by Kira Chase
After she showered and dressed, she’d grab a newspaper and look through the want ads. She was thankful that Angela had also graciously offered to keep an eye out for any job openings.
She’d had so much fun with Angela last night visiting all of Angela’s favorite nightspots. Those places were certain to become some of her favorites as well. One place in particular, The Barstel, was one of the friendliest bars Rachel had ever been to. She wished Wilson Point had a place like The Barstel. It would have given her and Kerri a chance to be around others who loved the way they did. But if such a place had existed in Wilson Point, the fair citizens, once they got wind of it, would have made inhabiting it almost impossible, the way they’d always kept gays securely locked in the closet. If they couldn’t be seen, they didn’t have to be dealt with. She’d never understand why Kerri didn’t jump at the opportunity to leave. Sometimes she wondered how well she really did know Kerri or if she even knew her at all. She sighed.
Rachel had instantly liked Angela finding it easy to open up about herself as if she’d known Angela her entire life. She didn’t mention Kerri, though. The thought of Kerri left a dull ache in her heart and until she knew what future they were to have together, she decided to keep it secretly hidden within her own heart. Conversation with Angela was easy with no constrictions and Angela never once ceased to make her laugh with her funny stories about her life and growing up in the city. She hoped that theirs was the beginning of a long and beautiful friendship.
An hour later Rachel stepped off of the elevator and was making her way across the lobby when she heard a familiar voice calling her name. She quickly turned around.
“Rachel, I’m so happy that you decided to stay here.”
“Mary, it’s so good to see you again! This hotel is fabulous. Thank you so much for telling me about it,” Rachel said. “Are you staying here, too? I thought you’d be staying with your family.” A bright smile broke across her face.
Mary smiled broadly. “I am staying with my family, dear. My daughter and son-in-law own this hotel. I retired and passed it on to them after my husband Craig died.”
Rachel stared dumbfounded at her.
She extended a hand. “I’m Mary Delcore.”
“This is a beautiful hotel, Mary. Everyone has been so kind and helpful to me.”
The older woman took Rachel’s elbow and led her to one of the elegant sofas. “They’d better,” she warned. “Actually I pride myself on the staff. Some of them have been with us for years and have become almost like family.” She studied Rachel’s face. “How do you like the city so far, dear?”
“I love it!” Rachel exclaimed. “I’ve already made a friend and she’s in real estate. She’s going to help me find an apartment. Well, that’ll have to wait until I find a job. In fact, I was just going to go to the newsstand to grab a few papers to see what’s in the classifieds.”
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, Rachel. A good friend of mine, Mel Grayson, is looking for a secretary. I happened to mention you and he’d like to meet with you if you’re interested. He’s the president of Grayson Media.”
“Grayson Media! They’re one of the biggest advertising agencies in the country! I certainly am interested. Thank you so much, Mary. I can’t believe you’d go to all this trouble for a complete stranger.”
“Nonsense. I’m a pretty good judge of character…you have to be to run this place for as long as my husband and I did.” She handed Rachel a card. “Here’s the address. He’d like to meet with you this afternoon if it’s convenient. If not you can call and schedule an appointment.”
“I’ll be there.” Rachel grinned. “I swear you’re my guardian angel, Mary.”
The older woman gave her a motherly hug. “It’s my pleasure to help others.”
———
Kerri ran her hands through her tousled hair for the hundredth time that morning. The small apartment echoed with the loneliness she felt in her heart. How could Rachel leave her so abruptly? She’d known for some time that Rachel wasn’t happy, but still she never expected her to up and leave. She’d tried to make her happy, but even her love wasn’t enough to make her stay. Rachel craved something that couldn’t be quenched until she came to terms with her own inner needs. She hoped Rachel found what she was looking for even if it meant losing the only woman she had ever given her heart to completely. Kerri chewed her bottom lip. She wouldn’t cry. She’d shed enough tears to last her a lifetime.
