Rafe took in deep breaths until he felt the fear start to fade. He felt his body relax and he leaned back in the seat. The panic attacks were coming way too often. Even when he’d been selling his body night after night, he’d never been wracked with this level of anxiety this often.
“Good?” Cade asked and Rafe realized Cade was holding his hand, their fingers intertwined. He nodded and Cade released him so they could both get out of the car.
What Cade had said turned out to be true as they stepped into the executive suite. It was deathly quiet as he followed Cade to a big office overlooking the Sound. A massive mahogany desk sat against one wall and in the middle of the office was a seating area complete with a leather couch and several comfortable looking chairs. There was even a small bar with a refrigerator and along the back wall he saw a door that led to a bathroom.
Cade pulled out the leather desk chair and sat down, his gaze going to the dual computer monitors. He punched a couple of keys on the keyboard, then maneuvered the mouse around. After a couple of clicks he stood and pulled the chair out for Rafe.
Rafe sat and looked at the screen in confusion. His eyes finally lit on a networked folder with his first name on it.
“When you searched Dom and Vin’s personal files, did you ever look for your name?”
Rafe shook his head. The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind.
“Take your time,” was all Cade said as he suddenly headed for the door. He stopped in the doorway and said, “I’ll be down the hall in the breakroom if you need me.” With that Cade closed the door and Rafe was alone to stare at the folder. He took a deep breath and double-clicked it and his eyes widened as hundreds and hundreds of additional folders appeared, all with dates on them. His gut clenched as he opened the first one and began reading.
***
Rafe’s fingers trembled as he scrolled down what had to be the hundredth document he’d scanned through. He heard the door open and expected to see Cade checking in on him again as he’d been doing every twenty minutes for the last two hours. But it wasn’t Cade.
He watched in stunned silence as Dom entered the office and closed the door behind him. He didn’t even notice Rafe until he was almost a dozen steps in. When he did finally look up, Rafe wasn’t sure which of them was more shocked – him at the stunning physical transformation that his brother had undergone since the last time he’d seen him or Dom at seeing his baby brother sitting at his desk.
“Rafe,” Dom said in a harsh whisper.
Cade’s description rang in his ears as Rafe looked Dom up and down. He really did look like a zombie. Pale, sallow skin. Dark smudges under his pain filled eyes. Hollow cheeks, slumped frame. Guilt swept through Rafe at knowing he was the cause of all this. His one-time hero was nothing but a shell of a man.
“I wasn’t stealing anything,” Rafe said quickly as he stood, the desk chair sliding across the floor with his hasty move. “Cade let me in.”
Dom shook his head, his wide eyes never leaving Rafe. “It’s okay.”
They both stared at each other for a long time, the awkward silence between them a living thing.
“You have her nose,” Dom suddenly said and Rafe winced when he realized Dom was referring to their mother. Dom seemed to realize what he’d said too because he paled even more. “Sorry.”
Rafe reached up to touch his own nose before he realized what he was doing. “I don’t really remember what she looked like.”
“There’s a picture behind you on the credenza,” Dom offered.
Rafe turned and found the picture Dom was referring to. It was of their mother and all four boys. He assumed his father, or Dom’s father rather, had been the one to take it. He skimmed his fingers over his mother’s image and then studied each boy in turn. Vin with his broody countenance, Ren with a wide smile and Dom…Dom with his then skinny arm wrapped around Rafe’s shoulders.
Pain went through him and he quickly put the picture face down. At least maybe now he’d see the mother from this picture rather than the one that had lived for so long in his head – the one where she lay unmoving on the kitchen floor as blood sprayed over her unseeing eyes and lifeless features as her body jerked every time the butcher knife was plunged into her chest.
“Rafe,” Dom said softly and Rafe snapped his head up. Dom hadn’t moved at all but from the worried expression on his face he guessed that Dom had noticed he’d been getting lost in the past.
Rafe needed to get this done so he could get out of here.
