Akilina: Out of the Woods

by Patricia A Bowmer

  In a little while, Halley leaned up on one elbow and looked at Sean. His eyes were closed and he was breathing slowly. She ran a finger tenderly over the late-afternoon stubble on his cheeks. His reflexive smile made small apples in his cheeks, and she kissed each one. Unexpectedly, she began to giggle. The sound surprised her as much as the thought that had triggered it: kicking open the car door was kind of fun. She surrendered to the giggle, and felt it expand in her belly to a full-blown laugh.

  Sean’s eyes opened. He looked at her in wonderment. Then he kissed her hard on the lips, and joined her in laughter.

  The air took on a clearer quality, and for a moment, Halley let herself think of all the things that, together, they still would do.

  “I knew you would do it. I knew you would save us.”

  They heard a rustle of leaves. In the forest nearby, Halley saw a little girl watching them, dressed in the greens and browns of the woods. On one shoulder, the girl carried a tiny golden monkey, and on the other, an eagle. The monkey made a sound, ch ch ch ch ch, and the little girl giggled, as if they were sharing a great joke. The eagle screamed, as if in triumph, and the little girl covered her ears with a laugh, as she moved into the woods.

  “Eden,” Halley said.

  “It’s a bit like that, isn’t it?” Sean replied.

  Halley looked at him quizzically. “Oh. Oh, yes. Like the Garden of Eden. That’s right.” Her hand brushed the edge of something soft. It was a horse blanket, monogrammed with the letter A.

  “That’s lucky.”

  “What?”

  “I guess she forgot her blanket.”

  They were wet and it was getting cold. They wrapped up in the blanket, their combined body heat quickly warming them.

  Six Months Later

  Early on a winter’s evening, Halley and Sean were sitting at the pinewood table in the newly renovated house, drinking strong coffee. Outside, snow was falling.

  “I can’t believe you never told me about this house before,” Sean said. “It’s fantastic. And once I get the extension built…” His green eyes looked towards the future.

  “Underfloor heating and a fireplace, right?”

  He nodded.

  “It’ll be cozy as a dream,” Halley said, rubbing her swelling belly.

  “Much better than our old place in the city,” he continued. “Plenty of room for kids.”

  Halley looked up and laughed. “Kids, plural? Hmm. Let’s get this one out first, hey?”

  He put his hand on hers. “We are so very lucky. We could have lost him in the accident.”

  Halley placed a fingertip in the center of her forehead, feeling the pulse there again, strong and sure. “It still seems so strange. I felt it the moment we got back to shore. Somehow, I knew it meant I was pregnant.”

  “Good thing the paramedics got there so fast.”

  Halley changed the subject. “You know, this house is a lot closer to my work than our old place. I’ve got lots of ideas for new wilderness hikes.”

  Sean didn’t answer. He smoothed the creases from the paper, removed the classified sections, and spread the rest of the sections out on the pinewood table. When he looked up, his eyes were serious. “Those hikes are part of what makes you who you are. I’m glad you’re going to do them again, especially after all that’s happened.”

  “Me too.”

  The Sunday paper was thick with promise. Halley focused on the book section and then on the comics. Her giggling kept interrupting Sean’s more serious perusal of the news.

  Time passed, and evening fell. The lamp above the pinewood table encircled them in an intimate pool of yellow light.

  “What are you reading?” Halley said.

  Sean looked up. Wordlessly, he passed the paper over to her.

  She rested both hands flat on the paper and leaned forward. In the photo, Nick was ten years older than she remembered him, but there was no mistaking him. He still wore the red-checked shirt, but it was stained and torn in several places. His eyes held madness.

  Sean got up and wrapped his arms around her. She held onto him like she would a life preserver in deep water.

  They stared at the headline together. “Nick the Knifer Gets Life for Brutal Murder of Three, and Attempted Murder of Star Witness.”

