Love You Again: A Drawn Novel

by Marian Tee

  But for now---

  “Can I just walk?”

  His arms tightened around her. “No.”

  Right. It was worth a shot anyway.

  “Just close your eyes, senpai---”

  She thought about it and decided he was right. If she couldn’t see it, she could pretend it wasn’t happening.

  “And enjoy being in my arms.”

  Yuki felt her body jerk at his words, but still he kept walking---

  A moment later, he felt her burrowing closer, a silent acknowledgment that he was right.

  She liked being in his arms.

  But then he felt something else, the hot, wet touch of her tears against the side of his neck, and it, too, had something to say. She did like being in his arms, but she also believed it would be the last time.

  “I meant what I said, senpai.”

  She didn’t answer, and he hadn’t expected her to.

  “I’m never letting you go.”

  The words made her squeeze her eyes shut more tightly, but it was no use, and the tears just kept falling.

  Stupid, crybaby KC.

  She felt him bending down, heard the click of a door unlocking, and by the time she opened her eyes and pulled away he was already placing her on the passenger’s seat of his car. A moment later, he joined her inside, and she watched him switch the ignition on, then the AC.

  Yuki started to fasten his seatbelt when he noticed her still staring at him, and his fingers stilled. “Senpai?”

  “Can we just talk h-here?” Her gaze didn’t meet his as she spoke, her body tense, her tone thin. Everything about her was screaming at him to just get it over with.

  His jaw clenched, and he let go of the seatbelt. The sound of it snapping back made her flinch and look up---

  Good.

  He captured her gaze.

  She wanted this over? Fine then.

  “I love you.” He didn’t think he could be any goddamn clearer than that.

  But she only stared at him like his words would never be able to reach her---

  “I will always love you. I will never stop loving you.”

  “Yuki---”

  She stopped speaking when his fist slammed against the steering wheel, and a part of her was terrified at the face of his rage.

  But when he spoke---

  “Don’t say my name like that.”

  She realized how foolish she was. This wasn’t someone angry---

  “Please.”

  This was the boy she loved, the boy who once loved her, begging.

  “Yuki, n-no----”

  “Then listen to me.” His voice was tight. “I love you. I need you in my life---”

  She shook her head. “You d-don’t. You survived without me once.”

  “It’s not surviving when you’re dead inside.”

  She forced herself to ignore his words, saying shakily, “You can do it again. You’re just feeling guilty and confused---”

  “I’m a god. Do gods get guilty or confused?”

  The words startled her, and they made her laugh and cry, and choke at the sheer, bittersweet pain of it.

  Yuki took hold of her hands, and oh God, this, too---

  She would miss the feel of this.

  She would miss everything about him, forever.

  “It can’t work between us,” she whispered. “Can’t you see that? You’ll always think I’m weak---” She wrenched her hands away from his hold, and she almost shattered at the look of devastation on Yuki’s face.

  Oh God.

  The way Yuki was looking at her now---

  It was like seeing a mirror of her old self---

  But this time, he was the one who was close to breaking, and she never wanted that.

  “I k-know you love me, and you know I l-love you, but Yuki…” Her voice caught. “Love was never what kept us apart, was it?” There could be a hundred other Hikaris, a hundred other sheikhs, and none of them would matter. “So please---”

  “No.” Yuki’s tone was savage.

  “Can’t we please let this be the last goodbye---”

  A wave of despair crashed over Yuki, but he fought against it. “Never.” She started to turn away, but he didn’t let her. “Listen to me---” She tried to wrench away, but he cupped her face, using his strength to force her to look at him.“I said listen to me!”

  Her lips started to tremble, and God, the sight of it shredded his heart to pieces, but he couldn’t let it make him waver.

  “You once told me that we should stop blaming ourselves for the bad things that happen,” he rasped. “Remember that, senpai? And you were right.” He swallowed hard. “But there was also one thing that you got wrong. That we both got wrong.”

