On Love's Gentle Shore

by Liz Johnson

  He laughed too, a sweet reminder that they’d always known how to find joy in the midst of a storm. As long as they were together, they’d survived.

  “When Stella swooned, everyone looked at her, but I ran out the door. I nearly pushed Dad flat on his back to get past him.”

  “Seems to me that he deserved that. Or more.”

  She patted his arm. “I’m not going to lie. It felt pretty good not to be cowed in his presence. I mean, I froze up for a second, but I wasn’t afraid of him. And I wasn’t bullied by him.”

  A surge of pride swept over him like he hadn’t felt since he wrote his first song. “Good for you.”

  “And you know what the weird thing is?”

  “Hmm?” He didn’t dare speak too much and risk her shutting down.

  “I was really happy to be alone.”

  “Why’s that?”

  She pursed her lips to the side, the light shimmering on their gloss. “I’d told myself I could face whatever happened here as long as Russell was by my side.”

  He tried to keep that particular gut punch from showing on his face, so he steeled his features and gave her a noncommittal grunt.

  “But I was really thankful he wasn’t here today. As long as he’s gone, they can’t meet.”

  “Why don’t you want your fiancé to meet your dad?”

  Her look said some questions were stupid, and he’d just asked one. “Come on, Kane. You know why.”

  Of course he knew. But he wasn’t entirely clear if she did.

  She could tiptoe around the truth all she wanted, claiming that no one should have to meet her dad. He wouldn’t blame her one bit for being embarrassed of the philandering drunk.

  But he had a sneaking and sure suspicion that Natalie’s desire to keep her fiancé and her dad a continent apart had very little to do with keeping Russell from knowing her dad and a whole lot more to do with keeping Russell from knowing her.

  She was working hard to present a certain version of herself to Russell. He’d seen it when Russell said he was going back to Nashville and at the kitchen party. She’d put on a good front when Russell was by her side. But the minute he stepped away, she’d lit into Justin like he’d set her house on fire.

  Which, of course, had only happened that one time. And it had been entirely an accident. And he’d put it out with a bag of flour, which they’d cleaned up. So really, the little scar on the wood floor of the kitchen was probably still there, but no one had noticed it as far as he knew.

  Natalie probably hadn’t told Russell about that experience either.

  What else hadn’t she told her future husband?

  As a tear leaked down her face, he knew her father’s return had affected her much more than she wanted to show even him. This wasn’t the moment to force the issue. She wasn’t ready for him to push.

  That raised even more important questions. Would she ever be? And if she wasn’t, should he pursue it anyway? Was any of this his concern?

  The collective weight of the questions made his brain hurt, so he did the only thing he knew to do. He made a joke. “So, really, the moral of this story is you never know who you’re going to run into, so you should never go taste testing without me.”

  Her hiccuped sob ended on a laugh, and she shook her head. “Of course you’re worried about missing out on the food.”

  “Well, I’m just saying that I have priorities, and you should too. And they should involve making sure I get invited to things like food tastings.”

  Her mouth hitched in an almost smile. It was more than enough to loosen the knot that had built inside him.

  “Speaking of, when do we taste the cake?”

  “Um … Caden is going to make it. But she’s busy with a project for her other job right now.”

  “The after-school program for teens in Toronto?”

  Her head tipped to the side. “How do you know about that?”

  He chuckled and shook his head. “You forget that I work with Caden’s brother every day. He’s pretty proud of his little sister’s accomplishments, what with her partnership with Jerome Gale. I could probably tell you every newspaper that’s covered their program, every dish she’s prepared with her students, and which students show promise.”

  “That’s a small-town hazard, I guess.” One pointy shoulder lifted beneath her knit shirt. “Maybe I forgot that everyone here knows everyone and everything going on.”

  He doubted that she’d forgotten. If anyone would remember that certainty of North Rustico, it was Natalie O’Ryan.

  “So, what are you going to do?”

  “Wait for Caden to have some spare time, I suppose.”

