by Kira Chase
———
Rachel stepped onto the bus and found a seat in the middle grateful that the bus wasn’t crowded. She leaned her head back against the seat listening to the chitchat around her, then closed her eyes and drifted into an uneasy sleep. The past invaded her semi-conscious dreams, causing her to remember things and the feelings that went along with them. She’d have rather left those long ago memories to lie dormant, but they resurfaced forcing her to relive the haunting agony of her actions.
Rachel’s mind took her back to ten years ago. It was one of the most emotionally stressful times in her life when she’d finally made the decision to tell her parents that she was a lesbian. Their object horror and the look of shame on their faces made it clear that they couldn’t accept her, at least not this way. After unsuccessfully trying to reason with them, she’d finally succumbed to their shame and began dating the young men of Wilson Point while she scoured lesbian clubs in Buffalo whenever she could. Eventually she married Bill Warner and her parents breathed a sigh of relief…until her subsequent divorce and the return of her maiden name. Before they retired to Florida they’d made it perfectly clear that her decision to go back to the lesbian lifestyle instead of trying to revive her destroyed relationship with Bill Warner left them no choice but to distance themselves as much as possible from her. Her infrequent visits to Florida were short and stiff and she saw the relief in her parents’ eyes every time her visits ended. It was the same relief she felt in her own heart. She and her parents had nothing to talk about and the visits were strained and ended up draining all of them. They wouldn’t budge in their beliefs and she didn’t have the strength to try to change them.
She’d been lonely and heartsick and yearned for a solid lasting relationship instead of the usual one-night stands she only seemed capable of having. When she met Kerri that all changed and she was fulfilled having one woman to share her heart and life with. That was until the restlessness settled in around her soul almost choking the life out of her. Something was still lacking. She had everything she’d ever wanted, but true happiness was still eluding her. She was empty inside and the void was so deep that even Kerri’s love couldn’t fill it. Her existence in Wilson Point was a lie. It had been a lie from the minute she came into this world. She was hiding behind a person who didn’t exist and trying to be the person everyone expected her to be. If Kerri wasn’t so stubborn and bent on waiting a couple of years, they could both be happy now traveling together to a new city and a new life instead of having this pall of uncertainty hanging over them. Overall, Rachel knew that she would never be complete until she could truly set the real Rachel free.
She stirred, and then slowly opened her eyes. A pleasant looking older woman was seated next to her. Rachel rubbed the back of her aching neck.
“It’s not very restful sleeping on the bus,” the woman remarked.
Rachel smiled at the friendly face. “No, I found that out the hard way,” she answered still rubbing her neck.
“Next time bring a pillow,” the woman advised. “Where are you headed?”
“New York City.”
The woman nodded. “Me, too. My daughter lives there—Manhattan. A few times a year I try to visit. Normally I would fly, but I haven’t quite gotten over my fear of flying again since 9-11. I know that I should be over my fear by now, but I still can’t bring myself to get back on a plane.”
Rachel nodded. The woman had the type of face that reminded Rachel of the grandmothers in magazines and TV commercials at home in the kitchen baking cookies. Her hair was a soft white, which was severely pulled back into a tight bun. Her clear blue eyes accented her beautiful complexion.
“Do you have family in New York?”
“No. I’m just doing what I’ve always wanted to do…having an adventure.”
“Is someone meeting you?”
“No.”
The woman’s eyes narrowed. “Have you been to New York often?”
Rachel shook her head. “Believe it or not but I’ve never been to New York. I’m excited beyond belief.”
“Oh, you young people today.”
Rachel laughed. “I’m not that young. Actually I’m thirty-one.”
The woman cocked an eye. “You certainly don’t look it. Well, no matter what age you are, please be careful. My daughter is married with two children and I still worry about them all.” She carefully eyed Rachel. “Just be careful,” she repeated. “It’s not safe for a young woman to be traveling to a big city by herself nowadays. When you get to the bus station, grab a taxi, or take a bus or subway to your hotel.”
Rachel frowned. “I don’t have a hotel reservation. I thought I’d walk around and find a suitable one later. There’s so much I want to see!”
The woman rolled her eyes. “That’s not a good idea. You’ll soon be initiated to how cruel the city can be if you’re not careful. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful city, but nowadays you need to be extra careful no matter where you’re traveling,” she warned in a warm mothering voice.
“I know you’re right, but that’s part of the adventure for me.”
She raised her eyebrows. “I don’t think you’ll find it a welcome adventure if you get mugged.” She dug in her purse for a piece of paper and pen. “Here,” she said scribbling the name of a hotel. “This is The Delcore. It’s nice, clean and comfortable and won’t break your pocketbook.”
Rachel smiled. “Thank you.”
The woman settled back in her seat. “My name’s Mary.”
“I’m Rachel.”
“That’s a pretty name,” she replied with a smile as she extended her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Rachel.”
Rachel returned the woman’s friendly smile. “It’s nice to meet you too, Mary.” She relaxed as Mary chatted about her daughter, son-in-law, but mostly her grandchildren. “As soon as we get over the bridge, we'll be heading into the George Washington Bus Station,” Mary announced. “The address I gave you is in Manhattan. You can get on the subway there.”