  He looked into her eyes, willing her to see the truth in his words.

  “When those things happened, when life got shitty, it wasn’t that either of us became weak because of it. It was only that we were afraid, and we let it rule us. When my family lost everything, I was terrified of how I’d drag you down. I was so fucking terrified I didn’t realize that you were terrified, too. That you actually worried you’d lose me. It never even occurred to me that you’d feel that way because for me, it wasn’t even a possibility---” Yuki’s voice shook. “I love you.” His tone turned ragged. “So how could you ever lose me?”

  A tiny sob escaped her at his words. The things he were saying, they were all too good to be true---

  And it scared her.

  “We let fear tear us apart that time, and I…I let it happen again. You were right about the two-week thing being a test. You saw through it so easily---” Yuki let out a bleak laugh. “And I didn’t even realize what I was doing until you forced me to face the truth. I was testing you, and you did pass. Every goddamn test I threw at you – you passed with fucking flying colors, but I was still terrified.”

  His lips curved in a smile that made her chest squeeze painfully hard.

  “Probably just how terrified you are now,” he said unsteadily, “because you’re thinking things are too good to be true.”

  A smile wobbled on her lips even as more tears spilled down at her face. “You know me too w-well.”

  “Only as well as you know me, senpai.” His fingers shook as he wiped her tears away. “Everything you said last night was true. About me testing you, of being afraid to trust you – all of it was true. But more than that, it was because I didn’t want to hurt you again. I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing you fall apart so I thought…it would be better if I didn’t let you get too close. I thought it would be better that if I loved you just enough, broke your heart once in a while---”

  Pain flashed in her eyes, and his hands dropped away from her face.

  “I thought that if I didn’t let you love me the way you used to…I wouldn’t be able to hurt you the way I used to.”

  A choked sound slipped past her lips, and he knew she was remembering the many times he had stopped her from loving him.

  “But I was wrong, senpai. I let fear win over hope, over our love – it was a mistake. I know that now, and that’s why I’m here.”

  And even though a part of him would forever feel he had no right to touch her again, he made himself reach for her hands---

  Because this time, if it was what she wanted, he would hold her until the end.

  “I’m begging for another chance. Let me love you and stay by your side for the rest of our lives. I can’t promise neither of us will feel weak again. Hell, I can’t even fucking promise we won’t fight---” The words won the tiniest choked laugh from her, and he told himself he could draw hope from that. “But what I can promise is that I’ll never make the mistake of leaving you again. The only time we’re weak is when we’re apart, senpai. But together, we’re fucking invincible---”

  “Oh, Yuki.”

  And this time, he was damn sure it wasn’t goodbye he was hearing in those words.

  So damn sure it was making his own eyes sting---

  “I ca
n’t believe you can say something so cheesy,” she whispered.

  “I can’t believe it either.”

  Yuki looked like he wanted to throw up now, and it was just too much. It made her chest ache so hard, but it was a good kind of ache. The kind that made her throw herself at him---

  His arms snapped around her, a steely embrace that told her he was making good on his promise.

  He was never letting her go again.

  “Oh, Yuki.” As always, his name was all she could seem to say when the emotions were too much. “I’m scared.”

  “I’m glad,” Yuki said hoarsely. “It means you love me.”

  She laughed and cried a little more at his words. “That’s such a s-sadistic thing to say.”

  He pulled away, grating out, “Then will it please you to hear I’m just as scared? That I’m fucking terrified I’ll still lose you one day, and even worse I might lose you to that lolicon---”

  “Yuki!”

  “Senpai!” He mimicked her tone perfectly.

  And oh, it was exactly just like old times, and her heart could barely take the sheer beauty of it.

  She was still afraid, didn’t think that would ever change, but what was different now was that she was okay with it. Because sadistic as it may be, she knew Yuki was right.

  Being afraid simply meant you love a person that much---

  And you just had to live with it.