Slowly, without warning, anger was now building and taking the place of heartbreak. For the past two years, Rachel had led her to believe they’d be together for the rest of their lives. She allowed Kerri to settle into a false sense of security. Who the hell did she think she was to force what she wanted on Kerri without giving her a choice? Rachel wasn’t a child and certainly had to realize that one couldn’t just pack up her life and take off. If they’d been twenty years old Kerri would have gone in a heartbeat, but Rachel couldn’t seem to get that through her thick skull.
Kerri’s jaw tightened. She was obviously going through some type of mid-life crisis even if she wasn’t exactly considered middle aged yet. Still, Kerri would never forgive Rachel for leaving so abruptly and taking back everything she’d promised Kerri about forever. She’d left her alone, confused, and heartbroken. But worse of all, Rachel had violated the bond they’d shared. She’d never even had the decency to call when she got to New York City like she promised leaving Kerri to wonder if she’d vanished off the face of the earth.
Even though Kerri was angry, she was also worried sick with her mind fluctuating between both of those emotions. Images of Rachel’s battered body lying in some dark alley preyed on her mind. She couldn’t sleep or eat and could barely concentrate on her studies. She’d thought of trying to track her down, but didn’t even know where to begin. All she could do was pray, an act that was totally foreign to her and still gave her little comfort, for Rachel’s safety and that Rachel would have the common courtesy to contact her. Each day returning from her classes, she entered the apartment hopeful that Rachel had returned and was there waiting for her. But she had to face the cold hard truth - Rachel wasn’t coming home. Tears stung her eyes.
Kerri ran a shaky hand through her hair again as she grabbed her backpack. “Damn you, Rachel,” she cried as she stomped out of her apartment. She was all ready ten minutes late for her first class.
———
Rachel walked into the Lincoln Towers. The tall building contained forty-eight floors with Mr. Grayson’s office on the fourteenth. She stepped into the crowded elevator and pushed number fourteen. At number fourteen, she followed several others out of the elevator. The plush carpeting and cheerfully decorated walls quieted her nerves. She found the office and composed herself before entering the room.
She was amazed at the atmosphere of the large reception area. The room was like a fantasyland with huge sculptures and posters of commercials Rachel had remembered seeing over the years. She walked to the receptionist’s desk where a young perky woman who looked like she was just out of high school smiled up at her.
“Can I help you?” she asked in a bubbly voice.
Rachel noticed the earring in her nose and lip. Her medium length hair was a mixture of every shade of red imaginable with a black streak running down the middle of it. She smiled. “Yes, I’m Rachel Summers. I have an appointment with Mr. Grayson.”
She tilted her head towards the door behind her. “He’s expecting you. Please go right in.”
Rachel hesitated for a few seconds outside of the massive door, and then gently rapped at it.
“Come in,” a muffled voice from the other side invited.
Rachel timidly walked into the office and her eyes were immediately drawn to the largest aquarium she’d ever seen. It must have held hundreds of fish. To the right of the aquarium were wall-to-wall television sets and all sorts of electronic equipment that rendered her clueless as to their function.
Mel Grayso
n sat quietly at his desk, which was situated to the left of the aquarium. His eyes were focused on Rachel, slightly unnerving her, as she made her way to his desk. She nervously made eye contact with the man who had a reputation for being this century’s creative genius.
When she reached his desk, he stood up and extended a hand. “It’s my pleasure to meet you, Ms. Summers. Please have a seat,” he said motioning to one of the large comfortable looking leather chairs in front of his desk.
“Thank you,” she said as she sat in the chair and forced herself to relax.
“So, tell me a little about yourself,” he began. “What are your goals?”
She looked into his eyes. They were soft and kind. “I want to work for a company where I can help to make a difference.”
He stood up, walked to the front of his desk, and leaned against it as he intently stared at her. “I hope that our commercials do make a difference. My goal has always been not to just sell a product, but to enlighten the masses about why a particular product is something they need. I’ve turned down many clients when I didn’t feel the product truly lived up to what was being said about it.”
Rachel nodded.
