The Hearts Series

by L.H. Cosway

  Footsteps crunched on the grass, and I looked up to see a tall figure approaching. When he came into view, I saw it was Jack, and he seemed agitated. He’d clearly come looking for me. Just as he was about to knock on the door to the camper, he heard me sniffle. Turning his head, he saw me sitting on the grass. Our eyes met, held.

  “Lille, fuck,” he swore, and came towards me. Reaching down, he grabbed me by the elbows and pulled me up to stand. It was a little rough, but I didn’t think he realised that. He pushed me back against the camper and stared at my tear-streaked face, his brows drawn together in either concern or annoyance. I couldn’t tell which. Bringing his thumbs up to my cheeks, he wiped away the tears. For a brief moment, he seemed fascinated by them. His chest met mine, and I felt his breathing accelerate.

  “Why did you disappear?” he asked, eyes flickering back and forth across my face.

  I shrugged and tried to calm my breathing. “Does it matter? I already felt invisible.”

  His brows drew together. “What? Because of Julie? You left before seeing me lift her off my lap. I wasn’t enjoying it, if that’s what you thought.”

  “I don’t get you at all. How could you not be enjoying it? You had sex with her the other night. I can’t see how so much has changed in so little time.”

  “Everything and nothing has changed,” said Jack, levelling his hands on either side of my face. “Why are you crying?”

  “I’m not crying.”

  “Not anymore. You were a minute ago. Tell me why.”

  My entire body slumped back against the camper, my energy draining like sand through an egg timer. “I’m just overwhelmed. This life is a lot different to what I’m used to.” I was evading answering honestly, but I really was far too embarrassed to admit my feelings for him. I barely knew him, and already he was all I could see when I shut my eyes at night.

  “I warned you it wasn’t going to be fun,” said Jack. “It’s dangerous out here for women on their own.”

  “Don’t start that again. It pissed me off enough the first time you said it. I might be a woman and I also might technically be alone, but I’m surviving just fine.”

  His mouth moved in a way that made me think he was amused. “Yeah, you’re surviving just fine, thanks to me. Or was it you who put that pretty bruise on Pedro’s face?”

  “Oh, whatever,” I sighed, and looked away. I knew he had me there. Plus, I couldn’t handle his handsomeness up so close.

  “Whatever,” Jack mimicked before his voice dipped low. “You sound so petulant when you say that. Why are you being petulant, Lille? Sexual frustration?”

  I snorted. “You wish.”

  He cocked his head. “Yeah, I do. And I think you’re lying.” He brought his mouth to my neck and kissed me tenderly, then again and again, his kisses whisper-soft but growing harder each time. Breath escaped me, and I sighed in reluctant pleasure. There was no way I could resist him. The feel of his mouth sent wonderful tingles all the way down my spine. He rose back up and gripped my neck in his hand.

  “Your pulse is racing. I can feel it fluttering against my palm, so fragile, like butterfly wings,” he rasped, then brought his mouth over mine. His tongue slid languidly past my lips, licking at me, taking everything without asking permission. I fisted his shirt, unsure whether I was pulling him closer or endeavouring to push him away.

  Losing myself in sensation, I melted right there next to the camper, standing on the dampening grass. Night sounds drifted about us, and I became aware of his lips leaving mine, trailing across my collarbone and then falling away completely as he bent to kneel on the ground. I looked down and he stared up, hands rubbing the outsides of my thighs, pushing the hem of my dress higher and higher until my underwear was showing.

  Like before, he pressed his face to me and breathed in. I don’t think I’d ever seen anything more erotic. The look in his eyes as he stared at me was worshipful, and it felt like my heart had gotten stuck in my throat. Then he put his hand to the back of my knee and lifted my leg, throwing it over his shoulder. I held on to his other shoulder for balance just as he began lowering my underwear. Cool air hit my most intimate parts, and I hissed in a breath.

  Now he wasn’t looking at me anymore. He eyes were focused intently between my legs as he ran a single finger down my slit. I gasped and waited, needing more.

  “Touch me,” I pleaded.

