“What do you mean?”
Rafe turned away again. “I learned pretty early on that the men were going to take what they wanted whether I fought them or not. So I figured out what role they wanted me to play and I played it and I started asking for things in return. Extra money that Gary didn’t know about, a new pair of boots or a jacket for the winter. If a guy wanted me to be sweet, I was sweet. If a guy wanted me to call him Daddy I did it and then I’d ask him for a reward for being his good little boy. There was a teacher that brought me books. A computer guy gave me an old laptop. The manager of a motel let me live for free in one of the rooms for a daily blowjob and the occasional fuck. By the time I was sixteen I had enough money to get my GED and take some college courses on computers.”
Rafe turned his whole body this time and Cade let his hand rest on Rafe’s hip.
“I’m not a victim anymore so don’t fucking feel sorry for me,” he said firmly. “And I’m not going to apologize for any of it.”
Cade knew Rafe was testing him. He closed his hands around Rafe’s upper arms and pulled him further up his chest until their lips were millimeters apart.
“You don’t owe me or anyone else an apology,” he said softly. “And you were never a victim, Rafe. You were a survivor.”
***
Rafe felt the knot of tension inside his stomach release as Cade kissed him. He’d thrown all his shit at Cade without any kind of filter and instead of pushing him away like he’d thought he’d do, Cade was literally pulling him in closer. Not being able to accurately predict Cade’s responses scared the shit out of him but his only option was to keep pushing Cade away. And he was done with that. He had no idea what any of this meant in terms of their relationship or if they even had one. But he was done worrying about that too because he wanted whatever Cade was offering. If that was just mind blowing sex he’d absolutely take it. If it was more, he’d deal with that. He’d take whatever Cade was willing to give him and store the memory of being with this incredible man away in his mind so he could relive these moments when the shit in his head began to pile up.
“Come take a shower with me,” Cade said between kisses. Rafe nodded, though in truth he wasn’t ready to leave the safety of Cade’s bed. His ugly reality didn’t exist in Cade’s arms. He wasn’t a one-time prostitute who’d used his body to get what he needed and he wasn’t a man willing to ruin innocent lives to seek revenge against the brothers he’d idolized. And he wasn’t nameless when Cade held him.
But the shower turned out to be an extension of Cade’s bed as Cade continued to lavish him with gentle touches and deep kisses. And when Cade used his mouth to drag yet another orgasm out of Rafe’s drained body, he felt another wall come crashing down.
“Stay in here a while longer,” Cade murmured against his lips. “I’ll go fix us something to eat.”
Even with the hot water raining down on him, the loss of Cade’s body left him cold so he didn’t linger. He went back to his room to grab some sweats and a T-shirt and then went to the kitchen where Cade was in the process of frying something in a pan.
“Can I help?” Rafe asked, hoping like hell things between them weren’t going to be awkward.
“You mind peeling the tomatoes?” Cade asked as he pointed at the large bowl of tomatoes sitting in an ice bath. Rafe stilled at the sight.
“What are you making?” he asked.
“Spaghetti and meatballs. Homemade sauce,” Cade said with a proud grin. He finally seemed to notice Rafe’s sudden quietness.
“What?” Cade asked as he lowered the burner to its lowest setting.
“You put the tomatoes in an ice bath.”
“Yes, after I boiled them. It makes them easier to peel. I learned it from…” Cade’s voice suddenly dropped off.
“Dom?” Rafe supplied.
“Yeah. He taught me a few things so I wouldn’t eat so much takeout.”
“We used to help our mom cook sometimes. I watched mostly.” A pang of loss went through Rafe. But it wasn’t just for his mother. It was for the brother who’d showered him with praise even when he messed up the simplest tasks he’d been assigned.
“Rafe…”
“No, it’s good. I actually know how to do this,” Rafe said as he pulled the tomatoes out and put them on a cutting board. He gave Cade a reassuring smile and the other man finally went back to cooking the meatballs.
“Didn’t your mom teach you how to cook?” Rafe asked as he worked.
