by Aja Cole
“Nah, you would’ve felt bad. You’re the savior type,” we move aside as a couple rowdy guys come out the door, and go in.
“The savior type?” I scoff, nodding at Mickey behind the bar as we grab a small table near the back. We shrug out of our coats and signal Mickey for our usual orders.
“Yeah man, like the type that can’t help but swoop in and save the damsel in distress. I realize I’m calling myself the damsel in that scenario, but I’m secure in my manhood,” he laughs, nodding as some of the guys sit at the table next to us.
“What man wouldn’t? I mean, if someone is in trouble, why not help?” I frown, “Seems like a no brainer type of thing to me.”
“For you and me and some of the guys we know, maybe. But not for everyone. A lot of people wouldn’t want to be bothered. You were a younger kid on the team too, but you didn’t let that phase you. Either way, I’m grateful because you’re my main man now. I’m just saying, it’s who you are. With women too.”
What the hell did he mean? “I’m not trying to save Daya from anything.”
“Yet. But if something comes up, you’re going to probably try to fix it for her instead of letting her deal with it herself. Which you should if it’s something she needs to face.”
“First mom, and now you. There’s been a lot of cryptic-ness today. Do you two know something about Daya that I don’t? Nothing I’ve seen makes me think there’s something bigger going on, but now I’m starting to think I’m missing something and you haven’t even met her.” Seriously. What the hell was going on?
“Wait, what? Your mom said something? You told her about the chick you’ve been sexting?” We’re silent for a second as the waitress sets down our salmon burgers, sweet potato fries, and drinks.
“Fuck, there’s a lot to tell. Long story short; Daya found out through a shitty twist of fate, she wouldn’t talk to me, I convinced her to talk to me, we hashed things out, had sex, then my mom and Heather walked in on us, and then Faith and Ryan came back and Daya made everyone breakfast while mostly avoiding me, then my mom warned me about a bunch of shit like letting Daya deal with her shit and not getting hurt.”
Alex opens his mouth, and then closes it. Shaking his head, he takes a bite of his burger and looks like he’s thinking. “All of this happened since Friday? It’s only Sunday.”
“Imagine being a part of it,” I grab a fry from the basket. “It was worth it though.”
“It better have been, you haven’t really been with another woman since you started talking to her. Lot of dedication for a woman you’d never met. She could’ve been fucking everyone she wanted.”
“She could’ve. But she wasn’t. Daya’s not like that.” I bite into my burger. Jesus, it’s amazing. More amazing than it usually is. Then again, I’m fucking starving after being on the ice and dirt would probably taste like a gourmet meal.
“How do you know? What do you really know about this girl’s past? Or even her present. I know you like her but I don’t want to see you picking up the pieces if you’re blind-sighted by something. I’m just saying, pull back and learn some more about her before jumping in.”
“I’m touched by all the concern I’ve been getting today. But I’m good, man. I promise. The sex was great, but that’s all it is right now. And she’s prickly, so that’s all it might ever be. Who knows? Tell me what Asher is thinking about where he wants to go.” Alex looks at me skeptically as I change the subject, even as he starts to talk about his brother’s hockey prospects.
I can’t blame him.
We both know it’s bullshit.
But I didn’t want to talk anymore about me being so into a girl that seemed like she was debating whether or not to act like I didn’t exist every other second.
14
Daya
“My mom likes you a lot,” Faith plops on the couch with a carton of her healthy ice cream, sliding under the large comforter we have spread out. “And Greyson’s mom too.”
“They were both really nice, I liked them too. Greyson told me about the circumstances,” I spoon out some chocolate chip gelato, trying to keep my moan at that first decadent taste to myself. It was really a little slice of heaven in a plastic container.
Faith huffs out a laugh, flipping on the TV and choosing our Netflix app. “Yeah, it’s hard to believe they were with the same man unknowingly for years. It’s like they came out of the same womb, the way they act now.”
“What a crazy situation,” I murmur, keeping my voice level. You’d think it was something Faith and I had talked about before, but she’d been working as a translator in China and had only recently moved back into the townhouse. The time difference and hectic-ness of her schedule had meant we talked briefly and had just agreed we’d catch up on all the time missed when she was back home.
‘Yeah. It was hard for me at first, you know? I didn’t want to talk about it, which is why I never really mentioned it when it was happening. I already had enough to deal with at work and it really sucked that I couldn’t be here with my mom when it all really blew up. Whenever my dad was away, we just assumed it was something hockey related. I don’t think my mom ever had the slightest suspicion that he had another family.”
I snort, my mouth working before my brain can catch up. “Yeah, I know all about that.”
Faith glances at me, turning so she’s facing me instead of the TV. “What do you mean? You haven’t talked much about your family since I’ve known you. What’s the deal there?”
For a second, I consider lying.
But honestly, I’m tired of keeping it all inside. Maybe telling Faith would ensure I never let anything slip around Greyson again. Kind of a little release before shutting the lid completely shut on things.
If she thought her family situation was crazy, I couldn’t wait to see her face when I finished telling her about mine.
