by Chloe Liese
I took her face in my hands, kissed her cheek. Only because she was suspicious of what Nairne really meant to me and she had to be disabused of that very legitimate conclusion. “I told you, she’s a convenient lay right now. Just because I don’t love you the same way, doesn’t mean I love her.”
She pulled away, eyes searching me. “You promise?”
I stood, toed a rock in the dirt, and lied between my teeth. “Yes.”
She smiled and stood as well, wrapped her arms around my torso. I squeezed her hard once and swallowed my revulsion, until I released her.
“Ciao, amore.” She blew a soft kiss as she tightened her robe around her. The breeze picked up and whipped violently through the trees as the temperature dropped rapidly.
I took a good look at her and backed away as the sky darkened. “Ciao, vipera.”
Nine
Nairne
“Every year technology brings us closer to accomplishing our most ambitious of goals.” I stared up from my speech at the field of green, feeling my legs begin to shake with the strain of standing. Then I caught four handsome men not far back in the seats, two older, two younger. One face beamed with a sensual pride behind black shades and dark waves that kicked up in the June breeze.
I continued, most of it from memory. “From enterprise to medicine, to climate science and mathematics, the world is ours to improve with the skills we have learned here. Studying at MIT has, for me, only underscored education’s imperative role in shaping my values and dreams as a global citizen. I was captivated by the scientific potential—made possible only by highly developed technological systems and theories—of sequencing the human genome. With this development, researchers have an unprecedented tool by which to better analyze mechanisms of disease that ravage developing countries. Such targeted sequencing will allow us to create new drugs and vaccines with significantly less risk, and thus expense. This is a lifechanging possibility.”
My advisor nodded and a sea of claps cut through the hot air. As they quieted, I continued. “It is my hope and belief that all here graduating today have found this segue between training and conviction. Our values are nothing if they are not born out by action. Our morality is silent if it is not practiced in this one fleeting life we are given. May these years of learning, our trials and errors, and the insight they have conferred, be unforgettable. May we never turn back from the path of intent and purpose we have set ourselves on here.”
Applause erupted again. The dean stepped up to me and hugged me hard. “Well done, lady,” she whispered in my ear. When she pulled back, she proudly handed me my diploma.
I caught a camera flash and stifled the panic response it still caused. Froze my smile as I held myself for a cascade of photos, until finally the clapping died down and I could sink into my chair, relieved of the anxiety of speaking publicly, standing without falling on my arse, and braving cameras.
The ceremony moved quickly, and through it, Zed stared at me. He still had his sunnies on, shielding his eyes, but I felt his gaze, caught his smirk as he shifted in his seat and crossed his arms, his biceps straining against the fabric of his crisp, blue button down.
I begged off extra ceremonies, shook hands with the necessary people, and made my escape. Zed loaded me into his car and drove us in companionable silence to his childhood home, where Brando and Gianno had made a big feast to celebrate. We ate, talked easily, and it was bittersweet, as I looked among these men knowing soon I’d lose all but one of them.
But the day wasn’t over, because next we were headed to the first health clinic that had been completed. Zed drove us smoothly toward Mattapan, where he had to cut the ribbon. And I was expected to speak with some reporter wanting to interview me when she made the connection between my commencement speech earlier in the day and my involvement with this project.
“Your speech was good, Nairne. I’m proud of you.”
I smiled tiredly as my eyes slid shut. When he wasn’t navigating like a Formula One racer, Zed’s driving put me to sleep. “Thank you. I’m glad you were all there. It meant a lot to me.”
I heard the smile in his voice as he clicked on his blinker. “Your Italian entourage.”
“Quite. I got a number of jealous looks with you handsome fellows surrounding me afterward.”
His hand landed over mine, warm, calloused. “You okay? You look a little under the weather.”
For being an expert worrier, Zed did remarkably well at not fussing over me. He knew enough by now to grasp how spinal cord injuries could cause finicky complications, though, and he liked to check in.
“I’m fine.” I yawned. “Just ready for a few weeks off before it’s back to work.”
“You know, reasonable people don’t ask to start their semester early, Nairne. They take this thing called a vacation. It’s allegedly very good for one’s well-being.”
I laughed and blinked my eyes open. “Who ever said I was reasonable?”
His hand squeezed mine, then released it.
We parked, I used my wheelchair because I was knackered, and we made our way to the entrance. Zed talked briefly because Tony begged him to, and he did brilliantly. He didn’t love public speaking, but he was good at it. Serious, smiling occasionally. His voice warm and clear.
I sat politely to the side, next to the other board members and Tony, listening to Zed while a cooling breeze danced over my skin. My eyes drifted shut for a minute as I savored it, and when I opened them, I blinked rapidly to be sure they weren’t tricking me. Nella stood at the edge of the crowd, large sunglasses obscuring her face, yet I recognized her easily.
Zed finished and people clapped. When he stepped back, he leaned my way. “What’s wrong?”
“Need the lavvy, that’s all.”
He frowned. “I’ll come with you.”
“No, it’s all right, Zed.”