  The details of the trial, kept from the media until a final verdict was reached, were finally revealed. The murders had been easy for the police to link, it said. In each case, the victim had been strangely mutilated, her right arm carved with three parallel lines. A friend of one of the victims was quoted in the article: “Shirley said he called them ‘love lines’, told her to think of them as a love tattoo.” Shirley disappeared shortly after the friend noticed the mutilation. Three weeks later, she was found murdered. The story was the same for the other two women. All had been in their early twenties.

  Halley held her mug of coffee tightly. A small paragraph at the end of the story told the rest. Nick had confessed, with some pride, at nearly killing the Prosecution’s best witness, Halley.

  But you didn’t. That’s what matters. She turned her arm to face upwards, pushed up her sleeve, and looked at the scars. I was one of the lucky ones. I got away. She took a deep breath, and turned the paper over.

  “Your testimony is what got him put away,” Sean said. “You know, you are the bravest person I’ve ever known.”

  Halley smiled as he held her close.

  Two Years Later

  Late on a warm summer afternoon, Halley, Sean, and little Jake drove into town.

  “Let’s split up – I want to get back in time to see the sunset,” Halley said.

  “Great idea. I’ll get the fencing planks from Sam’s. You get the groceries. Meet you back here in, say, twenty minutes?” He smiled a challenge. “Bet I beat you!”

  Halley laughed. “Come on, Jake, it’s a race!”

  The two of them darted away, reaching Annie’s in moments.

  Annie’s was the local grocery. The shop was, of course, named after Annie herself. The small town of Westwood had an Annie’s and a Lennie’s and a Sam’s; in fact, the bank – The National Bank – was the only business in the whole town without a living namesake. It made the locals slightly doubtful about placing their money there.

  Halley opened the door, the metal bell tingling invitingly. Entering Annie’s was like stepping back to a simpler time. Here, she could still sit on a red stool at an old-fashioned counter and have a real egg-cream-soda in a tall cold metal cup, legs dangling. Annie’s was always cool inside, even on the hottest days, even without air conditioning. The floor was, as always, dusty from hiking boots, but the goods and counters were spotless, just like Annie in her clean white apron. They walked the short distance to the front counter. “Hey you,” Halley said, seeing Annie.

  “Halley and Jake!” Annie bent down and held out her arms. “Come here and let me give you a kiss, you little angel…”

  Jake held back, wrapped his little arms all the way around Halley’s leg and tucked his face into the denim of her jeans.

  “Sorry,” Halley said. “He won’t have anything to do with anyone but me and Sean lately.” She looked down at Jake and tousled his fine brown hair which was still warm from the sun. “It’s pretty nice, really…”

  Annie laughed. “Why don’t you go look around the aisles so poor Jake can relax – I’ll clean you up some fish for dinner. It’s fresh today.” She shooed them with her hands.

  “Fish fish fish,” Jake chanted.

  “That’s right, Jake, fish,” Halley said. “Good talking, my love.”

  Annie bent down to the fish display and disappeared from view. Slowly, Jake peeled himself from Halley’s legs, taking a careful look to make sure Annie was gone. “Candy?” he said softly, pointing up at the counter.

  Halley handed him a bite-sized piece from the complimentary plate Annie left on the counter for just such small customers. It was gone in seconds.

  “T’ank you,” Jake said with a broad grin, hig
hlighting his tiny teeth that were now liberally covered in chocolate. He pointed away from Annie’s counter, and said, “Go.” Halley held both his small hands and they toddled their way down the wide aisle.

  The metal doorbell clanged harshly, as if the door had been opened too fast. A hot blast of air overtook them.

  “Halley?”

  The voice sent a shock through her. Her face grew warm.

  Even after all these years, she would’ve known the sound of him anywhere. She recalled the familiar litany she hadn’t thought of in years: the tango; the color red; the taste of mangoes. She rolled the words around on her tongue and was surprised – they tasted sour, like a green apple. Like ancient history. Modern history, she corrected herself. She squeezed Jake’s tiny hands to bring herself back to the present.

  “Halley!” the voice called again. It was more insistent this time.

  Halley stopped walking, and leaned down to Jake.

  “Want to be carried?” she said.

  “Up, mama, up!”

  Jake stretched himself to his full height, both arms reaching towards the ceiling.