He was a handsome man who looked like he’d be more at ease out of doors than stuck behind a desk all day long. His body was lean and he had a nose that reminded her of nobility with a firm jaw line and a nice mouth. “Mary Delcore is very impressed with you. How long have you known her?”
Rachel’s cheeks grew warm. “Not long.”
He chuckled. “Mary reads people very well and if she recommends you then I know you’re the right one for the job.”
“What does the job entail, Mr. Grayson?”
“Please call me, Mel. Actually, you would be my assistant. You’d keep track of my appointments and maybe once in a while give me your input on an advertising campaign.”
“It sounds exciting. I’d love the opportunity. I can give you references.”
He shook his head. “I don’t need to see any references. I like to judge for myself a person’s strong and weak points and his or her work ethics.”
She smiled. “I won’t disappoint you.”
“The hours you’ll be working are strictly office hours with maybe an occasional weekend, depending on what project I’m involved with.” He smiled broadly. “So do you have any questions?”
She returned his smile. “When can I start?”
“How does Monday sound?”
———
Mary Delcore was waiting for her when she returned. “Well, what did Mel say? Did he hire you?”
“Yes!” she squealed. “I start next Monday. He’s so nice.”
“Congratulations!” Mary hugged her.
“I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t met you.”
The woman smiled a smile so bright that her wrinkled face glowed. “You’re a fine woman, Rachel. I sensed it the minute I met you on the bus. I only extended to you the same generosity I would hope someone to extend to me if I were in your situation. I shudder to think what may have happened to you if we hadn’t met.”
Rachel’s eyes glistened. “Still I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”
“Just seeing you safe and content is thanks enough. Now I want you to go get freshened up so I can take you to dinner to celebrate.”
———
That night, Kerri lay in bed listening to a light rain tapping softly against the windowpanes. She looked at the pillow where Rachel had laid her head and picked it up hugging it close to her. Nighttime was the worst. This was the third night without Rachel and Kerri didn’t know how she could go on. A tear escaped from her eye. Before she could stop herself, she began sobbing almost uncontrollably. When she’d cried herself out, she knew that sleep wouldn’t come. She lay in the darkness for twenty minutes, then slipped out of bed and made her way to the sofa.
She fumbled with the remote control and when she discovered that the batteries must be dead, she flung it aside. She wasn’t in the mood for TV anyway. She only wanted the noise to ease her own loneliness. She flicked on the radio and leaned back on the sofa. She closed her eyes and let her mind drift. When the telephone rang it momentarily startled her. She quickly jumped to her feet.
“Hello?” The silence on the other end of the line made her wonder if the connection had been cut off. “Is someone there?” she asked.
“Yes, Kerri, it’s me.”
Kerri was thrown off guard. “Are you okay?” She managed to keep her voice even, even though her heart yearned to say all of the right words that would bring Rachel back to her. She couldn’t allow herself to cave in at the sound of Rachel’s voice and come across as needy. She had to be strong.
“I’m fine. I met a wonderful woman—”
“It didn’t take you long. Please spare me the intimate details,” Kerri broke in swallowing the lump in her throat. “I suppose she’s the reason you haven’t called.”
“No…no, Kerri, Mary Delcore is in her seventies. I met her on the bus.”
“Is there a point to this story, Rachel?”
“She’s been helping me out.”
Kerri shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “Are you coming back?” She kept her voice steady not wanting Rachel to hear the pleading in her voice.
Rachel hesitated. “I just got here, Ker.”
“A few days ago. Did you even consider that I might have been worried? You promised to call.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s it? Sorry doesn’t cut it.”
“I’m calling you now.”
“Why are you calling me?” Kerri was hurt. “Obviously we ended things at the bus station.”
“Kerri, don’t you know what you mean to me? I don’t want us to end things.”
Kerri bit her bottom lip fighting back the tears. “You’re the one who chose to leave. What do you want from me?”
“I don’t want to lose you, Ker. I want and need you in my life.”
“I can’t just be your friend, Rachel. We’ve shared too much. I want all of you or nothing.”
