Love You Again: A Drawn Novel

by Marian Tee

  I wonder if that’s the reason why I don’t tell him at all about my mom. Is it because…if something happens, and we talk about it, he wouldn’t be able to speak of the way Mom is now? Instead, he’d only be able to talk of her the way he remembered her---

  Beautiful.

  Alive.

  Untouched by fear or pain.

  The way she used to be.

  Is it selfish and foolish of me to think that way? And does it make me equally foolish and selfish that I sometimes feel I’m doing the same with him? Sometimes, I feel like all we’re doing is chasing the past and trying to make things the way it used to be…

  Even though we know it can’t ever be.

  Things change. And sometimes, people you want to come back…don’t, and people you don’t want to leave…are people you have to let go.

  Three hours, two trains, and one private shuttle bus later, and we’re in Kawaguchiko, home to one of the Five Fuji Lakes and some of the country’s most expensive ryoukan. Because these traditional inns tend to offer only a handful of rooms, you usually have to book months in advance just to get a standard suite. Or at least that’s how usually is if you’re not a billionaire’s son.

  “This is incredible, Yuki.” I mean every word, but I also know it’s a vast understatement. Our suite looks like it’s something straight out of the Imperial Palace, and Yuki laughs when I nearly trip on my own feet in my haste to leave my flats at the genkan or entryway and explore the rest of the place barefoot. There’s an elegantly designed tokoma in one area, several sitting rooms, and I can’t help gasping when I open the doors of the balcony and see a private outdoor bath. It reminds me of the time Yuki and I had hit the beach when we were still dating, and our villa had its own pool. That time, he had to punish me by---

  Yuki joins me on the balcony, and I hastily shove the graphic memories out of my mind.

  No fantasizing, KC!

  “You like it?” he asks as he wraps his arms around me from behind.

  “I love it.” My voice comes out in a little croak. After the past few years of not having Yuki in my life, I’m still unable to take for granted these instances that he’s next to me.

  For a while we just stand there, admiring the autumn view of Lake Kawaguchiko, which rests at the foot of the mountain. If weather permits, we can wake up to a picturesque view of Mt. Fuji tomorrow, and while I am looking forward to that, what’s really making my heart pound is the fact that we’re finally going to spend the night together. Maybe even have…you know…sex.

  At one point or another, almost every girl in Tsubaki has imagined having Yuki Himura as her first lover. And before you ask, I promise I’m not making this up. Japanese folks do love their surveys, and in our school, most of the informal polls have to do with our resident bad boy and a girl’s chances of nabbing him. According to one of those surveys, 73% of our school’s female population believes that Yuki would be the type of lover to go all out for a girl’s precious first time, and when asked to go into detail, there were frequent mentions of fancy dinners and champagne, luxurious hotel suites, and expensive gifts.

  While I don’t see anything wrong with their answers, which in all fairness are quite accurate considering where we are now, it does make me wonder if I’m a nympho after all. Because right now, with Yuki’s arms around me, his hard body pressed against mine---

  Everything else fades. I don’t even see the huge lake in front of me, can’t even remember the color of the walls behind me. Right now, all I can think of is---

  Yuki. Me. Virginity. Gone.

  I know it’s shameless of me, but I can’t help it. I’ve always loved to fantasize about sex, and this little guilty pleasure of mine only worsened when I fell in love with Yuki. And since I never thought about it at all when we broke up, it now feels like my mind’s eager to make up for lost time by turning every teensy little thing into sexual foreplay---

  The way his hot breath fans my skin---

  The way his strong arms are resting right below my breasts---

  And oh, the way his mouth brushes against my ear as he whispers, “We should go back inside.”

  Aaaaaaah.

  It’s happening. It’s finally, really happening.

  “O-okay,” I stammer.

  His arms loosen, but his fingers twine with mine as he leads me back inside our suite. My heart pounds against my chest as I watch him close the balcony doors. Our gazes meet as he turns around to face me, and he murmurs, “Wait here.”