I backed up and went inside the building before he could follow me, and found the restroom, one which I’d ensured had accessibility. I flicked on the cool water and splashed it on my face. As I’d expected, Nella had followed me—I’d heard her stilettos clacking along the tile. The door soon swung open, then thudded shut.
Nella bolted it behind her and before she could speak, I jumped in.
“What the hell happened?” I asked. “I paid you ten thousand dollars to ensure Zed wasn’t chosen.”
She glared at me. “I used it to ensure Antonio got what he deserved.”
“And none of it to buy your position?” I pressed.
She pointed a blood-red fingernail at her chest. “I shouldn’t have to pay people to earn their fidelity. I gave my men the opportunity to choose me because I am their natural and right leader.”
I sighed and scrubbed my face. Negotiating with narcissistic sociopaths was just about more than I had energy for at the moment. “And yet, they didn’t.”
She practically snarled as she fished through her cleavage and pulled out a cigarette.
“Nella, you can’t smoke in here.”
“I’ll do what I fucking want, fragola,” she muttered around the cig as she lit up.
I waved away the smoke and backed up.
“How are you getting him out?”
She smiled as she exhaled. A fist banged on the door.
“One minute!” I yelled.
“Nairne, open the goddamn door.” Zed’s voice.
“Zed, I’m fine. I’ll be right there.”
“You have five minutes, Nairne MacGregor, before I come back and rip off this door.” One final slam of a fist and I heard his footsteps fade.
Nella stared at me for a long, silent minute as she sucked her cigarette to ash at an alarming rate. Then she lobbed it into the sink where it hissed as it hit residual water. “He loves you.”
I swallowed. “No, he doesn’t. I told you, we’ve just had a nice time. Though I obviously want to help him. I care about him.”
“How much?” She dug a new cigarette from her cleavage, lit up and exhaled like a drag
on through her nose. “Enough to let him go?”
“What?”
“Give me your phone.”
My hand went reflexively to where I kept it wedged between my thighs. “Why?”
She flicked her ash on the tiles and walked toward me. “I’m proposing an amendment to our deal.”
I wheeled away from her. “I’m not negotiating with you. I paid you ten thousand dollars and you still managed to fuck it up.”
She smiled faintly, as her eyes danced over my face. “You are very young. Pretty, in your way. And you’re tenacious. I can see why he loves you.”
“He doesn’t—”
“Now, don’t insult my intelligence, fragola. I’m not blind. I told you I’d free him, and in my own way and time, I will. Just not for you.”
I opened my mouth to verbally eviscerate her, but she cut me off.
“If you love him,” she said, “let him go.”
“And if I won’t?”
“I’ll have him so brutalized he’ll be unrecognizable to you.”
Pain radiated in my sternum. “You’re insane.”
“Perhaps.” She shrugged. “But if he can’t be mine, he can’t be anybody’s. Go through that door, and take the cab waiting outside the back entrance. Leave, never make contact with him again, and he’ll live. Now give me your phone, fragola.”
My hands shook with disbelief as I held my mobile. “Why do you want it?”
She ripped it out of my hand, drowned the SIM card in a sink of water, then tossed the wrecked technology in the rubbish bin. “Because he’ll try to contact you. He needs to believe you’ve forgotten him.”
I stared between my demolished phone and her. “We don’t mean that to each other. We’re just friends, Nella. I want him to have a better life, that’s all.”
“Good. Then you’ll have no problem leaving a friend behind. Friends are replaceable. Your great love is unforgettable.” She smirked as she unlocked the door, then glanced into the hallway. Seeing it was clear, she leaned against the door. “Which is why I’m keeping mine. Goodbye, bella.”
Ten
Zed
After exactly five minutes, I ran back inside and found the bathroom empty. Dialed Nairne’s cell phone over and over as my chest constricted. Every time it said the number was no longer in service. I moved through the mass of people, searching for a head of auburn hair, knowing it would be that much harder to see her because she was in her wheels. You lost someone in a wheelchair quickly—no head poking out of a crowd—and I panicked, shoving people aside and trying to spot her.
I made it through the bodies to the sidewalk and glanced wildly around. She was nowhere. Then I spun and ducked because I felt someone standing at my back.
Nella.
She threaded her hand through my arm as I straightened. “Zeddo. What a lovely speech that was.”
I yanked myself away and searched her eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“Why wouldn’t I come?” She stepped closer. “What’s wrong?”
“Nairne. I can’t find her.” I turned around and searched the crowd some more. “She just disappeared, and I can’t find her.”
“Oh, Zeddo…” She sighed. “La fragola and I encountered each other in the ladies room, and she did say…” Nella bit her lip and stared off. “Well, no, never mind.”
“What, Nella?”
“She asked me to tell her about who you really are. She said she needed the truth from someone who knows you…deeply.”
I swallowed thickly. Nella and I had a history, which Nairne knew about. But there was plenty that I’d sanctioned in our work together that, spun unfavorably, might morally repulse Nairne. There was a raw ache in my chest at the thought that she’d actually been horrified by what Nella had said. But when I pushed past my initial fear, it was hard to believe Nairne would leave without confronting me.
“I have to find her,” I muttered. My hands searched my pockets for my keys and phone and found them again.
