by Aja Cole
“Nope.”
“Where are you?”
“Somewhere.”
I knew she was feeling some way about she and Faith’s conversation, but I still felt myself getting annoyed.
“Okay. Let me know when you want to act like an adult.”
“I’m really not in the mood for your shit, Cole.”
So much for starting fresh. There’s a pit in my stomach now and I can tell the conversation isn’t going anywhere good.
“That makes two of us. Forget it. Just text your friend and let her know you’re safe because she cares about you and she feels terrible that she might’ve hurt your feelings.”
“She didn’t hurt my feelings. I’m fine. Everyone should stop worrying about me.”
“That’s what people do when they care.”
“Well I don’t, so they should stop.”
“That’s right Daya, you don’t need anyone.”
“Exactly.”
There was nothing about this side of Daya that made me want to follow through with my earlier decision. Where was the slightly sarcastic but good natured Daya? The one that was a little shy and vulnerable? This Daya just seemed…combative. And indifferent.
Maybe you’re being too harsh.
Was I? I had no idea about the specifics of their conversation. Maybe there was more than Faith let on. Maybe it had to do more with the stuff about Daya’s dad.
“Let me come join you.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to. Tell me where you are.”
Five minutes goes by.
Then ten.
Then I get a reply.
“I’m in a little park now. I don’t know the address, I just walked. I’ll send you my location.”
I’m still dressed so I make sure I have my keys, and tap the address to GPS it after she sends it through. She’s not far, maybe 15 minutes away.
While I walk, I take the time to think about what the hell I’m going to say.
I can’t speak for Faith. Their friendship has spanned too long for me to think I could speak for her. That’s something they’ll have to deal with themselves.
But it was time to stop avoiding talking about us.
In only one night, I’d deduced a few things.
My mom was probably right.
I didn't have time to peel back someone’s layers and figure out the damage by whatever was in her past. Soon, I’d be in an 82 game season and then hopefully fighting for the Stanley Cup. I’d never talked to anyone while I was in season before. I wondered how the hell the guys with wives and children made time and energy.
And yet, I didn’t particularly care about either of those things.
I wanted her.
Her agreeing that she didn’t need anyone was a red flag.
What was my problem that I wanted to throw myself into what could potentially be a huge mess of miscommunication and unnecessary stress?
You’re the savior type.
I slow down, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. I can see the park up ahead.
Was I only interested in Daya even more now because I had some type of savior complex?
Here she was, upset about something, and I was rushing to her side.
Was it because I actually could see something there or was I ignoring the things that made this a bad idea because I wanted her to feel like I rescued her or something?
My phone chimes and I glance at the screen.
“Are you still coming? Not that I care or anything…just checking.”
I can’t help the small smile that comes to my lips.
Maybe I just needed to go back to my usual. Not worrying about the little things…just taking it day by day.
I hadn’t worried before Alex and my mom said anything and I needed to keep it that way.
“Be there in a few.”
16
Daya
“Be there in a few.”
Reading the message, I’m annoyed at myself for even checking to see if he was still coming. Now he knew I was thinking about him.
If I were really indifferent, I would’ve just said nothing.
Stupid.
I’d been sitting alone, doing a lot of thinking.
Thinking about what Faith told me.
Thinking about what I said to her.
Thinking about why I was so angry to hear her opinion.
Thinking about what my reaction to it meant.
Obviously, I had things I didn’t want to face.
It made me feel like the worst friend ever that I’d taken it out on her, for just being honest.
Staring at my dark screen, I swipe to unlock it, and call Faith.
She answers almost immediately. “Daya! Listen, I’m so –,”
“Hush.” I interrupt her. She goes silent.
“I’m sorry for being an asshole. I’ve thought about it a lot and I was in the wrong. All you did was tell me what things looked like to you, and even if I don’t fully agree…I know you weren’t being malicious.”
“Of course not! We’ve never been those type of friends,” she laughs softly and I feel like a weight’s been lifted. It was hard enough being my friend because I’m sort of anti-social, I didn’t need to alienate the ones that actually liked me.
“Exactly. Sorry for making you doubt that,” I look around a bit, making sure Greyson isn’t near. “I’m meeting someone so I’ll see you when I get home. Love you.”
“I forgive you. Love you too. Have fun with this mysterious person you didn’t give a name,” Her voice is mischievous and I want to laugh since she’d probably have some different choice words for me if she knew who it was.
I also felt bad that I’d slept with her brother and hadn’t said a single thing to her about it yet.
I probably owed him an apology too.
Not that I want to let him know that, since I think it’ll give him this some sort of…I don’t know. Super power? I just didn't want to tell him I shouldn’t have been as flippant with him.
“So you’re not a complete brat then?”
I whip around, my phone flying out of my hand. “Shit!”
He comes around and sits on the bench, hands deep in his jacket.
