“Yes, Essie made us dinner.” Mom’s words have my eyes snapping to her. Those ocean-colored irises that match mine implore me to be kind. To offer something nice to say rather than be the asshole Essie accused me of being earlier today.
“Well, whatever it is, it smells amazing,” is all I can offer before heading toward the hallway. Shoving the door to my bedroom open, I tug off the T-shirt and grab a towel. The heat of the day has me feeling more than uncomfortable and I need to freshen up.
All day, the only thing I could think of was how good the first week was when she walked into my life. Deep down, I want to go back to that. To find that happiness that now seems to elude me. Once the shower is turned on and heating up, I step under the spray in the hopes of cleansing myself of these thoughts of Essie and how her lips feel against mine.
Those kisses we shared were some of the best moments of my life. I’ve been with other women, but it was her sweet flavor that I wanted on my lips more than I could allow myself to want. Since the night of the barn dance she burrowed herself into my life and she’s not left. Even though I’ve pushed her away, I can’t stop the memory of her.
The cold water sends a shiver over my skin. Shutting off the taps, I step out and grab my towel, wrapping it around my hips, and head into my bedroom.
“Every time I walk in here you’re practically naked.” A soft giggle comes from the doorway and my body responds. When I drag my gaze to the source of the sound, I find the pretty girl gazing at me with affection which I don’t deserve. I know she likes me; it’s in the way she looks at me every time I step into her line of vision. I feel her. It’s as if she’s an entity tethered to me and all I do is sense her.
“Darlin,’ I never heard you complaining.” For the first time since I found out why she was here, I offer her a genuine smile. It’s what she wanted all along because the grin she responds with has my heart slamming against my rib cage painfully. I want her. Fuck, I really want her.
“Dinner should be ready in ten minutes, so… I just needed to tell you.”
“Come here.” I drop my voice to a whisper. When she nears me with tentative steps, I turn to face her fully. Once again, I reach up for her face, cupping her cheek in my hand, I allow my thumb to trail circles over her smooth skin. The blush I’ve come to love seeing on her face appears at my gentleness. She’s beautiful, intoxicatingly beautiful. “I want to kiss you, Essie. But I’m so angry at you. I’m confused. Everything seems like a fuck up right now.”
She peeks up at me through those long lashes, the corner of her mouth quirks into a smile. “I want you to kiss me. But I also want to slap you for being an asshole.”
I chuckle at her words, but wrap my arm around her waist, tugging her against me. Her delicate palms flatten against my chest which sends my desire for her skyrocketing.
“If I kiss you, will you slap me?” She shakes her head no, so I lean in and feather my lips over hers. It’s not a real kiss, not yet. I’m teasing her, and taunting me. I want to devour her, to lick into her sweet mouth and taste her, but I don’t. It’s a tentative movement when my lips press firmly against hers for the first time in days.
Her hands stroke up my chest and twine around my neck as she pulls me closer. Her small frame presses against mine, her body molding to me like she fits against me perfectly. A moan falls from her lips, but I swallow it with the kiss. Our tongues dual, like our words normally do, and I know in this moment this girl will be my undoing.
Chapter Ten
Essie
“Essie, I think dinner’s ready!” Clayton’s mom calls to us, which causes us to jump apart instantly.
“We’re coming!” His rough tone is filled with amusement.
Tipping my head to the side, I regard him with a smile. “Are we?” He reaches for me once more, planting a quick chaste kiss on my lips.
“Don’t get sassy,” he warns and a heated tingle courses through me. I don’t know what made him kiss me, but I like this side of him. It reminds me that he’s a nice guy beneath the asshole exterior. It also reminds me that I like him, and I want to kiss him again.
My emotions seem to be all over the place and that’s not a good thing. Stepping back, I smile up at him. “I better get back.” He nods, those deep endless pools holding me hostage with a look that sears me. In the living room, I find Molly and Cody sitting at the small dining table waiting on us. A blush heats my cheeks when I think about what Clayton and I were doing, even if it was just a kiss, embarrassment floods my face.