“I didn’t know,” Rafe murmured as he turned one of the computer screens so Dom could see. He knew what Dom was looking at because he’d spent the last two hours combing through the endless folders going back to the week Gary had taken him and ending the week Rafe had revealed his identity to Cade in the club. Each folder held notes and letters from private investigators, lawyers and social workers from all over the country.
“I just wish it had been enough,” Dom said, his voice breaking.
“You must have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars,” Rafe said.
Dom shook his head. “We would have given anything, Rafe. Would have paid anything for even one lead.”
“You have hundreds of files on different Gary Prices all over the country.”
“After he took you we searched all the addresses he’d filed with the court and social services. The ones that weren’t fakes were dead ends. We couldn’t even figure out what state he had taken you to. Once we could afford it, we hired PIs all over the country to track down guys named Gary Price who fit Gary’s general description but nothing ever panned out. We tried adoption agencies and foster care in case he gave you up at some point. Eventually we started checking with morgues…” Dom said, his voice cracking.
“He told me you were glad he’d taken me,” Rafe whispered.
Dom shook his head vehemently but Rafe continued before he could speak. “I didn’t believe him at first. But as time passed it was all I had to keep me going. Anger made it possible to get through each day when hope couldn’t. I let it consume me and turn me into someone I don’t even recognize anymore. I shouldn’t have let things get this far,” he admitted.
“Please, Rafe, it’s not too late,” Dom said desperately.
“It was too late the second he took me,” Rafe managed to get out. His whole body began to shake as he stepped around the opposite side of the desk.
“Rafe?” he heard Cade call from the doorway. A shiver of relief went through him knowing the man he needed more than anything at this moment was nearby, but he shook his head slightly when Cade made a move to come to his side. He returned his attention to Dom.
“I told Cade earlier that I couldn’t forgive you,” he began. Dom physically stepped back as if Rafe had struck him so Rafe hurried on. “But that was before I realized there was nothing to forgive. One man alone is responsible for tearing our family apart. Not you, not Vin, not me. But I can’t be around you and move forward. That bastard tied you to a part of my life I want to forget,” Rafe said as his voice broke.
Tears fell down Dom’s face and he watched the briefcase he’d been carrying slip unnoticed to the ground.
“I need one thing from you, Dom.”
“Anything,” Dom said instantly.
“I need you to move forward too. I need to know that I didn’t do to you what Gary did to us. ”
Dom wiped at his tears. “You didn’t. I have so many amazing people in my life and I won’t let anyone take them from me. Never again.”
“You’ll tell Vinny?” Rafe asked.
Dom nodded. “I’ll tell him. We’ll be here whenever you’re ready to come home, okay?”
Rafe couldn’t manage to respond so he forced his legs to move, giving Dom a wide berth as he focused his gaze on Cade.
“Rafe, please don’t do this,” Dom suddenly whispered as he passed. But Rafe steeled himself and kept moving as tears slipped down his face.
“Gary Price. Is he still alive?” Dom asked from
behind him, his gravelly voice threaded with anger now.
“No,” Rafe managed to get out just before he reached Cade and felt a big hand close over his. A guttural sob tore through the air as the door closed behind them and he had no idea if it had come from him or his brother.
***
“You coming to bed?” Cade asked as he settled his hand on Rafe’s shoulder.
“Soon,” Rafe muttered as he clicked on the mouse beneath his palm over and over again.
It had been like this for two weeks and Cade was at a loss as to how to deal with it. Ever since his meeting with his brother, Rafe had been a madman when it came to trying to find out who was after him. The hours that he wasn’t desperately fucking Cade into the mattress were spent in front of his laptop. Even Eli’s visits failed to drag Rafe away from the computer.
Whatever emotional connection they’d managed to establish the night Rafe had left the apartment to go to Logan’s foundation had started to fray. The sex was still amazing and left them both drained with pleasure but there’d been something missing. Rafe hadn’t been dismissive or selfish in any way in bed and he never left Cade to return to his own bed but it was like he went somewhere else in his head – somewhere that Cade couldn’t reach him.
