Pride and Passion

by Jenna Bayley-Burke

  “Lily, you’re home.”

  She spun around at the sound of the warm voice, watching another of her home’s fixtures walk toward her. Emmaline had a kind smile and a helmet of gray curls. She’d come to the family as a baby nurse for Lily and had never left. And now Emmaline was another thing Lily couldn’t afford to keep with her.

  The older woman’s eyes were reddened, her lips quivering. Lily went to her instinctively and held her close. She needed to be near someone who understood what she’d lost wasn’t a game, but an entire life. Her eyes grew heavy, tears prickling her lids. She needed to cry, but didn’t dare let a tear fall while Jake was in the house.

  “Emmaline, will you bring some coffee into the den and a sandwich for Lily.” Jake said impatiently. “I don’t think she’s eaten today.”

  Lily turned back to Jake, her fingers itching to slap him. Couldn’t he see she wanted to be left alone? That Emmaline was grieving and didn’t need to be fetching him anything?

  “Of course, Mr. Tolliver.” Emmaline smiled at him as she always did. For some reason she’d taken a liking to Jake from the first. Lily waited until they were alone again before speaking.

  “What I eat is none of your business. And you have no right to be ordering Emmaline about. Especially today. She hates funerals or she would have been there today. And I have no intention of going into the den.”

  The den had been her father’s sanctuary. Part home office, part study, and generally his favorite place to be. Lily hadn’t gone in there since he passed.

  “There are things we need to discuss alone.”

  “I don’t want to be alone with you. Besides, I trust Emmaline completely.”

  “As do I. But there are things she doesn’t need to know, things you may not want her to.” He stepped closer to her, his expression growing hard and foreboding. Lily’s breath caught in her throat and she fought the urge to back up. Enough people gave in to him. She wouldn’t be another. He shook his head and walked past her, down the hall and into the den, leaving her the choice to follow or not.

  As if she had any choice at all.

  Chapter Two

  Jake stood, looking out the window, the late afternoon sunlight softening the hard planes of his handsome face. Other women must see him like this. She tried to never think of him as a man, preferring to see him as raw power and driving determination. If she allowed herself to see him as anything more she might fall prey to him the way other women did.

  He’d never brought any of them to the house, but she’d read more than enough in the papers. He had a penchant for famous and successful women. Actresses, activists and businesswomen who showcased the same polished perfection he did. He never stayed long with any of them, but they never seemed to completely disappear from his life either. It was as if once they fell for him, they never quite managed to get up.

  Lily understood how that might happen. Every time his diamond-hard eyes were trained on her she felt an edgy sensation like her clothes had been stripped off and she was completely bare to him. He looked at her like he knew secrets she didn’t even know she held.

  He was dangerous, not to be trusted. Like all illicit things, knowing better only seemed to deepen her fascination. But Lily would leave well enough alone and keep her distance from a man who always got what he wanted, no matter who it hurt.

  Jake turned, his expression completely unreadable. “You’re pale, Lily. You need to eat something. You can’t afford to lose any more weight.”

  “I can’t afford much of anything, now can I?” Her voice rose too high and thin to even show a semblance of control.

  Jake didn’t so much as blink. “Then you best eat now, don’t you think?”

  As if on cue, Emmaline came through the door carrying a tray of coffee and food and set it on the walnut coffee table. She didn’t stay, probably to avoid the palpable tension in the room.

  Lily sank onto the leather sofa, knowing she should eat but not wanting to. It was petty and childish, but she didn’t want to set a precedent and do what he told her. She should be grateful for all he’d done in the last few weeks and for helping her escape today, but no amount of guilt could make her act on what she knew she should feel. Too wrapped up in grief’s dark embrace, her emotions were a tangle she couldn’t begin to comb out today.

  “I’m not talking until you eat something.” Jake turned his back to her, perusing the wall of bookshelves teeming with volumes her father had collected. Lily’s chest tightened at the realization she wouldn’t be able to keep any of them either.

  “Promise? Because if you won’t be talking, there’s no point in you staying here. I doubt there’s anything you’ll say that Daddy didn’t tell me. He was very up front with how things would be once he was gone.”

  “Was he, Angel? I doubt that,” Jake said without turning or showing any reaction to her bitter tone. “Eat something. This is the last time I ask nicely.”

  “What do you know about being nice?” Her voice nearly broke as she hurled the words at him. “Why do you insist on rubbing it in that I have nothing? I’m aware. Why are you pushing me? I buried my father today. Can’t you leave me alone?”

  Her voice grew higher and tighter until finally it broke in anguish. She turned her face into her shoulder as her determination to stay strong dissolved under the weight of unshed tears. Her throat thickened, her world darkened as the dam burst and the stress of the day pummeled her.

  It was all too much. She didn’t even have it in her to resist as Jake slid next to her on the couch and gathered her in his arms. Turning to him for comfort was absurd, but there hadn’t been anyone who’d gotten this close to her since she’d learned of her father’s diagnosis. She’d wanted to be held each time she’d been kicked on the way to rock bottom. But there’d been no one to turn to, no one to ease the burden.