“Sit down, honey. Where is that son of mine?”
“He’s just—”
“I’m here, I’m here,” Clay saunters in looking handsome as always. I don’t know what the kiss meant or if he’s going to let me in. All I can do is wait and see. Once we all dig in to the steak pie and mashed potatoes, I can’t help smiling when both boys groan in pleasure. “This is darn good, darling,’” Clay hums his approval. The smirk that I’ve come to enjoy seeing on his face, paired with those blue eyes are enough to have me reddening at his compliment.
“Thanks, I don’t cook much, but there are a few things I know how to make.” I smile, taking a bite of the pie, savoring the peppery flavor. The crust is just crispy enough to crack when you bit into it, and the gravy that I cooked the meat in is warm and hearty.
“This is proper home cooking right here, honey. You’ll make a man happy one day with a meal like this,” Molly says in her country lilt, immediately my eyes fly to where Clayton is sitting. I don’t know why, but I wish he’d say something, anything, but he doesn’t. Instead, he keeps his eyes trained on the plate before him.
When I cast a glance at his mom, she’s smiling, noticing my gaze on her son. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get married, Mrs. Walker. I… My parents weren’t the best role models growing up, I’m…” Dropping my eyes, I stare at the food, feeling my hunger dissipate at the painful thoughts of my family. The people I want more than anything to impress, even though I know what a failure I am to them.
“Essie, you look at me now,” she requests gently. When I finally lift my eyes, the tears I’ve kept at bay burn. “You don’t need to prove to anyone but yourself that you’re doing something you love, that you can make it on your own, and you are the one that should be proud of yourself. Don’t let anyone make you feel any different. You’re special, a young, beautiful woman. If you find a man to love you the way you are, you hold on to him, honey. You don’t need to live up to your parent’s expectations, or even their example of anything. Life isn’t about following in other’s footsteps; it’s about creating your own.” Her words soothe the ache in my chest, but when I blink, the tears roll down my cheeks as the emotion pours from me silently.
“Excuse me a moment,” I whisper, pushing up, I race to the bathroom and shut the door. Swiping at the tears on my cheeks, I drag my watery eyes to the mirror taking in the mess looking back at me. My hair is all over the place, my eyes are red rimmed, but it’s my heart that hurts so much more than I let on.
I’ve become an expert at hiding my feelings. Smiling when I’m in pain. Laughing when I want to cry, it was only with Clayton did I finally feel free. Like myself.
Inhaling deep breaths, I turn on the tap and splash cold water on my face, hoping to calm the red in my cheeks. Once I’ve dabbed my face with the towel, I head back into the dining room to find Clayton alone at the table.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble, dropping into the chair.
“Don’t apologize, my mom is outside chatting to our neighbor. She’s not angry. I think she feels bad for bringing it up.” He reaches for my hand. A simple gesture and I feel like bawling my eyes out again. His touch is warm, comforting; it feels like home.
“I never talk about them. It’s become so easy to push them aside, to hide them from my life because I’ve never been good enough, pretty enough, successful enough,” I realize I’m rambling, but I can’t stop myself. It’s only when Clayton places a finger on my lips does my words falter.
“Clayton—”
“Look, I’m still angry and I’m not going to stop fighting you from taking my daddy’s ranch from me, but…” He turns away then, as if he’s warring with himself on what he wants to say. As soon as those blue eyes are on me again, he murmurs. “I like you, Essie.”
“I still have a job to do, Clayton. And as much as I like you, I can’t not do what I came here to do,” my confession is like ice water to us both. He sits back, regarding me with a glare that tells me I should’ve just shut up when I had the chance. Once again, I’ve messed up.
