Dreams and Promises: Love, Loss and Redemption in a Land of Infinite Promise

by Anna Markland

  The skies were a pewter gray, and it snowed for two weeks straight. It was cold enough the snow crunched under our boots, made our ears and noses freeze, and our hair stiff as clumps of ice. I hated it. The children thought it was a grand adventure. Chopping wood and shoveling until the snow was higher than my head was no adventure—it was torture.

  I prayed and prayed you would come home… but you never did.

  He paused to wipe the moisture from his eyes. He’d known leaving her was going to be hard on him, he’d never considered the trial it would be for her. Much as he would like to rest the blame of her leaving on Beth’s shoulders, he was coming to realize the fault lay squarely with himself.

  A man came by today…

  Ray’s heart stopped.

  He was kind enough to use his tractor to clear the driveway, and when he saw how low we were on firewood he stayed on to chop a pile as high as the roof on the porch! I was so grateful I offered him dinner with the family, but he just smiled and left.

  Maybe God does hear our prayers.

  The letter fluttered to the floor. Ray stared blindly into the light from the lamp and let the tears flow.

  CHAPTER THREE

  The flight to Canada was uneventful, thanks to Dan’s navy friends who smoothed the way. They promised to keep in touch and let Grace know if there were any new developments, but for now, her husband was on a mission and out of touch.

  She wheeled her dad through the arrival gates at Edmonton International Airport and grinned when she caught sight of her three brothers near the baggage claim. They each held a handmade sign;

  Lost and Found.

  Save Grace.

  Feed Me.

  The last held by her oldest sibling, Thomas, of the bottomless gut.

  “Hey, beautiful.” Benjamin wrapped her in a bear hug and squeezed the breath from her body.

  “Long time, no see,” from placid Leo.

  “When’s dinner?” Thomas gave her head a rub.

  “Leave the girl alone. Give her some air, you bunch.” Her dad sat back, an ear-splitting grin belying his gruff words. “Did you find our luggage?”

  Ben held up his dad’s tattered bag. “Of course. Have to take care of Miss Prego, here.”

  “Watch it, bub,” Grace laughed. “I’ve already been telling stories to Rumpelstiltskin about how rotten you boys were to me growing up.” She patted her baby bump.

  “First…” Leo deftly snatched the last bag with a distinctive blue ribbon tied to the handle from the carousel. “… we treated you like gold.”

  The other two nodded their agreement.

  “And second, please tell me you don’t plan to name the kid after a fairy tale.”

  Her dad spoke up, “It’s better than Waldo.”

  “No way,” Benjamin chortled.

  “Way,” Grace said, reaching over to punch her brother’s rock solid arm. “My child needs a name that’s as unique and special as he’s going to be.”

  “Oh.” Thomas nodded, as though it made perfect sense. “In that case, we can help. Just give us a couple of days. Winner gets the homemade pie of his choosing.”

  They all laughed, because of course Thomas would pick food as the ultimate prize.

  “Okay, you’re on,” she said, rubbing a nagging ache in her back. “For now, how about getting us home?”

  Ben eyed her with concern. “You’re not going to pop now, are you?”

  “Benjamin,” her dad warned. “Mind your manners.” Then he looked at her, worry turning his eyes slate gray. “You okay, honey?”

  Love for these goofy, crazy, handsome men filled her heart. She’d made the right decision.

  “Yeah, Dad, I’m good. Let’s go home.”

  The three-hour drive was accomplished in Thomas’ new SUV, his pride and joy. There was much laughter and reminiscing, but Grace and her dad avoided mentioning the letter, though it was never far from her thoughts.

  She had a feeling her dad had read it; he’d looked old and tired the next morning. Grace was ambivalent. She wanted to know what her mother had said, but at the same time she feared the secrets waiting to be unveiled.

