Forgiving Pain, Omega Born Book 3

by CR Guiliano

  Vann sure as hell didn’t need the alpha pair playing matchmaker, damn it! Just as he hadn’t needed Dryden doing it. Bad enough Vann wanted—needed—Truin with a passion which surprised him, but, at the same time, he refused to cave to his instincts. Truin was worthy of more than what Vann could give him. He deserved a mate who was clean, not tainted with an act so heinous, it made him less than honorable. Made him weak, and contemptable, vile and abhorrent. A mate who was so riddled with guilt, and shame, he’s heart had shriveled up, and was not capable of love, or caring. Both of which Truin had the right to expect from a mate.

  There had been a few times he thought maybe he was being too hard on himself. Funny, those times always coincided with the alpha beta link pulsing in his mind, Dryden obviously thinking about him. He could still feel Dryden’s emotions, just as strong as if they were standing next to each other. His alpha was angry, worried, and the most damning emotion of all? Forgiving. How could Dryden forgive what Vann had done? Vann knew Dryden missed him. There was a longing in his emotions when the link throbbed, that had never been there before. Vann missed Dryden too, more than he should, more than he thought possible. But he knew he’d never be able to look at Arri the same, or look his alpha in the face without his shame, and disgrace, drowning him.

  But, the very worst moments—making Vann want to crawl into a hole, and die—were when Dryden was being intimate with Arri. Once again, Vann felt it all, his own arousal making him nauseous, and his mind going back to the farmhouse basement, and the act that condemned him to a lifetime of loneliness, and self-hatred—of overwhelming pain. Vann wanted to tear his hair out, slam his head against the wall, and make the memories disappear. Fade away, so he could, at least, exist without the agony of his betrayal.

  Vann ground his teeth, as he watched the scenery pass by outside the window. He refused to engage in any conversation, not trusting his mouth, and what might come out of it. His emotions were too intense, his thoughts all over the place, and his wolf too close to the surface. Something was happening at Woodlynn which had Dryden upset. Something to do with Arri, and had Vann’s focus turned inward. Dryden was agitated, confused, and angry. Between struggling with his wolf because of Truin, and the overwhelming feelings coming from Dryden, not to mention Vann’s innate need to comfort them both, he was having a hard time concentrating, never mind working out these sudden complications in his life. Damn it! He’d left to get away from all this, but it seemed he couldn’t outrun his fate.

  It wasn’t until the SUV slowed, and they were pulling into the parking lot of the motel he was brought back to the present. His heart raced, knowing it would be only a few minutes before he was in a room, alone with Truin. Vann wasn’t sure what he was going to do, how much control it was going to take to be around the younger male, without claiming him. But, whatever it took, he would do it. He would not touch Truin, no matter what his wolf wanted. He simply wasn’t good enough for the other male.

  “I’ll go get our key cards.”

  Vann nodded at Jisune, and kept silent. Both betas were higher in rank than him, though they were very aware he was stronger than both of them. Vann didn’t mind, he had no interest in being anything but a tracker, and the occasional enforcer, for the Rainer Pack. It was Micky, and Jisune who would be doing the negotiations. Vann had requested to go only as back-up, and to get away from Truin. Now, his mate was tagging along, and Vann had the added pressure of making sure Truin stayed safe in strange territories. Their plan would have had Vann negotiating with the Zenith Pack alone, but maybe it was better this way. Vann wasn’t a diplomate, though he had been an excellent lead beta for Dryden, even if he’d failed miserably as the alpha guardian.

  Deep down, in the darkest recesses of his mind, he knew what he’d done had saved Arri’s life, and the pup’s too. But it didn’t alleviate his inner turmoil, didn’t assuage his guilt, or the loathing he had for himself. How could he claim Truin, when he was so messed up? He couldn’t, and he needed to remember that when the other male was around him, even if they were alone.