  “Touch you or kiss you?”

  “Both. Please,” I said, and then his mouth was on me, soft and wet at first before his tongue licked at my clit and I trembled. His hand ventured further, fingers finding me and plunging inside. I shivered at the invasion, feeling myself clamp tight around him. I felt stripped bare, seen entirely, as his hand dug into my hip, his fingers fucking me and his mouth laying siege to my most sensitive parts.

  My orgasm hit me quick and fast, and Jack growled in appreciation as I braced his shoulders for support. His lips and tongue and fingers drew out every last wave until I was entirely spent. He fixed my underwear back in place, pulled down my dress, and took my mouth again in a hungry kiss filled with a thousand unspoken words. I could taste myself on him, which was oddly intoxicating.

  Then, on a physical level at least, I felt him withdraw. Just before he left, he kissed the shell of my ear and murmured, “You have never been invisible to me, flower. You’re all I see.”

  As he walked away, I tilted my head up to look at the sky, and the stars seemed to shimmer like polished silver.

  Even though he left me there all alone, I was still on a high the next day. Jack had gone down on me, outside. The whole time it was happening I felt electric, alive. I noticed that I wasn’t the only one who’d gotten some action, because Lola’s bed remained empty the whole night. She arrived back the next morning, still wearing the same clothes and a satisfied look on her face.

  I didn’t ask questions, but I knew it must’ve been Luan who put the satisfied look there. I hadn’t really spoken to him much, but he seemed like a nice guy. Still, the fact that he was good friends with Pedro put me off slightly. I just hoped he wouldn’t turn out to be a sleaze, because Lola didn’t deserve that.

  Violet was in the lounge, and I was sitting at the table, eating a bowl of cereal, when she came in.

  “Well, well, well, where have you been, Josephine?” Violet asked in an uncharacteristically chipper voice.

  Lola scowled and went to our room, shouting over her shoulder, “Don’t call me that.”

  Violet snickered and returned her attention to her magazine.

  “Josephine?” I asked.

  She arched an eyebrow. “You didn’t actually think that Lola was her real name, did you?”

  I shrugged. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

  “Yeah, well,” she replied pointedly. “It isn’t. Circuses like this attract lots of girls looking to run away, escape their realities, you know. Giving yourself a new name is all a part of it, I guess.”

  “In that case, I think I’ll rename myself Methuselah,” I joked. “It sounds all mysterious and exotic, right?”

  Violet raised an eyebrow at me. “If you say so.”

  Deciding to get out for a while and get my mind off Jack, I went for a walk around the campsite, stopping when I saw Winnie. She had Pip and Skip out of their cage, and my heart stuttered for a moment. When I watched them from the safety of the audience or from behind the bars of their cage, I felt safe. But here, out in the open, I became aware of their size and the danger they presented. Winnie held nothing but a long wooden stick as she walked alongside Pip, alternating between petting his mane and giving him little taps on the side. Skip sat on the grass, head resting on his paws, absently surveying the scene.

  When Winnie saw me standing there, she smiled. “You want to come meet my boys?” she asked, and I hesitated before venturing closer. Pip watched me, assessing the new person, his eyes almost human. His thick, golden mane shone in the sunlight, and I yearned to reach out and touch it.

  “They
’re so beautiful,” I said in wonder. “I hope what happened with Julie won’t get them taken away from you.”

  Winnie nodded and petted Pip’s head again. “She’s not making any official complaints. Julie is the little girl who pulled the legs from spiders, the one who poked at dogs until they turned vicious. I’m not saying my animals would never hurt someone, because at their core they are predators, but Julie was provoking them. My Carrie witnessed the whole thing. Julie had been sticking a pole inside their cage, trying to get a reaction.” She paused and laughed wryly. “I heard her wail, and came out to find Skip had broken the pole and was clawing at her through the bars. You don’t mess with him.”

  “I can’t understand why she’d do something like that,” I said, and sat down to admire Pip. He seemed to have determined I wasn’t a threat, because he wasn’t paying attention to me anymore. “I mean, how is that fun?”

