He remembered that. His mother had been yelling at him to stop but he’d told her there were bad guys he had to catch and kept going, ignoring all the startled looks he’d gotten. It had been Vin and Dom who’d found him six blocks over asking a police officer where all the bad guys lived.
“I asked him to move forward, Logan,” he said softly.
“He’s working on it, Rafe. It will just take him a little bit of time.” Rafe nodded and Logan reached for the doorknob. “Would you do me a favor?”
Rafe hesitated to answer but it didn’t stop Logan.
“Go easy on Cade. He’s the one who’s going to be alone when all this is over.”
Rafe sucked in a harsh breath and shook his head. “We’re just-”
Logan raised his hand to stop him. “I saw the way he looked at you at that party. Whatever is happening between you two isn’t “just” anything for him.”
With that Logan was gone, leaving Rafe to ponder his confusing statement.
***
Cade pushed open the door to Dom’s office. As glad as he was to see Dom behind his big desk, the faraway look on Dom’s face said the man wasn’t seeing the computer screens in front of him.
“Dom?” he said quietly, not wanting to startle the other man.
Dom looked up at him and then looked around the room as if just realizing where he was. He’d never known his friend to be this out of it and it truly frightened him. What if Dom didn’t bounce back from this?
“Hey, come on in,” Dom said as he leaned back in his chair.
“Good to have you back, boss,” Cade said as he dropped down into one of the chairs on the other side of Dom’s desk. Dom smiled at the nickname he hated but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“How is he?” Dom asked.
“Hanging in there,” Cade said. “He’s frustrated that he hasn’t made any progress with figuring out who’s after him. He finally agreed to let me give his laptop to Desi. Hopefully she can offer a fresh perspective.”
“Any sign of the threat?”
Cade shook his head. “I decided to go ahead and put someone on my place when I’m not there, especially now that I know Rafe might get it in his head to leave without warning.”
Dom nodded. “Can I ask what’s going on between you two?”
Cade sighed. It was just a matter of time before the big, protective brother came asking what his intentions were. “I’m not just fucking around with him, Dom. I wouldn’t hurt him like that.”
Dom studied him for a moment. “It’s not him I’m worried about,” he finally said.
The observation caught Cade off guard and he shifted uncomfortably. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know him well enough to know how he feels about you. But I can tell he isn’t like the others for you. I hear it in your voice.”
Cade studied him for a long time before he finally answered. “You’re right, he isn’t like the others. I’m not the same when I’m around him but I like that,” he admitted. “But I don’t know what any of it means. I’m completely clueless when it comes to this shit.”
Dom smiled. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit, Cade. I remember a time when you saw something between me and Logan that neither of us could admit to.”
Cade dropped his eyes to study his hands. “I may end up having to choose between you and him,” he said quietly. Even the thought of having to give up Dom and the rest of his family had his heart aching.
“My guess is deep down you’ve already made that choice.”
He had. He didn’t understand it but he had. He wanted Rafe. But the physical wasn’t enough anymore. He wanted it all.
“Let me know what Desi finds,” Dom said. “Vin said he’d be back tomorrow but between the two of us it’s still going to take a while to get caught up.”
Cade appreciated the change in conversation because the emotions churning through him were just too much to deal with. “Let me know if you need anything,” Cade said as he stood.
“Will do,” Dom said. But they both knew the one thing Dom needed was the one thing Cade couldn’t give him.
***
Cade punched in the code to his door and bit out a curse when it beeped at him. He was so fucking excited to see Rafe that he couldn’t manage to get the damn code right. What the hell was up with that? He finally managed to get the sequence right and the door clicked and he pushed it open. As he stepped inside, he scanned the kitchen since it was in his direct view. When he saw that it was empty he searched the living room and sure enough, his man was sitting on the couch. But Cade knew instantly that something was wrong because he was holding his head in his hands and rocking back and forth.
“Rafe?” he said softly as he hurried over to him and dropped down in front of him. Rafe didn’t seem to notice his presence until Cade placed his hands on Rafe’s knees. “Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked as he extricated Rafe’s hands from the death grip the man had on his own head. Pain filled eyes lifted to meet his.
“What are we doing, Cade?” Rafe asked.
“What do you mean?”
Rafe just shook his head and then looked around the apartment as if seeing it for the first time. “I can’t do this.”
Cade tensed. He knew it was just a matter of time before Rafe balked at whatever was happening between them but he wasn’t ready for this conversation yet, especially since he couldn’t be sure of its conclusion.
“Did something happen today?”
“I think I should go stay in a hotel,” Rafe said. “I could pay for someone at your company to keep an eye on things. Or I could just disappear…”
Hurt lanced through Cade and he rose to his feet. “Where is this coming from?”
Rafe dropped his head back in his hands and began rocking back and forth once more. “Logan was here.”
“Did he say something?” Cade asked, surprised at the sudden anger he felt towards his friend.
“He came to ask me to help with some stuff at the foundation. He was sitting on the couch and my first thought was that we needed to get some more places for people to sit.”
“Okay, we can do that,” Cade responded, completely confused.
