The Heart of Winter

by Emma Hannigan

  ‘How did you break the cycle?’ Pippa asked agog.

  ‘I had to release myself from him. He was my addiction, Pippa. No matter what he did or how badly he behaved, I still thought I loved him.’

  ‘And now?’

  ‘Now, I look back and I feel such hurt and sadness in my heart. I honestly thought he loved me as much as I loved him. He was the first person to take an interest in me as my star was rising. We were both Irish and trying to make it abroad.’

  ‘So there was a connection. You didn’t dream that part.’

  ‘Mac loved me at first. I know he fell for me hook, line and sinker. But he couldn’t handle it when I hit the big time. I tried to take him with me, Pippa. I would’ve given anything for him to support me and stay by my side and be my person.’

  ‘But he was too caught up with the dodgy stuff?’

  ‘Yup.’

  ‘Where is he now?’

  ‘Still knocking around London. I see him the odd time. He’s one of those guys who manages to get invited to wrap parties and other stuff. It used to leave me traumatised when we bumped into one another. But Darius, and now Harry have shown me that I deserve better. More than that, I can see Mac for what he really is. He’s not the boy I fell in love with. He’s selfish to the core. He doesn’t even care about himself, let alone anyone else. He’s his own worst enemy. He’s turned into a bitter and sad person who feels the world has dealt him a raw deal.’

  ‘That’s heavy,’ Pippa said. ‘I’m still a little dubious of Danny,’ she admitted. ‘I can’t talk to my sister or my mum about this. They’d be horrified if they knew what he was up to when I met him. I feel as if I’m lying to them all the time. They’ve taken him under their wing. Dad and Joey think he’s a great guy.’

  Having explained the situation and how he’d made such an effort to change his lifestyle, Pippa was relieved by Jodi’s reaction.

  ‘Pippa, he’s doing what I longed for Mac to do. He’s changing. He’s turning his life around. He has a job and now he’s attempting to become healthier. He wants to be with you and why wouldn’t he?’

  Pippa grinned. They’d arrived at the design studio, so Jodi led the way.

  ‘Hi, this is my friend Pippa,’ Jodi said.

  The three designers were huddled together, eyes shining as they looked from Jodi to Pippa. Feeling like a bit of an imposter, Pippa tried to look as if she’d been hanging out with Jodi Ludlum all her life.

  ‘We have your skirt and bodice in the fitting room down the end of the shop if you’d like to try it on.’

  Jodi tugged Pippa’s hand so she followed and stood dumbfounded when she saw the outfit.

  ‘Oh wow,’ Pippa said, forgetting totally about the onlookers. ‘Jodi, it’s magnificent.’

  Afraid to actually touch anything, Pippa gravitated toward it and stared.

  ‘You’re going to be like a fairy princess. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’ll wait out here,’ she said as she pulled the thick velvet curtain across to give Jodi some privacy.

  Jodi slipped it on and shuffled out clutching the front of the bodice and asked Pippa to close it up.

  ‘I can see why this is called couture. The finish is outstanding. If this fabric was sent to a high street designer, they’d make four dresses out of it.’

  Expertly, Pippa criss-crossed the ribbon at the back and pulled the bodice together, ensuring it was sitting correctly at the front.

  ‘Can you breathe?’

  ‘Just about,’ Jodi giggled.

  The ladies led her to a podium where she could stand in front of a three-way mirror.

  ‘What do you think?’ one of the designers asked tentatively.

  ‘I love it,’ Jodi said. ‘It’s exactly what I had in mind. Thank you all for everything!’

  ‘We need to put the finishing touches to the hem,’ said one of the ladies.

  ‘There’s a tiny bit of edging to be finished just here also,’ Pippa said, examining it.

  ‘Ah you see, I told you I needed your expert eye,’ Jodi said winking at Pippa.

  By the time they got the two-piece back onto the hanger, Jodi was beginning to panic about Saul. Pippa called Huntersbrook and spoke to her mum. It seemed they were all baking and Saul had a surprise for Jodi, which had only just gone into the oven.

  As they drove back toward Wicklow, Pippa quizzed Jodi about the rest of her wedding outfit. It turned out she hadn’t organised shoes or any clothing for the honeymoon for that matter.

