The Lesson

by Welch, Virginia

  Gina glanced left then right. More darkness. Then she shifted her eyes downward to her narrow strip of concrete stoop. She saw bags. Two big, brown, paper grocery sacks, bulging with groceries. She stared at the bags for several seconds to check for movement. When she was fairly confident that they contained nothing inclined to jump out and attack a terrified, shivering co-ed, she opened the door a little more, enough to surveil a few hundred feet of Lincoln Street. She glanced around slowly to see if anyone was watching. She saw no signs of life and no strange cars parked anywhere, so she figured she was alone and that it was safe to step out on the stoop in her baby dolls.

  She moved quickly to pick up one bag. It was heavy, filled to the top with groceries. Still gripping the frying pan in one hand, she carried the first bag through the door, which she immediately turned around and locked, and then set the bulging bag on her kitchen table. She went back for the second bag and set it also on the table, but as before, she made sure she locked the door before she returned to the kitchen. She never let go of the frying pan. She latched the chain before she set down the second bag.

  Groceries! Someone had brought her groceries! Delighted, she madly pulled one item after another from those lovely bags. Everything, it appeared, was frozen, canned, or vacuum-sealed, and all of it was prepared food, the kind of items one usually finds at a late night convenience store—not a fresh piece of meat, fruit, or vegetable in those sacks, though she did find one-half gallon of milk. It was strange that whoever had determined to bless her with groceries had selected almost exclusively prepared food, but she was so happy to get it that she didn’t think much about it.

  As she pulled the various items from the first bag, a small white envelope fluttered to the bottom. It must have been placed on the top of the groceries, and likely she had disturbed it when she picked up the sacks. She ripped open the envelope and read, in handwriting she did not recognize: “This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvellous in our eyes.”

  She didn’t know who had delivered the bags, but when she saw the scripture, she knew one heart-sinking fact for certain: not Michael.

  Chapter Ten

  The Launderette, Lafayette Street

  Around nine-thirty the next morning Gina arrived at Bonnie’s place. As usual, she wasn’t ready to leave, but Gina was used to Bonnie’s tardiness. Gina did what she could to finish dressing Benjamin, stuffing his fat little legs into a pair of toddler jeans. Then she filled the diaper bag with supplies while Bonnie finished dressing Sarah. In twenty minutes they were caravanning toward the Launderette on Lafayette Street. Gina drove her own car because there wasn’t enough room in either girl’s compact for their bulky laundry baskets, two adults, one infant seat, a diaper bag, and sundry toys and snacks for the little ones. They were fortunate this morning: two parking spaces were available at the curb directly in front of the Launderette.

  They sorted their laundry by color, and while it agitated in the large white washing machines, the girls sat down on stackable plastic chairs set in a row against the wall. Bonnie plopped Benjamin on the chair beside her to the right, and, to keep him busy, handed him a picture book about an elephant who takes a monkey to a tea party. Sarah sat on the floor by her mother’s feet, content to do nothing more than suck on a bottle and look adorable, just so long as her mother was nearby. Gina sat on Bonnie’s left. Bonnie wanted to know what was happening with Kevin and Gina. She was all questions this morning.

  “So you met him at the Menzies?”

  “I said two words to him at the Menzies. Mrs. Menzies introduced us at the breakfast bar and we exchanged a few words, that’s all. Later he followed me home. Ten-thirty at night and there’s this strange guy in polyester pants knocking on my front door.”

  “He didn’t!”

  “He did! It’s ten miles from the Menzies’ house in Cupertino to my apartment. And all that time I had no idea his car was following mine. He’s good, that one. Jimmy Hoffa would be sleeping in his own bed tonight if Kevin were on the case.”

  “That is so forward,” said Bonnie.

  “I know. He kind of took me off guard.”

  “So what’d he do? Ask someone for your phone number and then call you up after you told him to bug off?”

  “Well, I didn’t exactly tell him to bug off ...”

  Bonnie stopped watching Sarah and turned to face Gina. “You didn’t tell him to leave? Don’t tell me you let him into your apartment.” It was more of a question than a statement.

  “I think I sort of did.”

  “Gina!”

  “He took me off guard!”

