Towards a Dark Horizon

by Maureen Reynolds

  Granny reappeared with the teapot, more toast and some Rich Tea biscuits.

  Bella, quite overcome by this unexpected feast, looked at the biscuits. ‘This is what I call a party – the only thing missing is the drink.’

  Grandad muttered under his breath, ‘Well, you’ve scoffed all my soup so you’re not getting my bottle of beer.’

  Undaunted by this remark, she pulled her famous medicine bottle from her bag. ‘Will you join me, Nan?’

  Granny declined so she filled a glass and hobbled over to the sink to put some water in her whisky. Lily couldn’t take her eyes off her. Bella gave her a huge wink. ‘It’s just my medicine, Lily. The chemist makes it up for me just the way I like it.’

  Lily, who hadn’t been hungry a moment before, was now gorging herself on the biscuits and looked relieved while Grandad still muttered darkly behind his newspaper.

  I hadn’t planned on telling Granny about my visit to Mr Pringle – at least not yet – but Lily began to chatter on about it. ‘I sat on the chair outside while Ann went into the office. The lassie behind the desk kept looking at me in a snooty way but I didn’t make any funny faces at her because I knew Ann wouldn’t be pleased. You’ve got to behave in a solicitor’s office, haven’t you, Ann?’

  Bella was agog at this story while Granny raised her eyebrows again. It was obvious that Bella wanted to know the whole story but there was no way I was going to broadcast the fact that Dad had left us almost penniless.

  ‘I just went in because he likes to see me every now and again,’ I explained before sipping another cup of warming tea. I made it sound like an illicit meeting – something shady and underhand. Bella didn’t believe me. I could see that by her sceptical expression but she poured herself another cup of tea as well and sandwiched two Rich Tea biscuits together with a thick layer of butter.

  Grandad saw this move and his paper shook with annoyance. Bella was eating him out of house and home and he didn’t like it – and I was the cause of it. Granny had seen how hungry I was but had made Bella the ploy for making this early supper. Poor Bella – not only was Grandad begrudging her this treat, she wasn’t even the reason for it. I made up my mind to replace all this food the next day when I got my money.

  To get back on safer ground and away from Grandad’s wrath, Bella mentioned the party again. ‘I thought Margot looked really bonny in that frock, Ann. And Hattie’s face was put out of joint even though she tried hard enough to dress smarter than her.’

  We all chuckled at the memory. Then I remembered Rosie and I asked how she was.

  Granny shook her head. ‘Well, she’s gone back to her work but yon lassie is not well. She’s heartbroken over your father and, although we’ve all told her she’ll get over him in time, she won’t listen to reason.’

  I wondered what Dad was doing this minute. Lily and I were penniless at least until tomorrow and Rosie was beside herself with grief. What a world, I thought.

  We all sighed with relief when Bella stood up to go. ‘I’d better head for home, Nan. I like to be in the house before it gets dark. It gives me a chance to light the gas mantle when I can still see it. If I do it in the dark I often break the damn thing and have to buy another one.’

  Grandad muttered, ‘Aye and it’s not before time.’

  Thankfully, she was so busy wrapping a gigantic scarf around her neck and she didn’t hear him because it covered her ears and half her head.

  I was slowly thawing out with the warmth of the room and I didn’t relish going out into the cold street and back to the equally freezing cold flat. The fire would have long gone out and, although it was the month of May, the wind made it feel more like January. Shakespeare certainly had it right when he mentioned the rough winds shaking the darling buds.

  Granny noticed my shiver as I thought of the journey ahead of me and she suggested, ‘Why do you not stay the night, Ann? You can cuddle down with Lily in her bed.’

  Lily’s eyes lit up and she looked disappointed when I shook my head.

  ‘I’ve got some things to do so I’d better get away home.’

  Granny came with me to the top of the stairs. ‘I didn’t want to say anything in front of Bella or the bairn but are you getting enough to eat, Ann? I noticed that Lily had her tea but you had nothing.’

