The Lesson

by Welch, Virginia

  Bonnie had spent only half of her gift certificate, but by four o’clock she was growing worried about leaving her kids any longer. Gina also felt uncomfortable. She looked at her watch. They’d been out two and one-half hours. That was enough time with an active preschooler and a fussy baby to make Kevin good and mad, especially because they’d never gotten around to finding a pay phone to check in with him as they had planned. Not that Gina hadn’t thought of it. She had, several times. But if Bonnie wasn’t worried about her kids, Gina could put off talking to Kevin a little longer, so she didn’t bring it up. A good tongue-lashing was in store for her when she returned to her apartment, she was certain of it.

  Four-thirty came. Reluctantly, Gina agreed it was time to get back so that Bonnie could pick up Benjamin and Sarah and go home. The mood in Gina’s car was quiet as they drove down Winchester Boulevard.

  “Are you going to be okay?” asked Bonnie.

  “I’ll be fine,” said Gina, trying to convince herself as much as Bonnie. “You’ll pick up your kids, Kevin will be ticked off and say so, and he’ll march out the front door with a slam. I’ll never see him again. It’s best this way.”

  In her heart she did not believe that abusing Kevin was the right way to end their relationship, but she’d dug an awfully deep hole and could see no way to climb out. Best to do this quickly and get it over with, even if it was abrupt for him and wrenching for her. It grieved her to think that she wouldn’t sit across a restaurant table anymore and listen to Kevin’s corny jokes or hear his colorful stories about the Navy or his family and his travels. No more long, interesting drives on Sunday afternoons. No more calls from the ship late at night when she was bored with homework and lonely for conversation. She wondered, deep down, if she would miss his company … or was it the entertainment he provided?

  Or was he the entertainment? Why was it so hard to sort these things out? It was especially sad to think their relationship was ending before she’d had the chance to see the Flint, including the shop where he worked that he talked about all the time. But with his thrilling kiss their relationship had turned a corner. He was her best friend, but she was not in love with him, and she’d let the relationship take a path she couldn’t follow. She had to end it.

  Gina pulled up to the curb in front of her apartment and braced herself as the girls walked to the stoop. As they reached the door they heard shrieks and laughter on the other side. They exchanged a questioning look, and then Gina put her key in the lock and they stepped inside. Kevin was on his back on the living room floor with Benjamin sitting astride his stomach, grabbing madly for a balloon that Kevin kept batting just high enough so Benjamin couldn’t reach it. Sarah was standing at the coffee table, gripping the edge with one hand to steady herself and sucking on her bottle with the other. Broken balloons, mashed peanut butter and jelly sandwich, squished grapes, and food crumbs of unknown origin littered the kitchen and living room floors, the table, and the couch. A small pool of something wet and sticky-looking had formed on the coffee table. The TV was on but no one seemed to be watching.

  The light from the open door got Kevin’s attention. “Hello,” he said, as he lifted Benjamin off his stomach and sat up on the floor. Benjamin immediately tried to crawl into his lap. Kevin let him. “I didn’t hear you come in. How’s your shopping trip?”

  He flashed a big smile at Gina. His tie was missing, his shirt was untucked, and his jacket lay helter-skelter across the couch. He is so beautiful. Without the awful suit coat and cheese-y tie he looked no different than other guys, thought Gina.

  “I got a lipstick at Woolworth’s,” she said, stunned to see him smiling at her.

  “Nearly three hours and all you came back with is a lipstick? Must be some lipstick.”

  “It is,” was the all the brilliant response Gina could muster. She couldn’t believe he wasn’t lashing out at her, furious and blistering like she would have been if the tables were turned. She felt like she was waiting to breathe. And she couldn’t stop thinking about how nice he looked without the tie and coat. It bothered her that her mind worked in so many directions at once, like wild horses running madly out an open barn door.

  “I could have bought an entire wardrobe in half that time,” said Kevin.