“I think she’s gone, Zeddo. And believe me when I say this—it’s for the best.” Her kiss on my cheek disgusted me and I pulled away, though it didn’t seem to bother Nella one bit. She looked alarmingly self-satisfied. “Take some time, but soon we need to have that meeting. I can only play boss while being denied the title for so long. It’s not good for my ego, you understand?”
I stalked off, trying to move past my anger and think logically. Nella was playing her cat and mouse game, the details of which I couldn’t tell yet. She’d come here strategically, perhaps having doubted my word to her that Nairne was a temporary partner only, that I had no plans to try to escape this life and follow her. Somehow she’d come between me and the woman I loved, and that was the wrong fucking move.
I was shaking with rage, but before I did a single thing about my fury, I had to make sure Nairne was safe. Nella was too good of a liar for me to trust that Nairne was all right. I had to know that for myself. But how could I be sure of it when I couldn’t contact her?
When I got to my car, I found a tiny piece of paper pinned under the wiper. I recognized the neatly scrawled letters immediately.
Gadzooks.
Air burst out of my lungs. Her safe word. She was safe then?
If she’d taken the time to put my mind at ease, then she wasn’t running off on me, was she? God, I was lost. If I only knew what had passed between Nairne and Nella when they met. That’s what I got for not being a pushy asshole. If I’d acted like the old Zed, I would have goddamn demanded Nairne tell me everything, and I would have known exactly what I needed. This was where passivity in a relationship while still in the mafia got me. In the dark and compromised.
So, now all I could do was take a shot in the dark and hope I was accurate. Say Nella, who clearly still felt threatened by Nairne despite my efforts to dissuade her, had threatened Nairne off somehow. If so, and Nairne had complied, what could I do? Without the ability to contact her, how could I reassure her that I’d find her? Ask her to wait and trust me, to allow me to explain anything that Nella might have misrepresented?
“I can’t do this.” I ripped at my hair, slammed a fist into the brick wall of the building. God, I could choke Nella, the fucking psychopath. I’d tried to be so careful. To shield Nairne and keep her hidden from this life, and still it had managed to tear us apart and leave me scrambling for leverage to bring us back together.
I needed someone who could take the brunt of my fury, because if I punched a wall again, I was going to shatter my hand. I texted Teo to meet me at his gym.
His response came quickly. “I’m in. Haven’t had the pleasure of kicking your ass in much too long.”
Teo was tall, had two inches on me easily. And he was strong, but not as built as I was. Given those factors, we were close enough to be fairly matched.
When I got there, the hum of fluorescent bulbs cast everything in grey light, and the smell of sweat and vinyl soothed me. Abruptly, I was shoved from behind. I pivoted, swung, and knocked a punch into Teo’s shoulder.
He pulled me against him for a back-smacking hug, then shoved me off. “You smell like your lady. What’d she do, douse you in her perfume?”
I lifted my undershirt to my nose and sure enough, it was her scent—ocean air and a garden. “Well, actually—”
“Jesus, no.” Teo waved a big hand, looking pleading. “You ever hear of a hypothetical question? Because it always applies with you two. You’re freaks with each other. I don’t want to know a damn thing.”
“Well, consider yourself lucky then,” I answered bitterly. I ripped off my shirt and stuffed it into my duffel bag. “She’s gone, so there’s nothing to scar you with now.” Just saying it felt like a physical blow to the sternum. I needed real hits and blows to ground my pain, so I threw my shit down and headed over to our ring.
Teo followed. Gave me a sideways glance while we stood shoulder to shoulder, wrapping our wrists. “What the hell happened? I thought she was leaving tomorrow. Didn’t you have
this whole night planned out—”
“I did. Then Nella fucked with it.” I cracked my neck side to side.
“How?”
“I think she threatened Nairne. Or threatened me to Nairne. The bottom line is she’s separating us. Nella said she told Nairne about my past. She wants me to think Nairne was put off by what she said, and I don’t know, perhaps that’s possible, but that doesn’t feel like Nairne to me. She’d give me a chance to explain myself.”
Teo frowned. “Nella caught on to you two. And now that you’re trying to leave, she’s trying to lock you in.”
I sighed. “I think so, yeah. Because Nella’s a sociopath who wants power and control. And I’m her favorite toy.”
“You’re sure Nairne’s gone? Did you go to her house?”
I glared at him. “What kind of dumbass do you think I am? I banged on her door, checked her windows, might have slipped in to be sure.” She’d taken my key back yesterday to return to her landlady, so I’d had to do a little break and enter, wiggling her kitchen window open and sneaking in for a cautionary check just in case. The place had been empty. “She’s gone.”
“What could Nella have said that you think might scare Nairne away?”
“About Mom.”
He balked. “What? Why haven’t you told her that?”
I focused on a strip of fabric that wasn’t tight enough around my wrist, and pointedly ignored him. Because he’d rip me a new asshole when I explained that I’d been too scared.
Teo sighed. “Fine, we’ll work this out vintage style.” He swung himself over the ropes and jumped into the ring.
Suited me fine. I’d beat the shit out of him while I got everything off my chest. We circled each other, fists up. I moved in, and Teo jabbed. I ducked, then swung at him.