  “Some people have warped ideas of fun,” said Winnie, her voice growing hard. “Pip and Skip are brothers. We’ve had them both for a long time, since they were just teenagers. Not in all that time have they harmed a person, and Antonio and I pride ourselves on that fact. If I catch that girl going near my animals again, it will not be the lions she should be afraid of.”

  I absorbed her words, suddenly understanding that although Winnie looked like a completely harmless woman to the casual bystander, there was a warrior lying underneath who would stop at nothing to protect the ones she loved.

  “Well, I doubt she’ll try anything again. I’m sure Pip frightened her enough the first time. If she does, she’d be pretty dumb.”

  Winnie laughed. “Have you seen the girl? I would hasten to say that dumb is her middle name.”

  I laughed along with her, but I wasn’t quite sure I agreed. Julie wasn’t dumb; she was cruel. The way she spoke to King last night told me that. And really, I hated to think she’d been with Jack, had put her mouth on him. The knowledge alone made me shudder.

  A few minutes passed, and I watched Winnie interact with her lions in such a way that made me truly believe she loved them dearly. At one point, she encouraged Skip to roll over onto his back, his paws in the air as she took one in her hand and massaged it. I never thought I’d see a tiny little woman render a beast into a kitten as she rubbed his feet for him.

  “Do you think he’d let me pet him?” I asked shyly.

  “Of course,” she replied. “Come here.”

  I went to her, and she showed me how to approach him. Before I knew it, I was running my hand over his mane, delighting in its softness. Getting to touch the animal excited my curiosity, and I went on to bombard Winnie with questions.

  What do you feed them?

  How long do they sleep each day?

  Do they ever fight one another?

  How old are they?

  How many years do they live?

  Don’t they need to have sex with a lioness every once in a while?

  She was very patient in answering all of my questions. By the time we were done talking, I found I was starving, so I headed for the gazebo to see what they were serving for lunch. Tomato soup and bread was the name of the game, as it happened. I spotted Jack, King, and Marina sitting at a table together. Pierre sat on Marina’s shoulder, watching her as she ate her lunch. I saw him try to swipe for a piece of bread, but she caught him before he could grab it. The little monkey’s antics made me laugh.

  As I passed them by, Jack reached out, grabbed my wrist, and pulled me into him so that I was sitting on his lap. His eyes zoned in on my hair like we were completely alone. I looked down to see there was a clump of green paint in it, and he had started picking it out. He hadn’t said a word in greeting, just spun me onto his lap like it was the most natural thing in the world.

  The intimacy of it all made my heart squeeze.

  My eyes wandered to Marina, and I found she was watching me with an odd mixture of warmth and curiosity. I took it to mean that Jack didn’t often do this sort of thing. It felt a bit like a social show, like when men put their arms around their girlfriends’ waists to show other men they were taken. He was absorbed in picking the paint from my hair as I turned my head a little to face Marina.

  “Winnie let me pet one of the lions,” I said with excitement.

  “Aren’t they just exquisite?” Marina replied, giving Pierre a little pat on the backside. He jumped off her shoulder with a screech before scurrying to the other side of the gazebo. “Back when I was just starting out, I was with a big circus. The tamers would work with about five or six lions and a couple of tigers all in the one act. You could tell the animals were treated terribly — they just looked so sad. It felt unnatural to see these big, powerful animals sitting perched on stools like housecats.”

  I tried to concentrate on listening to Marina, but the way Jack’s fingers worked through my hair, his knuckles brushing my collarbone, was highly distracting. I remembered him from the night before, staring up at me like I was the centre of his universe, worshipping me with his mouth, and squeezed my thighs together tight. I really didn’t need to be remembering how good he was at that.

  King, who had been sitting slumped over the table asleep with his head in his arms, awoke suddenly with a groan.

  “Where the fuck am I?”

  Marina gave him an almighty clip ’round the ear. “You’re in hell. Now tell me who gave you the whiskey last night?”

  An argument ensued between the two, and I looked back to Jack, whispering, “I think you got all of it.”