  I nod, tongue-tied with fear and excitement. What is he planning? What are we going to do? Is he intending to---

  Yuki returns to my side, my school bag in his hand, and sits down on the tatami. When I just stare at him, he raises a brow, asking, “Aren’t you going to sit down?” He starts taking out my books. “We came here to study, remember?”

  Oh.

  He smirks. “Or were you expecting something else?”

  My face flames. “Of course not!” But I can’t quite meet his gaze as I hurriedly take a seat across him, and my cheeks turner a darker shade of red when I hear him chuckle.

  Bloody sadistic sod.

  “I hate you,” I can’t help muttering under my breath.

  “That’s too bad,” he murmurs. “I guess that means I have to cancel my reservation.”

  Silence.

  Don’t ask, KC.

  But I find myself slowly looking up.

  Don’t ask.

  His eyes gleam.

  Don’t ask.

  His lips curve in a taunting smile.

  Oh, shite.

  Curiosity kills me, and I blurt out, “What reservation?”

  It takes about ten pages of painstaking mecha sketches and two headaches before I earn my reward, and Yuki takes me to the ryoukan’s indoor onsen. He’s reserved it for the rest of the night for our private use, and while the photos I’ve seen on the Internet have prepared me for how beautiful it is, seeing the place in reality is an entirely different thing.

  A wooden porch with thick log rails is the first thing that welcomes us, and its planks creak as we make our way farther in. Trees with golden leaves arch over the steaming pool, red-and-black lanterns hanging from their branches, while manmade waterfalls cascade down a rock wall on the opposite side.

  It’s also much, much larger than I expected, almost like the kind of pool you’d see in a water park. It’s breathtaking, figuratively and literally speaking, which I’ve come to realize as soon as I dip my toe into the water.

  “OW!”

  Yuki bursts into laughter, and I make a face, protesting, “It’s really hot!”

  “It’s supposed to be,” he says dryly.

  “I know that,” I say defensively, “but I just didn’t realize it would be this hot.” I mean, seriously. How in the world can people stand to bathe in this? It’s like voluntarily diving into a pot of boiling---

  Oh.

  Yuki’s just shrugged out of his yukata, leaving his hard, powerful body covered with a tiny white towel wrapped low around his hips. My throat dries, and I forget how hot the water is as another kind of heat burns inside of me.

  I can’t take my gaze off him as he descends into the pool, looking every inch a god with the lanterns’ golden light turning his skin into a polished shade of bronze. He turns towards me when he’s waist deep and offers a hand. “Come join me, senpai?”

  A devil tempting a saint…

  And God knows I’m no saint.

  My own yukata falls softly to the wooden floor as I place my hand in his and let Yuki draw me into the pool. Steam rises from the water, and it’s even hotter than I remembered, but it’s not what’s making me catch my breath. Rather, it’s the way his gaze devours every inch of me. The towel wrapped around my body is almost as skimpy as his, barely able to cover my breasts and leaving most of my legs exposed.

  His hand releases me just as clouds of air make me temporarily lose sight of him, and I say uncertainly, “Yuki?”

  But only the so
und of water rushing down the manmade rocks play in the air.

  “Yuki, this isn’t fun---”

  A hand shoots out of nowhere, grasping my wrist, and then I’m being hauled---

  “Ah!”

  My body slams against his just as the steam clears, and I see Yuki smirking down at me. “Scared?”

  “Bloody sod!” I splash water at him, but I can’t help giggling either.

  He pulls me closer, his hands clasping my waist, and when I look up, his head bends down.

  Oh.

  His lips brush against mine, and it’s more than enough to make my toes curl.

  His mouth touches mine again, and my eyes close.

  “This is your real reward, senpai.”

