A Painted Smile

by B. M. Hardin

  I looked up and followed the voice to my driveway.

  Jasper.

  My mind told me to scream at him, curse him out and to send him on his way but my heart wouldn’t let me.

  My heart was dying to hear what he had to say.

  My heart was looking for something.

  I wasn’t sure if it was more answers or more explanations, but my heart desperately craved something.

  “I miss you so much that I can’t stand it. I love you and I can’t live without you. Please can we just talk?”

  I stared at him as if he was the ghost of a past lover that had come back from the dead.

  I wanted to walk toward him but my feet wouldn’t take the first step, so he walked closer to me instead.

  He reached for my hand but I placed it behind my back.

  “I know you don’t believe me, but I never wanted to hurt you. I love you and if you forgive me, I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you,” Jasper said and without hesitation, he got down on one knee.

  Is he serious?

  Was this really happening?

  “Look, hear me out. It was a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. I’m asking you to forgive me. I’m asking you to give us a second chance. I’m asking you to love me for the rest of your life and to let me love you. Storm, I’m asking you to be my wife.”

  I managed to smile and I looked behind me only to see my parents hugging each other on the front porch in tears.

  The look on Mama’s face was priceless.

  Her eyes told me that I had better say yes or she was going accept his proposal on my behalf herself.

  I looked back at Jasper and down at the ring.

  It was gorgeous.

  Not exactly my style or taste, but beautiful to say the least.

  As I searched my mind and my heart for answers I came to the conclusion that I’d already forgiven him and that I knew that I couldn’t live without him.

  He’d made one hell of a mistake but it was done and over with and it was now a part of our past.

  It had been annulled and there was nothing else that could be done or even really said about the matter.

  It couldn’t be changed and somehow looking into his eyes, I knew that he would never hurt me again.

  So, I did what was best for me.

  I forgave him.

  “Yes! Yes Jasper, yes!” I screamed.

  Jasper smiled and stood up to hug and kiss me.

  He placed the ring on my finger and then he kissed me again.

  “I love you. I’m sorry.”

  “I know,” I said to him and kissed him.

  As my parents approached us, nothing but happy thoughts filled my head.

  This was the right decision.

  Lord this had to be the right decision.

  ***

  His phone continued to vibrate and I couldn’t understand how he could continue to sleep through the buzzing noise.

  It could have been an emergency, so the next time it buzzed I answered it.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello? Is Jasper available?”

  “He’s asleep. Can I take a message or do you need me to wake him?” I asked the woman on the other end of the phone.

  “Yes, I need him at the…station…now!”

  I woke Jasper up and handed him the phone.

  He looked at it then he sat up and listened to the voice on the other end of the phone.

  In the next five minutes he was up and dressed and heading out the door for some kind of emergency at work.

  It was his day off, but I was glad that he was leaving. Hopefully when he returned I would have a surprise for him.

  We had been engaged now for almost two months and we were better than ever!

  We both walked around pretending as if the whole marriage thing had never happened.

  Personally, I just wanted to forget about it.

  I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to think about it.

  It was done. It was over.

  At this point, I just wanted to be happy.

  Jasper and I had another chance at being happy and I had to take this chance.

  I headed to my top drawer to grab the pregnancy test that I’d bought the night before and then ran to the bathroom.

  This was it.

  Not exactly the order in which I wanted things to happen but I had to believe that everything happens for a reason.

  A few seconds later, the stick confirmed what I already knew…I was pregnant!

  I couldn’t believe it!

  I, Storm Marie Rivers, was pregnant!

  This was my first pregnancy, ever, and I was so overwhelmed with emotions at that very moment that I started to cry.

  Though I had never really intentionally tried to get pregnant, I’d always hoped that it would have happened, but for some strange it never had.

  I thought that something was wrong with me. I thought that when it was actually time to have a child, it would be harder for me than most considering that my eggs seemed to be allergic to sperm, but here I was, pregnant!

  I was going to be a mother and I just couldn’t believe it!

  I’d always adored kids, but to have one of my own was like a dream come true.

  I guess this means we would have to get married a lot sooner than later.

  The tears flowed hastily down my face and the amount of joy that I felt was indescribable.

  This was the happiest moment of my life and I couldn’t wait to tell everyone the good news.

  Starting with Jasper.

  I called his phone twice but he didn’t pick up. Assuming that he was busy, I called Mama to inform her that she was finally going to be a grandma.

  I couldn’t wait to see and hear how happy she was going to be. She’d wanted grandkids for so long so I knew that she was going to be ecstatic.

  “What?”

  “I’m pregnant! I can’t believe it Mama! I’m so happy!”

  “Wow, I don’t know what to say. Whatever happened to first comes marriage?” Mama said, not as enthusiastic as I’d expected.

  “What?”

  “Don’t you think you should be married first is all?”