  The Rocky Mountains rose up, majestic and awe-inspiring against a powder blue sky. God’s country, her momma used to say. Rough and raw and so beautiful they hurt the eyes. At the base, the foothills were home to a wide variety of wildlife; elk, deer, sheep, bear. She remembered traveling through Jasper National Park looking for animals as a child. Her brothers had teased her for searching for deer in the trees. “They don’t climb, silly.” Maybe not, but in this magical place, she liked to think anything was possible.

  She glanced at her dad catching a nap with his chin tucked against his chest; maybe if she wished hard enough miracles could still happen.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Ray woke with a start. He sat up and glanced around, the switch to gravel from the smooth pavement telling him they were close. Twilight had swept over the land while he’d slept, bathing the dense mountain forest around them in an ethereal pink-red glow. The spruce and pine stretched their noses skyward, breathing air scented by wildflowers, glacier fed streams, and the mildew smell unique to rotting wood and moist earth.

  Home.

  He’d been to many beautiful countries in his lifetime, but nothing had ever compared to the Canadian Rockies. He remembered the first time he and Beth had traveled this road, young and in love. They had just enough money to put a down payment on the acreage, the house came later—in stages as the kids were born. Money was tight, but it hadn’t mattered. They had a roof, the land supplemented their diet. And then he’d ruined it by taking the correspondent’s job.

  They hit a deep pothole and he grunted, feeling the punch to his arthritic joints.

  Thomas glanced over his shoulder, hands wrestling the steering wheel. “Sorry, Dad. We’re getting the road resurfaced, just waiting for the frost heaves to come out first.”

  Ben looked back, too, a reckless grin on his still-round face. “I told him to leave it, more fun this way.”

  Leo leaned forward so he could tap his brother’s head. “You’re such an idiot,” he said, the affection obvious in his tone.

  “Hey,” Ben grouched good-naturedly, rubbing the supposed injury. “Watch the hair.”

  “What hair?” Grace added her two bits, her smile bright enough to light up the dim cab.

  Ben shot her a wounded look. “Ouch. That hurts, sis. You know I’m sensitive about my curls.”

  It was true. He could have had shares in a popular hair product, the amount he used to flatten those dreaded curls.

  “You kids quit your squabbling,” Ray muttered, anxious for his first glimpse of the house. He’d only been away a few months, but it seemed longer. In some indefinable way, he thought if he just waited long enough, maybe Beth would hear he’d changed and come back. Silly, but his heart lived in hope nonetheless.

  He placed his hand over the letter hidden away in his chest pocket, and met Gracie’s worried gaze. Did she realize how much she looked like her mother with the same expressive, warm hazel eyes and silky chestnut hair? It hit him in the solar plexus every time she smiled.

  “You’ll have to talk your brother into giving up his room while you’re here,” he said. The boys had moved out and then back home more times than he could count. He had a feeling they did it because they didn’t want to leave him alone. They didn’t understand he’d been alone for the past twenty years.

  “You can have my room if you clean it,” Benjamin was quick to answer. “I’ll bunk with Leo.”

  “Like hell,” Leo said. “You’re a pig.”

  Ben shrugged. “Takes one to know one, bro.”

  “Aren’t you glad you came back?” Thomas said, eyeing them in the rearview mirror.

  Yeah, he was. His kids made life worth living.

  “Any word on Dan?” Leo asked.

  Grace sighed, her fingers spread protectively over the babe. “No. I keep hoping he’ll get here before Ebenezer is
born, but it’ll be close. This little guy is anxious to get out and investigate the world.” Her smile about broke his heart. “Like his granddaddy.”

  “Honey…” But what could he say? Their family had fractured and he was at fault. Sometimes he wished that damn bomb had finished the job.

  “Dad, don’t.” Grace grabbed his closed fist and hung on. “I didn’t mean anything by that. Junior is lucky. He’s going to have amazing role models to look up to.”

  Just then Thomas hit another rut that threw the vehicle from side to side on the narrow road. When they finally straightened out again, everyone heaved a sigh of relief. Those trees had looked plenty big in the windshield.

  “Everyone okay back there?” Thomas asked.

  “Sure,” Grace nodded. “But just so you know, none of you are teaching this kid how to drive when he gets older.”