  Jisune came back after a few minutes, drove them around to the back of the motel, and parked. They all climbed out, grabbing their bags, and heading to their rooms. Jisune handed Vann his key card, and turned away to walk further down the sidewalk, Micky falling in step with him. Vann could feel Truin behind him, but not near, which he appreciated. It was going to be bad enough having the male in close quarters for the night. He swiped the card, and pushed the door open, walking in, and tossing his bag on the small, round table. He almost turned around to go back to the office when he realized he’d been given a single, with a king sized bed. One king sized bed. Fucking hell! Not only was he having to share a room, he was going to have to share a bed. This was going to be the worst night of his life! Fate was so fucking with him!

  *~*~*~*

  Truin followed Vann into the room, and was shocked to find only one bed. But, then again, he wasn’t supposed to have come on this mission. He stopped, and let the door close behind him, then turned, and locked it. The sound of the tumblers engaging was loud in the quiet room. He wondered why Vann hadn’t just asked one of the betas to switch with him, but had no answer, even if he was glad the big male hadn’t. Feeling uncomfortable, and unsure what to do, Truin watched Vann throw his bag on the table, then sit on the edge of the bed, and pick up a menu, ignoring Truin.

  He contained a sigh, wondering if it wouldn’t be better just to sleep on the floor in his wolf form. Except, his wolf was frantic, wanting to submit to Vann, and Truin might not be able to control himself from presenting. He was certain Vann wouldn't appreciate that, not after having rejected him. No need to humiliate himself, by shoving his ass in Vann’s face…literally. Truin bit his lip, wondering if the predicament they found themselves in would ever be resolved.

  “I’m ordering something to eat. You want anything?”

  Vann speaking suddenly into the silent room nearly had Truin jumping out of his skin. He could feel his face heating with embarrassment, and shook his head. “N...no, I’m not hungry.”

  “You need to eat something. We’re not stopping tomorrow. Never mind, I’ll order something for you.”

  Vann dismissed him, and went back to the menu. Truin would be insulted, but it was what he expected from the big male. Vann had always been gruff, and belligerent around him. Truin had to squash the small thrill in the back of his mind whispering Vann was caring for him, just like a more dominant mate would, even if the other male didn’t realize it. Truin finally moved, walking to the other side of the room, and stopping long enough to tell Vann he was taking a quick shower. He glanced back, only to see Vann still ignoring him, and then picking up the phone.

  Truin hurried into the bathroom, dropped his duffel on the toilet seat, and shut the door. He debated whether to lock it or not, and then decided it didn’t matter. Vann wouldn’t be coming in here. He started the water, stripping while he waited for it to heat up. He stared at himself in the mirror, noting the dark circles under his eyes, and the shininess that proved his wolf was close to the surface. Once again, he wondered what was wrong with him, why Vann would reject him, without explanation.

  Finally allowing the sigh out, Truin turned away, and climbed into the tub. The water felt wonderful, relaxing his tense muscles. Being so close to Vann, and no one else around, had the predictable reaction on his body. Looking down, he stared at the erection pressing against his stomach. Honestly, he had no inclination to do anything about it. Taking care of it on his own would only emphasize Vann’s denial of him, making Truin feel even worse than he already did.

  He washed quickly, ignoring everything in favor of getting clean. He paused only a moment, when he thought he heard the door open, then close almost silently. He shook his head, must have been his imagination. No way would Vann look in here. Once done, he stepped out, dried off, and put on some sleep pants. He debated wearing a t-shirt, but decided he’d be more comfortable without. Not that he was trying to entice
Vann, or anything. He really didn’t think that was possible. Balling up his dirty clothes, he stuffed them in his bag, forwent shaving, and exited the bathroom.

  Immediately, he smelled charred meat, and his stomach rumbled, making his face flame. He’d told Vann he wasn’t hungry, but that wasn’t exactly true. He was hungry, he just didn’t think he could put anything in his churning stomach, without making himself nauseous. Not something he wanted to admit to Vann. The awkwardness of being in a room alone with Vann, the big male ignoring him, and the overwhelming despondency that brought, managed to take care of any arousal Truin had felt. Truin was thankful, he didn’t need the extra humiliation, and staunchly ignored his wolf’s pacing in his mind.