After I finished, Faith stared at me for a second before she burst into laughter. “That was a good one. You’re great at this storytelling thing. Is that a premise for a new story you’re writing?”
I smiled slightly. If only. That’d make it so much easier to forget.
“I’m serious, Faith. About everything.”
Her laugh dies down and she covers her mouth with one hand, staring at me with wide eyes. “Oh my god, Daya…and I laughed. I’m so sorry!” She looks stricken and that makes me laugh.
“Faith, it’s completely fine. I’m over it, really.”
“My dad might’ve been lying all my life, but I saw him really regularly. He’s a cad but I love him. I can’t imagine him just disappearing when he wanted and popping up…that has to hurt a lot. “She’s staring at me somberly and I know that look in her eyes.
Complete pity.
I shrug, looking away. It makes me uncomfortable seeing that from her.
I’m fine; I’m not one of those girls with daddy issues or anything.
It hadn’t affected me as much as having a father that wasn’t around had affected others, so I didn’t really need the sympathy.
“Really, it’s nothing. It slipped out so I figured it was time to tell you, especially since Greyson mentioned you guy’s parents.”
She was still looking at me like she’d just had some huge revelation.
“What?” I scowled, stabbing a spoon at my gelato.
“Nothing…I just...kind of makes sense why you don’t let guys get too close now.”
Hearing that, the ice cream turns to sand in my mouth and I sit my carton down. “Excuse me?”
“What?” she holds her hands up, “Come on, you know that you don’t let guys get close. In college, you only tolerated hook ups and nothing else for the most part.”
“It wasn’t like they wanted anything else…I just adjusted to their mindset.”
“Girl.” She looks at me like she can’t believe what I’m saying.
“Name one person that actually wanted something other than sex. Someone who wasn’t Chris.” I challenge.
Sh
e flips her blonde hair, and crosses her arms like she’s settling in for a while. “I’ll do you one better, I’ll name three and those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head.” She starts to tick off fingers, “Michael. Jeremy. Rashad.”
I narrow my eyes. Their names sounded slightly familiar but I was pulling blanks in my head as to what they looked like and the circumstances. “Who are they?”
Her eyes bug out and she throws her hands up. “How don’t you remember? Michael was in your English class. Jeremy played on the basketball team. Rashad was my boyfriend’s roommate. Jogging any memories? They practically threw themselves in your path whenever they could!”
“Are you sure? I think I’d remember if any guys actually made an effort to get to know me…” and I was sure I would. Unless they were just completely unattractive to me. I didn’t believe in just pushing aside certain things just to have others when it came to dating. Being a nice guy wouldn’t sustain a full and healthy relationship. Thinking you could just magically grow to love someone when there wasn’t any initial attraction struck me as more…martyr like, than selfless or loving.
“I love you Daya, but you’re single because you want to be, not because guys didn’t make any effort. And in my opinion, you had hookups for the same reason. It was kinda you…not all them.”
“Well, damn, tell me how you really feel about me.”
Was it really all me?
It couldn’t have been...
I already kept to myself back then. I wasn’t big on parties or huge groups. I just didn’t like the feeling I got when there were so many people I didn’t have a connection with. I’d rather avoid it instead. When I did encounter guys or used a dating app, they’d always been isolated events and usually they just wanted to have some fun with no strings.
I got tired of being that girl that expected more and got her feelings hurt, so I’d made myself strip myself of needing more too. Eventually, I was numb to it. Sometimes, they’d want to hang out more, but I knew they only had one agenda anyway so why put myself through that?
Faith patted me on the leg, “I’m not judging you, I’m just saying that I think you’re amazing. And pretty. And funny as hell. But you’re still single and at some point, you have to accept your part in that.”
“Why do you think I have a problem with being single? I don’t. I like not dealing with anyone else’s feelings. I like only having to think about myself and what I want to do. Anything else would just be too much for me right now. Too messy.”
“No, I think you’re used to not doing any of that. So you’ve convinced yourself you like it, but you’re just scared to get used to doing things any other way. I think you’d be amazing in a relationship, but you never let yourself even get close to that.”
“Why the hell are you giving me all this shit about being single, huh? You’re single and you don’t see me picking out your flaws,” I throw the blanket off, jumping up from the couch.
I didn’t want to hear anymore of Faith’s analyzing me. That’s what the hell I got for having a friend that’d gotten a psych certification. Thinking she could pick out my problems in life and tell me why they were and what my role was in them?
What the fuck?
I didn’t have an issue. I definitely didn’t have a problem being single and it had nothing to do with my childhood.
I wasn’t one of those people. The people who couldn’t get past stuff that was long past.
I was an adult and I didn’t need anyone telling me what they thought of how I lived my life. Where did she get off? What kind of friend was she?
“Daya,” she starts, rising from the couch. I throw my hand out, warning her off as I grab up the ice cream and stalk to the kitchen.
Some nerve she has.