  “No, I mean about your dad.”

  She didn’t even flinch. She’d known what he meant, but she was still deft at avoiding that confrontation. With such a direct question, she couldn’t dance around it quite as easily. “The only thing I can do.” When her eyes met his, they were sure and defiant. “I’m going to avoid him at all costs.”

  12

  Do you want to meet the florist with me?”

  What on earth had compelled her to ask Justin Kane to go to a florist? Worse than that, she’d purposefully tracked him down to ask.

  Justin’s forehead wrinkled as his eyes squinted. “I think I was pretty clear the other night. I want to be involved with the food tastings.”

  “Yes, well …” Natalie waved him off as her cheeks burned under his scrutiny. And Mama Cheese Sandwich’s too. Mama’s eyes were bright and her smile all too knowing from her place behind the counter in the little shop attached to the dairy barn.

  “There will be more of those. But for now, I have to pick out centerpieces and bouquets and boutonnieres and something for the end of the pews at the church. And I haven’t even been in the church since I was fifteen. This is where you come in handy.”

  He shot a dark gaze at his mother before saying, “You’re assuming that I still attend First Church.”

  Her mouth dropped open, and she couldn’t stop blinking. “You’re kidding me, right?”

  He shrugged. “I’m just saying, you’re assuming a lot here.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I just figured …”

  Well, she’d figured that his family had had a designated pew at First Church of North Rustico for as long as she could remember. She’d even sat in it with them. And it wasn’t just the family legacy. He’d always had a childlike faith, an easy, firm belief that God was with them and had a plan for them. She couldn’t remember how old they were when Jeremiah 29:11 was their memory verse for the week, but Justin had marched around the Sunday school room chanting those words until she’d dreamed about them. “For I know the plans I have for you.”

  Natalie had sometimes wondered if the God who made plans had forgotten to make a plan for her. If he’d known what she faced, why didn’t he care?

  But Justin had always cared. And he’d believed. And somehow his belief had been hers. When she was lost, he always knew the way back to faith.

  She couldn’t reconcile the idea of that faith-filled child with a man who no longer attended services, who had given up on God. Even she, amid her deepest questions, hadn’t turned her back on the God of the Bible.

  “You didn’t really stop?” She dropped her voice to a whisper as she prayed he hadn’t. “Did you?”

  The three lines between his dark eyebrows vanished like they’d never been there. “Of course not. But you shouldn’t assume that things are just the same.”

  She screwed up her face, made a fist, and playfully slugged him in the shoulder. “Don’t do that to me.”

  Some change was to be expected. Other changes could throw off the axis of her entire world. Her father had already returned. Justin couldn’t go anywhere.

  He laughed and rubbed his arm. “I see your jab hasn’t changed much. Or improved at all.”

  A chuckle from Mama Kane said she was enjoying their interchange, perhaps almost as much as Natalie. But playful banter w
asn’t why she’d walked down the boardwalk from the inn to the dairy.

  She was here to call on Justin for his promised assistance. And if having him with her when she went to see Lois Bernard—who was still the only florist within an hour’s drive—meant she might have an easier conversation, then that was an added perk.

  Natalie didn’t need him to accompany her. She’d faced down Stella Burke already. And she was plenty capable of handling whatever gossip grenades Lois might toss in her direction. Back when Rick O’Ryan had found every way he could to make his family the scandal of the community, Lois had been merely an apprentice to Stella’s master.

  Maybe that hadn’t changed either.

  But just in case, it wouldn’t hurt to have some backup. And if Justin was her only choice, well, so be it. He’d proved he cared enough to let her join him at their lighthouse. He’d even listened while she talked—or didn’t—about her dad. If nothing else, their evening in the lighthouse was a reminder that they’d been friends once. And they might be able to be again.

  “So, what do you say? Want to look at some flowers?”

  He narrowed one eye and rubbed at his chin. His fingernails caught on his whiskers, the gentle raking barely making it past the low bawl of the cattle next door.