  She didn’t doubt it for a minute.

  “I did all the clothes shopping. I had a gift certificate for Macy’s. How were the kids?” said Bonnie as she picked up Sarah.

  “They were great. We played submarine, horsey, hide-and-seek. We hid balloons too. Sarah pretty much occupied herself, watching us and sucking on her bottle. Then while Benjamin napped on the couch I cleaned up the place.”

  Both girls glanced about, taking in the mess on every surface.

  “It looks better than it did,” said Kevin, sheepishly.

  Gina was horrified that her sanctuary had been so violated, but she kept that thought quiet. She was still trying to absorb the fact that Kevin was not angry, which presented a new problem for her. She’d worry about cleaning up her apartment later. She was tired from the stress of the afternoon and needed to think. She wished they’d all leave so she could put herself and her apartment back together.

  “Thank you for watching Benjamin and Sarah,” said Bonnie. “I’m sure they had a good time. And obviously you took good care of them.”

  “Anytime,” said Kevin.

  “Gina, let me help you clean up before we go,” said Bonnie.

  “No, no. That’s okay. I’ll get it.” Gina just wanted to be alone.

  “I’ll help you get the kids out to your car, Bonnie,” said Kevin, as he started gathering toys and diaper bag items.

  Kevin carried Benjamin and Sarah to the car while Bonnie transferred her purchases from Gina’s car to her own. Gina watched them from the door. She was certain Kevin was helping Bonnie out the door so eagerly because he wanted to be alone with her so he could tell her off. What would she say when he came back in? Worse, what would he say to her? She was picking up trash in the living room when Kevin came through the door. He shut it behind him. Gina’s chest squeezed hard. She almost didn’t breathe.

  “This is my fault. I’ll help,” he said, as he leaned down to pick smooshed bread crumbs from the carpet.

  “No, actually, it’s my fault.”

  She hadn’t meant to take the conversation in this direction. It would have been easier to cover everything with their customarily friendly chat. But without warning something had stopped in her heart. She didn’t want to do that with Kevin anymore. The honest way seemed the best way, though it would be difficult, the path fraught with hurt feelings. Her heart beat hard as she tried to frame her words in an honest manner while doing as little damage as possible to his ego.

  “Your fault? What are you talking about?” Kevin stopped picking up trash and looked at her across the tiny living room.

  “I think I kind of hornswoggled you into watching Bonnie’s kids.” She choked out the words. Her sense of embarrassment and shame was so overwhelming that she couldn’t make eye contact with him. She fixed her eyes on the bit of trash in her hands. She hoped she wasn’t blushing. And she hoped equally much that she wouldn’t start crying. What had she been thinking, pulling a stunt like this?

  “You didn’t hornswoggle me. I could have said no.”

  “Then why didn’t you?” Finally she looked up at him. She was truly puzzled.

  “I told you I like helping you. And Bonnie needs a break now and then. Though I have to admit, I was a little surprised at first at what you did. But after you left, I thought about it for a while, and I figured if you were so desperate to get out of the apartment for the afternoon that you’d dump two little kids on me, you must have good reason. You wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t based on kindness.”

  “No.” She smiled weakly, partially out of gratitude and partially out of shock. As she looked into his eyes she saw nothing but gentleness and affection. How could he interpret her selfish actions as kindness? Briefly she thought of
fessing up in detail. But if he knew her true motivation he would be terribly hurt. She didn’t want to hurt Kevin. Did he really believe she had acted out of any motivation linked with kindness? What a compliment. No one had ever said such a nice thing about her before, even if it wasn’t true. She vowed to herself that she would try harder to live up to such an ideal.

  They chatted while they cleaned up. Kevin seemed to be his usual upbeat self. Obviously the afternoon’s events had left him no worse for the wear. Gina was grateful that he seemed to quickly put it behind. In about fifteen minutes her apartment began to look like normal.