  Pippa offered to pick some things out and bring them over to the house next time Jodi was at home.

  ‘Would you do that for me?’ Jodi asked.

  ‘Of course. I know the exact pair of shoes you need, too. I can’t afford them and clearly you can. So it’ll get that out of my system!’

  Pippa instructed her to drive around to the back of the house and the kitchen door. The boys were very surprised when they landed in the back door.

  ‘Glad to see you’re using the family entrance,’ Holly said with an easy smile. ‘Wait until you see what these fabulous boys have made!’

  Saul and his friend looked so incredibly pleased with themselves, it brought a tear to Jodi’s eye.

  ‘Thank you,’ she whispered to Holly as she hugged her. Saul had made a very oddly shaped mound out of scraps of pastry with jam oozing out.

  ‘It’s a baked brain!’ he said giggling. ‘It was Holly’s idea.’

  ‘Guilty as charged,’ she said. ‘I used to do them with Joey way back when. He didn’t think it was macho to be baking, so I’d invent things that sounded disgusting and he’d go for it every time! Somewhere along the way he left home able to cook basic food.’

  Jodi hugged Saul and promised to eat some of the baked brains later at home. They chatted for another while before Jodi reluctantly told the boys they’d better get going.

  ‘Don’t be a stranger,’ Holly said. ‘There’s always someone around if Saul wants to come and play. He’s such a great boy.’ She turned to Saul. ‘If you and your mummy are our friends, which you are, that means you have a free pass here any time. Besides you need to learn how to make eyeballs in swamp mud.’

  ‘Ew!’ Saul and his friend giggled.

  ‘They’re dumplings in beef stew but we prefer to call them eyeballs in swamp mud.’

  ‘Really can I come back?’ Saul said. ‘Mum, it’s so much fun here. Wait until you see the Christmas tree too. Would it be all right if I show her?’ Saul asked.

  ‘Sure,’ Holly laughed. They all went to the living room and Holly rushed to flick on the fairy lights. ‘I don’t leave them lit all the time or the tree would dry out too much.’

  Jodi floated toward it utterly entranced. ‘It’s magical. I can’t believe I’ll be having my wedding here.’ She turned around. ‘I’m so lucky to have found you all. I just know you’re going to make this the most amazing day of my life.’

  Pippa walked her out to the car and said she’d let her know about the shoes and clothes. The spring and summer ranges were beginning to come in, but none of it was out on shelves yet. Brianna would be ecstatic to hear that Pippa was already selling stuff directly from the stock room. Pippa of six months ago would’ve been in the staff room with her phone, showing people photos of Jodi’s house, car and the star herself. But Pippa knew Jodi trusted her. She knew the conversation they’d shared today was special. Unbelievable as it seemed, Pippa had a feeling she and Jodi were going to remain good friends long after this wedding was over.

  ‘Thanks for listening to me earlier,’ Pippa said shyly. ‘I feel so much better about Danny. I was nervous I was making a really stupid judgement. I’m sick of messing up and being the errant toddler of the family. I suppose I need to learn to trust my instincts too. The other messing in the beginning was a step too far and I think it’s left me feeling scared.’

  Jodi let the boys climb into the back of the Mini as she leaned on the car door.

  ‘If you weren’t a good judge of character and
you didn’t give a toss, you’d be sprawled on some random sofa right now, hung over and wondering how you were gonna drag your sorry ass out clubbing again tonight. You dipped your toe in the water. You realised that stuff was a one-way ticket to nowhere-land and you retreated. You’re a smart girl, Pippa. You like your thrills and that’s OK. But you’re nobody’s fool.’

  ‘Thanks, Jodi,’ she said hugging her. ‘I really enjoyed today. I’ll be in touch.’

  ‘I had the best time,’ Jodi said sincerely. ‘See you during the week with the shoes and stuff. Thanks for being there for me today, Pippa. I really appreciate it.’

  As she drove away, Pippa ran back inside. Sleet had begun to fall and she knew exactly where she was headed. Operation mince pie and pomander was done and dusted and Holly was pouring tea as Pippa joined her.

  ‘Tell me everything,’ Holly said.

  Pippa perched on the Aga and accepted a mug of tea.

  ‘She’s such a surprise, in the nicest possible way,’ Pippa said. ‘She’s so down to earth. No bullshit. No diva strops. I can’t believe she’s stayed so sane.’