  “Promise to take me next time you’re checking out anything to do with food?”

  She snickered. “I suppose.”

  “Good enough.” With a tip of his head toward the door that led to the barn, he said, “Let me finish up my chores and let Dillon know I’m going to be gone. I’ll be back in fifteen minutes.”

  After Justin disappeared, Mama Kane’s gaze fell on Natalie so heavy that she tried to shrug it off. But the older woman said nothing. In fact, she barely moved. Only the slow rise and fall of her eyebrows indicated she had something on her mind. And if it was on her mind, it was soon to be on her tongue.

  But strangely, she remained silent. Which only made the weight of her inspection that much heavier.

  Natalie squirmed in the silence, sidling over to a display of pungent cheese rounds, some nearly strong enough to knock her on her backside.

  Still Mama Kane’s eyes followed her. The paperwork spread across the counter lay forgotten, her elbows propped on the wooden slab and her chin on folded hands. Her eyes narrowed, her general survey turning pointed and intentional.

  Shooting a glance out of the corner of her eye, Natalie waited for Mama Kane to look away.

  She didn’t so much as blink.

  The silence felt like it had been lingering for nearly an hour, but when she glanced at her watch, Justin had been gone exactly ninety seconds. She couldn’t handle this for another thirteen minutes, so she finally faced her surrogate mother.

  “What?”

  Mama Kane shook her head as a smile crawled across her pale pink lips. She adjusted the black ponytail that matched her son’s and said, “It’s just so nice to see you back here. It’s like a piece of our life has been missing. And now you’re back.”

  Natalie wheezed on an uneven breath, suddenly finding the air too thin. Who said stuff like that? She wasn’t a missing piece. She was just Natalie. And certainly no one had been lost without her. They’d all gone on with their lives. They hadn’t needed her.

  Just like she hadn’t needed this island or this town.

  “Oh, not really. I’m sure you’ve all been better than good. I mean, look at the farm. It’s thriving.” She wasn’t entirely sure that was true, but when Mama Kane’s sapphire eyes lit up, she knew she’d been right.

  “Justin is doing a wonderful job. We’re growing and have increased production and sales by nearly 50 percent in the last year.” She ran her fingers across the spreadsheets on the counter. “He’s so talented. But …”

  The way she drew out the word felt like a hand around Natalie’s throat. As her mind filled in the blank, the fingers tightened.

  But this farm was never quite enough for him.

  But his music will always be his first love.

  But he’s met someone else. Someone special. And she hates the farm and will take him far away.

  At the last, Natalie clawed at her throat, trying to release the pressure there. Trying to snag a thimble of air. What if there was another woman in his life? Someone he hadn’t bothered to mention. Someone she didn’t have a right to know.

  “But it doesn’t mean that there hasn’t been something missing.” As Mama Kane looked toward the door where her son had disappeared, her smile faltered. “He’s laughed more in the last three days than in the three years before that.”

  “That can’t be true.” She ended on a strangled laugh, desperate to hear Mama Kane confirm it. Equally eager to hear her deny it.

  Mama Kane’s eyes zeroed in on hers until she couldn’t break away. She was pinned, frozen in place, and even her heart seemed to slow down as she waited for whatever bomb was about to drop.

  “Just because someone keeps moving forward doesn’t mean he’s moved on.”

  Moved on? From what? From her?

  She had so many questions but no time to ask them as Justin barreled into the room. His expression was as sour as if he’d gotten a whiff of rotting cheese.

  “Stupid cow,” he mumbled.

  “All right, dear?” The intensity in Mama Kane’s voice from three seconds before disappeared.

  He nodded. “That mom in the pasture is refusing to feed her calf. Even after I walked through that slop to bottle-feed it at four in the morning. And then she gave me an angry head to the stomach for my trouble. If she does that again”—he flailed an arm in the general direction of the recalcitrant cow and her hungry offspring—“then …”

  His eye caught Natalie’s, her gaze wide and disbelieving.