  His enthusiasm brought back her smile. When she had him in her arms, she turned around. She wore her son like a security blanket. Jake, in turn, hugged Halley tightly, facing away so as not to have to see this other stranger.

  “Hello, Fernando.” The name felt unfamiliar on her lips. Jake hugged her tighter, and Halley could feel his small arms wrap uncomfortably around the back of her neck. “What are you doing here?”

  “I thought it was you! You look gorgeous,” Fernando said. His black eyes shone. “Your clothes and your hair and your eyes… It’s been what, three years?” He paused, searching her face. “You don’t look very happy to see me…”

  “What are you doing here?” she repeated.

  “I’m leading a group into the woods for an overnighter,” he said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

  Why here? Their home had been hours away, and there was nothing unique about this spot. Why did he have to show up here?

  Fernando took a step forward. Halley whispered into Jake’s ear; he shook his head sharply and hung on tight. Halley whispered again and kissed the top of his head; he nodded, and let himself be put down. She stood a little taller, while Jake made immediately for Halley’s offer – the lowest shelf of goods, full of individually wrapped toilet paper rolls. “Tower,” he said to himself. “Build tower.”

  Halley swallowed hard and glanced up at the ceiling. She wanted to ignore Fernando, to walk out of the store and never have to speak to him again. But that would be wrong.

  “It’s great to see you again,” Fernando said, talking fast, as if he sensed she might just turn and walk away. “We’ve got lots to catch up on. How about a coffee? Can we get a good espresso here?” He looked around the shop, and then his eyes fixed on Jake. “Or…?”

  Jake looked up at him suddenly. “Jerk,” he said.

  Fernando’s mouth dropped open.

  Halley bit her lip to keep from laughing. “He’s just starting to talk,” she said. “He doesn’t really know what he’s saying.”

  Fernando held her eyes; he wasn’t listening to her explanation.

  The mirth left her. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. ‘It’s good to see you too,” she began. “No. That’s not what I want to say.”

  She was silent for a moment, looking down at Jake, who had very carefully emptied the bottom shelf nearest her. He’d lost all interest in Fernando – sometimes it happened this way too, instead of being anxious about strangers, he just grew bored of them. “Big tower,” he said reflectively. She looked back at Fernando. “I don’t know what to say. It’s been so long.” For the first time, she looked Fernando over carefully, as if with a searchlight. He soaked up the attention.

  “What is it?” he finally said. He was frowning.

  “Nothing. Just…”

  As hard as she looked, she couldn’t find what she was looking for. Although he was as handsome as ever, the brilliance that had stunned her into hero-worship was gone. It’s mine again, the brilliance – the light. It’s mine again. She was smiling. Fernando had become nothing more than a good-looking man. A fellow human being who deserves compassion, she corrected herself. “Sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re right. It has been a long time.”

  “So…about that coffee?” His tone was suggestive, and she sensed he was certain that she would say yes.

  Halley breathed deeply. “No, I can’t do that. I’m married now. Besides, I’m not who…I’m not what you’re looking for.” She paused, and her eyes rested on her silver bracelet, before she looked back up at him. “But know this. I forgive you.”

  Something broke in Fernando’s face, and he shut his eyes. “I’ve waited a long time to hear you say that.” They were silent. When he opened his eyes again, all the swagger had left him. He swallowed. “Is this…” He gestured towards Jake, who had built his tower to a height of four toilet rolls and was just about to kick them over.

  “This is the baby from the woods.”

  A shadow passed across his face, as if he were calculating when he had seen her last, and whether this baby could be his.

  “My husband’s son,” she clarified. “My son.”

  Fernando nodded.

  “You look sad,” Halley said.

  “I messed up, big-time.”

  “You didn’t mess up.”