“Too bad about that, ain’t it?” He doesn’t wait for me to respond. Instead, he rises from the table and makes his way out the back door, slamming it shut behind him. Sighing, I shake my head, needing to clear all the thoughts that race through my mind. How can I get Mr. Nicholson to give up on this ranch? On his plans to tear it down and build godforsaken condos.
The man is a monster. I see it now. When I first started working for him, I looked up to him. Now, after him forcing me to stay here and do this job, I’m not so sure he’s a good man anymore. There’s nothing stopping me from quitting, I have more than enough money to live off since my trust fund is sitting in my bank account.
However, I know as soon as I do, they’ll send another property evaluator out here who’ll rip this place to shreds. They’ll have the contract signed before I have time to take my next breath. There must be another way.
Somehow, I have to figure out how to save the ranch. Not for me, but for the man I think I’m falling for. Picking up the dinner plates, I stack them, taking them into the kitchen. Once I’ve tidied up somewhat, I head into the bedroom and pull out my laptop. I have an idea, but I need to make sure it’s a viable option before I tell anyone.
I should be able to ask my dad, but I never wanted anything from them. I know if I do go to them for advice, I’ll only be told I’m a failure and it’s not worth my time. Not once in my life have they given me a support system that other parents give their children.
For two people who have everything in life, they are the unhappiest couple I’ve ever come across. Cold, heartless, and downright mean. Most of my life I was bullied, not by peers at school, but by the parents I should have loved.
I grew up believing I was useless, that I was nothing and would never amount to anything. So, when I reached high school and it came time to apply to college, I applied to as many as I possibly could. The furthest away from home.
I finally landed a spot at Yale and that was my dream come true. Moving away from people who didn’t want me anyway. I was the oops baby, not that I had any siblings, but I came along when Mom and Dad wanted to have fun and party.
As they like to remind me every time I see them, I spoiled all their fun. As soon as I was old enough to be alone at home, they left. Packing suitcases and traveling the world, while I stayed home, studied, and tried to make the best out of the life I’d been given.
Seeing Clayton’s mom dote on her sons is something I’ve never been accustomed to. It’s beautiful to see such love shining in her eyes when she looks at her boys. I hope one day, if ever I have kids, I’ll be a mother like her.
Logging into my email account, I pull up the contact I need and type out a long email explaining the situation. Hopefully, out of everyone I know, he will be able to help. Offer advice. Give me the answer I want and need.
And I’ll do all of this, not to make my parents proud, but to make myself proud.
Chapter Eleven
Clay
I needed space. The kiss we shared was perfect. Too fucking perfect. Her lips were warm and soft, like I knew they would be. Reminding me of my mom’s apple pie. The only problem was that I can’t see past what she was here to do.
I used to love hiding out here on the porch, just watching the stars.
“Oh,” a soft voice startles me and I glance up to find Essie standing in the doorway. I’m settled in the bench on the terrace so she wouldn’t have seen me from the window. Her gaze rakes over me, the same way it did this morning. “I didn’t realize you were out here.”
“It’s fine.” My voice comes out husky, the way her eyes drag over me, so slow and tentative as if she’s gauging my reaction to her. Her stare drinks me in like I’m her last form of sustenance.
“I… I’ll go.” A soft rosy blush darkens her cheeks as she hastily spins on her heel to head back inside the house. It’s clear I affect her. Probably as much as she does me.
“Yeah, you should.” I bite back a retort and immediately regret it. I’m an asshole. I should hate her, but the way her big blue eyes dart to mine make me want to see them glisten with more than the frustration she pins me with. I want to see her come apart. It’s been so long since I’ve felt a woman unravel from my touch, I’m not even sure I’ll be able to control myself. I’d be like a teenager with his first girlfriend.