  “I wouldn’t turn down a cold drink if it were offered,” said Kevin.

  “I have ice water.”

  “Fine with me.”

  He sat down on the couch, and he look so relaxed that it appeared to Gina that he meant to stay a while. She fixed him some ice water, brought it to the living room, and gave it to him. He thanked her while she sat down on the couch beside him, being careful to put a little bit of distance between them. They were alone again. She had told herself she wouldn’t let that happen.

  “Fleet Week is almost here,” he said, taking a sip of water. “I told you about it before. I’d love to show you around the ship. Where I work, eat, sleep. You’d find it very interesting. I want you to meet some of my shipmates, too. Friends of mine.”

  “I’m sure your family would love a private tour of the ship. Your sister lives right there in San Francisco.”

  “Gina,” he said, and as he did, he reached for her hand and took it in his. “Three hundred guys live aboard the Flint. Surely you won’t force me to be the only loser who’s escorting his sister around during Fleet Week. That’s not why the Navy gave me my Good Conduct medal.”

  Gina laughed. She didn’t draw back her hand from his. The innocent touch of his hand. It was warm and firm and comforting, a symbol of their new sense of connection. His kiss, she mused, was like a pounding August thunderstorm, but his hand around hers was like gentle April rain. She liked it more than she thought she would.

  “I’ll think about it. Really I will.” She meant it, too. “But the spring quarter is about to end and I have final exams coming up. Between my job and studies there isn’t much time for socializing. As it is, I’m struggling to keep my grades up with all the hours I put in at Big Bick’s. It doesn’t help that you keep me up half the night talking on the phone.”

  “There’s going to be an air power demonstration off the flight deck of a nearby aircraft carrier. And strike-fighter fly-bys. They’ll probably break the sound barrier too.”

  “I’m not male. You can’t tempt me with fast machines and things that go boom.”

  “No? Well then maybe you’d like the marching band and the formations.”

  “You got me there. I love all that military pride and patriotism stuff.”

  “You’ll come then?” He squeezed her hand.

  “I’ll try.”

  #

  Every night that week the phone rang in Gina’s living room several times, but she purposely did not answer. And every time she checked the answering machine there was a message from Kevin. Her grades truly were falling. She needed to study. It was rude not to answer, but their late night phone conversations were robbing her of sleep and stealing time she needed to complete a burdensome amount of required reading for her English classes. Discussing any subject with Kevin was far more entertaining than her textbooks for Theology of Suffering and U.S. Diplomatic History. Kevin read as much as she did but he read different subjects, consequently he always had a different, refreshing view on local news stories and global events. She didn’t trust herself to pick up the phone and speak to Kevin. They usually talked for hours. But mostly, she was so mixed up about her feelings for him that it was just easier to withdraw. She was a coward, but she needed to think, something she couldn’t do when he was pursuing her all the time.

  She was catching up on her required reading on Wednesday evening around seven when there was a knock on her apartment door. She opened it, and there stood Kevin wearing his hole-y sweater over a nondescript shirt, thin from years of washings, paired with loose-fitting slacks. Gina groaned. He looked like a younger, poorer version of Mr. Rogers. He held a spool of thread in his hand with a needle jammed into it. He pushed it toward her.

  “You left this in my car.”

  Gina looked at the spool, dumbstruck, and then at Kevin. “Kevin, can’t you do better than this?”

  “You’re not picking up your phone.”

  “That’s because you take up all my study time. Kevin, I’m going to flunk out if you don’t back off. And when that happens, you can deliver the bad news to my parents. I intend to live to see twenty-one.”

  “Can I come in for a few minutes?” he said.

  “Where have I heard that before?”

  “I promise,” said Kevin.

  “Come in, come in.” She sighed audibly and closed the door behind him.

  “Now, why are you really here?” she asked.

  “Well, actually I did want to bring you your thread and needle. We can’t have you running around with your buttons popping off.”