  He didn’t stop. “I like your hair.”

  “Thanks.”

  His voice got low and quiet as he leaned in and spoke into my ear. “I like your pussy, too.”

  “Jack,” I gasped.

  “It likes me back.”

  “You’re crazy.”

  He shrugged. “You wouldn’t be the first person to say that.”

  “What are you doing today?” I asked, shifting on his lap. I thought I could feel him stirring to, uh…life, but I couldn’t be certain.

  “Practice. Then show. Then sleep. And tomorrow we move on.”

  “I can’t believe we’ve been here in Caen a whole week. Where do we go next?”

  “Orléans. It’s just over three hours away. You can ride with me.”

  I thought about a three-hour journey with Jack alone in his camper and grew fidgety. What would we talk about? Would we just sit in silence? Strangely, I kind of enjoyed being quiet with him, and usually I felt the need to chatter to fill quiet periods.

  “Okay,” I replied, finally.

  Nine

  Lille lost her way

  The rest of the day was a flurry of activity, and I was proving my mother right by walking around with my head in the clouds. It was all Jack’s fault. His attention made me feel constant flutters and giddiness, and I was sure I had a perennial dreamy look on my face.

  I went to see Bea and give her the finished painting. She squealed with delight when she saw it and proceeded to pester her dad to hang it up on her bedroom wall in their camper. Her dad, Aiden, was a single parent and a general labourer for the circus. He had a decent, unassuming sort of personality. I was constantly seeing him lugging heavy equipment about. It certainly didn’t look like an easy job, but I still had this itching need to tell him that he shouldn’t let Bea run around by herself all the time. I tamped the need down, because I didn’t want to come across as judgemental.

  When I was leaving their camper, I saw Julie walking my way. She took me in, eyes narrowing ever so slightly. I thought she was going to say something mean, but then she surprised me when she plastered a polite though obviously fake smile on her face and said, “Hey, Lille, is Aiden in there?”

  “Yeah, he and Bea are watching television,” I answered. She only nodded and walked by me before disappearing inside the camper.

  Once the show started, I was busy painting faces outside by the entrance. I found that the more French people I interacted with, the better I became at speaking th
e language. This trip was doing all sorts of great things for my life. I was speaking a second language, doing art every single day, and receiving orgasms from the sexiest man alive. Well, one orgasm, but I had high hopes for more.

  I slept like the dead that night and awoke early to the noise of the men taking down the Spiegeltent. My bed was on the side of our tiny room with the window. I wiped away the condensation and peered out to see Jack vaulting up a pole as he assisted with the dismantling of the tent. It looked like doing such a thing came so easy to him. Well, he certainly wasn’t afraid of heights. I watched him for longer than normal, fascinated. Plus, he was so sexy when he was working.

  Finally dragging myself away, I had a quick shower, making sure not to use all of the hot water for fear of facing the wrath of Violet, then dressed in some jeans and a yellow knit jumper. Violet was sitting by the table, eating toast, one leg thrown over her shoulder (I know, weird) and wearing a T-shirt that read, “Warning, Gymnast: Could flip at any moment.” It made me smile.

  “What’s with the top?” I asked. “I thought you were a contortionist.”

  “An ex-boyfriend bought it for me. He thought it was a funny jibe at me having a short temper. Well, it was ironic that I did flip when I saw he didn’t even get my profession right. I have a mean left hook.”

  “So you punched your ex-boyfriend and you’re still wearing the T-shirt?” I said, amused.

  She shrugged. “Pretty much.”

  I gave her a wide-eyed look. “Fair enough.”

  Lola came out of our room then, scratching her head, her short hair sticking up in every direction. “Shit, it’s moving day today, isn’t it? I feel like absolute crap, Vi. Could you drive this time? I don’t think I’m up to it.”

  “You do realise the only reason I let you live here is because I hate driving this thing, right?” Violet threw back, one eyebrow arched.

  Lola coughed, then sniffled. “Seriously, I’m not faking just so that I can beg off. I think I have a temperature.”