“Kerri, please listen to me for a minute. Don’t you know what you mean to me?”
A tear slipped from Kerri’s eye. “Obviously I don’t mean enough.. Please have a good life, Rachel. I wish you only happiness and I hope you find what you’re looking for. There’s nothing more to say.” As she removed the phone from her ear, she heard Rachel’s voice pleading with her, but she knew there was nothing more to be said. She hung up the phone. Her tortured heart couldn’t take any more battering. All emotion drained from her leaving her cold and numb as though someone had just died. There was nothing left inside, but a deep dark hole where her heart had once been.
Chapter Five
Rachel hung up the telephone. Kerri’s abrupt dismissal of her was not what she expected, but then how would she feel in Kerri’s place? She needed Kerri’s understanding even though she knew that now was not a good time to seek it. A big part of her feared life without Kerri. Kerri had always been her refuge when life battered her. Could she face life alone? She missed Kerri and wanted to share every part of herself with her, but not in Wilson Point. Why couldn’t Kerri understand that? Would Kerri ever understand? Still, she needed to know where they both stood together as a couple. She would not accept the fact that it was over. They’d shared too much together for it not to account for something. Even though Kerri had given her ring back, her heart still refused to believe that this was the end of them.
Her hand shook as she picked up the phone and redialed Kerri’s number. “Please don’t hang up, Ker…just listen to what I have to say.”
“What do you want to tell me?” Kerri asked in a cracked voice. “I can’t take much more.”
Rachel’s heart was slowly breaking. “Please give us some time, honey. I want you to wear your ring. I don’t honestly believe that you wanted to give it back to me, did you? I’ll mail it to you.”
Kerri’s voice was barely audible.
“I can’t have a relationship on these terms, Rachel. We’re not children. Please don’t call me again unless it’s to tell me you’re coming home. I need to move on with my life. It’s not fair of you to ask me to wait for you when you don’t know if and when you’ll ever return.”
Rachel heard the line go dead. She wiped the tears from her eyes. She was determined to pull herself together. If Kerri didn’t want to work on their problems or even speak to her, then so be it. She’d be damned if she’d let anyone ruin her happiness. If Kerri was determined to forget they’d ever been a couple, then that’s exactly what she’d do. She drew a shaky breath. She knew it was easier said than done. She did love Kerri and couldn’t turn her emotions off in the blink of an eye. She couldn’t bare the thought of Kerri with another woman and couldn’t imagine sharing her life with another woman either.
She had to pull herself together and work out a plan for getting Kerri back, but that would have to wait until later. She promised to meet Angela for drinks at The Barstel and she didn’t want to be late. Angela had all ready become a sincere trustworthy friend and she found herself leaning on her a little more with each passing day. She’d almost told Kerri about Angela, but now was relieved that she hadn’t. Kerri would have totally misunderstood her friendship with Angela. Someday when Kerri met Angela, she would see what a wonderful friend she was and then hopefully all three would grow to be close friends.
Rachel arrived at The Barstel fifteen minutes late and after walking inside and looking around for Angela, realized that Angela, also, must have been running late.
She made her way to an empty table in the back of the room, removed her jacket, and sat down. She ordered a glass of wine and sipped at it as she wondered what had delayed Angela. She glanced around the rapidly filling room of laughing and chatting couples. The emptiness she’d felt upon first arriving in the city, and the phone call she’d just had with Kerri, now engulfed her heart. She was alone and it was a feeling she didn’t like. She wished Angela would get here soon.
She didn’t notice that a pair of dark eyes had been focused on her since she entered the room. Her gaze finally led her to the bar where she saw those eyes firmly glued on her. She evenly met the stranger’s eyes. The owner of the dark eyes sat perched on a bar stool grinning at her. Rachel self-consciously looked away and down into her wine glass. When she finally raised her eyes again, the dark eyes of the stranger were still focused intently on her. Rachel smiled weakly at the stranger then watched as the woman slipped, in an unladylike fashion, off the barstool and slowly swaggered over to Rachel’s table.
