A Second Chance

by Bernadette Marie

  Humor riddled her body and she shook from nerves and laughter as she made another pass and then another. Soon his head was as bald as hers, only with a dark shadow. When Carlos looked at himself and his shoulders bounced, Madeline laughed harder. They both looked hideous, and at the same time, she would never forget this moment.

  “What are you doing?”

  The laughter stopped as they both turned to see their children standing in the doorway.

  A hiccup of a laugh busted through Madeline. She couldn’t help herself. Their beautiful children stood before them, their mouths dropped open and their eyes wide.

  Carlos ran his hand over her head. “Mom’s hair fell out so I shaved it off.”

  “I got mad and shaved his off for spite,” she joked and then laughed harder when the expressions on her children didn’t change but only grew darker. “I’m kidding. He wanted me to do it.” She placed her hand on his cheek. “He’s being supportive.”

  “Fine.” Eduardo shook his head, dropped his backpack, and walked between his parents. Carlos stood up and he sat down on the toilet backward as his father had and pulled off his shirt. “I’m next.”

  “Oh, no you’re not. You have the most beautiful hair, honey. Don’t do this.” She smiled. But when Carlos picked up the clippers and moved past her, she nearly choked on the gasp she sucked back. She wasn’t quick enough to grab his hand and stop him. He turned them on and made the first pass right down the middle of Eduardo’s head as he had with his own.

  “Well, he’s committed now. You’d better finish it off.”

  “Carlos!” She covered her mouth and tears formed in her eyes.

  “It’s hair, Mom. Finish it.” Eduardo turned, took the clippers from his father, and handed them to her. “No one in this family does things alone.”

  Pride stopped her tears. The courage in his eyes and in the eyes of her ex-husband put the smile back on her lips. She took the clippers and began her attack on her son’s gorgeous hair.

  His smile was contagious and so was his laughter. She watched as large clumps of dark wavy hair, which matched his father’s, fell to the ground and mixed with hers.

  When they were done they cried, but not from pain, but from the joy of sharing an unforgettable moment, one that helped heal them all.

  Madeline ran her hands over each of their heads. “I don’t know that this is a good look for either of you.”

  “Funny enough, it looks pretty good on you, Mom.”

  “Your dad said that too.” She looked up at Carlos.

  “Okay.” Carlos looked behind him at the two children who still stood in the doorway with their backpacks on and their faces white as sheets. “Clara, are you next?”

  “Omigod! Dad! No!” she screamed as she ran down the hall.

  “Chris?”

  His eyes flew open and he fled down the hall following his sister, no words necessary.

  “Real supportive.” Carlos turned back with a smile and pulled both Madeline and Eduardo to him.

  The strength that enveloped her sank into her body. She felt as if their love was healing her more than the drugs ever could.

  Carlos swept up the hair while Madeline helped the kids with their homework. He’d promised Kathy he’d have them all at the house by six for dinner with her parents, and now they were going to be late. He really had wanted to take Madeline shopping too, for something for her head, but that was going to have to wait.

  He stood in the kitchen and watched his family work quietly on their studies. Madeline looked up at him. “I don’t know if I can get used to you looking like that.”

  “It’ll grow back fast.” A pang of guild pierced his chest. His would grow back. Would hers? “For now maybe I won’t look as old since all that gray is gone.”

  “What gray?”

  “As if you hadn’t noticed.” He ran his hand over Eduardo’s head. “We’d better get going. We’re late.”

  The kids put their books in their backpacks.

  “I’ll come by”—he calculated his schedule—”Wednesday after school, and we’ll go get you some fancy hair.”

  “I’ll be fine.” She touched his arm and gave him a smile that told him she appreciated what he had done. “Mom bought me some scarves when she was here. I think I’ll try on a few and see what I think.”

  “If I know your mother, there are a few in there that are bright orange.”

  “Of course. They should accent my pasty skin very well, don’t you think?”

