The Surrogate's Secret

by Mimi Barbour

  Eventually, she gathered her beautiful torn negligee, stumbled into the bedroom and fell on her chilly, lonely bed. She pulled the soft down quilt around her cold body, housing her cold soul and laid there, staring into the dark, brain working overtime until the early hours of the morning when exhaustion finally won out.

  For the next few days, she wandered around as if in a trance. She knew everyone watched her, waiting for her to snap out of it, but she couldn’t. Her mind flipped from one scenario to another. If she stayed, knowing he didn’t love her, her self-respect would begin to disappear, and over time, she’d turn bitter and mean like her father did after her mother left. No way! Not her. Unable to bear the vision, she knew she’d rather give up and leave.

  Regrettably, the love he didn’t want couldn’t be turned off like one would shut off the electricity or water. He’d burrowed his way into her heart, and God help her, he’d be there forever. She’d learn to live with it and hide it. No choice.

  The unspoken truth kept snapping its fingers in front of her face. It had to be told but then for sure he’d never give up his parental rights. Could she blame him?

  Always having prided herself on her honesty, shame gnawed away at her and with each day that passed, she got so she couldn’t look at herself in a mirror or spend too much time alone. At night, she took to working all hours until exhaustion claimed her mind.

  Why had she let things go on for so long? Being a frightened mother seemed her only excuse and was fast losing its power. Some days, anger surfaced and then for a little while, she’d blame him. Hell, if he’d bothered to show up once in a while at the house, she’d have found a way to share her secret.

  They’d communicate just like it said in the ‘Have a Happy Marriage’ manual she’d gotten from Maria as a wedding gift. The sly smirk Sheri caught after the present was unwrapped all but made her throw it in the older woman’s face, until she saw the trembling hand when the housekeeper had refolded the fancy paper. Upon closer inspection, Sheri humbly realized that what she had taken to be a smirk was really more like shy concern.

  Since the night before their second wedding, the sweet Miguel hadn’t shown his face. Once again the jerk was playing the absentee role, and Andrea and Maria were becoming more and more fretful, even snarky. They’d glare their displeasure whenever he’d call to excuse himself from the lavish nightly dinners prepared to tempt him to come home.

  Thinking they blamed her, remorse grew until her shoulders slumped from the heaviness. Finally, Andrea broke the code of silence and commented. “Sheri, what is wrong with Miguel? He hasn’t been himself since the celebration. If there is something I can do, please tell me. I hate to see him so unhappy.”

  Not wanting to get him in trouble with his mother, Sheri hesitated and then shrugged. “Andrea, I think it best you talk to Miguel. Maybe you can help him through this rough time after the court case. Being instrumental in putting your girlfriend in jail, even if she’s no longer a fiancé—”

  “This misery has nothing to do with that woman. My son despises her and everything she stands for.”

  Sheri’s eyes widened. “Nick told me that on the morning of our wedding, Miguel appeared in court and it was his evidence that got her convicted. That had to be very difficult, and since then, he’s changed. It’s the only reason I know of for him to act so miserable.”

  “I don’t believe it. There has to be something else wrong. I’ve tried to get him to talk, but he shuts me down. I’ve never known him to be so uncommunicative.” The woman’s voice broke at the same time as her hand rose to cover her trembling lips. “He’s closed to me and he’s never done that before. He’s like a stranger.”

  Sheri hugged the grieving mother and pleaded with her. “He’ll get over it. He’s strong-willed, and soon, he’ll be back to himself.”

  One thing Sheri knew for certain, she couldn’t wait. She had to get away. Trapped in a one-sided love affair wasn’t to be considered. It would break her spirit and make life hellish. She bided her time, made secret arrangements all the while acting as normal as possible.

  During the next few days, to keep herself amused, she paid as much attention to the twins as possible. There weren’t enough kisses and hugs to satisfy her as she carried them with her everywhere. They were beginning to crawl and were into everything. She puffed up with smugness with each new antic they pulled off. Their happy little faces lit up each morning and she’d get them ready for the day where they were surrounded by so much love that they blossomed.