“Jesus, Cade,” Rafe whispered as he rose. “There’s no ‘we’ here. The only thing ‘we’ have is phenomenal sex.”
“It’s more than that and you know it,” Cade snapped.
“How the hell would I know? I’ve never fucking done this!” Rafe pushed past him and began pacing. “I know how to manipulate, how to use…how to take. I don’t know how to do this!” he shouted as he motioned between them.
Cade forced himself to take a deep breath. “Look at what time it is, Rafe. It’s not even five o’clock. I left work early because I was excited to see you,” Cade said as he stepped in front of Rafe to get him to stop moving. “Not to fuck you. To see you, to talk to you.”
Cade let his hands close over Rafe’s upper arms. “Does whatever this is scare the shit out of me? Yeah, it does. I could have easily stuck you in a hotel with one of a dozen bodyguards your brothers’ company has on staff but I wanted you here. And the fact that you waited until I got home instead of running tells me you want to be here too.”
He was glad when Rafe let him draw him closer.
“Don’t let me hurt you, Cade,” Rafe mumbled just before he wrapped his arms around Cade’s neck.
***
“So just double-click this and press ok,” Rafe said as he leaned over the old woman with the huge glasses who had her nose nearly pressed against her computer screen.
“Did I do it?” she asked, her wide eyes lighting up with excitement.
“Yep, it’s posted,” he said with a smile.
He bit back a laugh when she high-fived him.
“Nice work,” Rafe said as he left the woman’s desk and went back to the small cubicle Logan had set him up in.
“Did you really just manage to teach Doreen how to post on our blog?” Logan asked as he stepped a
round the cubicle wall.
“She was already close,” Rafe insisted. “She was just missing the last couple of steps.”
“How about some lunch?”
Rafe stiffened. Logan had asked him that every day for the past four days he’d been coming to the foundation to help out. He’d managed to beef up the network security on the first day but when Logan had asked him to look at some of the older machines to see which ones needed upgrading, he’d agreed to come back the following day. Every time he’d finished one task, Logan found him another.
And the lunch invites had started on day one. His polite excuse that he wasn’t hungry hadn’t deterred Logan because he asked again the next day and when he insisted that he had too much to do, Logan approached him again on day three. Whatever awkwardness that should have been between them since Logan’s comment about him not hurting Cade, not to mention the bigger elephant in the room, the devastation he’d wreaked on those closest to Logan, seemed not to exist for the young man because he was as kind and friendly as he’d been from the first day they’d met.
“Okay,” Rafe heard himself saying and strangely enough, he didn’t regret it. He honestly liked Logan. Would they ever be friends? No, not possible. But something inside of him wanted to know more about the man who’d stolen his brother’s heart. Worse yet, he wanted to know how Dom was doing without actually asking.
“Great, there’s a Chinese place down at the market. Sound good?”
Rafe nodded and stood. As they headed for the front door, Doreen gave him a bright grin and a wave as he passed her desk and he couldn’t help but smile back.
“Who do you have with you today?” Logan asked as he pushed open the door. “Hey, Jagger,” Logan said before Rafe could respond. They both watched as the behemoth of a man pushed off the wall next to the front door.
“Logan,” the big man said with a nod.
Between the bald head, tattoos on both arms and the giant scar that slashed across one cheek, Jagger was a scary looking guy. He wasn’t a big talker either though that didn’t seem to bother Logan at all.
“Okay if we head down to the market for some lunch?” Logan asked.
Jagger nodded and waited for them to pass before he fell in step behind them.
Cade had spent the first day keeping an eye on him when he’d arrive at the foundation bright and early but had agreed to let Jagger take over when Rafe insisted he go back to work. Cade had resisted at first but when Rafe had admitted that Cade’s presence was too much of a distraction, Cade had smiled arrogantly and kissed him hard. That had led to an intense make out session in Cade’s car in the garage of his building which had been followed by Cade being bent over the couch as Rafe fucked him. They’d managed to get through dinner and half an action movie before they were on each other again.
Rafe heard Logan chuckle next to him.
“What?” Rafe asked.
“I know that smile,” Logan said.
Rafe hoped like hell he wasn’t blushing because he definitely felt the heat rising in his cheeks. They didn’t speak again until they’d placed their orders and were sitting at a small table against the window of the main building that many of the market place’s shops were located in. Jagger had refused Logan’s invitation to join them and instead sat near the entrance, his eyes constantly on the move as people came and went around them.
“Where’d you learn all the computer stuff?” Logan asked as he took a long drink from his soda.
Rafe tensed. He knew it was a completely legitimate question but since his upbringing had been anything but normal, even the simplest of inquiries were challenging.
“I took a few college courses but I found the pace to be too slow so I ended up teaching myself mostly.”
“Why hacking?”
Man, no holds barred with Logan.
“I think at first it was just the challenge aspect of it. I started chatting with other hackers online and they began linking me up to potential customers. Mostly just stealing intellectual property from competing companies.”
He expected recrimination but Logan just nodded. “Dom loves the computer stuff but it’s all gibberish to me.”
Rafe stiffened at the mention of Dom but Logan just continued on. “He tried explaining to me what was so impressive about the way you hacked their system but he lost me after two minutes.”