  Carlos shook his head. “Amazingly enough, you look great.”

  “Thank you for finding that amazing.” Her words dripped with sarcasm, but the glint in her eye told him she appreciated his words. He could only hope she knew the sincerity of them in her heart. They hadn’t been said to only ease her pains.

  “Bye, Mom.” Christian kissed her cheek with his eyes toward the floor.

  “I love you,” Clara said as she gave her a tight squeeze.

  Eduardo kissed her cheek and then pulled her in tightly to his arms. “You’re beautiful, Mom.”

  “Thank you, Son. What you did for me was amazing.”

  “What you’re doing is amazing.” He kissed her again and followed his brother and sister to the car.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow to check on you,” Carlos said, stepping in closer to her.

  “Thank you. You made something horrible into a precious memory. I can never thank you enough.” She lifted her hand to his cheek.

  He realized just how close he stood to her. There had never been any walls between them, except for the one they couldn’t seem to hurdle when their marriage depended on it.

  Her dark eyes gazed into his, and there was a peace within her. A peace he knew he was responsible for, and that warmed him to the core. He lowered his head and gently brushed her lips with his. She was soft, welcoming, and familiar. Her body swayed toward him. Instinct took over and he pressed his mouth harder to hers before retracting, realizing he’d overstepped a boundary he shouldn’t have.

  “I’ll talk to you soon,” he said quickly and retreated to the car. His heart still raced in his chest, and his lips tingled with the exhilaration of her kiss and the guilt of the moment.

  “I can’t believe you did that to your head,” Clara was commenting to Eduardo when Carlos started the car. “You look like a dork.”

  “You look like a dork because you didn’t do it,” he retorted.

  “Dad, why did you shave your head?” she asked.

  “Why should mom be the only one without hair? It was making her really sad. It was the least I could do.”

  “It’s called support, dweeb,” Eduardo added.

  “I think you both look goofy. Kathy is going to flip out.”

  Kathy. Any joy that had resonated through him from the special moments he’d created with Madeline became heavy in his chest when he thought about Kathy. He’d been so caught up in the moment with Madeline when he took the clippers to his head, he hadn’t thought about Kathy.

  Her parent’s car was already parked in the driveway when they pulled in. There was a twisting in his gut. He wanted to back out of the driveway and just disappear for a few weeks until his hair grew back. Would she notice in her constant state of wedding planning? But the kids had already climbed out of the car and were headed up the steps to the back door.

  He heard the shriek when she saw Eduardo. Carlos cringed. What had he done?

  “Ed, what did you do?” He could hear the shrill in her voice.

  “Dad shaved mom’s head, so I made her shave mine.”

  “He shaved your mother’s head?” Her voice shook with the underlying tones of understanding, jealousy, and anger. But the anger prevailed as it hissed through what he knew were gritted teeth.

  “All of her hair fell out,” Clara added as she hung up her backpack.

  “I can’t believe you did that. What does your father think?”

  “I took my cue from him,” Ed said just as Carlos walked through the doo
r.

  “Oh my God!” Her voice stabbed him in the chest. “What in the hell did you do?”

  Carlos swallowed hard. “I shaved off my hair.”

  “Why?”

  “I was being supportive.”

  “It’s horrible.” The color in her cheeks rose, and he knew it wasn’t just the hair. She was mad he’d gone to Madeline in a time of need.

  “Thanks, dear,” he said shutting the door and hanging up his coat on one of the pegs aligned on the wall. “Where are your parents?”

  “They’re in the living room, waiting for my family to get home and have dinner. You’re late.” Her voice had dropped into almost a whisper, but the tears forming in her eyes didn’t diminish her disgust with what he’d done.

  “I know. I’m sorry.” He kissed her gently and held his lips to hers, wanting to make the pain of the kiss he’d laid on Madeline’s lips go away.

  She pushed against him and stepped away. “We are going to talk about this later.”