  Meanwhile, she tried to contact Charly, but her many calls had no results. Even her e-mails were being ignored. When her friend got into her writer’s revisions mode, nothing brought her back to earth except for two words – The End.

  Devising back-up plans, Sheri opted to give her friend till the end of the week. That’s when Paula’s younger sister had invited the whole family to her engagement party, and Sheri knew they’d never miss such an important event. Even Maria and Juan were to attend. At the last minute, Sheri intended to plead a headache and stay at the house so they could escape to the airport where she’d made reservations for a flight to the States.

  She’d had Juan teach her their address for such times as she’d ventured alone to the Parque Arauco mall, mostly so she could practice using the local taxis. After all, when everyone else left the house, she’d have to call one for the trip to the airport.

  Now, if Charly would only get in touch with her so she could arrange for some help. It would minimize the upheaval and make everything go so much smoother. She needed to talk to her friend and let her in on the scheme. Travelling with two small toddlers would be a nightmare alone, especially in the shape she expected to be in.

  Thinking about her preparations, she felt guilt spread. What a shame for Charly to miss out on her planned vacation in Santiago. They’d have to come back together one day. The city had fulfilled all her dreams of the ultimate spot to live. It was a beautiful place filled with wonderful people, and she knew she’d be returning from time to time. Loving Andrea as much as she would have loved her own mother it would be imperative for the woman to have access to her grandchildren.

  Maria approached, broke into her brainstorming and handed her the phone. “You have a call from Washington, Senora Sheri.”

  “Gracias, Maria.”

  Charly’s raspy voice coaxed a smile. “Senora Sheri? That just sounds weird.”

  “I’m used to it now and it’s actually a title to show respect. I’m so glad you finally called.” The hint of reproach had been intentional.

  “Oh, oh. Am I in trouble? Sorry, kiddo, but you know me when the muse is hot and heavy. I gather from your multi messages you have a situation. What can I do? First of all, tell me the little munchkins are okay.”

  “The munchkins aren’t so little anymore, but they are okay.”

  “Look, I really am sorry for not returning your calls. I rented a cheap motel room out on the highway with air conditioning and worked my buns off for the last while. Didn’t want any distractions, so I never paid to get internet access in the room. Since the last time I talked with you and everything sounded great, I didn’t think I’d need it.”

  “Now it’s all gone to hell in a hand basket.”

  “Shit! You sound bent, my friend. Tell me what I can do to help.”

  “Were you still planning to come here to visit?”

  “You know it. That’s why I worked so hard. Sent the manuscript off this morning and cleared away all the important crap that came in while I was gone. I’m ready to come whenever you want me.”

  “Can you get here for this Saturday? You’d have to leave there Friday night.”

  “I can do that. I’ll book right now and call you back with the confirmation. What’s going on, Sheri? Are you concocting something I’m not going to like?”

  “Probably. The twins and I are leaving and I need your help.”

  “How does Don Juan feel about this?”

  “He doesn’t kn
ow.”

  “That’s what I was afraid of. Look, Sheri, do you know what the hell you’re doing? I get the feeling you haven’t told him your secret yet.”

  “Nope.”

  “Why don’t you just explain the circumstances? He’s not a fool. He’ll know you’re not lying, that the truth didn’t come out until after you were married. Those eyes of yours are like a window into the holy book of truths.”

  “It won’t matter. He’s heartbroken over the deception of his fiancé. I’m just his sex partner. All he cares about are the kids.”

  “The bastard. Is there a gun handy?”

  Sheri had never heard her friend sound so mean. “Charly, let me put it this way. The last thing he’s said to me is that I could leave, but he’d never allow me to take the twins away from their home.”

  “That’s it! I’m in. I’ll call as soon as I get there.”

