by Kiki Swinson
“Well, he called about a week ago and said that she was okay. He promised to bring her home in about a month to visit.”
“Really?” I was glad to hear that.
“Yeah, the kids and I can’t wait to see her. I hate that I was not able to raise her. But I just couldn’t afford it, plus this place is too small. The last thing I wanted to do was lose her in this crowd. She deserves so much better. I just hope, when she grows up, she doesn’t think I didn’t love her enough to take her.”
“She won’t think that. Besides, she’s with Soulja. That’s her father. He’s a good dad. It’s good she has one of her parents left. It was hard for me too. It’s still hard, but I do believe her being with him may be for the best.”
“I’m sure it is also.” Sheila’s voice was shaking. I looked over at her, and she was crying. “I just miss Mimi so much.”
Getting up, I walked over and hugged her, trying to be strong. “Me too. We just gotta be there for each other.” The struggle for all of us trying to get over Mimi being gone was real. But we had to lean on each other and try to be strong. That was our only chance at getting back to somewhat of a normal life.
It was close to dark when I left Sheila’s house. On my drive home, Kevon crossed my mind, and I realized this was the night. My mind had been so occupied with other things going on that I had almost forgotten. Kevon had told me a couple of days prior that he would meet with his leader on this night to tie up the loose ends on Caesar. This would be it—I no longer had to play the game of vixen to Caesar.
The thought of it ending sped up my heart rate. The last year had been hard at times, but fun at others. Things only soured when Mimi was murdered. But after all that time, I had spent with Caesar, not once had I seen anything that even suggested that he had been disloyal to his crew. In fact, everything he did was full of loyalty. And here I was, supposedly distracting him so that Kevon could expose him. But in this moment I realized there was nothing to expose. Caesar was probably the best thing that could happen to Cash. Not only that, he was human and one of the best men I had ever met.
There was just no way I could go through with this. I could not sit back and watch him lose everything over lies. Over a month ago, I had questioned Kevon about Caesar’s disloyalty just to get to some clarification. Because, in my mind, things were not adding up. Kevon had instantly shut me down, telling me not to concern myself, that he had it under control. I then tried to press the issue by telling him that I saw no signs of Caesar doing anything out of the ordinary. He became very angry and made it clear to me that I should drop the issue. After that, I concluded this was for his own personal gain, and that anything he said about Caesar was probably a lie or exaggerated. Either way, things were about to get crazy, and I had to get away. Now.
I pointed my car in the direction of Caesar’s house; there were a few things I needed to pick up. After that, I would catch the first plane out of town I could board. As I pulled up to the house, the coast seemed to be clear. Leon let me inside. Without exchanging any dialogue about why I was there, I went into Caesar’s room and started to grab my things. Just as I was almost done, Caesar entered the room. His presence surprised me because I had assumed he was not home.
“I didn’t know you were coming by.”
“I didn’t call because I figured you were busy so I didn’t want to bother you. But it’s cool. I just needed to grab some things.” Without giving him much eye contact, I continued my mission.
“Are you sure you can’t stay a minute?”
“No, not tonight. I have other plans.” Not wanting to tell him any more lies, I left it at that. My movements made it clear I was in a hurry.
“Yazz, I love you.” Those three little words got my attention. I stopped moving, but couldn’t bring my eyes to meet his. “I love you,” he repeated. Maybe he thought I didn’t hear him the first time. “I’m sure you think this seems all of a sudden, but it’s not. I have loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you. I understand that you are with Kevon, but it changes nothin’ about how I feel. I thought about setting you up in an apartment in New York. We can start a life together.” I could not believe he had it all planned out. Every word that had left his lips clouded my brain.
“New York,” I repeated. Shocked is the only way to describe how I felt about the words that were coming out of his mouth. New York was a long way from St. Louis in more ways than one. “What about the crew? How are you going to live in New York and run a crew here?” I was puzzled. For a second, I forgot about Kevon’s scheme.
