A Second Chance

by Bernadette Marie

  Now she was holding her breath to stifle the anger. But tears that should have surfaced because her husband was telling he he’d fallen in love with someone else never came.

  He looked away and then back at her. “She’s pregnant and we’re getting married and having a baby.”

  “Nice and tidy,” she said through gritted teeth.

  “Yeah, well just think, maybe you and Carlos can work things out. He’s spent the last five years waiting for our marriage to fall apart so he could have you back.”

  “You are so stupid.” She snapped out the words so fiercely that pain shot through her and had her biting back a scream. “Have you not listened to the kids for the last six months? He’s in love with someone and she just moved in with him. They’ll probably get married.”

  “Oh.” He stood. “I guess I didn’t realize…”

  “You should have stayed in Kentucky.”

  “Listen, if there is anything I can do for you…”

  “You can get the hell out of my room and go on with your life. Your community service here is done.” She rolled away from him, wincing from the pain it caused, and didn’t turn back until she heard the door close behind him.

  Her parents were there when she woke the next morning. Her mother had been crying for two days straight and couldn’t even look at her. How was she supposed to be of any help?

  Her father sat in the corner of her room and just watched her mother fidget. These were the reasons she hadn’t wanted to tell anyone about her surgery.

  As the day crept into evening, the door had opened and her children had walked through. Finally, she thought, people who brought her real joy.

  Each of them hugged her and then their grandparents. Even Christian had made it into the room and to her side before backing against a wall, neutral like her father.

  She looked up into Eduardo’s dark, sad eyes. “I didn’t expect you.”

  “Dad wanted us to see you.” Eduardo held her hand. “You look better.”

  “I’m feeling a little better. They’ll take my drain tubes out, and I’ll be out in a day or so.”

  “When you get home we want to stay with you. We’ve all discussed it. We want to help you though this.”

  “I think that would be wonderful.” She patted her son’s hand. “Where’s your dad?”

  Eduardo exchanged glances with Christian. “Kathy brought us.”

  “Oh.” She was disappointed. She never should have been so nasty to him. “Kathy could have come in with you,” she offered.

  Eduardo ran his hand over the back of his neck. “I think she feels a little funny about that. I think she’s wigging out now that they’re getting married.”

  “Getting married?” The words croaked from her throat.

  Eduardo exchanged glances with Christian again and then looked back at his mother. “I thought you knew.”

  She shook her head and swallowed the tears. “I’m happy for them.” She smiled, but it almost hurt to do so.

  Madeline’s salvation came when the nurse announced that visitation was over.

  Once the room was clear, she sobbed until she fell asleep.

  Madeline stood in her own bedroom, in her own bathrobe, the front gaping open, and stared into the mirror. There were no tears. There were no words. She simply took in her mess that was now her chest.

  There was nothing pretty left, not even a nipple. Her full C cups were gone, but she tried to remind herself that she’d spared her life by removing her breasts. How had it gotten so bad that she hadn’t even known cancer was living in her body? How had she believed early detection was for everyone else? Not examining herself often enough had cost her both of her breasts.

  She lay down on her own bed and pulled the blanket up to her chin. In the morning, she would welcome a brand-new year and would start her first round of chemo. Luckily it came in pill form, but she’d read up on it. The side-effects were horrible. That seemed to be the way her life was going—horribly.

  She’d need to get back to work the next week. No matter how much time she wanted to take to recover, physically ready or not, there were obligations. The thought of the medical bills that were beginning to add up had Madeline’s head spinning. Worse, she knew there’d be more.

  She turned on her MP3 player to the relaxing sounds of the ocean and tried to will herself to relax and get some sleep. There was a lot to think about now that she was home. Her mother already had informed her that though they’d like to stay for months, her father, who had refused retirement, would need to get back to work.

  The thought should have saddened her, but it didn’t. As soon as they were gone, she could take charge of her life again.

  Eduardo said he wanted to come home and help her, and of course that meant his brother and sister too. Madeline was seriously considering it. She’d convinced him to wait out the first week while her parents were there. The truth was, she wanted to see how the chemo would affect her. She didn’t want to be sick in front of her kids.

  As she lay alone in the dark, breathing in and out slowly, she thought about her fight with Matt. Who could have blamed him for what he’d done? They never did love each other the way she’d loved Carlos. They hadn’t had sex in almost six months. She didn’t even care. Her marriage to Matt had been over long before he left. It should have hurt, but hearing that Carlos and Kathy were engaged hurt even worse. She deserved that. Had she been totally honest about what was going on, maybe she wouldn’t have turned away every man in her life.

  She crossed her arms over her flat chest and tried to dull the pain. She didn’t know if it was her stitches that hurt or her broken heart.

  Carlos lay in bed, Kathy wrapped in his arms, watching her sleep. She was beautiful from the inside out. He knew he was a lucky man.

  Even having her so close, he couldn’t ease his mind. He wasn’t thinking about the woman who had already started planning their wedding. He was thinking about Madeline.