  I was feeling too weary and tired to lie to her. ‘I was at the solicitor’s office to see Mr Pringle. I’m taking some money out of my legacy to tide us over. The day Dad got married I was expecting his week’s wages but he’s obviously got to hand them over to Margot now.’

  She was so angry that she shook with rage. ‘That’s a bloody disgrace. Do you want me to see him and knock some sense into him?’

  ‘Oh, no, Granny, don’t do that. You see he wants Lily and me to go and live with them – to sleep on the bed settee in yon living room. Can you see Margot wanting us messing up her bonny green room?’

  Granny was still fuming. ‘It doesn’t matter what they want. He should still support Lily and he can’t toss away his responsibilities like that.’

  I tried to defuse her anger. ‘But, if he has to give us money every week, then maybe Margot will insist that Lily goes to live with them. This way I can keep us both and they can’t ever take her away from me.’

  She still wasn’t convinced – not totally. ‘It’s still a disgrace that a laddie of mine can completely forsake his bairns for this flashy woman. Although I didn’t say much to Bella, I don’t like Margot very much. I think she’s a bit on the scheming side but I hope I’m wrong. When you think of what a great person Rosie is, it would make you cry.’

  I agreed with her and set off home. Another heavy rain shower was bouncing off the pavement and I pulled my coat tightly around me. It seemed as if I was forever getting soaked – no wonder I couldn’t get rid of this cold. Back at the house, although I had intended to answer Greg’s letter, I changed my mind and went straight to bed with my hot-water bottle. But, in spite of its warmth, I couldn’t stop shivering and, when I finally fell asleep, it was a restless kind of slumber filled with vivid and weird dreams.

  When I woke in the morning, I was glad I had made my appointment with Mr Pringle for the early afternoon. That way I could pick up my money then head for the school to collect Lily. We would do a grocery shopping on the way home and I would get the cupboards stocked up again. The coalman was also due and I would get the coal bunker filled up. If I could get a large fire going then I would soon feel better.

  Mr Pringle seemed pleased to see me again. He handed over a white envelope. ‘I’ve kept the money in low denominations, Ann.’

  I looked puzzled.

  He explained, ‘I’ve got the money in ten shilling and pound notes except for two five-pound notes. It will be easier for you to spend them.’

  I never thought of that and he was right. Not many people knew of my legacy and it would look strange if I started to flash five-pound notes around the Hilltown.

  I thanked him and got to my feet.

  He motioned me to sit down again but I kept an eye on the big clock on the office wall.

  I started the conversation. ‘How’s Maddie? Her final exams can’t be far away, Mr Pringle.’

  He smiled. ‘No indeed they aren’t and she’s getting a bit worried about them. We tell her she can only do her best and no more so she shouldn’t worry about them.’

  I nodded. ‘Well, I hope she passes. She’s worked so hard these last three years.’

  Then he got to the subject I was dreading. ‘Now, Ann, has your father made any plans for you and Lily? Are you going to stay with him and your new stepmother?’

  ‘No, Mr Pringle, we’re not. I’m looking after Lily and that’s why I need the money – to make us independent.’

  He seemed dubious. ‘But surely it would be better to live as a family with them instead of carrying on alone?’

  I shook my head. ‘No, Mr Pringle, it wouldn’t be a good idea because there’s not really room for us in their house.’

&
nbsp; He clasped his hands together and looked serious.

  Meanwhile, I went on although, afterwards, I realised I had been blabbering. ‘I know the money will not last forever but, if I’m careful, it’ll last a good while. It’s the best I can do at the moment but I’m looking for another job with more hours and that will be a big help.’

  ‘Your legacy has been invested wisely, Ann, and what you’ve taken out today is merely the interest on the initial sum but, if you do keep dipping into it, the capital will slowly diminish. But you know that, don’t you?’

  I nodded. ‘This fifty pounds will last me for a long time Mr Pringle. I get my wage every week from Connie so this will just be for the food. My wage covers the rent and a bag of coal.

  He smiled. ‘You’ve got it all worked out and I admire you for it but I also hope your father is providing for you both. Regardless of his marriage, he still has a financial responsibility for your sister and a moral responsibility for you.’