  “I know.” He passed by her and headed toward the living room to welcome her parents. Perhaps if he made them feel welcome and happy to be in his home, he’d be less likely to be in trouble later, but he was sure that was still coming.

  Her mother didn’t have too much to say, which was amazing since the woman was a gossip. Her father, on the other hand, usually never spoke, but during dinner he had plenty to say. And the one thing he’d brought up was grandchildren. Grandchildren of his own.

  He and Kathy hadn’t even approached the subject of children. In fact, Carlos thought, he had his children. It had never been in his plans to have more. But when her father mentioned it, the hope on her face made his chest ache.

  It was well past ten before her parents left. He turned off Christian’s light. He’d fallen asleep in his clothes, he was so tired. Carlos left him.

  He moved into Clara’s room to tuck her in next.

  “Will mom’s hair grow back in?” Clara asked.

  “I think so. When the cancer is gone for sure and they can let her stop taking her medication, it should come back.”

  “I think she looks funny.”

  “Don’t tell her that.”

  “I won’t.” Clara snuggled into her sheets, and Carlos pulled them up around her chin. She reached up and grabbed his hand. “She’s not going to die, is she?”

  “Not until she’s a very old woman.”

  “Thank you, Daddy, for taking care of her.” Clara smiled up at him and then turned onto her side and closed her eyes.

  Carlos sat there for a moment longer and then kissed her on the head.

  Eduardo was looking in the mirror when Carlos made it to his door. He watched for a moment as he ran his hand over his head.

  “Feels funny, doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah,” his son said, still examining himself. “I have a scar on my head.”

  “You fell when you were about two. Cracked it on the coffee table.”

  “Coffee table? We didn’t have a coffee table.”

  “Not after you cracked your head open on it.”

  Eduardo nodded. “This is going to take some getting used to.”

  “It’ll be all grown back in before you know it.”

  He nodded, turning his head from side to side, examining it further in the mirror. “I’ll keep it like this until all of Mom’s grows back. That’s only fair.”

  “That’s mighty nice of you.” He walked fully into the room. “I think it meant a lot to your mom.”

  “I want her to know she’s not alone.”

  “I think she knows that.” Carlos turned down the sheets on Eduardo’s bed and sat down. “She’s going to be okay. You know that, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, but I’m still freaked out. She’s skinny, pale, bald,” he said, throwing his hands in the air. “She looks so different.” He shook his head. “I hope she doesn’t notice when I stare at her because she looks like a stranger.”

  “I think she feels like a stranger.”

  “I just can’t wait until she’s all better. I don’t like seeing her like this.”

  Tears threatened Carlos’s voice. He took a moment to collect himself. Could a father be more proud of a teenage son? “I know. It’s only been a few months. In a few more she’ll be stronger. In a few more after that she’ll be able to have reconstructive surgery, and that’ll make her feel better.”

  “I just can’t believe Matt left.” He shook his head again and fell down onto the bed next to his father. “Why did he do that to her?”

  So many reasons raced through Carlos’s head. But the main one stuck. He wondered if Matt had ever really loved Madeline, or if he’d just taken her in as a sign to Carlos that he too could have what Carlos had. He’d always been that way when it had come to Carlos’s family. “I don’t know.”

  “But it’s like she didn’t even care anyway. I don’t even think it upset her. She was more upset when we told her you were getting married.”

  The twisting in his gut was back. Just when everything should have been falling into place, it was falling apart.

  “You’d better get some sleep. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Dad.”

  Carlos turned off the light and trudged toward his own room and the wrath he assumed was waiting for him.

  Kathy was in the bathroom, and he could hear her going through her nightly ritual with a little more zeal than usual. Containers clanked and water ran on high. After a thud came a string of curses. She must’ve hit her hand on a drawer.

  He undressed and slipped on his pajama bottoms. He climbed into bed and waited.