  Everything became so exquisitely clear after that, and when she looked at Yuki again, it was as if she was seeing him for the first time.

  His silky black hair, his bright blue eyes, the perfect lines of his face---

  Or maybe it was just that it had been so long since she had last looked at Yuki without having to hide anything---

  Her love. Her joy. Her fears.

  Nothing to hide at all because he was looking at her the exact same way.

  “Aishiteiru, Yuki Alexei Himura.”

  That one word was her secret weapon, something she had accidentally discovered. It used to make Yuki shudder in lust every time she told him that, but this time---

  She touched his wet eyes.

  “Aishiteiru,” she said again.

  And she cried with him.

  Word of the Day: Omake, n

  A term commonly used in manga and anime in reference to extra material or bonus scenes provided by the author or artist at the end of the work.

  It may also function as an epilogue.

  Several months later

  August in Tokyo is blistering hot, but I’m too giddy to notice. It’s my first ever tanabata or star festival, and oh, it’s so much more than I allowed myself to hope for. At my insistence, Yuki has come dressed in a yukata that matches mine, and we’ve already written our love wishes and hung them together with the rest of the tanzaku. And now, I’m about to cross another high-priority item from my bucket list, with Yuki just three shots away from winning me a giant stuffed teddy bear.

  The owner of the shooting stall hands Yuki a freshly loaded gun, and he glares at me as the crowd behind us cheers wildly.

  Oops.

  There’s still nothing more he hates than having people notice him, but unfortunately for Yuki, his perfect shooting score, combined with his gorgeous looks, makes it impossible for the people at the tanabata not to notice him.

  Yuki takes aim.

  Bang. Bang. Bang.

  All the targets fall, and the crowd behind us breaks into thunderous applause.

  “Congratulations,” the stall owner says cheerfully.

  Yuki manages to crack a smile. “Thank you.” Then he dumps the giant teddy bear in my arms, and I nearly lose my balance. It’s a lot heavier than it looks.

  “Happy now?” he snarls.

  “Uh huh.” I think he’s scowling at me, too, but the toy’s extra-large frame prevents me from seeing him.

  “Let me carry that.” Yuki’s tone is exasperated as he takes the bear off my hands.

  “I can handle it---”

  Yuki glares me into silence.

  Or not.

  He grabs my hand as we start walking, and his fingers tighten around mine when the other girls we pass by literally squeal and sigh as we walk past them.

  It’s Yuki Himura! What a good boyfriend! He’s won that for her! He’s so sweet!

  The last one has Yuki gripping my hand so tightly I wonder if I’ll end up with broken fingers. I know those girls mean well, but I wish I could tell them that Yuki being sweet is the last thing he wants to hear.

  When we’re far enough from his adoring fans, I say in a small voice, “Sorry.”

  He snorts.

  “I really mean it.”

  Yuki only gives me a look.

  I grin. Okay, he got me. I’m not sorry at all. The truth is, I love it when he does things that only perfect bishounen in shoujo should be capable of doing. It just has my creative juices flowing so that I’m practically drowning with ideas.

  And besides, it’s not really my fault, is it? He’s a god. Things like this will always happen, no matter how much he wishes otherwise.

  I tug at his hand, and when he looks down, I smile up at him. “Thank you.”

  He flicks my forehead hard in response.

  “Ow!” But even so, I can’t stop myself from grinning.

  I am so loved.

  “Stop that.”

  My grin widens. “Stop what?”

  “That.” Yuki pulls my Gudetama mask down to cover my face. “You’re scaring kids with the creepy grin on your face, senpai.”

  I push my mask back up. “Am not!” I try to sound offended. “That’s such a rude---”

  In front of us, a little girl bursts into tears, and she’s staring straight at me like she’s just seen a Kuchisake-Onna without her medical mask.

  Yuki bursts into laughter when I hastily pull my mask back down.

  “Not funny,” I grumble.