  ‘Her life must be unimaginable really,’ Holly said. ‘Yet she has done a fine job of raising that boy. He’s a dote.’

  ‘She is quite simply the coolest person I’ve ever met,’ Pippa said. And best of all, the coolest person she’d ever met had given Danny her stamp of approval.

  Joey

  JOEY EMERGED FROM HIS ROOM AND ARRIVED down to the kitchen looking like he’d crawled out from under a rock.

  His chat with Matt in the pub the night before had been just the ticket. By their fourth hot whiskey, both men had made a pact that they were going to assume their roles as real men.

  Come hell or high water, Joey was going to try and win Skye back.

  He said his goodbyes to the family and drove at top speed to Dublin.

  As he approached their apartment, Joey’s mouth was dry. What if Skye hated him now? What if she wanted to go and live with her crazy mother and he’d never see his baby?

  He fumbled with his key in the lock and eventually got inside the apartment.

  ‘Joey,’ she said emerging from the bedroom. ‘You scared the life out of me.’

  They made their way into the living room and he took her hands and sat her down on the sofa.

  ‘I’ve been such an idiot, Skye,’ he said.

  ‘Joey,’ she said. ‘We’ve gone past the point where this is anyone’s fault. I’m not willing to spend the rest of my life trying to compete with your job.’

  ‘Please!’ he said silencing her. ‘I’ve had time to think. Time to really see what I want. I’ve never had such clarity in my life. I need you, Skye. You make me complete. I’ve been focusing on all the wrong stuff. I’m sorry I was such an ass at the black-tie ball. I should’ve told snobby Janet to sod off. I should’ve stuck up for you.’

  Skye began to cry.

  ‘I’m so ashamed at how much of a pig I’ve been that none of my family bar Matt even know we’re not talking. I couldn’t bear to tell them.’

  ‘Really?’ she said looking brighter. ‘I was wondering why none of them have even called me . . .’

  ‘They’d have my head on a stick if they knew. They all adore you, Skye. You’re one of us. All that’s missing is the piece of paper to make it all official.’

  ‘I’m never going to be a lady-who-lunches,’ she said firmly.

  ‘And I don’t want you to be,’ he reiterated. ‘I want my beautiful, sensitive and real Skye. I love you the way you are. Will you marry me again, Skye?’ he asked as he pulled the ring out of his pocket.

  She nodded as her beautiful smile lit up his heart.

  ‘Did Holly know I gave Maggie’s ring back?’ she asked looking nervous.

  ‘Nobody except Matt knows a thing. And believe me he’s not about to tell anyone.’

  Agreeing they’d go down to Huntersbrook the following day, the couple settled down to a quiet day in the apartment grateful to be back in each other’s arms.

  At the farmhouse, Lainey was in the kitchen making a cup of tea. Matt asked Jacob to give them a bit of privacy so he had taken Ely to visit Holly and Paddy. The house was quiet.

  ‘Hey,’ he said walking over to her. ‘We need to talk, Lainey.’

  ‘I know,’ she said looking to the floor.

  ‘I feel as if we’re drowning . . . You’re shutting me out and I don’t know how to reach you any more. Anytime I try to say something you take it the wrong way or storm off. I’m on your side, Lainey. I swear.’

  ‘I know you are,’ she said as tears seeped down her cheeks. ‘Mum came over last night.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah, while you were at the pub. We had a really tough but good chat. I think we’re going to be able to find a new common ground. She admitted she had been blaming me for her postnatal depression.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘She didn’t do it on purpose,’ Lainey added. ‘But it’s taken us both until now to admit that we’ve both behaved dreadfully toward one another. We have to let old hurts heal and try to move forward.’

  ‘Wow. I’m delighted,’ Matt said. ‘But you and I have something weird going on too. What are you thinking? Do you still love me?’

  ‘Oh Matt,’ she said raising her hand to touch his face. ‘I’ve never loved you more. But I was going to ask you the same question. I’m afraid . . .’

  ‘Of what exactly?’

  ‘That you’ve been left with a barren wife who can’t give you any more children. This isn’t what you signed up for. I’m not what you signed up for. What if you feel hard done by?’