  The older shifter didn’t even acknowledge him, just pointed at the tray on the nightstand between the bed, and the wall. Truin grabbed it, and moved it to the dresser, where there was a small desk at the end, and a chair. He sat, and lifted the lid off the plate to find a juicy hamburger, which accounted for the charred meat smell. Obviously well overdone for his wolf’s taste, and a bunch of greasy steak fries. Truin’s stomach turned, but he knew he should probably, at least, try to eat some of it.

  He took a few surreptitious glances at Vann out of the corner of his eye, only to see the other male eating steadily, almost wolfing the food down. Truin bit his lip at the wholly inappropriately amusing thought. He picked at the burger, pulling off the tomato, lettuce, and pickles, and practically shredding the bun. The fries were okay, if a bit cold.

  “I’m taking a shower.”

  Truin nodded, keeping his eyes on his food, as Vann passed him. The scent that wafted over him from the big male, almost had him groaning, but he managed to contain it.

  “Finish that food.”

  Vann had stopped at the door to the bathroom, and turned to scowl at him. Truin just nodded again, unwilling to make Vann any angrier than he already was. When the door closed behind the beta—alpha—Truin debated on whether to throw the rest of the burger, and fries away. He just couldn’t eat another bite. He could have flushed the rest down the toilet, but not with the bathroom occupied, and he resolutely didn’t think about Vann being in there, naked, wet, soap bubbles trailing down his smooth skin, his sculpted body glorious. Well, he tried anyway.

  After he heard the water turn on, he grabbed the plate with the remains of his meal, and headed for the door to the room. As quietly as he could, he unlocked, and eased the door open, tossing the food out into some bushes. Turning back, he dropped the plate back on the tray, finished the soda that came with it, and turned to stare at the bed. It was a king, but with Vann’s size, there wasn’t going to be a lot of room. Truin wasn’t very big, actually puny as far as shifters went. He wasn’t as small as Arri, or Anrean, of course, since he wasn’t an omega, but he wasn’t much larger than them, and not nearly as big as Vann. The older male was almost as big as Alpha Dryden himself, and the alpha was the largest male Truin had ever met. For that matter, Vann was larger than Alpha Dryden in wolf form, something that fascinated Truin.

  Sighing, he moved to the far side, by the wall, and pulled the covers back. Climbing in, he stayed as close to the edge as he could, and tried to get comfortable. It was going to be a very long night.

  Chapter 5

  Dryden stared in at the thin wolf, the male asleep on the twin bed, on the ground level of the east wing, where he kept a few cells. Well, not really cells, but secured bedrooms. Most of the time, they were empty, and only occasionally used to detain shifters having trouble controlling themselves. The remnants of the dinner they had served Arri’s father was on the small table by the wall. There wasn’t much left, and it was easy to see the male was starving. Dryden couldn’t figure out why Etham was here. The bastard had left Border pack, abandoning Arri to the cruelty of Sbrel, and his wolves. And where was his mate, Arri’s mother? They’d been unable to get him to talk, though Dryden was sure that would just take some time.

  He hadn’t—as of yet—let his newest beta have a crack at Etham. Dyne had been an enforcer for his father, the very youngest of them, much closer to Dryden’s age. He had a reputation for being ruthless, and stoic, but very protective, and loyal. Dryden also knew Dyne enjoyed getting information out of people, whatever way needed. For a short time, he’d been assigned as Dryden’s personal guard, before Vann came of age, and became the alpha guardian, but it was apparent pretty quickly, Dryden’s strength, and cunning, were too much for Dyne, even when Dryden was just a pup close to maturity. Dryden gave a wry grin, remembering some of the antics he’d gotten into that had Dyne frustrated, and them both in trouble with Dryden’s father. Good times. He eventually turned away from Arri’s father, left the room, and made his way down the hall to the main areas of the manor.

  Dryden now had four betas again, and when he located Vann, he would have five once more. Kirlane, and Talus had settled well into their roles, though Dryden was very aware they found guarding Arri, and Arrden a chore. Rovyn, as temporary lead beta, spent his time with Dryden. Well, when he wasn’t fawning over Anrean. Dryden had given the beta as much time as he could to cement his bond with Anrean, but had to nip the attention in the bud, when Rovyn was taking too long. He was going to have to give the male some more time when Anrean came close to birthing their pups.