  His tongue drives deep into his mouth right after, and the sudden, possessive heat of his kiss is all it takes. My mind shuts down, and I can only whimper in surrender as my body melts against him. The kiss deepens, and I whimper again. I feel his hands begin to move, going to the edges of my towel, and I find myself doing the same, my fingers clutching the edges of his.

  He whips the towel away from my body, and my heart slams against my chest. It takes a little longer, my fingers so blasted clumsy that I feel his shoulders rocking with silent mirth even as his mouth continues to ravage mine. The sound makes me blush, but it doesn’t stop me, and I sigh when I finally manage to wrench the towel off his body.

  His hands splay against the cheeks of my bottom---

  Aaaaaaah.

  His fingers curve hard around each cheek, and then he’s hauling me close---

  Aaaaaaah.

  Our naked bodies come into contact, and the sheer feel of it is exquisite, and I moan when I feel his hands squeezing the cheeks of my butt harder.

  He lifts me up, and my legs lock around his waist. His mouth latches to one nipple and I throw my head back with a moan. He starts to suck, and the water lapping against my skin becomes inconsequential. It might as well have been ice cold compared to the heat consuming me from within, driving me out of my mind. I find myself clutching his head to my breast, my body pushing my nipple deeper into his mouth, and my legs tightening around him.

  It feels so, so good.

  God, it’s so good.

  His mouth moves to my other breast, and I moan helplessly as he worships my nipple the same way. Without releasing my breast, he looks up, his burning gaze capturing mine, and I can’t help whimpering in a mixture of excitement and embarrassment, knowing that he’d be able to see on my face just how aroused I am.

  When he lets me go, I can’t help mewling in protest, but Yuki only chuckles and draws my lower lip between his teeth with a little nip. “Patience.” He carries me to the edge of the pool and lays me down on the wooden planks while my legs dangle in the water. My heart slams against my chest as he starts to pry my legs open.

  “Yuki, n-no.” I push myself up and try to cover the aching flesh between my legs, but he only takes my hands away with a shake of his head and places them on his shoulders.

  “I’ve been thinking of eating you the whole day…”

  Aaaaaaah.

  His hooded gaze seeks mine. “You won’t be so selfish as to deny a starving man, will you, senpai?” His hands start moving again as he speaks, pushing my legs wider and wider apart until I’m completely stretched open.

  It makes me feel deliciously exposed and vulnerable, the position so wondrously decadent that my flesh starts to grow wet…and wetter…and wetter.

  His head starts to descend.

  This time, I don’t even think of stopping him.

  I can only hold my breath, my legs shaking and growing tenser as his head continues to lower, my entire body tightening as his breath tickles my most sensitive skin---

  And then I feel it.

  His tongue oh-so-slowly lining the moist folds of my flesh---

  Ooooooooh.

  My fingers tighten over his shoulders.

  His tongue thrusts inside of me, and my nails claw his back.

  His hands slide up my legs, move to the triangle between them, and then slowly begin to part the folds wide open.

  Oh God---

  His tongue drives deeper inside of me.

  I scream.

  And when his tongue starts thrusting in and out, I can no longer stop screaming.

  Yuki. Please. Oh God. Please. Stop. Please. No more.

  But of course he doesn’t stop, every word that leaves my lips only making him torment me more, the way we both know I really want. Soon, I’m buckling under his mouth, my body thrashing wildly, and still his tongue plunges deep between the drenched folds of my flesh, tasting and claiming me the way only he has the right to---

  God, it feels so, so good.

  My body starts tightening again, and my fingers dig deep into his back.

  “Yuki.”

  The way I gasp his name is enough for him, and I know he’s understood when I feel his hands moving between our bodies again, this time his fingers seeking the sensitive aching nub hidden partially between my folds.

  His fingers capture my clit just as his tongue thrusts back inside of me, and I moan, knowing it’s just the beginning. It will only get better and worse from here, in the most agonizingly beautiful way possible---

  And so it does.