“I’d apologize, but I’m not actually sorry,” he stares at me, his face cast in shadow on one side by the park lights, and I look away. Looking at him when we’re alone together, the first thing that pops up in my head is last night.
“Good. I’m not apologizing either.” I’m looking ahead but I can see his grin.
We sit there in silence for a little longer, both of us probably trying to avoid the one thing we know we should talk about.
‘What is this?” his voice slides over me in the most pleasant way.
“This is us, sitting on a bench, watching the night pass us by.”
“So what was last night?”
“It was a lapse in my judgment,” I look at him, and the look on his face seems like he doesn’t believe me.
I didn’t know if I believed me.
“Can we just be candid right now? No quips, no hiding. Just tell me what you want.”
Well damn.
That was kind of hot.
I stare at the grass, and grab up my phone.
I don’t really know what to tell him.
I know what I should want. I should want to keep my life as is.
I should want to not complicate things and keep sleeping with my best friend’s brother.
You should want to keep him as far away as possible.
Probably.
But while I’d been sitting alone on that park bench, I realized that maybe I could try to let someone in.
Maybe things didn’t have to be complicated.
It wouldn’t be easy, but I think I could pick a worse person to start with than Greyson Mathieson. And he seemed like a chill guy…if I started to need my space and we needed to stop whatever was happening, maybe he wouldn’t have any hard feelings.
Would i
t kill me to try?
“I want…to not be scared of trying this.”
I can’t tell if it’s the answer he was expected, because he doesn’t respond immediately.
I wonder if he’d rather be interested in someone easier. But his next words send a shard of hope through me that I couldn’t stop even if I’d wanted to.
“Well, you’re not scared alone. You think it’s easy for me? Continuously making it known I’m interested in you when you didn’t even want to meet? And almost decided to just ignore me completely? And when you just said you don’t need anyone?” He comes closer and grabs one of the hands I’m tapping on the bench, “If it was easy to do, we wouldn’t appreciate it. For some reason, I want you regardless.”
“Shoot, speak for yourself,” I argued, “I like easy. I like simple.”
“Do you like me?” his voice is quiet and my breath catches at the note in his voice. It’s so uncertain. Like he’s actually not sure if I’ll shoot him down or not.
Had I really done that to this man?
Made him doubt himself?
This strong, confident athlete who ruled the Ice like some beautiful god. Who plowed down men every game and skated with such control and precision. Who was preparing for a huge season for his team?
Did I have that power?
I hesitated. I’ve never felt like this before, like someone needed to hear my answer. Like someone genuinely cared. Or maybe I just hadn’t paid attention before, because I hadn’t wanted to. “Yes…I like you.”
I see his posture get a little straighter and he rakes a hand through his hair.
“I feel like I’m back in grade school again. You know, usually, I’m the one people want to like them.”
“It’s good to be on the other side sometimes,” I laugh but I can hear the undercurrent of nervousness in my voice.
It’s real now.
I’d admitted that I was somewhat on the same page, and now the control was level again.
We’re both vulnerable.
Turning my hand over in his, he laces a hand through it and moves until he’s thigh to thigh with me. He pulls me close and I give in, lying on his shoulder as he hugs me against his side with the other arm.
“Day by day,” he murmurs, and I feel the press of a kiss against my forehead.
“Day by day.” I quietly agree.
I would try.
That’s all I could promise.
17
Greyson
I sit there with Daya for I don’t know how long, and it feels like my balls are going to retreat into my body.
But I’d deal if it meant I got to hold her like this.
I’m a bit amazed that she’s agreed to give things a try.
Where did we go from here?
We’d started in such a way that I wanted to celebrate by fucking her until neither of us could see straight, but with her hesitance – I wanted her to see me as more than just a body.
So did we forego sex completely? Date for 3 months? Focus on getting to know each other without the sexual tension? Could we even remove that component and still have some sort of connection?
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t wonder if the only appeal between us was sexual.
I knew it wasn’t my only reasoning, but I didn’t know why she liked me. I didn’t know why she’d finally decided to relent.
Maybe it has something to do with Faith’s argument.
I’m rubbing a hand along her arm, enjoying the peace of the moment when she lifts her mouth to my ear.
“Mind if we go back? It’s a bit chilly.”
“That depends. Are you going to change your mind when we get up? Do we only exist as a thing on this park bench?”
She huffs out a laugh, stroking her thumb over my hand. “No. I wouldn’t do that. I might be terrified but I’ll admit I’m a bit excited. I haven’t done this in a while.”
“Done what?” I stand and pull her up with me, wrapping my arms around her back as she wraps hers around my neck.
“Dated, had a relationship, spent prolonged time with a guy as anything other than friends or casual sex partners.” She looks at me like she’s waiting for some type of judgment.
“Really? That’s a little hard to imagine but I guess I could see it. You seem a bit picky.”
She drops her gaze to my chest, since she only comes up about right under my chin.