  He’d made Dyne a beta only a couple of weeks ago, and suspected he would soon be stronger than Rovyn, even if both were beta born. He didn’t know what to do about Truin, who was missing, along with Vann. He’d picked Truin as a beta-in-training for the sole purpose of getting Vann’s attention on the young shifter. Truin wasn’t beta born, like the rest. And Ashwin had backed out of the training after Truin had disappeared. Dryden knew the two were close, but had been surprised Ashwin would give up the chance to be beta. Ashwin wasn’t talking either, not that Dryden would pressure him for an explanation. Especially when he still needed to let Ashwin know his brother, Kasp, would soon be here.

  Dryden made his way to his office, knowing Arri was taking a nap. He could feel the mating bond humming quietly in his mind, letting him know his mate was deeply asleep. He could also feel the stirrings of Arri’s heat, though they had another couple of weeks, or more before Arri’s biology, and his own, would force them together, to rut hard, and long, for several days in a row, and his knot tying them for hours at a time.

  Dryden was looking forward to it, to the intimate emotional, and mental connection with his mate, and their bodies becoming one, over and over again. And also anticipating their hard sex resulting in the conception of more pups while his mate was in heat. He was so looking forward to it, he’d been struggling to keep himself from ravishing his mate now. They had other things to worry about, like Arri’s father showing up, and the wolves coming to challenge him, Truin missing. And Vann’s disappearance.

  He sat behind his desk, and picked up his phone, ready to call Rovyn, when someone knocked on his door. “Come.” He was surprised to see Rovyn enter, thinking it would be another few hours before the beta returned with the challengers. That meant Kasp was here. Dryden could feel the tension in his muscles, having the wolf so close to his family. Kasp was an unknown, Dryden unsure of his motives. Everyone had been relieved when Kasp disappeared, the male making the entire pack on edge.

  “I’ve housed the challengers in the back house, just inside the territory boundaries, as you requested, along with the enforcers you wanted guarding them.”

  Dryden nodded, noting Rovyn’s exhaustion. Dryden could bet it was purely emotional, not physical. Dealing with a bunch of angry shifters, bent on unseating Dryden from his alpha status couldn’t have been easy on the male. But Dryden trusted him, knew Rovyn could handle it. That’s why he’d sent him. Dryden figured, if Rovyn could handle Kale, he could handle Kasp, and the others. “Any problems?”

  “None with the challengers, though Kasp gives me the creeps. He always has this smug smirk on his face, like he knows something we don’t. I also know we had shifters following us. I’ve alerted the s
entries to keep an eye out for them.”

  That was news to Dryden, and he didn’t like it. “Do you think they’re going to cause problems?” The last thing Dryden needed was to worry about strangers on his land, especially while he needed to focus on the challenges coming up in less than two days’ time. He was already worried about beating four wolves in a row. He’d always had Vann’s unfailing faith in him before, something which bolstered his confidence in himself, even Vann’s strength enhancing his own, but Vann wasn’t here to give him that support, and Dryden wasn’t sure he could win without it. But he had to, he had no choice.

  He wouldn’t leave his pack, or Border to anyone else. It was his pack, his territory. Had been his family which had been the alphas going back several generations, since his family came to America. Besides, if he died, that left Arri, and Arrden vulnerable, and just the thought had Dryden’s body tensing further. Hell would freeze over before he left Arri on his own, and at the mercy of others once again.

  “I’m not sure. I would assume they are following one of the challengers, and my guess would be Kasp, but for what reason, I don’t know. They are also not wolf shifters. I couldn’t identify their scents. And one of the challengers, who seems to know Kasp, is definitely not wolf, but I’m not sure what he is.”

  Dryden sat back in surprise. He knew there were other shifters out there, though he’d never encountered another species before now. “Double the sentries, and add to the patrols. I want them found, and contained.” Rovyn nodded, and Dryden waved him off. He was sure Rovyn was anxious to get back to his mate, and the sooner they increased the patrols, the faster they would find those shifters.