Cade chuckled. “No. My mom was old school. A kitchen was the woman’s domain. I guess that was actually more my dad’s way of thinking and my mom just followed along. I suppose if she had any problem with it, she let God know because she was at church the rest of the time.”
“And your dad?”
“A real man’s man,” Cade huffed. “Big believer in ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’. Worked as a miner when I was little but fucked up his back and went on disability. Funny how it never kept him from coming after me with his belt though.”
Rafe glanced up at Cade in concern. The words were spoken with casualness but the tone said a hell of a lot more. Cade must have felt his gaze because he sent him a quick look.
“Don’t worry, as soon as I was big enough to hit him back, I did. He never laid a hand on me after that, especially since I outweighed him by fifty pounds by the time I was sixteen.”
“There was no one else?” Rafe asked.
Cade shook his head.
“Do you still keep in touch with them?”
“No. I left home the day my father walked in on me fucking the football team’s quarterback. My dad started ranting and raving about fags and sin and the devil,” Cade said with a laugh.
“I told him to get the fuck out and then I finished reaming the quarterback before I packed up my stuff and left. My mom was reciting some bible shit as I walked out and kept begging me to repent so I wouldn’t go to hell. No clue if they’re alive or dead.”
“Where’d you go when you left?”
Cade shrugged and was quiet so long Rafe was sure he wasn’t going to answer.
“Cade,” he said quietly. Cade stopped what he was doing and turned to look at him and Rafe was surprised to see shame in Cade’s eyes.
“You can tell me anything,” Rafe said firmly. Cade studied him for a long beat and then finally spoke.
“I wasn’t exactly a model citizen after that. I ended up hanging out with a group of guys whose main goal in life was to get wasted, snort or shoot whatever shit they could get their hands on and fuck any woman who didn’t care enough about herself to realize she could do better. And when they needed money they had no qualms about taking it.” Cade’s voice dropped off for a moment.
“I actually thought of them as my family,” he added bitterly. “So what if we stole a couple of cars or convinced some shop owner that he should pay us money to “protect” his business? I convinced myself we weren’t really hurting anyone.”
Rafe managed to keep the surprise off his face. It was a side of Cade he never would have expected. And since Cade hadn’t looked at him even once during his story, he was guessing it was something the other man didn’t talk about often.
“One day my buddy decides we should jack this old lady as she’s coming out of the bank. He tells her to hand over the keys to her car and her purse which she does. Then the fucker decides he wants her wedding ring. The thing probably wasn’t worth more than fifty bucks but she starts crying and saying how it was all she had left of her husband. I tell the guy to leave it – that we should get out of there, but he goes nuts and decks her.”
Before he realized what he was doing, Rafe was closing the distance between them and putting his hand over Cade’s which was fisted around the handle of a knife he’d been using to cut vegetables. He was relieved when Cade released the knife, but concerned when the man still refused to look at him.
“She broke her hip when she fell but the son of a bitch kept railing at her to give him the ring. I
laid him out with one punch,” he muttered. “I stayed with the lady till the ambulance and the cops came. I hadn’t turned eighteen yet so the judge gave me a choice – prison time or join the army. Pretty easy choice,” he said with a soft chuckle.
His eyes finally met Rafe’s. “That lady showed up in court in a fucking wheelchair to ask the judge to go easy on me. Said I reminded her of her grandson who’d died the year before in a car accident. She told me to go do something good with my life.”
Rafe smiled at the soft look that came over Cade’s features.
“Two weeks later I had my GED and was on my way to Basic Training at Fort Benning.”
Cade’s body seemed to finally relax and he leaned over and brushed a quick kiss across Rafe’s lips before he picked up the knife and got back to cutting vegetables.
“Joining the army was the best thing that ever happened to me because I met some guys who would become more of a family then my parents had ever been.”
“Dom?” Rafe forced himself to ask, not sure if he really wanted to hear about his brother. He forced himself to break contact with Cade and return to his spot at the counter so he could finish the tomatoes.