  Her friends at the university never understood her relationship with her father and her society friends were concerned her father’s scandal might somehow rub off on them. A month ago she’d been surrounded by people. She’d never imagined she could feel this abandoned.

  The overflow of emotions poured out of her, sobs racking her body until she was truly spent. Her head pounded from crying. Her throat was tight and raw. The sensations pulled her back from the abyss to find Jake pressing his handkerchief into her hand. She sat up with a jolt, reality hitting like a slap.

  The front of his shirt was wet where he’d held her. She covered her face with the cool linen, not wanting to think about how she must look—childish, weak, incapable of taking care of herself. She swallowed hard and wiped her face.

  “I’m sorry I broke down. I don’t—”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re grieving, Angel. You’ve lost a lot. It’s normal to mourn.” He reached out, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear.

  With one arm still around her, and a touch so gentle, she nearly believed he was a different person. Part of her wanted to get up and run, but another part needed for someone else to be strong for a moment, for someone else to hold the world on their shoulders until she could manage on her own again.

  “How old were you when your mother died, Lily?”

  “Four.” She bit the inside of her lip to keep the tears from returning.

  “That’s why feeling like this is such a surprise to you. You don’t remember what it’s like to lose someone with so little warning. Even when you know it’s inevitable, it’s still devastating to lose a parent.”

  “You sound like you know.”

  He nodded in response and her stomach did a funny somersault as he began to speak.

  “My mother went slowly, but it still came as a shock.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Twenty-one. Just finishing up undergrad. It made me realize how short life could be. She wasn’t even forty. Half the things she’d wanted to do with her life she never got around to. When she died I knew I wouldn’t live that way. If I wanted something, I would get it as quickly
as possible.” He turned his intent gaze on her but she looked away, focusing on the sunset outside the window.

  “And your father?”

  “I wish he were dead. He never made life easy for either of us, drinking every dime she ever made.”

  “I’m sorry.” Her hand inched toward him involuntarily. She caught the movement before she did something truly stupid like try to hold his hand.

  “Why should you be? I don’t need your pity, especially now. I’ve almost forgotten what it was like to feel that way. I think the stress of the day must have gotten to us both. Usually, I’m put off by crying.”

  He released her and stood, walked to the coffee table and poured himself a cup.

  “I didn’t ask for you to watch me.”

  “Of course not.” He poured cream into the cup and then added a spoon of sugar. It wasn’t until he handed it to her that Lily realized he knew how she took her coffee. “I liked your father. Despite his indiscretions, he was a good man and my partner. Because of that I am accountable for you. If you won’t eat, at least drink the coffee. Then we can discuss what I came here for.”

  Lily took a sweet sip. “I can’t imagine what we’d talk about.”

  “We’ve talked more today than we have in the entire time I’ve known you. Perhaps we’re setting a precedent.”

  “There is nothing to say that hasn’t been said.” She set her cup on the table.

  “We need to talk about what you plan to do now, Lily.”

  Closing her eyes, she drew in a fortifying breath. It wasn’t his business, but he’d never let it rest until she told him. Lily looked up at him, stretching her lips into what she hoped looked like a smile. “You don’t have to worry about me, no matter how accountable you feel. I’m not a child. When the house sells I’ll get a job and then find an apartment in town. If the debts aren’t settled, I’ll work out a payment plan.”

  Jake leaned against the mahogany desk, his gaze set firmly on her. His lips twisted into a grin. “And?”

  “This may be a joke to you, but it’s what I’m left with. I’m doing the best I can.”

  “Considering you’re completely unprepared to take care of yourself.”

  She bristled more at his condescending tone than his patronizing words. “Pardon me if I didn’t plan on having my father’s tiredness turn out to be pancreatic cancer. Excuse me for not working his hidden gambling addiction into a tidy schedule. Forgive me for never guessing he liked to spend money on women who—”

  “Stop it, Lily. I’m not in the mood for theatrics. They don’t suit you.”

  “You’re expecting me to justify myself to you, and when I do you belittle me.”

  “I don’t mean to. I’m merely trying to show you where you stand in the world.”

  “Thanks so much for your concern.” She laid the sarcasm in her voice as heavy as motor oil. “But I’ve seen the papers lately. I know what they say.”

  “That will go away quickly. The stories were only picked up because of your father’s connection to me. The debts have been paid so they’ll move on to the next scandal.”

  She’d never once heard him tell a joke, but he must be kidding. “How did the debts disappear? His portion of the firm and the house weren’t likely to cover it.”

  Jake sank into the leather armchair, stretching his long legs in front of him as if he owned the place. “Do you remember last week when I spent the afternoon with your father? Taylor came too, the lawyer you were with today at the service?”

  Lily could barely nod as a chill snaked down her spine. She reached for the arm of the couch, needing something to ground her.

  “Your father and I worked everything out so he could go in peace, knowing you were taken care of and all his mistakes wouldn’t fall on your shoulders.”

  His words should have soothed her, let her know her father had passed in peace, but there was something more coming. The air seemed to be sucked away, like the water on the shore before a tsunami.

  “He asked me to buy him out. All of his creditors have been taken care of.”