  “No, e-mail me. Send me the flight number and time of arrival and I’ll book a hotel room for you and send you the confirmation number. As soon as you arrive at the hotel, contact me.”

  “Contact you. Got it. And, Sheri…”

  “Yeah?”

  “I love you.”

  “Oh, God, Charly. I love you, too. Thank you for being you. Bye now.”

  “No problemo. See, I’ve been studying Spanish for my trip already.”

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Every morning before the others stirred, Miguel tiptoed into the nursery to wait until the babies woke to start their day. He’d spend as much time with them as he could before their mother appeared. Her routine firmly in place, she’d come around seven, which would give him close to an hour. With two doors opening into the nursery, one provided his escape route so when he’d hear her approach, he’d slip out the other way.

  Changing diapers and cuddling, treats of baby biscuits and juice became the norm. Programmed, Rafael and Carrie-Anne looked happy to see him every morning when they awoke.

  Differences were noted with every new feat they accomplished. From tummies to knees, from crawling to pulling themselves upright as they clung to the sides of their crib, he’d share in their glory. Then later at the office, his employees only got to see their employer’s smiles whenever he bragged about the twins.

  As each new day came, Miguel expected Charlie to arrive. Then as each day passed without any signs of the guy, he’d breathe a sigh of relief. One moment he planned to kick his ass out of the country as soon as he showed his face, and the other, he’d know it wouldn’t solve their problems.

  Miguel had been spying on Sheri from afar and could see she fretted. At night, through the window, he’d see her pace their bedroom as he trudged around the grounds trying to tire himself so he’d fall asleep. Unfortunately, the grounds weren’t big enough to get him that tired. Once he hit the sack, he’d just lie there and try to figure out how his life got so screwed up.

  Smart guy like him, totally experienced in the ways women treated men, and what happens? Not such a smart guy after all. More like a smart ass. So sure he’d never get caught up again, so damn sure. Here he was heartbroken over a disloyal wife who was in love with another man. His work suffered. He dreaded each new day, because it could be the day she’d leave him, and he didn’t know how he’d survive.

  Every night he promised himself, he’d snap out of the funk and fight for Sheri, make her stay, but he knew he loved her too much to keep her in a place that caused her to be so unhappy. He’d seen her misery. Andrea and Maria both chastised him, nagging and complaining about how badly he treated his wife, and how it made her wretched. Only he knew the truth. He’d read her letter and knew it wasn’t him who made her miserable. Being without her Charlie was the cause.

  To add to his own heartache, he’d have to give up the only thing that gave his life any joy whatsoever. The two precious babies that had wormed and wiggled their way into his bloodstream, until he all but felt like he was their real papá. Especially now that they’d conquered the word ‘dada’ and used it every time they saw him.

  He’d crawled out of bed even earlier than usual this morning, sick and tired of the wild thoughts that never stopped. The twins, standing and clinging to the side of the crib wobbling against each other, broke into chortles and grins as soon as he stuck his head around the door. They’d been watching for him as they now did each day. Gabbling and grinning, they both lifted their arms in greeting.

  They had grown so much since coming to Chile. Rafael had surpassed his sister in size and had caught up to her in every other aspect. He looked so much like Miguel at that age. A fact that Maria kept pointing out which secretly delighted him. Soft black curls rioted, swarthy dark skin and plump cheeks highlighted the big gray eyes, which slanted in the exact way of his uncle’s.

  Carrie-Anne on the other hand looked like a little replica of her beautiful mother with golden curls that enchanted him as they twisted around his finger. She had Sheri’s softer face shape and resembled her every time her stubbornness appeared, when she’d push to keep up with her now active brother, the little instigator.

  Much to their delight, Miguel covered them with kisses and then brought them both to the change table. He placed Carrie-Anne in the seat to keep her safe while he laid Rafael down to change his diaper. The boy loved getting his tummy tickled. When Miguel blew noisily against it, Rafael’s infectious laughter made his sister shriek with mutual excitement.