  Eduardo had scolded him for not telling her about marrying Kathy. Truth was, he hadn’t expected to propose to her. He’d expected… he didn’t know what he’d expected. From the moment Curtis had called him about Madeline’s surgery, the life that he’d thought made sense no longer did. He’d finally been content to move on and love another woman. He realized he’d love Madeline until the day he died, but somewhere in their bliss, they’d forgotten what really mattered. They’d both walked away from their marriage. It wasn’t as if she’d chosen Matt over him, though he’d accused her doing so. It was simply that she’d accepted their fate faster than he had.

  They’d remained best friends over the years. His family still thought of her as family. Regan still took her shopping. Arianna would pay her a visit every time she was in town. His own mother made sure she had an invitation to dinner every Sunday night even if she didn’t accept.

  Now he was the one moving on and getting married, and she was divorced, alone, lonely, and… dying. He unwrapped his arms from Kathy and rolled out of bed.

  He didn’t want to fight with Madeline. Lord knew she didn’t need anything to upset her. But he had to talk to her. He couldn’t go through life knowing she was resentful to him for trying to take care of her.

  He turned on the bathroom light and started the shower. He needed to feel the warm water pounding down on him.

  Stripping out of his pajama bottoms, he looked in the mirror. There were dark circles under his eyes. His hair needed trimming, and he already needed to shave again.

  He stepped into the shower and let the hot water burn away the pain wrenching inside of him.

  What would have happened had they thought things through five years ago? Everyone had hard times. That’s what life was about. He’d been a college student for almost ten years straight. During that time, his young wife had given birth to three children and worked two jobs to pay off his student loans. Once he graduated, he had a hard time finding a school to hire him. Hadn’t the plan been to get his master’s degree and get the
better job so he could support his growing family and Madeline could stay home? That was the plan. But it had all fallen apart.

  The first of the big fights had happened on her birthday. Then the next a week later. He couldn’t even remember who decided he should move out. All he knew was he was sleeping on a friend’s couch. Then he’d moved in with his parents. After Arianna moved to New York and Regan moved back to Tennessee, they’d both moved into Arianna’s house together. The two lost souls trying to piece their lives back. Regan pieced hers together faster than he had.

  He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. When the cold air hit him, he reached for the robe that hung on the back of the door and wrapped it around himself.

  He’d wait until her parents left. Then he’d go to her and offer his support. No matter what came next, they shared a family. They were a family, even if they weren’t married.

  Kathy poured herself a cup of coffee and watched as Carlos dragged himself into the kitchen and sat down at the table. She let out a slow and steady breath. Did he think she didn’t notice that he’d crawled out of bed, taken a shower in the middle of the night, and spent the rest of the night on the couch? She set her mug on the table and sat down next to him. “I left some pamphlets on your desk. Did you find them?”

  “Pamphlets? No.” He picked up the newspaper she’d laid there to read and began to thumb through it.

  “They were wedding packages. There are some nice places that we can do the ceremony and the reception. I was also thinking, that maybe, Regan and Zach would let us have the wedding out at their place. With all the beautiful land, we could even have a tent put up out back by her rose gardens.”

  “Sure,” he said looking up at her finally. “I’m going to go buy Eduardo a phone.”

  “Okay.” Her voice dipped. Had he not heard her at all?

  “They’ll be going to Madeline’s tomorrow night, and I thought that this way he could call me and keep up with me.”

  “He can’t just call from her phone at the house?”

  “Oh, you know. If she needs me. If he needs me.” He looked back down at the ad in the newspaper for a wireless phone store.

  Kathy set her jaw. She had to remind herself that Carlos was the kind of man who would take care of the mother of his children. He was also the kind of man who would do that with all of his heart. The only problem was, as the woman he’d supposedly given his heart to, she was becoming to find it hard to accept his generosity.

  She sipped at her coffee as she watched him. There was a high road, and she was going to take it. He’d asked her to marry him and he wouldn’t have done that if he hadn’t wanted to. Planning for the wedding would continue. She’d involve him only as much as he wanted to be involved, but she wanted a nice wedding. Madeline would be welcomed of course, but she certainly hoped in the few months that it would take them to plan the event, Madeline’s illness would take a backseat.

  She stood and walked to the sink to rinse out her mug. The coffee was bitter on her tongue and her attitude was bitter in her heart. She wasn’t used to being jealous and she didn’t like it one bit. “I’m heading into the office. When can I expect you?”

  “I’ll be home right after school to get the kids. Then I’ll take them over to Maddie’s.”

  Kathy winced at the pet name.

  “We can go out for dinner,” he offered, finally looking up at her.

  “Fine.” She left without kissing him good-bye.

  The phone he’d picked out was basic, but it would be useful. He handed it to Eduardo, whose eyes grew wide. “The phone isn’t for socializing or texting. It’s just for you and me to keep in contact. Understand?”

  “Got it.”

  “Before your first class every day, I want you to call me and tell me how she is.”

  Eduardo looked over the phone he’d handed him. “Dad, why don’t you just call her yourself?”

  “She doesn’t want me looking after her.”