Cade nodded. “Him and a couple of brothers – twins – that I met on my second tour. Ben and Jax. They had the perfect nuclear family – mom, dad, baby sister. They invited me to spend a lot of the holidays with them between deployments. Ben died a couple of years ago but I keep in touch with Jax. He moved to Montana a while back.”
“And Dom?” Rafe heard himself ask.
“We were both deployed to Iraq after the Twin Towers were attacked. We hung out a bit but it wasn’t until I finished my third tour that we reconnected. I was doing mercenary work at the time and I spent a lot of my time between jobs out here. When my last job went bad, he offered me work and I took it. Been here ever since.”
“What happened at your last job?”
Cade’s expression darkened. “A guy who hired us to rescue his daughter from the drug lord who’d abducted her failed to mention the guy was her boyfriend and she’d gone willingly. Or that she was enjoying playing Mrs. Drug Lord and had even learned to run the sex trafficking operation the guy was getting off the ground. Long story short, my team was okay with leaving the half dozen girls there to rot and save the bitch so they’d get paid. I disagreed and when the woman threatened to shoot a twelve year old girl in the head, I took her out. Needless to say the client wasn’t real happy and my employer and I decided to part ways,” Cade said dryly.
Cade began putting ingredients into a stock pot and took the peeled tomatoes from Rafe.
“So you started working for Dom?”
Cade nodded. “Mostly protection work. Dom runs the information security side of things while Vin works the personal protection and security side.”
“And they sent you after me?” Rafe ventured as he pulled out a kitchen stool and sat, enjoying the sight of Cade in just a pair of jeans as he worked.
A smile skated over Cade’s lips. “They found the bait you left them,” Cade said with a smirk as he sent Rafe a mock accusatory look. “The IP address that you “forgot” to remove that just happened to lead us right to your fake office.” Rafe blushed slightly.
“They sent me to check it out but I knew there was no way the hot guy I’d been trailing was the genius hacker.” Cade set the pot to simmer and came over and placed his hands on the counter behind Rafe, in effect trapping him.
“I thought you were way too boring with your endless coffee runs and that fucking newspaper,” Cade murmured just before he placed a soft kiss on Rafe’s lips. “But I was so fucking turned on,” Cade said before giving him another kiss. “And when you gave me that card…”
Rafe moaned as Cade’s tongue pressed between his lips. The kiss didn’t last long enough as far as Rafe was concerned.
“I wanted to rip that kid apart when I saw him touching you.”
Rafe was surprised by the venom in Cade’s tone. “That was the first night I’d met him,” Rafe admitted. “I’d never been to that club either. It cost me a fortune to get in for just the night.”
He felt Cade’s hand close around the back of his neck and gently rub over it. He felt raw and exposed but for some reason he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “I hadn’t been with anyone after my last trick. I tried once with a guy I was attracted to but I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t stand it when he touched me.” He hesitated before finally saying, “You’re the first guy I’ve ever…”
“Fucked?” Cade said softly.
Rafe nodded.
Cade kissed him. “You’re the second guy I’ve given it up to but the first to make it absolutely perfect,” he whispered before he kissed him again. Rafe lost track of time after that and would have been happy to forgo food for Cade’s mouth but then his stomach growled and Cade drew back. One more brief kiss and Cade was releasing him and stepping back to the stove.
Thirty minutes later had Rafe literally licking the last of the sauce from his plate as he sat next to Cade on the living room couch.
“Good?” Cade asked with a laugh as he finished the last of his food.
Rafe nodded and licked around his mouth. The move had Cade staring hungrily at his lips. He wasn’t sure which of them moved first but Rafe ended up on his back, the smooth leather dipping beneath him as Cade covered him with his body. He heard something clang and realized his plate had hit floor but Cade didn’t seem to give a shit because he was already dragging Rafe’s shirt up and off his head. His sweats were dragged down just far enough to release his cock and he managed to fumble between his and Cade’s body to get Cade’s jeans loose enough to push off his ass.