Watching Rafe’s encounter with Dom had nearly destroyed Cade because it hadn’t been his intention to push the brothers into a confrontation. He’d just wanted Rafe to see that his brothers had never given up on finding him. But his intent had backfired and Rafe seemed more desperate than ever to get away from them…him.
Cade slammed the laptop closed and when Rafe opened his mouth to complain, he fused their mouths together. His gamble paid off and Rafe melted beneath him as his arm reached up to wrap around Cade’s neck. When Rafe stood, Cade backed him up until Rafe’s legs hit the bed.
“Cade, I don’t have any stuff in here,” Rafe said as Cade pushed him down onto the bed.
“We won’t need it,” Cade answered as he pushed Rafe’s shirt up. As Rafe worked the shirt off, Cade ran his tongue over the flat, brown nipples and then licked his way up to Rafe’s armpit. He’d discovered the erogenous zone a couple of weeks ago and it never failed to drive Rafe crazy with need.
Fingers grabbed his shoulder to hold him in place but Cade was on a mission and he dragged himself lower, his lips and teeth searching every bit of exposed skin. When he reached Rafe’s jeans, he had them off easily and was pleased to see the man had foregone underwear. He didn’t give Rafe any warning as he opened his mouth wide and drew Rafe’s cock down his throat in one swallow.
Rafe jackknifed up to a sitting position and rammed his hips forward as his hands closed over Cade’s head. But this was Cade’s show and he let Rafe’s length fall out of his mouth as he reached up with his hands to grab both of Rafe’s wrists. He used his whole body to push Rafe back down on the bed and kissed him hard and deep as he pinned his hands to the bed. He was glad when he didn’t feel any fear at the gentle restraint. Releasing Rafe’s lips, he muttered, “Keep them there,” as he glanced at Rafe’s hands. He bit back the smile that went through him at Rafe’s quick nod.
Cade worked his way back down Rafe’s body but bypassed the dick that bumped his cheek as Rafe shifted his hips in desperation. He reached down and grabbed Rafe’s legs and pulled them up so his heels were resting on the edge of the bed and Cade dropped to his knees.
“Cade,” Rafe whispered, a hint of fear now in his voice.
He looked up and made sure his gaze connected with Rafe’s. “Trust me,” was all he said. Rafe hesitated for only a moment before he nodded once more.
Cade used his hands to pull back Rafe’s cheeks and once again, he gave Rafe no warning. He closed his mouth over Rafe’s opening and sucked gently before letting his tongue flick over the pulsing hole.
“Fuck,” Rafe shouted. Cade grabbed Rafe’s legs before he could move them and began licking Rafe in earnest. Rafe moaned but didn’t fight him. In fact, he shifted his ass further off the bed so he was even closer to Cade’s mouth. Cade took that as an invitation and used his hands to lift Rafe’s ass off the bed so he could get a better angle. He felt Rafe shift and glanced up to see that Rafe had wrapped his hands around the backs of his knees to make it easier for Cade to reach him.
Cade slurped all around Rafe’s entry and then sucked hard. As Rafe moaned and writhed with every touch, he stiffened his tongue and pushed the tip inside Rafe’s heat. Rafe shouted at the contact and then began pleading with Cade not to stop. He gave Rafe a few more licks and then jammed his finger into his own mouth to cover it in saliva. He quickly replaced his tongue with his finger and when Rafe stiffened, Cade leaned forward and sucked Rafe’s dick into his mouth.
“Yes,” Rafe moaned and suddenly he was pushing down on Cade’s finger, forcing the digit all the way inside. Cade kept up the intense suction with his mouth as Rafe thrashed on the bed and he felt Rafe’s legs press against his shoulders as the man sought more leverage. Cade matched the thrusting of his finger into Rafe’s ass with the drags on his cock. He used his free hand to massage Rafe’s balls and could tell by how tight and drawn up they were that Rafe was near the edge.
Cade curved his finger inside of Rafe till he hit the gland he was looking for and just like that Rafe began shooting into his mouth as he screamed Cade’s name. Endless jets of semen coated his tongue and throat as Rafe’s body clamped down on his finger and he released Rafe’s balls so he could reach into his own pants and finish himself off.