  “Well, never mind. Let’s go buy some flowers.”

  She wasn’t quite sure she wanted this version of Justin to run the errand with her. She wasn’t sure she could survive spending a few minutes with him, let alone a few hours.

  He scowled as he wiped the muddy bottom of his shoe onto a metal rug.

  Then again, scowly Justin might be just the version she needed to face Lois Bernard.

  Lois had set up her “flower shoppe” in a structure that was little more than a potting shed, most likely built sometime before either Natalie or Justin was born and situated directly beside her old farmhouse. She’d been a Kane Dairy neighbor for as far back as anyone could remember.

  The midmorning sun danced behind passing clouds, which seemed to be caught in a riptide that pulled them toward the deep ocean, but the sky hadn’t ever been quite so blue. It nearly hurt her eyes, so Natalie kept her gaze on the lush grass that grew right along where the road met the dirt. Between green blades, she could just make out the red earth below. With each gust of wind, the dirt seemed to wink below the moving grass.

  Before she even realized why, she began to smile. It couldn’t be from something as simple as red dirt or towering pines that swayed to a song she couldn’t hear.

  But maybe it was.

  “So why didn’t Marie make this grand trip with you? I thought she was your wedding planner.”

  Natalie sucked on her tooth for a long second. “I’m not really sure what’s going on with her. But I don’t think she’s feeling very well.”

  He made a face, and she knew he remembered the last time they’d all been together at his barn. Natalie could only ever remember one of her friends having the flu for several weeks. But that hadn’t ended up being the flu at all. It had been so much worse.

  Something was definitely going on with Marie, but Natalie wasn’t sure it was her place to ask. And she wasn’t going to say a word about her suspicions to anyone else. That’s how rumors got started and feelings got hurt.

  “I think she’d rather stay near the house, so I promised her that I had all the help I needed.” She flashed him the cheesiest smile she could muster, showing off all her teeth. “See? Help.”

  His mouth scowled, but it didn’t reach his e
yes, which were lit by something akin to humor. “And what exactly is it you want me to do?”

  “Be there. Offer sage advice. Suggest floral arrangements. Identify every plant by its Latin name.” She tried to keep a straight face but broke on her last instruction, giggles bubbling free.

  “So it’s going to be like this?”

  Swallowing a chuckle, she tried to remain serious. “Like what?”

  “You just wanting to waste my time.”

  “Not at all.” She shook her head hard as they turned down the long gravel lane. A towering elm cast shadows over their every step, and the breeze sent shivers down her arms. “I’m just trying to help you get the most out of helping a friend. I wouldn’t want Adam to ask what you’ve been doing for Russell lately and you to have nothing to report.”

  He didn’t even try to scowl this time, and his laughter matched hers. “Fair enough, O’Ryan. At least you’re honest about it.”

  Honest. Sure. Because this invitation, this trip, had nothing to do with a niggling feeling deep in her stomach that kept reminding her that when her dad was around, Justin had always been her safe place.

  At least not much.

  The two-story house had long since lost the green paint off its ocean-facing side, the wind and salt spray taking care of that. And the gingerbread details along the top of the porch had become lost beneath layers of cobwebs.

  She’d read the story of Hansel and Gretel as a child and immediately thought of Lois Bernard and her home. There was a sweetness to the house that had always appealed to the children of the town. But Mrs. Bernard wasn’t quite as appealing as the old woman in the story.

  So Natalie had avoided the house for most of her childhood, lest she end up with a fate worse than Hansel and his sister.

  When they reached the shed, Justin put his hand on the door handle and raised his eyebrows. The question was clear. Are you ready?

  Of course not. And not just because of silly childhood imaginings. But she didn’t have another option. This was entirely about flowers for her wedding. So she forced a tight smile and nodded.

  With a sweep of his arm, he opened the door and ushered her into the dimly lit room, his hand light on the small of her back, his fingers shooting sparks up and down her spine.