“You wanted them to be proud of you,” he professes. I nod, even though it wasn’t a question. I realize how stupid I was. They’d never be proud of me. Most of the time they don’t even know what I’m doing. I might as well be an orphan, that’s how it feels anyway.
“I did, until two nights ago when I realized that I need to be proud of me. They’ll always be those absent parents I will never know. And I’m okay with that. I don’t need their love anymore.” My words seem to make me stronger somehow. As his hand reaches for mine, I allow our fingers to link and my stomach flip flops with the way he holds onto me. As if I’m a lifeline, but it’s him who seems to be holding me afloat right now because my tears abate and I smile.
Chapter Thirteen
Clay
Her confession has left me speechless. I don’t know what I can say to her to make it okay. To convey how amazing she is. There were times growing up that I thought my father was too tough on me, or I got annoyed at my mother for being too strict, but I can’t imagine growing up without their love or support.
Everything I ever wanted or needed, they gave me, even when we couldn’t afford school, Dad made a plan, and even through all that, they were present. Having that foundation made both Cody and me stronger people. As much as I wish Dad was still here to give Cody the advice I was given, I know I’ll have to step up.
Pulling into the parking area, I turn off the engine and face the woman who’s grown up with nobody around, and take in just how beautiful, strong, and resilient she’s turned out. “Essie, there’s nothing in this world that could change who you’ve become. And you know who that is?” Not waiting for her to respond, I continue. “You’re a woman who they should be proud of. Anyone would be lucky to have you in their life, whether it’s your parents, or a partner.”
Tears brim in her big blue eyes, they’re dark and stormy, reminding me of the sky when a storm comes rolling in and I know she’s going to drag me into her blizzard. There’s something about her that pulls me in, drags me along with her, and I find myself letting go of past hurts and wanting to make her smile.
“Let’s go enjoy the day, and tonight, I’ll take you out for dinner. Nothin’ fancy, just a little place in town that does the best burgers. We can get milkshakes and fries too.”
“I’d like that,” she responds, then gifts me the smile I’ve been waiting for. I reach up, and with the pad of my thumb, I swipe away a stray tear that’s made its way down her cheek. “Thank you, Clayton Walker, you’re not so bad after all,” she quips in a playful country accent that earns her a chuckle.
Exiting the car, I round the front and open Essie’s door. When I offer her a hand, she slips hers in mine. The soft touch of her skin warms me. Once she’s beside me, I grab the bag from the bed of the truck and we head out to the hot springs.
The walk is silent as the path winds down through the trees. Essie is only one step in front of me, and I can’t help my eyes wandering down to her ass. The way it sways in that damn dress is enough to have me salivating.
It’s been too long since I’ve been with a woman and Essie is turning the dormant feelings I didn’t think I had into a blazing inferno. All I want is to be near her. Against her. Inside her. The thought sends a searing heat through me, and I find myself thickening in my jeans.
The path opens and Essie is the first to see the springs. Large blue pools with rocks that make up the banks. The few trees there are offer shade where I set the backpack down that holds our lunch and drinks. A date isn’t something I’m used to, I’m rusty and I just hope I don’t mess this up.
“It’s so beautiful out here,” Essie whispers reverently as she takes in the natural beauty around her. She’s right. This place is a sanctuary. I’m sure, coming from the city this must seem idyllic. After her confession, my heart still hurts so much for her.
“It is. I come out here sometimes when I need space, when things get too much and I need to rethink what I’m doing.” My honesty is raw with emotion which has her turning to face me. The soft summer breeze that whips at her dress has my gaze trailing down to the hemline as it wraps around her thighs.
When my gaze finds hers again, she’s peering at me with intrigue. She came clean with me, I guess I should give her the same honesty.
“Let’s sit.” I gesture to the blanket I’ve just laid out on the grassy bank. “I suppose you need to know my story. I’d like you to.” Meeting her eyes, I offer a smile as she nods watching me with those big blue pools that seem to look right through me. She sees me, the person I’ve hidden away for so long.