“You don’t think it’s weird? I’ve dated one guy my entire life and I got sick of him very quickly. You don’t think that’s a red flag?”
“If you want me to give you a reason to not have to do this, I’m not. You’ll have to decide that on your own.” I tip her chin up with a finger, making her meet my eyes. “You in or you out? Last chance.”
“I’m in…but that doesn’t mean I won’t question it or you. I don’t really understand what my appeal is to you…so just be patient with me. I am going to try. But I might fail.”
It’s that very quality of being honest when it comes down to it that I really admire and find attractive. Here she is, in a new situation, and she’s trying to communicate with me.
It’s more than some people did after years of knowing them or being in a relationship.
“I’m not some perfect boyfriend. It would be unfair of me to expect some break downs here or there, but if you keep talking to me and being honest with me, I think we might do better than a lot of people.” I grin, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.
The last time I remembered feeling this excited about the future was when I got drafted. That was going well…I hoped that we would follow suit.
“Alright, koala bear. Let’s head back before I have to defrost you.”
“A girl clings to you once and now I feel like you won’t let that nickname go.”
“It’s cute. I’m keeping it.” We start walking, my grin silly now.
Shit, apparently I was going to be one of those guys.
The sappy ones.
Believe it or not, I’d never been like this with a girl before. Never put so much in so early. Definitely didn’t give cutesy nicknames. But it came easy with Daya. The guys on the team would have a field day if they ever found out.
I keep an arm around her as we head back home.
“If I freeze, will you defrost me with your tongue?” that smokiness is back in her voice, and all of a sudden, my balls are warming up again.
“Is there any other way?”
“I mean, there is the bath. I think you could fit in there too though.”
“Possibly. Maybe we should keep the sex out of it for a little bit,” I can almost feel her disbelief. Yeah, it was a crazy idea, but we could do it…I think?
“If you’re not as attracted to me anymore, you could just say that,” she ducks my arm, walking faster ahead of me and it happens so quickly that I just stand in place for a second, processing her words.
NOT ATTRACTED???
The woman was out of her fucking mind.
Was she really mad or just playing around?
She’s damned sure walking fast for someone who isn’t serious.
“Hey!” I call out, groaning as she disappears around a corner. “Daya!” I jog to catch up with her, grabbing her arm gently once I make it. It doesn’t take long.
And I’m fucking irritated just that quickly.
“Hey, are you kidding me?”
“I can’t think of any other reason you’d want to hold off.”
I back her up into the wall with my body, not feeling a single shred of guilt for using my size advantage. She glares up at me, her full mouth set in a mutinous line that would be funny if I wasn’t so confused and pissed off.
“We need to nip this in the bud right now.”
“What? Giving up already?” I narrow my eyes, making myself take a mental step back and go quickly through the scenario.
I’d need to deal with Daya the same way I dealt with the game.
Control. Focus. Finding the best way out of a tight spot quick
ly.
What was she really saying?
She didn’t think I wanted her…so she needed to know that I did desire her. I needed to show her, since telling her wasn’t doing a damn thing.
It was like she hadn’t heard a single thing I’d said that night.
“The only thing I’m giving up is handling you with kid gloves.” I let go of the reign on my own need, and embrace the loss of control. Gripping her chin, our mouths collide and I pour everything I can into the kiss. My frustration. My need. My happiness. Stroking my tongue into her mouth, I tangle with hers until she’s gripping at my shirt and pushing to get closer. I’m feeling a need rising in me to hear her beg me for more.
“Beg me to fuck you right here.” She gasps, and her hands clench on my shoulders.
“I can’t…we can –,” taking her mouth again, I swallow her protests, moving her from the wall of the building and back into the little side alley. I don’t even feel the cold anymore; I’m so heated from the combination of emotions. I brace her hands against the brick wall and crowd behind her, seeking out her heat with my dick. I want it too badly now. If she told me to stop, I would, but now all I could see were images of me fucking her in that little alley to prove her wrong.
She’s wearing these tight little sweatpants and I easily slip a hand beneath the waistband, cupping her through her panties. I feel her clit jumping against my palm and I spread my fingers, caressing her pussy through the thin fabric. Her head drops back against my shoulder and I glide my mouth along her skin, tugging at her ear lightly with my teeth.
“Say it.” I whisper, sucking the soft skin behind her ear and letting her little sounds roll over me.
“No.” That’s okay. She would.
I remove my hand only for the quick second it takes to slide into her panties, and the feel of her hot skin under my hand sends a shudder through me. I can feel the waves of warmth coming from her and I drag a finger repeatedly over her lips until I feel them flower open. I let my fingers trail over her, getting slicker and slicker until I kick her legs a little wider and plunge into her with two of them. I cover her loud moan with my hand, holding her wide gaze for every thrust of my fingers. My dick’s practically weeping for attention but I ignore the need, wanting to hear the words from her lips before I relent.