“I've never been on a subway. I'll just take a taxi.”
“It's expensive,” Mary warned.
“Until I get familiar with the subways and buses, I think I'll stick to taxis.”
When the bus finally pulled into the terminal, Rachel swallowed the loneliness, which swelled up in her chest as she stared out of the window in awe at the throngs of people milling about. As she timidly stepped off of the bus, a couple of panhandlers quickly descended on her, but Mary grabbed her arm and gently, but firmly guided her toward a waiting taxi.
“I wish you luck, Rachel, and maybe we’ll run into one another again,” she said with a twinkle in her eye.
“Thank you for all of your help, Mary. It was nice meeting you,” Rachel answered as she climbed into the taxi. When she was securely settled in the backseat and the driver had pulled away from the bus terminal, relief flooded through her with the realization that she wouldn’t have known where to find a suitable hotel if it hadn’t been for Mary. At the same time, though, the loneliness of being a stranger in this enormous noisy city immediately overtook her. She already missed Mary’s motherly security. She took a deep breath as she looked at the crowed streets and slow moving traffic. So, this was New York…the city she hoped to find happiness in.
Later, mostly stuck in traffic, the taxi pulled up in front of The Delcore Hotel. Rachel paid the driver then picked up her luggage and slowly walked inside of the massive building. Once inside, she was amazed at the beautiful antique furnishings. For a moment, she felt as though she’d been swept back in time to another era. She could only imagine what the hotel must have been like in its glory days. She wondered about those who’d passed through this exquisite lobby in its heyday. In awe, she slowly made her way to the front desk and set her luggage down.
The desk clerk peered at her through small wire-rimmed glasses perched on his much too long thin nose. “May I help you?” he asked in a nasally voice as he pushed the glasses up further o
n his nose.
She smiled. “Yes, I’d like a single room, but I’m not certain how long I’ll be staying.”
He punched the keys on his computer. “Besides daily, we have weekly and monthly rates,” he said turning the screen and showing her the prices.
She compared the savings between the weekly and monthly rates, and then opted for the monthly rate. That would give her plenty of time to find a suitable apartment. She gave him her credit card.
“You’ll be in room 802, Ms. Summers,” he said with a weak smile. He nodded toward a young man waiting at the end of the counter. “Joey, please take these bags up to Room 802 and see that Ms. Summers has everything she needs.” He turned his attention back to Rachel. “I hope you enjoy your stay with us.”
“Thank you,” she replied as Joey grabbed her luggage. Joey smiled brightly as he escorted her to the elevator. When they reached the eighth floor, Rachel followed him off the elevator and down a long corridor to her room. Once inside the room, he set down her luggage and handed her the room key. “Is there anything I can get you?” he softly asked.
“No, this is perfect, thank you.” She gave him a generous tip then closed the door behind him. “What a beautiful room,” she said aloud as she noticed the same antique style that decorated the lobby. She sat down on the edge of the king sized bed then lay back relishing the almost perfect feel of the mattress. She didn’t care if she ever moved from this spot. Her body relaxed and she realized how tired she was after her trip.
Two hours later, she opened her eyes anxious to explore the city. She climbed off the bed and opened a suitcase rummaging through it. She settled on a pair of jeans and sweater. After applying fresh makeup and quickly running a brush through her tangled hair, she left her room.
Out on the bustling street she was again overwhelmed with loneliness. Here she was in a city full of millions of people and she was totally alone. She wished Kerri were here with her right now. They could see all of these new sites together for the first time. They’d share their tears at the site where the Twin Towers had once stood. They’d ride on the Staten Island Ferry. At the sight of The Statue Of Liberty, they would look at her with pride. They might even catch a Yankees game. Kerri would love that since she was a huge baseball fan. They’d have fun exploring Greenwich Village.
She sighed. Yes, this vast city lay ahead of her ready to be explored, but she’d have to do the exploring alone. She frowned. Why was life so unfair? She shouldn’t be here by herself. She shook off her dark foreboding thoughts. She was here alone and that was a fact she couldn’t change unless she went back to Wilson Point—to Kerri. And as much as she yearned for Kerri at this very minute, she knew she couldn’t leave. Something deep inside of her knew she had to do this and she was determined to make the best of it. Hopefully Kerri would change her mind and decide to join her. If not—well, she didn’t want to think about that. She took a deep breath and set off to the left of the hotel.
She walked for two blocks occasionally stopping to browse in a shop. After an hour, she realized how hungry she was and stepped into a casual looking restaurant. She was grateful, as she observed the patrons, that jeans were acceptable. She noted the sign at the entrance welcoming customers to seat themselves. She found an empty booth towards the back of the crowded room.
As she was looking over the menu trying to decide what to order a stunning tall brunette stopped at her booth. “Are you waiting for someone?” the attractive woman asked with a friendly wide smile.
Rachel shook her head. “No, I’m dining alone.” She looked quizzically at the woman.
“Do you mind if I join you?” Her eyes swept over the crowded room then settled on Rachel. “There aren’t any other seats available. I promise I won’t try to engage you in conversation. I’ll be as quiet as a mouse.”