  There was a startled silence and then Benjamin asked, “How about snowboarding?”

  Ray leaned back and let the kids squabble, contentment giving the melancholy a gentle nudge to the back of his thoughts.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Grace finished up the dinner dishes, not sure how she’d been drafted, and shut off the burner under the boiling kettle of water she’d started earlier. She poured the steaming liquid over two cups with chamomile teabags perched on the edge. The warm, herbal scent tickled her nose as she carried them through to the living room.

  “Here you go, Dad.” She passed her father his favorite cup, one Leo had given him for Father’s Day several years ago.

  “Thanks, honey.” He smiled and wrapped his fingers around the mug, a slight shudder shaking his shoulders.

  She frowned and set her cup on a nearby table to grab a discarded throw from the sofa. “Wrap up, Dad. You don’t want to get sick again.” He was just getting over a nasty cold, and hadn’t quite recovered yet.

  “Hey, where’s mine?” Benjamin asked as he entered the room and spied their drinks.

  “Get your own,” Grace said, ignoring the persistent twinge in her back while she took care of her dad. She straightened the blanket around his shoulders and eased into the old wooden rocking chair next to him, sighing her relief. “Where did you guys disappear to after dinner?”

  At least he had the grace to look embarrassed. “Sorry, sis. I had to make a phone call.” He hurried to hand over her cup. “I’ll do the dishes tomorrow, promise.”

  “Darn right,” her dad grumbled. “Just ’cause your sister came home for a while, doesn’t mean you get to take advantage. Besides, she’s the one who should be getting spoiled.”

  “She usually is,” Thomas said, ambling in to join them. He smiled, but she knew there were leftover bad feelings from their childhood. He’d had things hard, being the oldest and more aware of the stress their mother had been under, while she’d been the pampered princess. Little did he know, that just made her mom’s leaving all the more soul-destroying.

  She put her stockinged foot on the embroidered stool and rocked, finding comfort in the gentle rhythm. “This is nice. I love California, but this is home, you know?”

  “Oh, he knows.” Leo came in from the kitchen carrying a tray filled with plates of apple pie. “Who wants dessert?”

  “Not me thanks,” Grace murmured. “I’m stuffed.” She’d only been able to eat half of her steak and baked potato, though that could be because it had been plate-sized. Her brothers loved their beef.

  “I’ll take hers.” Ben raised his hand.

  Grace lifted her brow, astonished. He’d helped himself to her leftover steak as well.

  “What?” he retorted. “I’m a growing boy.”

  “That’s true,” Leo said, handing him the extra slice. “Keep going and you’ll grow right out of those britches.”

  “Whatever, dude.” Ben didn’t look worried. Could be because his job as a firefighter and part-time paramedic kept him in peak physical condition.

  Grace waited until everyone had finished their pie before she broached the subject that had been sitting heavy on her mind.

  “Dad, I think you should tell them now.”

  Her brothers looked up, concerned. Thomas quit channel surfing and set down the remote. “Tell us what?”

  Her dad hesitated, shooting her a reproachful glance, then reached into his pocket and withdrew the now familiar cream envelope. He laid it on his lap and ran gentle fingers over the creases.

  “You boys remember that old desk I gave to Gracie a few years back?”

  “Yeah,” Leo said. “I used to do my homework there every night.” He grinned, but seeing the serious expression on his father’s face his own smile fell away. “What’s going on?”

  Grace reached out and grasped her dad’s hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze. She met Leo’s gaze, then Ben’s, and landed on Thomas. “We found a letter from Mom.”

  Thomas’ face darkened with some impalpable emotion. His fists clenched and he stood, tall and alone, even though he was surrounded by family.

  “Get rid of it, we don’t care what she wrote.”

  “Thomas,” Grace gasped, her heart dropping clear to her toes. “Don’t say such a thing.”

  He glared at them. “Why not? She didn’t care about us, why should we care about her?”