  Gina rolled her eyes. They were still standing in her living room just behind the door.

  “I got into my glove compartment to get the left over abalone and saw your thread and needle there. The leftovers were delicious, by the way.”

  “Kevin, you don’t have a kitchen. How did you refrigerate the leftovers?”

  “I didn’t.”

  “What do you mean you didn’t?”

  “I just put it on two pieces of bread and ate it.”

  “Right from the glove compartment?”

  “Yes.”

  “When?”

  “On Monday.”

  “Kevin, we went to Alioto’s on Saturday. That means the abalone sat in your glove compartment for two days.”

  “So?”

  “You could die of salmonella!”

  Kevin looked down and dramatically patted his chest and then his thighs as if he were checking to see if he were real and not a ghost.

  “I don’t think I’m dead. I seemed pretty alive when I left Concord. But then again, Thomas touched Jesus’ body after he rose from the grave, so maybe I’m just resurrected.”

  “You can’t eat two-day-old abalone unrefrigerated and not get sick.” How could anyone not know that?

  “When I lived in Chicago we had lots of neighbors who couldn’t afford refrigerators in their apartments. They kept their milk on windowsills during the cold months. I don’t know of anyone who ever got sick,” said Kevin.

  “Did you come over here to compare yourself to someone who rose from the dead?”

  “No,” said Kevin. “I came over because you still haven’t committed to accompanying me to Fleet Week. It starts this weekend. I want you to come. I want to show you around. I’m expecting a transfer to a shore position in a few weeks. This might be your only chance in a lifetime to tour a real Navy vessel. The Flint’s scheduled for a Westpac about the same time I’m transferring to shore. My buddies will be shipping out, and I want you to meet some of them too. Besides, you’ll like seeing the ship. I’ll show you all the interesting places and how things work.”

  “I don’t know, Kevin. I have so much school work. And I’m behind.”

  “A day away from the grind will refresh you.”

  “You got a point there.”

  He reached for her hand and put it to his lips. “For me. Please come.”

  Her heart melted. “Okay. I’ll come.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  USS Flint AE-32

  Concord Naval Weapons Station

  No child on the dock could have been more excited about the big gray boat than Gina. The flags, the music, the hundreds of sailors all dressed alike in their white “milkman” uniforms, aka summer whites. It was like the fourth of July, only decidedly Navy. She liked the deep, blue-green water lapping at the edge of the dock. She like
d the big, perfectly clear blue sky that stretched endlessly across the Pacific. She liked the sleek white birds flying overhead. Everything was beautiful and sparkling, reflecting the brilliant May sunshine. Even the ship sparkled, as much as a gray hulk can sparkle.

  For today she had chosen a shapely, short, A-line sun dress in softest rose with straps that buttoned in front over bare shoulders, figure flattering but not tight. She overlaid it with a white bolero jacket. She had made it herself and was quite proud of it. She finished the look with white sandal heels.

  But slipping it over her head this morning brought back memories. She had made this outfit for another, earlier event. As Gina gazed at her reflection in the mirror, she remembered doing a fashion show for Michael to show off her new creation. She had worn it the first time to visit his new law office, which had also been in the spring, a time of newness and hope.

  How tragic then, that it was at this same promising season, nearly two years earlier, when she should have been embarking on the adventure of her life, that Michael had taken back her precious diamond ring, hard ridges of anger setting his face against her as he told her it was over between them. The rose sundress brought it back with clarity: her youthful optimism on that magical day in Berkeley juxtaposed with the shattered feeling of her heart being broken into pieces. Past and present met together when she looked into the mirror and saw the young woman in the rose dress. Though the images of that earlier, painful spring still smoldered in her mind, for the first time the memory didn’t overwhelm her, didn’t bring a single tear to mar her makeup. Thoughts of Michael, like a bruise on her heart, were shrinking and fading with time. Michael’s opinion of her and her decisions didn’t matter anymore. Life was good again.