  When she opened the door and stepped out, he saw it in her eyes. If he got any sleep he’d be lucky.

  She didn’t say a word, which was worse. She crawled into bed, turned off the lights, and pulled the covers up high.

  Carlos lay sill in the silence of the room. She wasn’t going to yell at him? She wasn’t going to throw shoes? Maddie would at least have thrown her shoes at him. He smiled at the thought. Three black eyes, he remembered. Three. Maddie was a shoe thrower, and if you tried to intercept it, you’d get hit in the eye, because her aim sucked. It had taken him three times to learn it was always a better idea to stand still, you wouldn’t get hit.

  He rolled to his side and scooted closer to Kathy, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her on the head.

  She snapped back the sheets and stood up. She glared down at Carlos as she turned on the light.

  “Don’t you get that close to me.” She pulled the pillow from the bed, grabbed a quilt from the quilt rack, and bolted for the door. “I’ll sleep on the damn couch.”

  “Kathy, wait.” He scrambled from the sheets, threw his feet over the side of the bed, and nearly tripped as he hurried to her.

  “Wait? Wait?” She dropped the pillow and quilt and stomped back toward the bed. “That’s all I do is wait. I wait for you to call. I wait for you to come home. I’ll be waiting for your Goddamned hair to be coming back in before we do the Goddamned pictures I had scheduled.”

  Carlos dropped his head. He’d forgotten about the pictures.

  “Kathy, I’m sorry about the pictures. I forgot.”

  “You seem to forget a lot of things when it comes to me. At dinner the other night, I could have sworn you all forgot I was in the room.”

  He dropped his shoulders. “What does that mean?”

  “It means you were all so damn concerned about her and so into watching her hold Tyler that you didn’t even consider that I was there. You never took your eyes off of her.” She tensed her arms as though looking for strength to keep going. And she did. “It was a reunion, and no one gave any thought to how I felt sitting there having you all talk about when you and Madeline were married. What Ed looked like when you brought him home. How young she was when she had him.”

  “Kathy…”

  “You know we haven’t even talked about having kids. You’ve never mentioned it.”

  “I have kids.�
��

  “But I don’t. I’m thirty. I planned that when I got married to the man I loved, I would have kids.”

  “Then we’ll talk about it. I just don’t remember you ever mentioning it before tonight.”

  “You can’t seem to remember a lot of things,” she said again, as if the fight was starting all over. “You can’t seem to remember that you asked me to marry you and we’re planning a wedding. You don’t care about colors, location, guests.” She sucked in a breath. “I’m surprised when you can remember to drive to work in the morning.”

  “C’mon.” He stood and walked toward her. “Listen, I’m sorry that I haven’t been as attentive to you as I should be. I do remember that I asked you to marry me, and I wouldn’t have if I didn’t love you. And I said I was sorry about our hair and ruining your pictures. It’ll grow back quickly.”

  “You look stupid.”

  “Really? I thought it wasn’t too bad.”

  “Don’t you joke with me. This isn’t a joke!” She reached for the pillow again and Carlos stopped her, placing his hands on her arms.

  “I know it’s not a joke. We did it to support her. She was really upset about losing her hair.”

  “Damnit! That’s all you do is support her! How about supporting me!”

  “I do support you. I love you.”

  Her chest heaved with the breaths that came quickly as her anger rose. “I’m not so sure about that.”

  “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

  Kathy lifted her head and pushed back her shoulders. Her eyes had grown dark and she seared him with their glare. “Then stop seeing Madeline.”

  It was as if the air had been sucked out of the room.

  “I can’t stop seeing her,” he said, shaking his head.

  “Why?”

  “I have to see her. We share the kids.”

  Her lips tightened and she shook her head. “That’s not what I mean, and you know it. I don’t want you going by there everyday. I don’t want you taking her to the doctor or taking her things from the drugstore. You don’t need to be there.”

  “She needs me.”