“You know you don’t have to tell me, Clay. I was ready to give you me, to show you that I’m not the money hungry city girl you think I am.”
“Oh, darlin.’ There’s no way I think that. It’s… Our life hasn’t been easy since my dad died. It’s been a struggle to be honest. That ranch was all he had and when he signed it over to me, I wanted to make him proud. I’ve not always been the best son.”
Her eyebrow quirks at that. It’s a long story and I’m afraid of telling her the whole sordid mess. The air around us shifts in an instant when she moves onto her knees, her palms on the blanket and she leans in. Her soft, sweet breath fans over my face. Our mouths are a hairs breadth apart, and I’m tempted to claim her lips.
“You better sit back, darlin.’” A giggle falls from her lips at my words, but she doesn’t move. Instead, she inches closer. If I dart my tongue out, I would be able to taste her lips. “I mean it,” my voice drops, thick with desire, husky from the need for this girl.
I’m about to kiss her when she suddenly rears back, hopping to her feet and she’s pulling the dress up and over her head. The sight that meets me is the slim frame of her body in a bright pink bikini. The tiny bows tease me. “You’ll have to catch me first,” she retorts playfully. With that she’s making her way to the water. Tugging my T-shirt off, I rise to my feet and shove off the jeans and boots I’m wearing. Once I’m in my boxer briefs, I follow the little kitten out into the water.
Even though the water is only lukewarm, I’m on fire. Hard and aching to feel her. When I reach her, my hands grip her hips and I tug her against me. “Want to play with me, darlin’? I always win,” my growl sends a shudder through her. Her giggle echoes around us and I spin her around in my arms.
Her hands twine around my neck, her body molds to mine, fitting against me like she’s always meant to be there. “Life isn’t easy, Clayton, but pushing people away will only leave you lonely.” Her words hit hard against my chest. She’s right. My father used to say the same thing.
He knew how closed off I was. He warned me time and again, but I didn’t listen. Then, when I finally fell in love, I fucked it all up by pushing her away. The one girl who cared enough for me to stay. Who wanted to be my wife.
“I got engaged when I was twenty-two,” I start, almost whispering the words. Even though I met Nat six years ago, the pain still seems to race through my veins like a poison. “Her name was Natalie, I met her at college. She was the love of my life, only… I didn’t allow her in. She fought for me, begged me to see how good we were together.”
“But you were engaged?”
Nodding, I lean in, pressing my forehead to Essie’s. “We got engaged too young. I realized it after the first six months. I told her I wanted to call it off but she insisted that we should just give it time. That I’d come around, but…”
Shutting my eyes tight, I inhale a long deep breath.
“Not long after, we had a huge fight about it and I didn’t realize she had fallen into depression. Not only because of me, but her mother had recently died. All that got too much for her. I missed the signs.” My voice is strained with pain and agony. There’s nothing I can do now to fix it, but I can give Essie the truth. If she still wants to be with me after that, then I know she’s chosen me, faults and all.
“What happened, Clay?” Her voice is a mere whisper, I can hear the fear and trepidation in her words. Snapping my eyes op
en, I find hers staring back at me with so much emotion, I’m momentarily speechless.
“She… she killed herself.” The confession falls from my lips, tastes like poison on my tongue. A small gasp falls from Essie’s lips. Her eyes are wide in shock. The way her fingers stroke the nape of my neck absentmindedly have me wondering if she notices what she’s doing.
“It’s not your fault, Clayton. Someone who chooses to do that is… I don’t know. Selfish. I mean, I just don’t think it’s an answer. No matter how difficult life is, I think suicide is a cop out and you should never blame yourself for her decision.”
“I just…” My words tape off as I wade us through the warm water. It’s soothing, therapeutic, but nothing prepares me for Essie leaning in, brushing her lips against mine in a soft kiss.
“It’s not your fault.” Her voice is strong, filled with certainty. “It was her choice, please don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re a good man, Clayton Walker.”