  “I guess you have no problem with your cold, dead body floating down the Guadalupe River.”

  “Bonnie,” said Gina, exasperated, “Look at the guy. So artless. Anyone who dresses like that can’t be dangerous.”

  “They say the same thing about serial rapists.”

  “At the time it felt safe enough. He seemed nice.” But now Gina felt stupid. What had she been thinking?

  “He is nice looking,” offered Bonnie in a conciliatory tone.

  “Monkey!” shrieked Benjamin, interrupting the girls. Benjamin pounded on the page with his finger, his face turned excitedly toward his mother.

  “Yes, nice monkey, nice monkey,” said Bonnie. “Shhh, sweetheart. Mommy and Miss Gina are talking.”

  Benjamin returned to his picture book.

  “That depends on whether you’re looking at the boy or the clothes,” said Gina. “I tend to think that the clothes obscure the boy. And since he always shows up with the clothes, there’s no separating them.”

  “Well would you want to?” said Bonnie. The girls snickered.

  “Oh Bonnie, it’s not just the clothes. It’s everything. Kevin’s nothing like Michael. Michael doesn’t just know how to dress. He’s educated. He’s suave. He’s going places. Kevin is a plumber on a big gray boat. He’s unsophisticated and corny. You should hear his jokes. They make you laugh and squirm at the same time. Quick: Who was the funniest man in the Bible?"

  “I dunno.”

  “Samson, because he brought the house down.”

  “Ugh. That’s bad.” But Bonnie laughed just the same.

  “There’s worse,” said Gina. “Why couldn’t Cain please God?”

  “Okay, why?”

  “Because he just wasn’t Abel.”

  “Aaagh.”

  “Michael is older too, twenty-seven. Kevin is only twenty-two,” said Gina.

  “That’s two years older than you.”

  “But he doesn’t seem that old. He seems younger. And Michael is romantic—”

  “Elfant! Elfant!” Benjamin was trying to stand up on his chair to give his mother a closer look at the tea party guests.

  “No, Benjamin! Down, sit down. Mommy sees the elephant. Pretty elephant. Now Mommy wants you to sit down and read quietly.” Bonnie lifted the child to reposition him so that he was sitting on the chair again, his book in his lap. “Good boy,” she said.

  Gina continued. “Michael knows all about fine wines and Italian cuisine and he is terribly sexy. Kevin can’t cook, but he thinks he can. Look out. His idea of a great meal is this weird mish-mash of potatoes, corn, and ground beef. He thinks pasta grows in a box that sprouts little packets of orange dust. My mother would die. And there’s nothing sexy about Kevin. He’s so skinny. When he’s near me I don’t feel a thing. Nothing. I couldn’t even imagine sleeping with him, let alone kissing him.”

  “You mean he’s never kissed you?”

  “No! I won’t let him. I won’t even hold his hand. I don’t want to lead him on. And I don’t want to hurt him. He’s as nice as he can be, but he’s not my type. I’ll never fall in love with a guy like Kevin, no matter if little kids like him. Little kids like Ronald McDonald too, you know.”

  “No, Sarah. Sarah keeps shirt on.”

  Bonnie bent over low in her chair and struggled with Sarah’s white cotton shirt, which had tiny pink lips, kisses, printed all over it. The t
ot had pulled her shirt over her head and now it was entangled around her head and arms, her roly-poly tummy exposed to her neck for all the world to see. Her empty bottle was abandoned on the floor. Gina picked up the bottle and put it in her lap.

  “He is good with kids,” said Bonnie, straightening up. Benjamin still asks about him. Did Michael like kids?”

  “I don’t really know … I never had the chance to find out. He called them ankle biters.”

  Bonnie stopped, turned in her chair, and raised her eyebrows at Gina, who saw her look of alarm.

  “I’m sure it was in jest,” said Gina quickly. She paused, trying to remember what she was saying. “Not only that, for a guy who’s clueless in the clothing department—did you see Kevin’s glasses?—he’s blessed with more self-confidence than any guy should ever have. He’s terribly aggressive. He pursues me like a bloodhound after a rabbit.”

  “Obviously he likes you. He’s really special, Gina. There must be some qualities about him that you find attractive.”