Rachel laughed. “I’d be grateful for the company. Please have a seat.” She looked into the woman’s beautiful chocolate brown eyes.
“Thank you.” She slid into the booth opposite Rachel. “My name’s Angela.” She extended a hand.
Rachel shook the warm hand, and then released it. “It’s nice to meet you, Angela. I’m Rachel.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Rachel.” She picked up a menu. “It’s so hard to decide what to have. Everything here is simply delicious. Have you eaten here often?” She gazed into Rachel’s eyes. “I’m here so much I should have stock in the place.” She laughed. “But I don’t recall seeing you here before.”
“No. I’ve never eaten here. I only arrived in the city this afternoon.” She smiled easily and was amazed at how relaxed she felt in Angela’s company. Or maybe it was because it made her feel not so lonely eating her first meal with another even if it was with a total stranger. “Anything you can recommend will be appreciated.”
“Welcome to New York, Rachel. I was born and raised here. You’ll get used to the rat race.” She smiled. “Seriously, it’s a fantastic city, but I may not be so generous in my assessment during rush hour.”
Rachel laughed again. “Well, I’ll be using public transportation.”
Angela raised her eyebrows. “Then you do have my deepest sympathies,” she teased. She looked back down at her menu. “If you like Italian food then you are in for a real treat.”
“I love Italian…the manicotti sounds good,” Rachel said studying the menu.
“It’s superb…just the right blend of seasonings. I believe that’s what I’ll have, too.” She snapped her menu closed.
Angela was a lively, animated conversationalist and had Rachel laughing so hard at her anecdotes that she thought her sides would burst.
As they drank their after dinner coffee, Rachel asked Angela what type of work she was in.
“Real estate…I’m hoping someday to have my own company, but right now I’m in a partnership.”
Rachel’s interest was piqued. “Do you also handle apartment rentals?”
Angela set down her coffee cup. “A few, but apartments, good ones anyway, are not easy to come by.”
Rachel’s eyes narrowed. “I was afraid of that. Well, if anything becomes available would you let me know?”
“Of course.” She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out two cards and a pen. She scribbled something on one of the cards then handed it to Rachel. “This is my business number and the other number is my home phone number.” She handed Rachel the second card and the pen. “Write your name and phone number and I’ll call you if something comes up.”
Rachel scrunched up her face. “Believe it or not, but I don’t even know the phone number. I’m staying at The Delcore Hotel.”
“Nice place…I’ll look up the number.” Her eyes grew serious. “You’re staying in a nice, safe section of the city, Rachel, but unfortunately you’ll see parts of the city that’ll make your hair stand on end.”
She nodded. “Yes, I’ve heard.”
“Will someone be joining you in the near future? I’m only trying to get an idea of what size apartment you’re looking for.”
Rachel lowered her eyes. “I only need a place big enough for myself for the time being.” She raised her eyes and saw the questions in Angela’s, but the woman quickly changed the subject.
“You must be overwhelmed with the city.”
Rachel smiled as she tossed her head. “That’s an understatement. I come from a small rural community in Pennsylvania where everyone knows everyone else.”
She returned Rachel’s smile. “Well, New York is a great city to get lost in…if that’s what one has a mind to do.” She picked her coffee cup back up.
“I’m looking for a change of scenery. I’m not getting any younger so this is my adventure while I’m still young enough to enjoy one.”
“I’d be happy to show you around if you’d like,” Angela offered.
“I’d be grateful for the company whenever you have the time.”
“I have all the time in the world. I’m free and single,” she replied flashing a brilliant s
mile. “I don’t have anyone waiting at home for me.” She threw her hands up. “I take that back. My little pride and joy is at home ready to greet me every night.”
Rachel raised her eyebrows. “You have a child?”
Angela grinned “My cat. She’s been with me for four years now, but she’s just like a little girl.”
“I’ve never had any pets,” Rachel admitted.
“Well, I’m grateful I got to keep Shugie Marie after my nasty breakup.”
“I’m sorry about your breakup. Breakups are difficult.”
She smiled. “Don’t be sorry for me. It turned out to be the best thing for the both of us. We grew apart and wanted different things. If we’d stayed together we would have probably grown to resent one another.”
“How long were you together?”
“A little over ten years.”
“Did you have any children? I mean human ones?” she asked.
“No. I did want a couple, but Karen wasn’t too keen on the idea so we never went that route.”
Rachel raised her eyes in surprise. “Karen?” She met Angela’s warm eyes.
She nodded. “She was my partner. I’m a lesbian.” She peered at Rachel, and her expression still held the friendly warmth it had when she first introduced herself. “If that offends you I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry for who I am.”
“This is unreal,” she exclaimed. “I never dreamed I’d meet another lesbian just a few hours in the city.”
Angela grinned as her face relaxed. “You have lived a sheltered life. If you’re game, I can show you around a little now. The night’s still young. I can show you the best lesbian bars in the city.”
“Great! I’m game.”
Chapter Four
Rachel stretched then turned on her side. The compact alarm clock sitting on the bedside table read seven forty-five am. She rolled onto her back and put her hands under her head, then stretched again and got out of bed.