Her eyes swim with certainty. “I’m scared of loving someone and having them leave.” My father left, Natalie left, and Essie leaves in two weeks. Granted she’s only about a days’ drive from here, but she’ll be gone. I don’t know if she’ll ever come back to the sticks.
“Then we better make the most of our time and quit fighting,” she murmurs, the sound immediately sending shivers down my spine. I need to have her. There’s no doubt about it.
Reaching under the water, I trail my fingertips over the slight curves of her body until my hands land on her hips. When I lean in, she follows; our mouths fuse in a kiss that’s about to heat up the water we’re in. One of my hands cups her pussy, my fingers teasing her slit over the material of her bikini bottoms.
Her mouth falls open on a breathy moan and I know it’s my chance to claim her. My tongue darts into her mouth, licking her, tasting her. We dual with our tongues. My fingers push the offending material away and I find her slick heat.
“Clay,” she whimpers against my lips when I slip one finger into her. She’s so damn tight. Her walls pulse around me, sucking me into her beautiful body. My cock is solid steel and throbbing painfully with need to drive into her.
I continue massaging her inner walls while my thumb finds her clit, circling it, until she’s digging her nails into my shoulders. The bite of pain pushes me to continue my ministrations on this beauty. Her body convulses and I know she’s close. I slip another finger into her, stretching her sweet pussy as I pump in and out.
“Oh, god,” her moan is louder, as her head falls back in pleasure.
“Come for me, Essie.” And she does, violently. Her body shakes and trembles. Watching her come apart, I bite my lip to keep from coming like a damn teenager in my shorts. It’s the most beautiful and erotic thing I’ve ever seen.
When she finally comes down from her high, her eyes meet mine. Desire dances like a flame in them and her hands shove my shorts down. “I want you, Clayton.”
“I don’t have a condom,” I answer honestly. They’re all in the bag which is on the banks of the pool.
“I’m safe. I’m on the pill. Please, just take me,” her begging is enough to have me ripping her bikini bottoms from her hips and tugging her closer. Those slender legs wrap around my waist, just like I pictured her doing earlier and I nudge her opening with the tip of my cock. “Stop teasing,” she pouts, mouthing the words in a soft whimper.
Without responding, I slip into her, inch by torturous inch. Once I’m fully seated, I stop all movement because her pussy is so tight I’m sure I’m about to come. “Just, don’t move, please.” My words are strangled in my throat.
Taking two deep breaths to calm down, I start moving. The water sloshes around us as our bodies move. I slam into her, she bounces on my cock, sending waves of pleasure racing through my veins.
“Jesus, darlin,’ you feel like fucking heaven,” I bite out, trying to hold on to my sanity, but I know it’s no use. She’s completely and utterly owned me right from the first moment I saw her.
It’s been a while since I’ve felt so connected to someone, not just physically, but mentally as well. I pull out, and push back in, all the way until I feel her flutter around my shaft. Reaching between us, I play with her bundle of nerves, teasing it, tugging on it.
“Come for me, darlin.’ Come now,” I growl as she detonates, sending me into a spiral of utter bliss and my hips jerk, slamming into her, shooting my release into her beautiful body. She’s mine. All fucking mine.
Chapter Fourteen
Essie
Yesterday we had an amazing day. Clayton gave me an olive branch and I took it. I grabbed it and held on tight. I wanted so much to be with him, and when he allowed me into his heart and mind, I knew there was no going back.
I’ve not dated a lot and to say I was nervous would be an understatement. Especially when I wasn’t sure what he felt or wanted to feel, but when he finally slid inside me sending me into orbit, I knew this man was slowly healing every inch of my body, mind, and mostly my heart.
I’ve never once thought about a future with someone, but with Clayton, I do, I feel it down to my very core. Yes, we still have the threat of what’s going to happen with the ranch hanging over our heads, but I’m going to try my hardest to make sure he doesn’t lose his home.