  “He has qualities, yes. But attractive? I don’t know. No, no, no. I don’t mean that exactly that, either.”

  “Then what do you mean?”

  “I mean he does look really handsome in uniform, but you know as well as I do that all guys look good in uniform. There’s never an ugly bride. And he has gorgeous steel-gray eyes. But when he’s in street clothes it’s like he’s someone else entirely. He spooks me.”

  “So it’s the clothes?”

  “It’s a lot the clothes. But then again, I can’t say he’s not likable. He’s a nice guy. He’s interesting, and he’s funny in his own way. In fact, in some ways he’s really charming. His own brand of charm. Actually, we’re amazingly alike in a lot of things. We agree on everything like politics, spiritual values, how to handle money, what’s important in a marriage and family, stuff like that. We both camped a lot when we were kids, and we both love to read. Neither of our families has a lot of money, and we both grew up in the Santa Clara Valley.”

  “That’s enough to start,” said Bonnie.

  “But it’s not enough to finish. He has these grand illusions of becoming an FBI agent but he doesn’t have a college education. He’s not even enrolled. I can just see it now,” and here Gina lowered her voice, mimicking an exaggerated male baritone, ‘Could you please repeat that, just speak a little louder now into my tie.’”

  The girls laughed.

  “He can get an education too, Gina. At one time you wanted to be a nun. Look at you now.”

  “Yeah, I know. But it’s not just the career thing. It’s the chemistry. There isn’t any. The crazy thing about Kevin is, I have a great time when we go out. Time flies. We laugh a lot. Then he gives me that look. You know what I mean. Or he moves to kiss me and I start feeling uncomfortable and everything falls apart. I don’t feel that way about him, and I never will. He’s more like a brother.”

  “Hmmm,” was all Bonnie could say before her head suddenly jerked, tic-like, to one side.

  “Mommy!” Benjamin was standing on his chair again, yanking on his mother’s hair to get her attention. “Mommy! Mommy!”

  “Benjamin! We don’t. Pull. Mommy’s. Hair!” Bonnie grimaced as she reached up to her neck to uncurl the boy’s fingers from her scalp. Once her head was free, she leaned into his face for emphasis. “No!”

  “Booger!” said Benjamin, as if he hadn’t heard.

  Booger? Gina winced and then, as discreetly as she could, looked the boy over, up and down, her eyes settling on his fingers.

  “Mommy will buy you a hamburger after we wash and dry the clothes and have them all folded and in the car, and after we go to the grocery store, okay?”

  “Fwies,” said Benjamin.

  “Fries too,” said Bonnie.

  Benjamin nodded his head, satisfied. He sat back down on his chair and opened his book. Gina started to breathe again.

  “Gina, it’s not always about falling in love. You’re worried about something that hasn’t even happened yet. Why not just be friends? Probably he’s lonely too and just wants a girl to hang around with. Probably he gets tired of always being surrounded by all those other guys on the ship.”

  “I’m not worried about ME falling in love. I’m worried about HIM falling in love. Kevin is not the type you can just ‘be friends’ with. He’s got other ideas.” She paused, thinking. “And I have ideas too.”

  “Oh?” said Bonnie. Then, “No, Sarah!”

  Bonnie shot toward the toddler, who was pulling at something gray and sticky on the grungy linoleum floor, which was littered with laundry trash and dust balls composed mostly of dryer lint. Bonnie scooped up Sarah in a flash and, with difficulty, uncurled the howling tot’s fingers and proceeded to pry away a piece of chewed gum before the child could deposit it into her curious mouth. Sarah’s pink pants were covered with grit and grime, as dark as if they’ve been wiped with charcoal. Without being asked Gina set the bottle upright on the floor, pulled another tissue from Bonnie’s purse, and vainly began to wipe the worst of the dirt from Sarah’s clothing. Finally Bonnie settled Sarah onto her lap. The baby leaned up against her mother’s chest, stopped sobbing, and with tears still glistening in her shiny eyes, smiled at Gina.