  “Aren’t you angry?” He was incredulous. “You should be furious at the way I left you…on a trail you didn’t know, deep in the woods.” He shook his head. “I was so angry at you for acting crazy, for going on and on about hearing that baby crying…for everything…” He looked down at Jake. “I didn’t remember I’d taken the map out of your backpack until I got home. I went back to find you, I swear I did. But…you’d gone…I couldn’t even find your tracks…” A shattered look came into his eyes. “You never came home…”

  “I was angry when you left,” she said. “I was furious. For a while. But when you left me, I found myself.” She paused, and then gestured to Jake. “And him. I found him.” Tears of joy filled her eyes. “How can I be angry, when I’m so very blessed?”

  Their eyes held for a moment, until Halley very gently took hers away.

  “Don’t…don’t go,” Fernando said.

  Halley heard the pain in his voice, and touched him gently on the arm. “You don’t need me.” She took a step back. “What you see in me, you’ll see, one day, in yourself. Goodbye Fernando.”

  Fernando couldn’t find anything else to say.

  “Come on, Jake,” Halley said, bending down and kissing his soft baby cheek. “Time to get back to Da Da.” She helped him put the toilet paper rolls back on the shelf.

  The little boy held her fingers tightly, as if she were his whole world. “Da Da,” he repeated.

  “That’s right,” she said with a broad smile. “The best Da Da in the whole world.”

  Still holding fingers, they walked four-legged down the aisle, completely in synch, looping back up the next aisle to pick up the fish and say goodbye to Annie.

  “Friend of yours?” Annie asked, gesturing to Fernando, who was still standing where she’d left him, as if mesmerized.

  Halley gave her a half-smile. “A very old friend. Be kind.”

  Just before the door swung shut, Halley heard Annie say, “Get you something, Sir?” in that tone she used with dubious strangers.

  * * *

  “It’s all about choices, Jake,” Halley said, as they moved through the nearly-empty parking lot. “It’s all about choosing well, and then sticking with your good choices.”

  “Ma Ma,” Jake said, and squeezed her hands tightly.

  “Jake and Sean,” she replied, looking down at his tiny hands and her gold wedding band. “My best choices.”

  With a walk that felt to her like floating on air currents, they made their way to the car. Sean was waiting for them, leaning against the car
door with a lazy smile. He’d won the race! He leaned inside the car, and turned up the radio so she could hear. He was playing her favorite song.

  THE END

  Appendix

  Symbols and Archetypes in Akilina

  Carp: there is a legendary saying that if the carp can swim up the fast-flowing Hwang Ho River in China, it can become a dragon. Thus, the carp is symbolic of strength. When Trance kills the carp by the river, it is a direct threat to Halley’s strength and regenerative powers.

  Cicada: an ancient Chinese symbol for perseverance, immortality and life-after-death. It is an appropriate creature to intrigue Halley, who, through most of the novel, is living in the nether-world between life and death.

  Crow and Crow’s feather: while a negative symbol in many Western cultures, the crow is intended to be a positive harbinger here. In China and Japan, the crow shows love and filial gratitude, while in ancient Greece, the crow was worshipped for its oracular powers. In this novel, the crow brings Halley the message “You will be all right”, which is indeed prophetic. When the crow’s feather disappears, it is a potent symbol of danger.

  Eagle: Halley’s true nature or totemic animal is the eagle. The eagle is renowned for its courage, ferocity and strength. In some cultures the eagle symbolizes resurrection and rebirth.

  Horse (Athena): the horse is often an emblem of speed and perseverance. Here, it is also symbolic of Halley’s lost intuitive powers. Athena was named by Halley’s father after Athena, the Greek goddess of wisdom and war. The name means “protector of heroes”.

  Lion-monkeys: based upon the Golden Lion Tamarin, one of the most endangered species in the world, and native to Brazil. They are symbolic of the help of wild things in the forest.

  Red: the color red symbolizes happiness, and is a lucky color.

  Shadow: a Jungian concept, the shadow has been defined as an unconscious complex that is the exact opposite of the conscious self. It is what we don’t want to acknowledge about ourselves and everything that we are not. It is often uncivilized, and conceals those things we are ashamed of and don’t want to know about ourselves. Trance is Halley’s shadow, brought to life. His most enduring characteristic is his desire to kill Halley, because he cannot bear her light. She must integrate her shadow within her psyche to have the full power of which she is capable.