When Rafe finally settled as tiny aftershocks went through him, Cade gently removed his finger and licked up the little bit of come that had missed his mouth. He dragged himself up and over Rafe’s body and was glad when Rafe instantly opened his mouth to him and kissed him heartily.
“You okay?” he murmured against Rafe’s lips.
Rafe just nodded and wrapped his arms around Cade, dragging him down for another long kiss.
“You play dirty, Cade Gamble,” Rafe said softly.
“Hell yeah I do,” Cade responded before he settled his whole body down on Rafe’s and kissed the shit out of him.
Chapter 8
Rafe tensed at the knocking on the front door. Cade had left an hour ago for the office and Eli never knocked but just let himself in with the code. Not to mention it was only nine in the morning. But whoever it was would have needed a code to get in the building not to mention permission from the burly security guard who sat at the front desk in the lobby.
“Rafe, it’s Logan,” he heard from the other side of the door. Rafe must have waited too long because Logan said, “I’m not here about Dom.”
Rafe opened the door, stiffening his resolve at the sight of his brother’s lover. He didn’t look much better than Dom had two weeks ago.
“Can I come in?” Logan asked.
Rafe stepped back and nodded his head. He followed Logan to the living room but didn’t sit on the couch next to the other man. It occurred to Rafe that they should get a second piece of furniture for people to sit on. A shot of horror went through him when he realized he’d just thought of himself and Cade as a “they” and the comprehension was so disturbing that he ended up sitting on the couch anyway.
This wasn’t his home. Cade wasn’t his. God, he needed to get a fucking grip. He’d spent two weeks running himself ragged searching his files for any clue of the threat that had yet to materialize again and fucking Cade senseless night after night as their impending separation loomed. Because there would be a day when he would need to walk away from Cade. What they had was great sex and they got along well enough but it wasn’t enough to base a future on, let alone ask the guy to leave his family. If only Cade hadn’t shattered him last night…
“You okay, Rafe?”
Rafe shook the image of Cade kneeling between his legs out of his head. He managed a nod.
“Constance showed me the mock-up of the website you did. I was hoping you could get it up and running for us as soon as possible.”
Rafe nod
ded again, not sure why the hell he couldn’t find his voice. Because he was still stuck on the fact that he’d thought of himself and Cade as a couple.
“I was wondering if you might take a look at our network. We’ve been having some issues with the wireless signal and I’m not sure if the security is as good as it could be. We keep a lot of private information about our donors on them.”
“But can’t Dom…” Rafe began but stuttered to a halt at the pang of loss he felt go through him.
“Dom’s been pretty preoccupied lately and he’s got a lot of catching up to do at work since he’s been gone for a few weeks now.”
A few weeks? Hadn’t Dom gone back to work after their encounter?
Logan continued. “I spoke with Cade this morning before I came over and he’s willing to bring you down to the office tomorrow to take a look.”
He absolutely should say no. He was trying to distance himself from these people.
“Okay,” he heard himself say. And to his horror his mouth kept moving and he whispered, “Is he okay?”
Logan studied him for a moment. There was no condemnation like he would have expected. “He’s doing as well as can be expected,” Logan hedged.
The explanation would have to be enough because he had no right to ask for details. Rafe climbed to his feet, suddenly feeling very shaky. Logan seemed to get the hint and stood and Rafe led him to the door.
“Would you tell your sister and your friend I’m sorry for ruining their party?”
“Savannah and Shane don’t care about that. They were worried about you. Everyone was.”
“Why? They don’t know me,” Rafe blurted out.
Logan smiled patiently. “Just because you weren’t around didn’t mean you haven’t been part of the family,” Logan said. “Dom and Vin talked about you all the time. Ren too.”
Logan must not have noticed his look of surprise because he went on talking. “Dom loves to tell the story of you running around the neighborhood completely naked except for a red cape and your superhero underwear when you were six and your poor mom running after you down the street.”
Redeeming Rafe Page 10