  “But his share of the business wasn’t worth enough to cover everything.”

  “I also bought the house.”

  Her stomach knotted, her pulse racing as she clenched her cold and damp hands. She itched to slap him. Lily rose, not caring if her legs would hold her. She couldn’t sit still a minute longer.

  “You took everything, everything he worked for. I knew you had an agenda the first time you came here. No one would listen. I know that’s why you hate me, because I saw what you were doing. You must have known about his weaknesses, so you got in, got close and waited for the attack. Where is the glory in beating a man on his deathbed?”

  Jake rose slowly from the chair and stepped toward her so his height and large frame blocked out everything else in the room. Pure rage flared on his face, his dark eyes icy pools in the middle of the fire.

  “Don’t do this, Lily. I won’t be painted the villain so you can put your father back on his pedestal. I didn’t tell him to invest in Ponzi schemes that would steal from his friends, sell him a yacht that never left the harbor, introduce him to the women.”

  Lily felt her face distort as his words cut deeper than any knife. She turned, but he grabbed her shoulders and forced her to face him.

  “The women are what bother you, aren’t they?”

  She lifted her chin in defiance, but when she spoke her voice cracked in anguish. “He loved my mother.”

  “Yes, he did. And you look just like her. Imagine his torment, to have lost the love of your life and to have to watch her image grow up before your eyes. He talked about her as if she were still alive, her picture on his desk, in his wallet, tattooed on his heart. Loving a woman that much is what drove him to the brink.”

  “But why didn’t he ever date? Why would he use those kinds of women?”

  “To soothe the hurt. They never meant anything. He couldn’t have someone in his life that did, there was no room.” Jake released her and paced to the end of the room and back. “He wasn’t afraid to die, Lily, just panicked to leave you. I agreed to everything he asked of me. He wanted you to stay in the house for as long as you need to.”

  She shook her head. “The house is yours. I’ll pack my things and be gone first thing tomorrow.”

  Jake sighed and shrugged, obviously not caring at all what she did. “That’s your choice. As you said, you can make your own decisions. But before you go, you should know he asked something else of me.”

  “What else could there be?”

  “He wanted you to have the life he planned for you, with comfort, stability and ease. He asked me to marry you.”

  Jake had run this conversation through in his mind a half dozen ways, and in none of them had Lily gone white and fainted dead away. At least she hadn’t hit her head on the way down. Jake gathered her in his arms and sat on the leather couch. He held her tightly for a moment, hating that she either had to be crying or unconscious to let him lay a hand on her.

  He pressed his face into her cascade of pale gold hair and breathed in the sweet scent of strawberries. He’d dreamed of holding her this close, but in his dreams she’d been conscious and willing.

  “Open your eyes, sleeping beauty, or I will kiss you awake.”

  A soft noise came from her throat as she began to stir. He laid her back against the arm of the couch and got up so he wouldn’t be tempted. Her eyes fluttered open as he stood.

  “What happened?” She looked about the room with glassy eyes.

  “I think you decided to prove your reaction wasn’t theatrics. I stand corrected. Honestly, I think it has more to do with how little you’ve been eating. You’ve lost too much weight, Lily.”

  She wrapped her arms around her middle as she pulled herself to sitting. “I’m fine.”

  “Yes, people who are fine always fall to the floor with no warning.” He stepped to the desk, taking a butterscotch candy out of the bowl on top. “If you don’t ea
t something I’ll take you to the hospital and have you checked out.”

  “You can’t do that. I told you, I’m fine.”

  “And I told you, fine people don’t faint.” He handed her the candy, but she merely eyed it.

  “I had a shock.”

  He held his hand out flat, the golden candy on his palm. “Here, now you won’t have to risk touching me.”

  “It’s not that.” She pursed her lips together and plucked the candy from his hand. Their skin never made contact. “It is hard to eat when your stomach is tied up in knots, when your mind is racing so fast everything seems like a blur.”

  “Starving yourself will only make that worse. If you want me to think you can take care of yourself, you need to start acting like it.”

  “Why are you doing this?” She pulled off the gold wrapper and popped the butterscotch into her mouth.

  “As opposed to what? Turning you out into the rain and convincing Emmaline to lock the door behind you?”

  She lifted her chin and met his dark gaze. “She may like you, but don’t be so sure you have her completely in your pocket. I’m sure she’d sneak me crumbs from your table, oh great and powerful Oz.”

  “And why would you settle for crumbs when you could be at the head of the table?” Damn if his stomach wasn’t tightening. He always trusted his instincts on what to say and when to say it, but with Lily he was always out of his element. She wasn’t like the straightforward women he knew, and he’d watched as she passed through a line of trust-fund brats with their pie-in-the-sky promises. How did you convince a woman to want something when you couldn’t even talk to her without wanting to pull your hair out?

  “Be serious. I’m sure my father’s request was as much a shock to you as it was to me.”

  “Not really. There is a lot of sense to it.” And it had been his idea in the first place.

  “But we don’t like each other. I appreciate you’d want to provide him reassurance, but why are you bringing it up as if it’s even a possibility?”