  Miguel loved these moments with the babies. They were the only truly happy times in his otherwise miserable day.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Being busy kept Miguel from noticing as Sheri stepped quietly into the room. Just in time to see her large, handsome husband blowing against her tiny son’s stomach, making funny noises while both babies squealed with delight, Sheri stood motionless. The sounds thrilled her, and the room turned into a place she wanted to stay. But once Miguel saw her, she knew he’d leave and she didn’t want to stop him from what he so obviously enjoyed. His husky laughter made her smile and kept her hiding behind the partially opened door.

  Sheri could see that Carrie-Anne, feeling left out, tried to get Miguel’s attention. First, she waved her plump arms up high towards him and babbled away like a little chipmunk. When that didn’t get the result she wanted, she called to him clearly, impatiently. “Dada-dada.”

  It was the first time Sheri had heard either of the twins use that word, and it floored her. They’d begun calling her mum, but she really didn’t think they knew what it meant as it sounded like a mixture of um and mum all rolled together. Dada, on the other hand, came out as clear as a bell.

  “Yes, my sweet girl, dada is coming. Just let me finish with your brother here and it’ll be your turn.” The charming grin he flashed Carrie-Anne’s way connected. The baby smiled back at him, showing off her few teeth, and settled instantly.

  Sheri had no doubt that his husky soothing tone would affect any female positively, her included. A huge lump formed in her throat, forcing her to back quietly out of the room and return to her bedroom. She wasn’t welcome there. She knew it with everything inside of her. Every sad, envious feeling she couldn’t stop.

  Forced to accept the undeniable, Miguel loved Rafael and Carrie-Anne as deeply as she did, shocked her intensely. Clearly, they adored him as well. The knowledge that if she took away his babies he’d never be able to father any more reverberated in her mind and demolished her will. She couldn’t do it to him, wouldn’t do it to him. He meant too much. His happiness and his future. The man was born to be a daddy. The pain sunk in like a red-hot poker right through her stomach, ripping and tearing at her insides until she thought she’d go insane with grief. Doubled over, she fell back on her bed and moaned. Why the hell did life have to be this hard?

  An hour later, face washed and made up to conceal her swollen eyes, she returned to the nursery and her two contented children. The aroma of aftershave, his personal scent, permeated the room. Sheri closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. I love that smell, she thoug
ht. Earlier, watching his face lit with affectionate glee while he tenderly played with Rafael made her realize just how much his happiness meant to her. She’d seen his big hands so carefully folding over the diaper while he kept the baby safe. Those lips she craved, blowing bubbles on the little tummy and then smiling happily when it resulted in such glee. She’d give anything to keep him looking the same way. But could she give him the only thing she had left worth living for?

  Chapter Forty

  Finally, Saturday arrived and the household reverberated with excitement. Sheri was pleased for Andrea who wore a happy smile because Miguel had joined her for breakfast that morning. She told Sheri how he’d regaled her with baby stories, and how they’d both chuckled over the antics of the little munchkins using Sheri’s special nickname for them.

  Andrea shared her happiness with both Maria and Sheri during teatime. The rambunctious little terrors played on the floor and scattered their toys from one end of the room to the other. Her uplifted mood infiltrated the rest of the household and the relaxed air washed away previous tensions. Plans for the evening were underway, and all the arrangements for their mass exodus were taken care of.

  Andrea quizzed her housekeeper. “Did the corsages arrive for us ladies? Miguel told me this morning that he’d ordered them specially to match our dresses. He knows how much I love the quaint custom of wearing flowers.”

  “They arrived earlier and I’ve put them in a cool place. They’re beautiful. Red roses for you, white camellias for me and maravilloso pink magnolias for Senora Sheri.”

  Magnolias? Did he choose them because of the perfume she’d worn the last time they’d made love? Should she take this as special treatment from a man who’d purposely stayed away from her day after day—and more importantly, night after night?

  The horrible strain she’d suffered until the e-mail from Charly this morning had taken its toll.