I need to get back to the city this weekend and talk to my parents, as well as my lawyer to make sure it’s feasible. I know I have the money to make it happen, I just need my parents to approve it. Even though it’s mine, they’ve kept me on a tight leash when it comes to cash.
When I was younger, I was reckless, but now that I’ve grown up and have a good head on my shoulders, I know they can’t deny me any longer. Also, I just need to tell them why I want the money, explain to them that this is an investment worth doing.
I haven’t told Clayton about my plan, but he knows I’m working on the evaluation and report I’m meant to be presenting on Monday. Staring up at the ceiling, I miss having his arms around me when worry sits heavily on my heart. Clay has this way of being my calm through a storm.
Anxiety has always been one of the things I struggle with. I recall always having that sense of dread, when it comes to the unknown. But yesterday in his arms, I felt it all melt away. We’ve taken that step in our relationship where we’re no longer just friends, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I don’t know why I’m nervous, but I am. If things work out for the best, I’ll have to make a life changing choice. One that I can make easily. I think the thing that’s really freaking me out is if things don’t go to plan. There’s always that.
I’m meeting with my lawyer on Monday afternoon and he’ll be able to tell me if I can go through with it or not. I pray my parents aren’t off travelling somewhere, because for once in my life, all I need is their support and encouragement.
Deep down, the agony of all the years they’ve let me do my own thing is still a poison that seeps through me. Yes, it’s made me the independent woman I am today, but it’s also turned me into an insecure girl who now feels as if she needs validation. As if her life isn’t her own. That’s what angers me.
Pushing off the bed, I head into the bathroom and freshen up. The sun is just peeking through the window. I’ve always enjoyed the silence of a sunrise, or sunset. There’s a magic to the air, something that can’t be replaced with the hum drum of everyday life. A serenity that I find soothing.
Pulling on a pair of denim cut offs and a tank top, I silently make my way to the kitchen. The house is still asleep, so I quietly grab a glass, fill it with orange juice from the fridge, and wander out to the porch. There’s a slight chill in the air, but I settle on the chair and watch the sun come up over the trees on the back end of the ranch.
Reveling in the sounds of birds and the nay of the horses not far off in their stable, I find my heart easing from all the aches that have followed me. The grass glistens with early morning dew, sparkling like stars in the night sky.
I don’t want to go back
to the city. Nothing can give me the peacefulness that I find as I sit here, basking in the orange glow. My body tingles as a memory of Clayton and me in the pool yesterday. When he kissed me, touched me, he somehow reached into my soul.
I didn’t come here to fall in love, I didn’t even expect to want to stay here for very long, but I know he’s in my heart. I have fallen. And I’ve done it with no precautions. Once I’ve finalized the paperwork with the lawyer, I’m going to face the music and quit. I can’t work for that man anymore, and I can’t continue hurting people, stealing their homes to make money.
That’s no longer who I am.
“Good mornin,’ Honey Bee,” a deep rumble startles me, when I turn to find the man who’s easily consumed me in the short time I’ve known him.
“You’re up early,” I muse.
“I’m always up early. It’s the best time of the day, also, I couldn’t sleep.” His words still my heart. There’s an underlying current between us and I wonder if he regrets yesterday. “I know you’re leavin’ soon…” His voice tapers off, silence sits in the air, a palpable force that knocks the breath from my lungs.
“I have to get back.”
He nods, silently regarding the sun in the distance. The glow seems to light his eyes with its fiery hue making them shine like clear blue infinite pools. I watch his jaw tick. His chest rises and falls with deep breaths.
Dressed in a red plaid shirt and blue Wrangler’s that hug his impossibly toned thighs, I can’t help licking my lips.
“I don’t want you to go,” he murmurs. Even in the silent morning surrounding us, his voice is merely a raspy whisper. My heart jolts in my chest, banging against my ribcage begging to be let loose, pleading to be in this man’s hands. The only thing I know for sure is that I’ve already given him all of me.
Dirt Road Promises Page 9
