposed itself as Tim brought his hips up to open himself to the possibility of exploration. Scott gently pulled Tim’s globes apart and said in a hushed tone, “He wants more.”

  Ken gave Scott one last look and kiss, then turned his attention to Tim’s hairy mounds. He used his fingers to burrow his way toward the center, searching for the prize.

  Scott, meanwhile, wrapped his massive arm around Tim’s head and tucked it safely under his armpit, saying, “Just relax, cubby bear. Tonight’s all about you. Whatever you want. There’s nothing but love in this room.”

  Tim gave Scott’s thigh a tight squeeze to signal that he felt safe. He was getting what he really wanted; Scott was shattering his power bottom status, making him relinquish control and have someone else call the shots for a change…sort of.

  Ken exhaled in wonderment as he parted the butt bush and found the tightly drawn pink curtain that was Tim’s asshole.

  Scott placed his free hand on the back of Ken’s head and lowered him toward the waiting orifice. He chuckled as he instructed, “Lick it.”

  Ken pressed his tongue against the target. His cock pulsed as he recognized that, even though Scott and Tim didn’t see one another so often, their bond was so deep that they were like an extension of one another. Making Tim feel good tonight was going to make Scott feel good. He began to lick and sample Tim’s slit like it was Scott’s as Scott stroked his hair. His testicles were burning from the intense passion.

  “Tim Can Alley,” Scott joked to ease awkwardness that clearly did not exist anyway. Ken’s head was in serious bobblehead mode.

  Tim’s fuck hole was treated to the conflicting texture of Ken’s silky wet tongue and gruff, prickly goatee. Ken came up for air and planted his mouth on Scott’s. Scott sampled Tim’s lingering taste as their locked lips hovered above the saliva-soaked asshole that Ken still held apart. Scott gently pushed Ken’s face back into Tim’s crack and then lifted his arms to pull his wife-beater off over his head. Tim, head free, lunged for the nearest distraction—the weeds under Scott’s raised arm. He licked and slurped at the light moisture that had gathered on the hairy mess since Scott’s shower.

  Scott tossed his shirt across the room and kept his arms raised for Tim. But Tim’s attention didn’t linger too long on the armpit. He craned back so he could reach the closest nipple and attached himself to it. Scott cooed.

  Ken took a break from dining on Tim’s ass to join in the nipple play. He and Tim licked and sucked on Scott’s protruding mounds, taking flesh and chest fuzz into their mouths.

  Scott wrapped his massive arms around and kissed the tops of their thick heads of hair. He winked at Ken. “I want my Tim sunny side up.” />
  They flipped Tim onto his back and removed his jockstrap. He lay completely naked over their laps, his cock sprawled across his lower belly. Ken got on all fours at the end of the couch to take it into his mouth. Scott rubbed the layers of hair on Tim’s torso while Ken moistened his cock, gliding up and down on it steadily. Scott plucked at Tim’s nipples, using each index finger to circle his rather large areolas, then brought index finger and thumb together to gently squeeze and twist each one. Tim’s head began to roll from side to side and his body convulsed.

  Scott half smiled through his golden beard, playing puppeteer, with Tim’s nipples as the strings that seemed to be directly attached to the groin that was fucking Ken’s mouth.

  Tim began to whinny like a horse, his body spasms deepening as all his internal erogenous nerves were pushed to the edge and, for a change, he was faced with more stimulation than he knew what to do with.

  His mouth still around Tim’s dick, Ken brought his brown eyes up to Scott’s face with a “what next?” expression.

  Tim’s fantasies were all filed in Scott’s mind. The second time they’d met, while at a party, Tim, probing him with explicit questions, had brazenly asked, “Do you have a hairy ass?” Scott had just as boldly turned around, stuck out his bulbous buttocks, and pulled down the waistband of his pants just a tease, showing Tim the hair-covered muscle underneath. Tim’s reply had been a wide-eyed, “If you ever need a place to sit,” as he tapped on his lips.

  Scott pushed the coffee table out of the way and instructed Ken to put his knees on the floor and bend over the couch cushions. Once he was in position, Scott grabbed the top of his shorts and yanked them down and then out from under his knees and feet, revealing a meaty, muscular ass covered in mahogany curls. He pulled off his own shorts and straddled his body over Ken’s back until their asses were stacked. Ken looked up over his shoulder and the two began to kiss.

  *

  Scott did not instruct Tim in any way.

  Tim stood completely hard and completely stunned at the pile of asses on the couch. His eyes followed the two perfectly aligned hairy cracks that traveled from Ken’s balls up to the treasure trail at the small of Scott’s back. He swallowed hard then got anxiously onto his hands and knees. He was so excited and n,ervous that his arms were shaking, making it hard for him to hold himself up. He crawled closer, stuck out his tongue, and licked his way up from Ken’s scrotum.