  “Mama thanks, for sounding excited. Whatever happened to congratulations? Granted, it isn’t happening in the order that I’d hoped it would…its happening. Thanks for spoiling this moment for me Mama. Thank you,” I said and hung up in her face.

  I knew that it was definitely out of line and a little disrespectful, but my feelings were unbelievably hurt.

  I guess I’d assumed that she was going to be as happy as I was.

  As she called back a few times I only stared at the phone but I didn’t answer. I owed her an apology, of course, but she wasn’t going to get it until I was ready.

  After ignoring a few more of her phone calls, I decided to give Jasper another try.

  I couldn’t wait to share the big news with him. Hopefully his response was going to be a lot better than Mama’s.

  After all, he was going to be a daddy!

  I listened to the phone as it ranged over and over in my ear. Just as I was about to hit the end button, someone picked up.

  “Hello! Hello!” They yelled as though they were running but I was positive that it was the same voice from earlier.

  “Hello?” I said back but soon after the phone hung up in my ear.

  What is going on?

  I tried calling back but of course I didn’t get an answer.

  Thoughts of worry started to make their presence known but I refused to give them much of my time or my energy.

  Instead, I got myself together and headed to my parents’ house…to apologize to my Mama.

  Later that evening, I arrived home around seven.

  It was still bright outside as though it was only early afternoon.

  Jasper still hadn’t called me back and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was okay.

  I got out of the car and headed to check t
he mail and just as I pulled out the final envelope, Jasper pulled up in his police car.

  “I’ve been calling you all day. What’s wrong? Why haven’t you returned my calls?”

  “I’m sorry it was an emergency,” he said walking toward me in uniform. I kissed him and figured that no matter what, I would have to always share the spotlight with his job.

  “Guess what?”

  “What?”

  “So, I took a test and…I’m pregnant!” I screamed at him.

  Jasper smiled instantly but his eyes didn’t say excitement…they said terror.

  “Are you happy?”

  “Yes! I can’t wait to be a father. It’s a little scary but we will be okay,” Jasper unknowingly explained his facial expression and gave me a kiss.

  He grabbed my hand and we headed toward the house but the sound of tires screeching caused us both to stop dead in our tracks and turn toward the street.

  A woman, impeccably dressed, hopped out of the car and approached us.

  She didn’t say a word.

  She just stood there and eyed Jasper.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I followed you duh,” she said unashamed.

  “Excuse me, who are you?” I asked her.

  “His wife.”

  “You mean his ex-wife?”

  “No, current wife. His ex-wife died years ago,” she said and I looked at Jasper

  He looked at her as if he could have killed her.

  “What? Current? Ex? What? So wait a minute, I thought you guys were annulled?”

  “Nope, somebody wouldn’t sign the papers,” she eyed Jasper.

  What?

  I quickly glanced at her left hand.

  Indeed she was still wearing a ring. I watched her eyes as they checked my hand for the same.

  “I sure hope that’s not an engagement ring, because he already has a wife,” she said full of attitude.

  “Storm, it’s not what you think. I swear it’s not as bad as it sounds. We are not together.”

  “Are you still married Jasper?”

  “Yes he is.”

  “No, I am not.”

  Instantly, the woman and Jasper started going back and forth with who was lying and who was telling the truth.

  I paid close attention to the things that were coming out of her mouth.

  She stated that they had decided that an annulment was for the best but when push came to shove, Jasper said that he wasn’t going through with it.

  She’d said that he’d told her that they should at least try. If it didn’t work out, then they could divorce. Obviously things hadn’t been working out, but she said he still hadn’t mentioned doing things the legal way.

  Jasper’s wife also said that she didn’t know anything about me until I’d answered his phone that morning.

  She’d stated that she’d pretended to be from his job and when Jasper got on the phone, she’d told him that I was the confirmation that she needed to conclude that they were truly and fully over and that it was time to make things official.

  That’s when he rushed over trying to explain.

  She stated that still yet, he’d lied to her face about having an affair and pretended to be heading to work but she followed him to my house.

  With her angry rant coming to a close, she took off her ring and threw it in Jasper’s face.

  He pretended as though he didn’t care but something told me that he did.

  Somewhat following her actions, I twisted the engagement ring off of my finger and let it hit the ground as I silently made my way to the house.

  Somehow, the best day of my life, had quickly become the worst day of my life.

  “Storm, wait baby, wait.”

  I stopped walking as Jasper stood in my path of the front door.

  “She’s lying. It’s not like that I swear. She is the one that didn’t sign the papers. I thought she had but she didn’t. I didn’t find out until the other day and I went to talk to her about it this morning. I called my lawyer that same day, and they served her with the papers, which is why she called this morning. She’s lying. She only came over to cause a scene because I told her today that I was getting remarried so she needed to sign them as soon as possible. When I told her the news all hell broke loose. She said she wasn’t going to sign them and the whole conversation went downhill from there. I promise you, I am telling the truth.”