“Baby, relax. All that will be taken care of. Besides, I’m thinkin’ about givin’ it up. I have been in this game since I was fifteen. Some things just get old, and I done made a lot of money. Shit, I’m rich, got more money than I know what to do wit. There is nothin’ else in it for me. All I want now is to share my life with you.”
His words left me feeling dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe he was willing to give up all he had ever known just to be with me. That meant a lot.
“I can’t let you do this.”
“Yazz, it’s what I want. Furthermore, I have other business ventures I’ve been working on, and you can shop around for a spot to sell your clothes. I’m going to give you the money to start your business. It’s time you lived out your dream. I want you to be happy.”
Every word that slid off his tongue sounded so convincing. He was offering me a new life, in a new city, and a chance to live out my dream. How could I turn that down? No one had ever cared about what I wanted to do. No one had ever put me first. Not until I met Caesar. He had consistently shown me how much he cared for me. I wanted to run and jump in his arms and stay there happy and secure forever.
But Kevon popped into my mind. What had I allowed him to convince me to do? Because of him, I had committed the ultimate betrayal. Caesar had trusted me with his most private moments; never once had he suspected me of anything. And when Mimi was killed, he had been there for me, had shown me nothing but compassion when I was at my lowest. When, the entire time, I was just a slut put in his sight to distract him, by someone who claimed to care for me. For that, I would surely pay, if and when Caesar found out about it. So there was no way I could run away with him, as much as I was tempted. Because one day Caesar may very well have to kill me, my life was at stake.
“Caesar, I care about you too. Really I do. But I just can’t. I have to go. I’ll call you later,” I lied. Grabbing the things I had off the bed, I bounced. As tough as it was, it was for the best. This was the last time I would see him. The reality of it left me feeling empty inside.
CHAPTER 19
Tears clouded my face as I drove like a mad woman from Caesar’s crib. He was probably the only real chance I would have at love in my life. But I tried hard to shake it. It just could not be; there was nothing I could do about that. And there were only a few hours left before Kevon would meet up with the supplier to expose Caesar. My mind was made up—there was something I must do. I could not sit back and watch Caesar lose everything, over things that were clearly not true.
I headed to the spot where the meeting was being held. Kevon was not expected to be there for at least another three hours, but the supplier would be there early. So I would have plenty of time to talk to him first, and then make my getaway before Kevon arrived. Because after I blew up his spot, he would probably want to kill me too. I was in too deep, but this had to be done.
As I pulled up to the spot, my mouth flew open as I spotted Kevon’s car already outside.
“Think, think,” I said aloud. He was not supposed to be here. Something in his plan must have changed. Kevon’s tactic to pick up the cash from each trap changed daily, but the time that he finished was always the same. He must have juggled a few things to get here early. I was shocked, because the supplier would expect him to arrive after him. At least that’s what I thought. Either way, I had to come up with something fast. This had definitely altered my plan.
Turning off my car li
ghts, I parked in a dark area. Finding an unlocked window on the run-down building, I climbed inside and looked for a place to hide. It seemed as though Kevon had all the lights turned off, so the room was dark as hell. I tripped over something, but there was no way to make out what it was.
“Ouch,” I said, as low as possible. It hurt bad. Screaming would have made me feel a whole lot better, but since I couldn’t do that, I held on to my right ankle and doubled over in pain. As the pain subsided, I tried to stand up to get used to the weight of my ankle so I could stand securely on my foot again. Thankfully, it was okay. Maybe I had just pinched a nerve.
Now I had to figure out how I was going to burst in on Kevon and the supplier to say what needed to be said. Kevon would probably try to shut me up and not allow me to say a word. Or maybe he would have his crew tie me up and kill me, who knows. Because it was clear he wasn’t willing to let nothing get in the way of the so-called empire that he planned to inherit.
In the process of trying to find a comfortable place to hide, I heard Kevon talking. Every word he said was tough for me to make out because of a slight echo in the room. At first, I thought someone was in the room with him, but soon it became clear he was on the phone. I listened hard as his word became clear.