  But bloody sadistic sod that he is, Yuki only pulls me close and kisses the top of my head, his good mood fully restored now that I know my I’m-in-love-with-Yuki grin is capable of scaring kids into tears.

  “Would you like that, senpai?”

  My eyes light up when I see Yuki pointing at a stall selling sodas in plastic bottles shaped like light bulbs. There’s a different shade for every flavor, and I’m even more excited when I see a little girl do something to the bottle that makes it light up like a disco ball.

  “Do you?”

  Gaaaaah.

  I want to hold on to my grudge, but the bloody sod knows all my weaknesses. He knows I’m itching to get one for myself just so I can give it a try and possibly draw it for my manga.

  Yuki smirks. “Last chance.”

  Bloody, bloody hell.

  The smirk should make me mad, but instead it just makes my toes curl hard. Smirks aren’t supposed to be that sexy, blast it. He then raises a brow, and double blast it, that is one sexy look, too.

  I unhappily give up on holding on to my grudge. “Grape, please.”

  Yuki ruffles my head. “Good girl.”

  He turns away, and I know I’m not the only girl in the crowded street whose gaze is trailing after him. Yuki dressed in jeans is sexy, Yuki dressed in a suit is gorgeous, but Yuki in a yukata?

  I touch the corner of my lips under my mask, just to make sure I haven’t unconsciously started drooling.

  And you get the point, right?

  My phone rings just as Yuki returns to my side. It’s the sheikh, and Yuki’s gaze narrows.

  “Umm---”

  “Loudspeaker, please.” Yuki’s tone is extremely polite.

  I nervously take a sip of my grape soda.

  This is not going to be good.

  I answer the call. “Hello, sheikh.” I clear my throat. “We’re, umm, on loudspeaker.”

  “Perfect,” the sheikh drawls. “It is actually Himura I would like to speak to.”

  Yuki takes the phone from me, saying evenly, “Then you should’ve called me directly.”

/>   “I could, but why would I?” The sheikh’s tone is silky. “This is much better since I get to hear the lovely voice of Katerina.”

  “That’s Ms. Chariot to you.”

  My fingers tighten around the light-bulb bottle. Maybe I’m being a little too optimistic…but I think they could get along, couldn’t they?

  “Not if she had joined my stable,” the sheikh murmurs.

  I choke on my soda. “Sheikh!”

  “An ageing stud would never do it for her,” Yuki retorts.

  I give up drinking.“Yuki!”

  “I don’t know about that,” the sheikh says lazily. “Young bloods tend to be too volatile and end up hurting their mares---”

  Aghast at the direction the conversation has taken, I blurt out, “Enough horsing around!”

  There’s a small pause, and then both men burst into laughter.

  I turn red. “What I mean is, quit it!” Bloody hell, their horsey humor is terribly contagious.

  And so they do, but only because the two men seem horribly satisfied at having succeeded in embarrassing me. Maybe it’s not that unrealistic to think they’d get along, after all.

  When the call ends, Yuki says, “You should block his number.”

  I sputter in laughter. “You know I can’t do that. And besides---” I squeeze his hand as we start walking again. “The sheikh already has someone else.”

  One dark brow lifts at my words. “And you are certain of this?”

  “I think he’s going to end up with Kyria,” I confide in a low voice.

  Yuki is incredulous. “The girl his family adopted?”

  “The correct term is legal ward,” I say with a frown.

  He shakes his head. “What is it with you and pseudo-incest? I remember you saying almost the exact same thing when you first saw Vassi Grachyov with Seri Devereux.”

  I say smugly. “And I was right, wasn’t I?” Yuki gives me a disgruntled look, and I know I’ve made my point. “I just really have a feeling about those two.”

  “I wish him luck then,” Yuki murmurs. “I’d rather he be a lolicon with another girl---”

  “Stop calling him that!” I’m torn between laughing and getting mad. “It’s not funny!”