“You know, Clayton, I get why you’re angry. Hell, I don’t even blame you for it, but for you to be an asshole toward me is unfair. This is my job, it’s not my choice. Life doesn’t afford many people choices. They’re thrown into a life, a job, or whatever the hell else and it’s not because they want it, it’s because they didn’t have anywhere else to go. So if you want to keep being an asshole, then so be it, but just know, I’m not the bad guy here. You’re the one treating me like I have the plague, when all I’ve done is be nice to you.”
Her rant comes to a stop, and her gaze, which was once filled with frustration, is now filled with sadness and unshed tears because I know she’s trying to be strong.
This woman has strength way beyond anything I could imagine.
“I’m sorry,” my apology falls from my mouth before I have time to think about it. I rise, taking a step toward her quickly closing the distance between us. I reach for her face, my fingers stroke the soft, smooth skin of her cheek. “I’m not used to being nice to strangers.” My brutal honesty makes my chest ache.
“Then it’s time you start learning.”
I can’t help chuckling at her feisty nature. I love when she sasses me. It’s sexy, sweet, and all I want to do is kiss her. So I lean in, but before my lips can make contact, the shrill ring of her phone breaks the spell around us and I’m slammed back to reality where she’s here to take the only thing that means more to me than my family. The ranch.
Immediately, I step back, dropping my hand from her face. “You should take that inside because I need to be out here alone.” My voice is cold, sending a shiver over her.
And just like that, we’re miles apart. Another wave of sadness washes over her features as she tugs the ringing phone from her pocket and enters the house, shutting the door behind her, leaving me cold, angry, and more frustrated than I have been in a very long time.
Running my fingers through my hair, I look up at the starry sky, it’s so bright, with the moon hanging overhead as if it’s waiting for me to decide.
“Dad, I miss you.” I’ve never once spoken the words. Voiced the pain I feel daily. How my heart just needs to know that I’m doing the right thing. I don’t know if I am most of the time and I need my father here. I really do. Shaking my head, I turn to the house only to find Essie sitting on the porch holding a mug that’s bigger than her and somehow, as much as I don’t want to, I find myself smiling.
Perhaps it’s a sign. Maybe Dad is telling me to take a chance. I’ve not felt like this about a woman in a long while, since Natalie. She was the only girl who really got me. When our relationship ended because of me, I walked away to look after my family. She didn’t understand, and I didn’t see the sign
s of her depression. The agony of what happened tears at me to this day. I walked out and she gave up. The memory tears through me, reminding me of why I push people away, rather than let them get closer.
“Hello?”
“Is this Clayton Walker?” The deep rumble I recognize easily comes from the other end of the line. It’s Natalie’s dad, Mr. Nicholson.
“It is. Is everything okay?” Since Nat and I met, he was always hesitant about having a country boy with his daughter. When I told Nat about the second mortgage on the ranch, she said her dad could help, but I refused. I don’t take charity, especially from men like him.
He’s silent for so long I’m about to get in the car and drive all the way to Sacramento to find him and shake the information from him. Then, he sighs, the sadness in his tone is loud and clear through the line and my heart stills.
“It’s Nat, she… There’s no easy way to say this, but, we found her this morning, Clayton. We rushed her to the hospital immediately, but she didn’t make it.” Everything in my world tilts as if I’m on a roller coaster ride that’s just upended.
“What?” My voice is husky, roar with emotion. A lump thickens in my throat and I find it difficult to breathe, to swallow, to think.
“I’m sorry. I thought you’d want to know.” With that, he hangs up and I’m left in silence with only the agony that’s squeezing my chest painfully.
The stars twinkle above me, the moon is just a sliver of silver light in the darkened sky. Lifting the bottle to my lips, I gulp down the beer.
“Hey,” Mom’s voice comes from behind me. When I turn, I find her staring up at the sky. “What are you doing out here?”
“Just needed some fresh air. There’s a lot going on in my head right now, and I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”
“With Essie?” Her voice drops on the question. Sighing, I turn to face her fully and nod. “Honey, you know that it’s all up to you. If you don’t want—”
Dirt Road Promises Page 7