  “I had planned to marry another lawyer after I got out of law school, someone I had something in common with when it comes to the important things, like a career. Michael was more than just my fiancé. He was my future business partner. Frankly, I thought it was a good plan, and I don’t see why I should give it up. The only thing Kevin has in common with Michael is height. Kevin’s at least six feet tall. In fact, he’s taller than Michael.”

  “But Michael isn’t calling you.”

  Gina screwed up her face. “Whose side are you on?”

  Bonnie’s words stung like a wasp. It seemed terribly insensitive of her to state the obvious, though somewhere in Gina’s consciousness it registered that Bonnie had spoken kindly and truthfully. Bonnie hadn’t meant to wound or provoke, but that didn’t stop a sudden pain, which rose up from her core and squeezed her heart with such ferocity it almost seemed physical. She feared she was hyperventilating. Then her eyes started to well up. She hated the fact that she cried so easily and in public too. She tried and tried but never seemed to get control over raw emotions that lurked just beneath the surface. For six months her crying jags, which appeared at the slightest thought of Michael, were causing her to worry that she was losing her mind. Now it was happening again. Gina took a huge gulp of air to brace against making an audible sob, but it didn’t work. Anyone within a few feet would recognize the cause of the heaving shoulders and muffled whimpers. Hot tears flowed down her face. She gulped repeatedly and wiped her face with her hands. She felt like a fool for carrying on so, but she couldn’t help it. At least she was with Bonnie this time and not in the university bookstore, like the last time.

  Bonnie sat patiently and let Gina cry. But Benjamin looked up from his book and stared at Gina. His lower lip began to tremble. Then the tears started to fall down his face too.

  “Gina boo boo?” He directed his question toward his mother.

  “Yes, Benji, Miss Gina is a big fat boo boo,” said Bonnie as she reached for another tissue. First she wiped the tears from both his eyes and then she used the same tissue to dab Sarah’s nose.

  Gina was sobbing loudly now, only it was a surreal mixture of laughing and crying. Typical of Bonnie, she had poked fun at Gina in her worst moment. Bonnie started laughing too. In an effort to hide her red-puffy eyes and wet face, Gina stared at the floor using her hair as a curtain, her forehead resting on cupped hands. A big wet tear splashed onto the floor beneath her.

  “You will have to wipe your own,” said Bonnie, handing her a fresh tissue.

  The girls laughed again. Bonnie let Gina calm down a minute. Finally she lifted her head and flicked her long hair out of her face. She knew she looked like a sunburned puffer fish, and she knew that talking more might make her cry more, but she wasn’t
done yet.

  “I don’t understand why love has to be so black or white. Why can’t a person have it all?”

  “I’m not following you,” said Bonnie.

  “People say things like, ‘You can fall in love with a rich man just as easily as a poor one,’ or ‘Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith,’ or, ‘A bird is in the hand is worth two in the bush.’” People always act like you have a choice only between having or not having, as if only the lucky few really get what they want. The rest of us should be happy doing or getting what seems to be the wisest thing to do at the time. Like people are trying to make a blue ribbon out of the consolation prize and saying it was the better prize all the time. Life isn’t that simple. Choices don’t always come in chocolate or vanilla. Decisions are not always that neat and pretty.” Gina wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

  “So what are you getting at?” said Bonnie.

  “I don’t see why you can’t have the herbs and the stalled ox. It’s not always one or the other. It just seems to me that if you worked at it hard enough, you could have both.”

  “You could have both, I suppose. You mean Michael, don’t you?”

  “Yes, that’s exactly what I mean,” said Gina. A tear trickled down her face. She didn’t bother to wipe it away. Wordlessly Bonnie handed her another tissue. Gina dabbed both eyes and then blew her nose. “I’m not giving up yet. I plan to have it all.”

  The girls sat quietly a few seconds, thinking.

  “I guess that’s what we’re all trying to do. Have it all. I can’t say I blame you, Gina, for clinging to hope that you can still have Michael, trying some way to make it work.” Bonnie shrugged. “That’s what I keep hoping with David.”

  Gina was instantly overwhelmed with shame. How could she have become so wrapped up in her own pain that she forgot Bonnie’s? Gina hadn’t even thought to inquire this morning, to ask if Bonnie had heard from David. They hadn’t lived together as husband and wife for months.