  “That’s enough.” Their father didn’t shout, but his anger was felt nonetheless. “You will always treat your mother with respect. Do you understand me?” He may have been confined to a wheelchair, but there was no doubt who the patriarch was in that moment.

  Thomas swore under his breath and stomped out of the room.

  Leo rose. “I’ll go calm him down.”

  Their dad shook his head. “No. Leave him be, he’ll come around when he’s ready.” His gaze touched each of them in turn. “Your mother loved you very much. So much she gave you up rather than seeing you suffer when she couldn’t properly provide for you. That takes guts and a selflessness you can’t comprehend.”

  He slowly rolled the wheelchair to the coffee table and set the letter down, a magnet on the dark wood. “Talk it over. I think you should read what she left for you to find, but I can’t force you.”

  He started to roll away, then stopped and spun around. “If you’re going to hate someone, hate me. I’m the one that forced her to do what she did.”

  Bowing his head, he continued down the hall, leaving a heavy silence in his wake.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Grace wished Dan was here. He’d know what to say to bring peace to her family. At least, he always managed to make her smile, even when she was at her grumpiest. She missed him so much. He’d deployed shortly after finding out he was to become a father.

  It was one of the hardest things she’d done, waving him off with the knowledge he most likely would miss the birth of their first child. He’d wanted a baby girl. When she went for her ultra-sound and found out he was getting his wish she decided to let him think it was a boy as a surprise. She’d debated letting her dad in on the joke, but it was too much fun coming up with those goofy names and seeing the look on his face so she let it ride. The further she went into her pregnancy, the more determined she became to wait until Dan got home to give birth. As if she could stop fate…

  A particularly painful tug low in her abdomen caught her by surprise.

  “What’s wrong?” Ben asked. “You look like you ate a lemon.” His teasing grin slid sideways. “When did you say you were due?”

  Shocked, Grace looked down at the basketball that was her stomach these days. “Not for two weeks yet. You don’t think…?”

  He shrugged and returned his attention to the pie, though Grace could see his worried expression. “Nah, most likely Braxton Hicks contractions. False labor,” he added for Leo’s benefit. “Have they been going on long?”

  Now that she thought about it, she’d been feeling some discomfort off and on for most of the day. “Since this morning,” she murmured, rubbing her belly to comfort the baby.

  Leo jumped to his feet, her normally placid
and unflappable brother for once at a loss. “This morning? Why didn’t you say something sooner? You do realize it’s an hour long ride to get to the hospital, right?”

  He started gathering blankets and coats and then ran to the bathroom down the hall and returned with a handful of colorfully striped towels. He frowned at them. “What are you waiting for? Let’s go.”

  Ben exploded in laughter, and even Grace had to smile. She’d never seen Leo so flustered. She hated to imagine what he’d be like with his own child.

  “Relax, Leo, didn’t you hear Ben? It’s false labor pains, nothing to worry about.” She hoped. Her gaze was pulled to the envelope resting where her dad had left it in the center of the scarred wooden coffee table. If only her mom were here. She’d know if it was time to go in or not.

  “Let’s read the letter,” she blurted, suddenly anxious to have that connection, even if it was on paper.

  “What about Thomas?” Ben asked, his eyes inscrutable.

  “I’m here,” Thomas answered from the shadows near the kitchen doorway. “I thought a herd of elephants had broken loose, but it was only Leo.”

  Leo wadded up the towels and threw them at his brother, creating a cotton rainbow as they flew through the air to land harmlessly on the floor. “Funny, man. You’re a real comedian.” He set aside the coats and blankets and took a seat on the couch next to Ben. “Where’s Dad?”

  “He’s gone to bed, said he’d see us in the morning,” Thomas answered, strolling in and leaning a shoulder against a nearby wall. He nodded toward the real elephant in the room. “Sorry about earlier, it threw me for a loop hearing about… her, after all this time.”

  Yeah, Grace understood. This was hard for all of them. She couldn’t imagine what her dad was going through right now.

  Ben picked the envelope up like it was fragile glass, and offered it to her. “You read it, it’ll sound better with your voice.”