  Just to escape, I assured him that Dad was providing for us. I knew Mr Pringle had our best interests at heart but I was now responsible for Lily and that was the way it was going to stay.

  After tea, I found time to answer Minnie’s letter. I gave her my limited news and told her how delighted I was to hear her happy news.

  I didn’t write to Greg because I didn’t know what to say to him. How could we ever get married while I had Lily and he was miles away in another city? Fate seemed to conspire in keeping us apart.

  I was on my way to the school to pick up Lily when another heavy shower fell from a dark clouded sky, sending thin sheets of cold water against my face and once again drenching my coat – a coat that didn’t have much chance to dry out between these daily soakings.

  I had planned to visit the grocer’s shop before going home but, when we reached the door of Johnston’s Stores, I suddenly felt so ill and weary. I gave the shopping list to Lily and I sat down on the wooden chair which was strategically placed for customers at the side of the counter. Lily was in her element reading from the list and she watched as the woman assistant danced to her commands. I could think only of my bed and I planned to go there as soon as Lily was safely delivered to the Overgate.

  We carried the two bags of groceries between us and although I felt too tired to cook I knew Lily would need her tea. It was such a struggle to go through all the motions and I was grateful when I finally deposited her with Granny. I tried to put on a cheery face in front of Granny as I knew she would worry but it was with a huge sense of relief that I made my way back home, getting another soaking on the return journey. I lay down on my bed and I didn’t even bother to remove my clothes as I felt so ill.

  I awoke in a panic. I couldn’t think where I was. It was a place I had never been before – this dense green jungle with enormous trees that spread high above my head. It was very hot and I could see steam rising from the wet leaves before it swirled in a white mist into a blue sky which seemed miles above my head. Thick green fronds of foliage dripped with moisture and they bent down with the weight of the water. I was totally alone in this alien place but I thought I could hear voices from a faraway spot. Were they calling my name? I wasn’t sure.

  My legs felt weary as I trudged through the dense undergrowth. Then I remembered Lily. Where was she? I called her name over and over again but she was nowhere to be seen. The faint voices still carried on the warm wind but they seemed no nearer than before. I pushed aside thick branches of a tree but the wet fronds slipped from my hands and I felt a stinging slap on my face.

  I called again for Lily but I was all alone. Where were Granny and Grandad? Or Greg and Danny? Surely I wasn’t the only person alive in this horrible green and wet place. Then suddenly the jungle disappeared and I was in a desert. A vast empty tract of sand as far as the eye could see. I looked at the sky and a bright golden sun shone mercilessly on my upturned face. It was so hot that it burnt my eyes and I looked around for some kind of shade. There was none – just miles and miles of gritty sand that felt like shards of glass against my bare feet. The voices were still muffled in the distance and I stopped walking. I tried to catch a familiar word but, if they were indeed voices, they sounded more like muffled waves on the shore.

  The memory of the sea made me thirsty and I was gasping for a drink of water. Then I saw the trees and a small blue pool about a hundred yards ahead of me and I ran towards it. I saw my reflection in the water but as I lay down to take a drink, the water disappeared and became a pool of sand. I lay down and cried bitterly.

  The sun grew hotter by the hour and I made for the shelter of the trees but they also disappeared before my eyes. My face and neck became so hot that I was sure my hair would catch fire. I couldn’t bear the hot sand against my bare feet either. I looked around for some shade but there was none – just a vast, hot and yellow desert with a baking sun beating down.

  It was then I knew I was going to die in this wilderness. Then I remembered Lily and I got to my feet. I knew the trick was to keep moving but I was so tired and my legs felt as if they didn’t belong to my body. I lay down a few times, not caring if I died, but then Lily’s image would appear. I knew I had to find her and look after her.

  Then night came and a freezing wind blew over me and I couldn’t help but shiver. The desert was an eerie place full of deep shadows and bitter coldness. I had thrown my clothes away during the intense heat of the day and I was now regretting it. I thought of my wonderful cosy quilt at home and I wished I had brought it with me. After what seemed like hours spent shivering among the deep sand dunes, the sun came up and I was immediately overwhelmed by the heat. Vast waves of shimmering sunshine swept over me and I felt as if I was being fried like Mr Nettie’s chips.