  Soon, his tongue is moving in rhythm with his fingers as they pinch my clit harder and harder. It’s everything I want to be and more, and before I know it I’m already screaming his name as I come, my body arching as a stream of wetness floods out of me and down my thighs.

  When the sensual haze clears from my mind, I’m completely out of the water and flat on my black on the wooden floor. Yuki is lying on his side next to me, his blue gaze unreadable. I turn to my side to face him, and his lips slowly curve in a wickedly teasing smile. “Ready for Round Two?”

  Word of the Day: Omiai, n

  A term that literally translates to ‘looking at each other.’

  2. It is commonly misinterpreted as a term synonymous to ‘arranged marriage’ although many such meetings do produce the same results.

  A sliver of moonlight snaking on the floor is the first thing I see when I wake up, and for a long while I simply remain lying on the futon, my body pleasantly languid and heavy. Memories drift ever so slowly, and I recall Yuki carrying me out of the onsen and me falling asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow. I was tired, really tired, and as any girl should be, after having made to orgasm thrice in a row – in less than two hours.

  I start to get up when a voice from the balcony reaches my ear. The words gradually make sense, and my body stiffens.

  It’s Yuki.

  He’s on the phone.

  And of course it’s her he’s talking to.

  It feels like an infinite number of years must have passed when he finally walks back into our suite. My eyes drift close as I sense him lying down on his futon and turning to my side. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know how to feel.

  But somehow, I can’t make myself pretend.

  My eyes open, and I see him lying on his side. He’s facing me, and he doesn’t look at all surprised to see I’m awake. “I thought you’d keep pretending you were asleep.”

  A wobbly smile forms on my lips. “So did I.”

  He doesn’t answer, only gazes at me with eyes that tell me – even after all this time – a part of him hasn’t stopped hurting at the sight of me. That part of him is still terrified I’m weak – and that it’s his hands again that would destroy me. There are nights when I can’t stop thinking about this part of him, nights when I question myself over and over if it’s right for me to be so selfish---

  “Yuki…” I fight to keep my voice from shaking. “You don’t need to hide anything from me. I’ll always trust you. Okay?”

  He breathes hard while I find myself holding mine, waiting, dreading---

  “You know,” he says finally. “Don’t you?”

  I almost smile, and I kind o
f feel like I have to, just so I won’t end up crying.

  You know…don’t you?

  Why does it seem that those words have turned into a cliché between the two of us? Do we keep using them just because we’re comforted by the knowledge that it’s true – that only two people who love each other can only know of things that haven’t been spoken?

  Or could it be because of something worse? Are we saying these words just because we’re waiting for one or the other to mess up and prove to us both that what we’re hoping for is impossible---

  You know…don’t you?

  Are they merely there to prepare us for the pain, knowing that one day, we’d have to accept things can’t ever work between us again?

  I close my eyes the moment they start to sting, and when I hear him suck in his breath, I know that it’s answer enough for him.

  Yes, I do know.

  Everything.

  And I’ve known for quite some time, actually---

  “Why?” Yuki’s voice is toneless. “Why have you never asked me about---”

  The way he suddenly stops speaking makes my heart ache. That look I glimpsed in his eyes earlier – it’s in his voice now. The fear of seeing me break down, along with the realization that no matter which words he use, no matter how he phrases it, anything he says will hurt.

  I love him, and he knows it.

  He’s practically engaged to another woman, and I know it.

  How can that not tear me apart?

  “Lace did a little digging for me.” I try to smile again, but this time my lips can’t stop trembling enough to form one.

  Yuki’s jaw clenches. “I see.”

  I’m sure he does. He knows as well as I do that by asking Lace to help me, I’d have all the information I’d need.

  And I do.

  I know that the girl’s name is Hikari, and her family was one of the few who cared to lend a helping hand to the Himuras in the wake of the scandal. I also know that the tables have now turned, and in face of the financial struggle of Hikari’s family, Akito-san has proposed an omiai between their children---