“If it makes him feel better, it took me a lot longer to get through their firewall than most places.” Rafe realized what he said and wanted to smack himself. But Logan just laughed.
“I’ll be sure to tell him that,” Logan said.
“No, don’t,” Rafe said.
Logan sobered. “He’s doing okay, Rafe. I’m not going to lie and say it’s all sunshine and roses but he’ll find a way to make peace with what’s happened. Vin too.”
“I’m glad they have you guys,” Rafe admitted.
“I can’t speak for Mia but God knows I’m the one that got lucky. I pushed Dom away so many times that sometimes I still can’t believe he forgave me.”
“Why’d you push him away?” Rafe asked, his curiosity piqued. He knew the facts that were on paper but they told little of the actual story.
Their waitress appeared with their food and Logan waited until she was gone to respond.
“I’d never been with a man before,” he admitted. “Hadn’t ever been attracted to one.”
Rafe nearly spit out his food.
“He’d also just lost Sylvie so I was struggling with that too.”
“Sylvie was his wife?”
Logan nodded. “She had leukemia. She lost her battle with it a month after I met them.”
Rafe knew from the information that he’d stolen that Dom had paid Logan to spend the night with him and Sylvie.
“It’s okay, Rafe. You can ask. I’m not ashamed of it anymore.”
“You were with them both,” was all he said.
Logan nodded. “I began escorting when I was in college to support myself and my sister after our parents died. I kept doing it to try and build my business – the space the foundation is in used to be my bar. It was supposed to just be another job that night but there was something about both of them that drew me in. I tried to ignore my feelings but Sylvie saw something in me that I didn’t. She saw it in Dom too. She’s the only reason we found each other,” Logan said quietly. “But the reason we’re together now is because Dom loved me enough to forgive me for the pain I caused him.”
“So you named the foundation after her?”
“I named it after her because she reminded me how important it was for people to have hope. Meeting Eli made me realize that kids like him were the ones that needed it most but usually had the least.”
They both ate in silence for a moment before Rafe found the nerve to ask, “How’d you know Dom was the one?”
“I knew when being apart from him hurt more than the shame and guilt I was feeling over how we had come together in the first place. He always put me first, even before himself.”
The food became harder and harder to swallow so Rafe finally put down his fork. Was that what Cade had been doing? Putting him first? The small, sweet gestures? Giving up control in bed because it was what Rafe needed?
“How’d you get over your past?” Rafe asked softly.
“I guess I really don’t think of my past as something I had to get over. I had to learn to accept some of the decisions I’d made because they made me who I am. I suppose it took meeting Dom to see the good instead of just the bad.”
Rafe was too lost in thought after that for any more conversation and Logan must have sensed it because he didn’t press Rafe to talk anymore. It wasn’t until they were back in front of the foundation that Rafe finally snapped out of his reverie.
“Hey Cade,” he heard Logan say.
Rafe looked up to see Cade leaning against his car. A smiled tugged at his lips at the sight of the gorgeous man watching him so intently.
“Can I steal him away a bit early
today?” Cade asked Logan though his eyes never left Rafe. Something warm bloomed inside of him.
“You bet,” Logan responded. Before Rafe could even process what was happening, Logan gave him a quick hug. “Have fun,” Logan whispered against his ear before releasing him and disappearing inside, leaving him alone with Cade. He had no idea if Jagger was still around because he only had eyes for Cade.
“You up for a little vacation?” Cade asked as he reached out his hand and pulled Rafe against him.
“Yes,” Rafe said without hesitation.
“Good,” Cade said softly before leaning down to brush a kiss over his lips. “Let’s go.”
Chapter 9
Vacation turned out to be a weekend trip to Friday Harbor on San Juan Island. When Cade had first mentioned going to the San Juans, Rafe had immediately feared it was some type of trick to get him in the same room with Dom since Dom owned a house on the island. Then he’d immediately felt guilty for thinking the worst because Cade hadn’t pressured him even once to try and mend fences with Dom and Vin. He hadn’t even mentioned either brother after the traumatic run in with Dom at his office.
By the time they settled into their room at the Bed and Breakfast, they’d both been too tired from the long trip to do anything besides eat a quick dinner and fall asleep. There’d been no sex, yet it had been one of the best days of his life. Just getting out of the city had been a relief but to have Cade laughing and joking with him as they made their way north to the ferry terminal had been a unique and exciting experience. The man had a wicked sense of humor. He’d also been up front about Jagger being behind them and that he would spend the weekend trailing them. Having another set of eyes on things seemed to relax Cade even more so Rafe was more than okay with the arrangement.
If he’d had any hope of spending the weekend in bed with Cade though, he’d been sadly mistaken because Cade woke him up early the next morning. But he’d made up for it with a toe curling blow job followed by a repeat performance in the shower that left them leaning hard on one another in an effort to stay upright. The rest of the day had included a whale watching tour, kayaking and a stroll through the many shops in the small, touristy haven. A huge seafood meal at a quaint little restaurant overlooking the harbor had been followed by gelato from a small ice cream shop. And on the walk back to the Bed and Breakfast, Cade had held his hand, not caring who was watching.
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