  I had to find the jungle again. At least there was shade there and not this relentless and intolerable heat that seemed to drain my spirit and make the sand shimmer. My feet sank into a deep pit of sand and I had only travelled a few yards when I knew I couldn’t go on. I thought, if I just have a small rest, then I would be fine.

  The fine particles of sand were like red-hot needles against my skin and, although I knew if I fell asleep I would never ever wake up again, I let my head drop on to the sand. I just didn’t have the energy to resist this final sleep.

  Then suddenly a dark shadow swept over me and a disembodied face hovered over me. It was a sharp-featured man’s face with dark piercing eyes. I opened my mouth to scream but it was too dry and I realised my mouth was full of gritty sand. His face appeared again and this time I managed to make a sound although it came out as a feeble groan and not a full-scale scream.

  The man pulled me to my feet and pointed a long slender finger towards the horizon. I tried to follow it with my sand-encrusted eyes but the heat haze had distorted the far off distance. He pointed once more and I stumbled forward. When I looked back he was gone. The horizon seemed so far off and a long sandy wasteland lay before me. Then I saw the oasis. A fringe of green palm trees and another blue pool of water. I ran towards it, my feet dragging in the deep sand but with a great deal of sweating and willpower I soon reached it.

  Lowering myself into the deep pool was a wonderful sensation and I let the cool water cover my face and hair. I planned to stay there forever but someone was helping me out of the water and I saw it was Granny. I tried to speak but she held her finger to her mouth. She had a big towel and she began to dry me off. It was then I noticed that the oasis had turned into a sweet smelling meadow. I lay down amongst the damp grass and the buttercups and a strange peace settled over me. The jungle and the desert were gone. I could smell the meadow flowers and I slept deeply.

  I opened my eyes and I saw Greg. He was sitting by the side of my bed. I knew it was my bed because of the faded crochet cover that had belonged to Mum. There was also my cosy quilt and my chest of drawers with the mirror over it. Sunlight slanted in through the window and I knew it was the late afternoon and I was back in my own room. I thought Greg looked tired but when he saw that I wa
s awake he smiled.

  ‘Welcome back to the world, Ann.’

  What did he mean? Then I remembered the jungle and the desert. My voice sounded croaky and my throat felt like sandpaper. ‘Greg, where have I been?’

  Before he could answer, Granny bustled in. She also looked tired. ‘Now you’re not to tire yourself out by speaking, Ann.’ She propped me up and gave me a lovely drink of cool water.

  I didn’t realise how parched I was till I gulped the water greedily. ‘It was the desert, Granny,’ I whispered. ‘That’s why I’m so thirsty.’

  Greg gave her a look but he said to me, ‘That’s right, Ann, but you’re back home now.’

  Later, granny gave me some thin soup while Greg still sat by the bed. Why was he here?

  My mouth felt so much better now but I was still extremely tired. After Granny left with the bowl, Greg took my hand.

  I whispered, ‘Are you on holiday, Greg?’

  He nodded. ‘Yes, I got a few days off to come and see you.’

  I was surprised. ‘To see me?’

  His face was certainly haggard-looking in the sun’s rays. ‘You’ve been very ill, Ann – with pneumonia.’

  Granny reappeared. ‘Aye, lass, we thought we had lost you but you held on till the fever broke. Our prayers were answered.’

  At that moment, Danny and Dad came in. Danny tried to smile but he didn’t quite make it. Meanwhile Dad sat on the edge of the bed. ‘You’ve had a rough time, Ann, but you’re on the mend now,’ he said.

  Danny finally managed a grin and I tried to match it. Then I remembered Lily. I asked where she was.

  Dad said, ‘She’s staying with Margot and me but we’ll bring her up to see you tonight.’ He turned to look at Granny who was coming in through the door. ‘I mean if that’s all right with your granny.’

  She nodded. Her face had a cool and unusual expression. ‘But just for a quick visit because Ann may be over the worst but she’s still not better yet.’