  As Jasper begged, I replayed everything that his wife had said over and over inside of my head.

  The truth was, I didn’t know who to believe or who was telling the truth but one fact remained and that was…he was still married.

  Whether he found out that he wasn’t fully in the clear a few days ago, he should have told me.

  And she had the nerve to show up at my house?

  No, oh hell no.

  I was a lot of things but one thing that I wasn’t and would never be was somebody’s mistress.

  I was worth so much more than that and I would never settle for second place.

  Period.

  I didn’t answer Jasper as he talked.

  I didn’t cry, I didn’t move, I just did nothing.

  All I could do was frown.

  It’s truly something when you give a person the power to take away your smile. Or when you give them the power to put you in a place or position where you felt like you weren’t good enough or where you felt as though you were nothing.

  And that’s exactly what I’d given Jasper.

  I’d given him power over my heart and over my trust. I thought that by forgiving him I was doing the right thing but I was wrong.

  I was dead wrong.

  But, today, at that very moment, I was going to take it back. He wasn’t worth my peace. He wasn’t worth my joy. And he definitely wasn’t worth the life of my unborn child.

  That’s right…I was pregnant.

  I couldn’t afford to worry.

  I couldn’t afford to stress.

  Though the situation and circumstances were sticky, I couldn’t change them and an abortion just wasn’t an option.

  This baby meant the world to me and no one and nothing was going to take it away from me.

  So, I had to make the best of a bad situation.

  And that’s exactly what I planned to do.

  After Jasper realized that I didn’t have a thing to say to him. He finally moved out of the way so that I could go inside of the house.

  He continued to talk and explain but still, I didn’t say a thing.

  After all, what else was there left to say?

  He was still married, and even if he was telling the truth about not knowing that bit of information, it still didn’t change the fact that he was still someone else’s husband.

  And there wasn’t any room for another woman’s husband in my house and especially not in my bed.

  I headed to the bedroom with a hand full of trash bags and immediately began to fill them with Jasper’s things.

  Jasper snatched them from my hands and started to put his clothes back into the drawers and placed his personal items back on the dresser.

  It was clear that he didn’t plan to go anywhere any time soon but that was okay, he could stay.

  I would go.

  Without bothering to get any of my belongings, I grabbed my purse and headed for the front door.

  *********

  ~Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad and make the best of any situation. When life gives you lemons, pour you a glass of water and add a little sugar. Life only gets better…sweeter.~

  ~Anonymous

  Chapter Four

  “You’re going to have to face him sooner or later, you know that right? I mean, you are carrying his child,” Zara stated.

  I frowned at her comment. I didn’t want to hear anything about Jasper.

  Not right now. Not today.

  Not while we were finishing up the decorations of my very own daycare!

  I finally had it!


  I’d always wanted it and had worked so hard to get it and now I was only a week away from its grand opening.

  It had been a few weeks since the incident happened with Jasper and his wife.

  I hadn’t uttered one single word to him, nor had I saw him.

  I refused to go home and I’d been staying with Zara. She would go by and get the things that I needed and even came back and reported that he’d left his divorce papers lying on the bed one morning as if he’d hoped that she or I would come by and see them.

  She’d said that it was official, but I didn’t care.

  I didn’t care much about anything except about my unborn child and my brand new business.

  As for Jasper, he could simply do his part as a father and other than that his services were no longer needed.

  “I know he lied and---”

  “Zara, your opinion isn’t needed. I’ll be fine,” I cut her off.

  Though I wasn’t as okay as I portrayed to be, I could manage and I couldn’t afford to drive myself crazy over situations that I couldn’t control.

  “Whatever she say,” Zara shrugged and headed off to do whatever it was that she was doing on the other side of the room.

  I’d had my first doctor’s appointment a few days before and I was just about eight weeks pregnant.

  It sucked that Jasper wasn’t there, but the choices that he’d made, affected the both of us and even our unborn child.

  But on the brighter side, it all still felt very surreal but words couldn’t begin to explain the joy that I felt about it on the inside.

  I just had to remain in high spirits and everything was going to be okay.

  I hoped and prayed that it was a girl. I desperately wanted a mini-me. I’d had so many dreams about her and Lord knows that I just wanted them to come true.

  I never imagined that I would be having a baby without being happily married first, but this is the hand that life had dealt me and I was going to make the best of it.

  “Storm, what are you doing, you’re pregnant, you can’t stand on that chair,” Zara yelled and ran over to me.

  “Girl, I’m only eight weeks,” I laughed at her and continued taping the pictures of the alphabet on the wall as Zara held the chair just to make sure that it was stable.

  Lord I was so thankful.

  My life wasn’t perfect but I was on my way.

  Finally, I was on my way.