  “That’s ridiculous.” Eduardo looked up at him. “You’ve always taken care of her. Even when Matt was here.”

  “I know, but she was specific.” He placed a hand on Eduardo’s shoulder. “She’s willing to let you be here and take care of her. I think that’s going to help her out.”

  “I hope so.” His son looked up at him and gave him a crooked smile.

  “Me too.”

  He’d dropped the kids off and stood in the street in front of the house he and Madeline used to share. She hadn’t come to the door as she usually would, and that was weighing on his mind.

  Kathy had four more pamphlets for wedding locations, and before Carlos knew it, Regan, Zach, and Tyler had joined them for dinner upon invitation from Kathy.

  His head was spinning with wedding talk and plans. Regan was as bad as Kathy. He sat quietly, too deep in his own thoughts to care about the conversation around him.

  Zach held little Tyler against his shoulder and patted his back. “Damn, Monday-night football. How did I let you convince me to leave the house?” Zach kissed his son and handed him to his wife. “Carlos, let’s leave these lovely ladies to discuss bridal bouquets and run into the bar and check out the game.”

  Carlos’s head snapped up at the offer. Regan patted Tyler on the back and nodded. Kathy kept making notes in her bridal planner. He wasn’t sure she was aware he was leaving the table.

  Zach slapped him on the shoulder as they turned the corner into the bar. “You were looking lost, my friend. I think you could use a beer and a few moments of man time.”

  “Yeah, thanks.”

  Zach ordered them each a beer and then turned to the big-screen TV. The crowd in the upscale bar hooted and hollered as the Titans scored another touchdown.

  “That’s what I’m talking about!” Zach hollered too. “You didn’t even see that.”

  “What? Sorry.”

  “What’s got your head so full?” Zach took a pull from his beer.

  “I’m waiting to hear from Ed. I figured he’d call and tell me how Maddie was doing.”

  “You do know you’re not married to her anymore, right?”

  “I know. I’m worried about her. Matt left her. Her folks went back to California. I just don’t think she should be alone right now.”

  “She’s not. She has her children.” Zach nudged him. “What are you doing marrying Kathy?” His voice was hushed, and Carlos looked up at him.

  “I love her.”

  Zach shook his head. “I don’t doubt that. But you love Madeline too.”

  “I’ve always loved Maddie. I’ve loved her since I was fifteen.”

  “Do you hear yourself?” Zach saw a table open up and he grabbed their bottles and guided Carlos toward it. “Matt’s gone. Madeline is sick, and you can’t keep her off your mind for ten minutes to help your new fiancée plan your wedding. Don’t you see what’s going on here?”

  He rubbed the pain of regret from his chest. “I care about her.”

  “And you always have. Hell, I remember the night I met you and she dropped the kids off at your folks’ house. You were crushed and your father was angry because you’d been divorced for two years, and yet you still mourned your marriage. In the three years I’ve known you, I’ve never known you to even try to move on from Madeline. Now she’s single and you’ve chosen this time to get married.”

  Carlos rolled the bottle between his palms and looked down at it. “She doesn’t want me in her life. She’d rather have me gone and happy.”

  “But you’re not.”

  Carlos sat silent for a moment. “No, I’m not.”

  “Did you ever think she was trying to push you away in case something happened to her? She’d rather have you angry at her than mourn her.”

  There were tears stinging Carlos’s eyes, but he fought them back and took a swig from his beer.

  Zach inched further over the table. “Listen, Regan did the same thing. Remember Alexander Hamilton?”

  “You don’t forget the name of
the man who tried to kill your sister.”

  “Once she realized he was the man I was doing business with, she quit her job and planned to move away so she wouldn’t hurt me with her past. She figured I was better off without her.” He shook his head. “What if I would’ve let her go? What if I would’ve let that asshole’s money mean more than my love for Regan? I wouldn’t have anything right now. But look, we’ve been happily married for three years and we have a son. You know how that feels.”

  He did. There was nothing like his children. The children he and Madeline had created in love were his life. “I just don’t understand why she won’t let me help her.”

  “She’s scared.”

  Carlos inched his body over the table. “That’s why she should let me help her.”

  “But she doesn’t want you unhappy either. She thinks Kathy makes you happy.”

  “She does. Kathy is wonderful.” The statement was as true as they came.

  “I didn’t say she wasn’t. But does she really make you happy?

  “Of course she does.”

  “As happy as Madeline makes you?”

  Carlos rolled the beer bottle between his hands again and then pushed it away. “If you’re trying to confuse, me you’re doing a great job.”

  “No, I’m trying to get you to face something before you make a mistake.” He finished his beer. “Listen. You need to do what you think is right. And what you think is right is to take care of Madeline.”

  “You think I should just butt into her life?”

  “Yeah, I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. But I also think you’d better give some consideration as to what you’re going to do with Kathy. Do you really want to marry her? And if you really do, you need to either let go of your feelings for Madeline or make sure Kathy understands them completely. Because no matter how understanding she’s being right now, sooner or later she’s going to crack.”