“Don’t “Daya” me, Faith.” I make air quotations, “You’ve told me what you think. I’m the reason for what you perceive as my problems. But I don’t have a problem,” I throw the carton in and slam the freezer door. “This is just me. It’s who I am. And if you think there’s something wrong with that, then you’re the one with the problem!”
She’s standing in the living room, with this shocked look on her face.
What, did she think I was just going to lie down and take her bullshit explanations of my life??
I go to my room, closing the door. I don’t even want to be at the apartment right now. Throwing on my sweatshirt and grabbing my keys, I slide my feet into a pair of Converse.
I didn’t know where I was going but I wasn’t staying there.
“I didn’t mean anything in a bad way, Daya,” Faith calls from outside my door and I open it.
“It’s fine. I’m going out,” I slide past her, grabbing my phone and purse from the counter.
“Where are you going?”
“Remember? I can leave without an explanation because I’m single.” I spit the word out, and it sounds like the bad thing that she’s making it out to be.
I don’t stick around to hear her response.
15
Greyson
I’m still mulling over Alex and I’s conversation at dinner as I get to the townhouse.
Would I be biting off more than I could chew if I pursued Daya?
There was a lot I didn’t know, stuff that you couldn’t find out just talking for one night.
How much did you need to know about a person before you decided to just go for it?
Honestly…I liked how she’d been towards the Moms.
I liked how she’d been willing to hear me out and take responsibility for her part in us not communicating better.
I definitely knew I wanted her in my bed for however long she wanted to be there.
Why couldn’t I go from there?
Nothing was guaranteed. Hell, I could go out on that ice and come off paralyzed. One bad hit was all it took. One wrong move for everything to be in jeopardy.
I didn’t live my life fast and loose, but I wasn’t the type to worry about every little thing either. Maybe it was time I stopped letting a little uncertainty get in my way.
By the time I’d parked and made it to the door, I’d decided I would tell Daya exactly what I wanted from her, whether she wanted to hear it or not.
I had a stake in this too.
I couldn’t keep worrying about whether she’d be scared off or not.
If she really wanted to just keep things as is, I’d move on and go about my life after I moved back to my place.
Grudges were a waste of energy.
I flip the light on after I open the door, dropping my gear near the wall.
“Daya?” Faith springs up from the couch, a worried look on her face.
“Nope, just me. Daya’s not here?”
She groans, plopping back down. “No, she left here mad at me like an hour ago, but I don’t know where she went.”
“Why would she be mad at you?” I perch on the arm of the couch, and I hear Faith sigh. She mumbles something but I don’t catch it. “What’d you say?”
“I told her that it’s been her choice to be single now because she keeps guys at arms-length and I guess she thought I was criticizing her because she got mad and left. I didn’t mean it in a bad way though, she just told me about her dad and it kind of made sense to me. I had no idea it would make her react like that, or else I wouldn’t have said anything.” She looks at me with big eyes and I know she hadn’t intentionally said anything to hurt Daya.
There was no telling what Daya had heard though.
For a second, I want to ask what she’d said about her dad, but a little voice tells me that would be underhanded. I had to wait for her to share it with me on her own.
“I’m sure she’ll come home when she’s cooled off a little, and you two will make up. You’ve been friends for years now. One little disagreement won’t change that.” She nods her head, still glum, and I hug her to me. After a second of hesitation, she hugs me back tightly and there’s a little itch in my throat.
It’s the first moment like this that we’ve ever had.
My little sister.
For a second, I feel this churning anger at my father for never telling us about each other. All so he could keep his two lives separate and keep deceiving the women that loved him.
But we can’t go back in time, so the only thing I could do was try to make up for all the memories we’d missed out on for years.
“Greyson…” Faith pulls back and even though I hadn’t had a little sister for long, I can tell she’s about to ask me to do something.
I sigh, smiling. “You want me to check on her?”
“Please? I know you two don’t know each other that well, but maybe she’ll talk to you.”
You’re going to hell for lying.
“Yeah, maybe it’ll be good since I’m removed from the situation. Where do you think she’d go?”
“Probably a really quiet bar? Or a book shop that’s still open?” Faith frowns, “I sound like a shitty friend. But Daya…she keeps to herself. Home is where she unwinds, not in public. If she doesn’t want to be around, she just goes to her room. I really don’t know why this is different.”
“I’ll text her and see if she responds to me. Then I’ll go from there.”
“Yeah, okay…you have her number?” There’s a mix of curiosity and suspicion in her voice, and I’m ashamed to say I didn’t even have to think about my excuse.
“Yeah. I locked myself out Friday night and she gave me her number in case I did it again and she wasn’t hanging out in the living room.”
“Oh okay. Great. Yeah. Just let me know she’s okay. I’m going to get in the shower,” she hugs me again quickly as she walks by. “Thanks, Greyson.”
“No problem, squirt.” I tease. When she’s gone up to her room, I pull out my phone and think about what I should say to Daya.
“Faith’s worried. Are you okay?”
After a few minutes, I see the typing bubble pop up.
“Peachy.”
Well, she’s alive.
“Want to talk about it?”