  ‘Jesus, Lainey, what kind of man do you think I am?’

  ‘I . . .’ She didn’t quite know how to answer.

  ‘Lainey, all I want is you and Ely. I can’t believe you think I don’t love you.’

  ‘I don’t . . . Oh God . . . this is really silly, isn’t it? I’ve been totally mad lately.’

  ‘Can we say it’s all down to the shock and surgery?’ he grinned. ‘Can we kiss and make up?’

  ‘You bet,’ she said happily.

  Skye

  PIPPA WOKE EARLY AND PHONED DANNY.

  ‘How are you?’ she asked.

  ‘OK,’ he said edgily. ‘I miss you. I wish I could come and see you.’

  ‘So do I,’ she said with a smile.

  ‘You do? But you saw me yesterday, you weirdo!’

  ‘I know, but I’ve been dithering. I think I’m a bit afraid of what I feel and I’m scared of messing up.’

  She put the phone down and laughed. Danny said he was already getting into his car and would be with her in record time. Knowing he wasn’t in possession of the Bat mobile, Pippa looked up in surprise as the back door opened.

  ‘Morning all,’ Joey boomed as they came in.

  ‘Hey Pippa,’ Skye said.

  ‘Hi you two,’ Pippa said. ‘I’ve just put the phone down to Danny. He’s on his way and I knew it couldn’t be him already! How are you both this fine day?’

  ‘You’re in a good mood,’ Joey grinned. ‘And we’re here to add to the jovial atmosphere. We’ve just been with Mum and Dad . . .’

  ‘Yeah?’ Pippa raised an eyebrow.

  ‘Skye and I are having a baby!’

  ‘No way!’ Pippa shouted.

  ‘Yes way,’ Skye said. ‘I’m nearly five months pregnant.’

  ‘What?’ Pippa said. ‘You’ve been keeping that a secret for a long time.’

  ‘We’ll explain later, but it was all a bit of a shock and we were having a rough time so we decided to keep it to ourselves for a bit. In light of Lainey’s surgery, it didn’t seem like the right time to mention anything . . .’

  ‘Oh I’m sure Lainey will be so happy for you, Skye,’ Pippa insisted as she hugged and kissed and congratulated them.

  ‘I’m going to pop over to Lainey on my own,’ Skye said. ‘I’m hoping she’ll take it well, but I think it’d be fairer if she hears our news quietly
. I really don’t want to upset her.’

  ‘Fair enough,’ Pippa said.

  Joey kissed Skye and she let herself out the back door.

  She was incredibly nervous as she made her way across the well-worn path to the farmhouse.

  She could see Lainey through the window in the kitchen with Ely and Matt. Knocking on the door, Skye felt butterflies in her tummy. What if Lainey yelled at her and told her to get out?

  ‘Skye!’ Lainey said hugging her. ‘How are you? Gosh, I feel like I haven’t seen you for ages. I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. There’s been a lot going on,’ Lainey rambled. ‘Come in and sit down. Tea?’

  ‘Ah no thanks,’ she said, as her voice cracked with nerves.

  ‘Ooh, you look pale, love. What’s up?’

  Matt looked over and winked and Skye remembered Joey had told him the news.

  ‘I might go over to Huntersbrook with Ely. Holly rang to say there’s a wine and mince pie thing on tonight for Mrs Hogan’s son. We need to sort a few bits. Joey and I are moving a couple of the round tables into the hallway for Holly.’

  ‘OK,’ Lainey said looking mildly perplexed. Matt passed Skye and hugged her briefly.

  ‘Congratulations. I’m so happy for you,’ he whispered. She squeezed his hand gratefully.

  As soon as he left, taking a babbling Ely with him, the kitchen seemed suddenly quiet.

  ‘Lainey, I’m really nervous,’ Skye confessed. ‘I need to tell you something but the last thing I want is to upset you.’

  ‘OK,’ Lainey said cagily.

  ‘The thing is . . .’ Skye hesitated. ‘I’m pregnant.’

  There was silence for a moment as Lainey computed what Skye had said. Rushing forward, she hugged her.

  ‘Oh Skye,’ she cried. ‘I’m not upset,’ she said. ‘Gosh, I’ve been such a tyrant lately, everyone seems to think I’ve no good will left in me.’