Rafe stroked over the perfect mounds of flesh as Cade reached between their bodies and began rubbing their cocks together. Grunts and moans broke the silence as Cade mercilessly tortured them both with quick, hard tugs. Cade went over first giving Rafe a chance to see the look in his eyes as he was consumed by pleasure. It was enough for Rafe’s body to give up the fight and he shouted and dug his fingers into Cade’s ass as Cade humped over him. Firm lips licked over his neck and shoulder and Rafe couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like if Cade had been inside him. The thought scared the hell out of him but there was something else too – a quiver of need so strong he felt his whole body tense up again.
“You okay?” Cade asked.
Shit, was the man so in tune with him that he had sensed that Rafe was struggling with something? And if he cared enough to ask about even such a small thing, would he show the same care as he showed Rafe what the feel of a man deep inside of him was really supposed to be like?
Rafe managed a nod but nothing else as he finally eased his grip on Cade’s ass.
“Let’s go to bed,” Cade murmured as he pulled Rafe to his feet. As they went towards the hallway where the bedrooms were, Rafe wanted to cry in relief when Cade bypassed the guest room and pulled him into his own bedroom.
Chapter 7
Cade felt instant panic when he reached out to the spot next to him and felt only the coolness of the sheets.
“I’m right here,” he heard Rafe say and he turned to see Rafe sitting in an armchair in the corner of the room.
Relief went through Cade and he flopped back on the bed.
“I made coffee,” Rafe said as he grabbed both cups sitting next to him on the side table and went to the bed and sat on the edge of it, his hip brushing Cade’s waist. “Black, right?”
Cade leaned up against the headboard and nodded as he took the cup.
“Can I ask you something?” Rafe said. At Cade’s nod, Rafe continued. “You said something about Dom and Vin yesterday. You said I destroyed them.”
“Rafe,” Cade began. “I was angry and scared when I discovered you’d left the apartment. I shouldn’t have said those things.”
“Did you seem them?” Rafe asked, his voice uneven.
Cade put the coffee down. “Just Dom. I haven’t seen Vin. I’ve on
ly talked to Mia.”
“It’s bad?” Rafe asked and Cade flinched when he saw the man’s eyes brighten with what he suspected were tears.
As much as he would have liked to lie to Rafe, he knew he couldn’t so he just nodded.
“And Ren?”
“He left a few weeks after Vin brought him home. He said he needed some time and he’s been off the grid ever since.”
Rafe nodded and turned his head away. “I didn’t mean to say so much in the restaurant that night. I just wanted to give them back their data but when I saw the party…”
Cade closed his hand over Rafe’s clenched fist where it lay on the bed. “I know,” he said gently. “But you didn’t see what I saw that night or in the weeks since Dom and Vin found out you were alive. They were there physically but that was it.”
Rafe removed his hand from Cade’s, his fingers shaking as he put his own coffee down next to Cade’s on the nightstand.
“I can’t forgive them,” he grated out.
Cade sat up and wrapped his arm around Rafe’s waist and drew him against his body. He was glad when Rafe’s breathing remained even. “I know, baby.”
“I thought it was what I wanted for so long but now that it’s done I just wish I could take it back.” Rafe’s arm curled around his neck and he felt him bury his face against his neck.
Cade dropped a kiss on Rafe’s head and said softly, “Will you come with me? I want to show you something.”
***
Rafe felt his limbs go numb when he realized where Cade was taking him. Barretti Security Group stood out in dark letters against a white background on the sign leading to the garage.
“Cade, no,” he managed to get out as the familiar panic began to overtake him.
Cade had the car parked in the underground garage within seconds and he grabbed Rafe’s head between his gentle hands and said, “Look at me, Rafe.”
Rafe managed to open his eyes.
“They’re not here. They’re both up in the San Juans,” Cade said firmly. “It’s Saturday so there will hardly be anyone here. Trust me, please.”
Redeeming Rafe Page 9