“They should arrive in any minute now. You need to hurry up and get here.” He paused, possibly listening to the caller. “Yeah, the guys finally agreed to get Caesar out of the house. . . .” Pause again. “Right, so you need to get yo ass here. I ain’t wasting no time. We gon’ dead that nigga on the spot. We gotta make sure that shit happens quickly, the faster the better. Once he’s dead, that shit’s a wrap. The game is changing tonight.”
The words dead him made me double over with disgust. I could not believe my fucking ears. Kevon was planning to kill Caesar. Had that been his plan all along? Everything he had told me had been a lie. There was never any supplier coming. He had played me, and I had fallen for it. Suddenly, I went from feeling sick to feeling outraged. He owed me answers. I deserved that much from him, and since I was no longer afraid, I would get them.
“So you lied to me?” I approached Kevon, scaring the shit out of him. Jumping back, he reached for his waist to grab his gun until he recognized me.
“Yazz, baby, what are you doing here? How’d you find this place?”
He could not honestly believe he was in the position to question me. “Fuck all that. Kevon, how about you answer my question?” I demanded. “Are you planning to kill Caesar?”
“Look Yazz, you should not be here.”
“Is that all you can say to me, Kevon? You used me all this time. How could you lie to me?” I cried.
“No, babe, you got it all wrong. I would never lie to you. Something happened and we had to change the plan, that’s all, but now we have no choice. I got to kill ’im.”
“Kevon, no . . . please don’t,” I begged him. But the look on his face told me that my cries were falling on deaf ears. His mind was made up.
“Yo, stop all that fuckin’ cryin’ over that fuckin’ nigga. He don’t give a fuck about you. All you been is his whore.” He suddenly got angry. “Whose fucking side you on anyway? You want to be wit that fucking nigga? Huh? You choose him over me?” Kevon threw questions at me as he grabbed me by both wrists and started to shake me. Scared and crying, I begged him to let me go as I tried to wriggle free. His grip was so strong, it felt as if my blood circulation was being cut off.
“Let her go!” Caesar yelled. I recognized the voice without seeing the face. Slowly turning around to face Caesar, Kevon dropped both my hands. They landed beside me like two bricks. Frozen from fear, I could not move. Now I knew I was going to die for certain. All Kevon’s lies and scheming would cost me more than I was willing to give up—my life. Silently I prayed.
“Yo, man, what you doing?” Kevon’s voice sounded nervous, as both of our attention fell to the gun Caesar was holding.
“Don’t test me, motherfucker. Did you really think you could kill me and get away with it?” The look on Caesar’s face reflected what he had a reputation for being: notorious. The pupils in his eyes held nothing there; behind them was dark, cold as ice. This was it. I wanted to say something, but I was mute.
“Man, it ain’t even what you think.” Kevon’s eyes were roaming around in his head. The guilt of a liar when he realizes it’s over.
“Because of you, I just had to kill three of my bodyguards. Niggas I fucked wit before I even knew your disloyal ass. Damn, I can’t believe I trusted you and treated your ass like a brother.”
“Come on, Caesar, dog, let me explain,” Kevon tried to beg.
“Nah, ain’t nothin’ for you to explain. Yazz, baby, come over here and stand next to me. I’m about to lullaby this disloyal-ass nigga.” My brain told my legs to move, but I couldn’t. He was calling me baby? But what was he going to do to me? Was I next? “Come on, baby. Don’t be afraid. I know all about what he made you do.” Caesar pointed the gun at Kevon’s head, right between the eyes. “Yeah, motherfucker, you forced her to sleep with me for your own financial gain. I swear you a nigga of the worst kind.”
“Is that what you think? You think I forced her? I ain’t force that bitch to do shit. This bitch begged me to get down wit this shit.” I could not believe my ears. The lies this dude was telling was awful, but still my voice would not come to defend myself.
“Shut the fuck up,” Caesar yelled, then cocked the trigger on his gun. “Stop lying like a bitch nigga. Take ownership because this ain’t a good look. Take this shit like a man. See your bitch Misti done called me up and told me everything all about your weak-ass plot. How do you think I know? I still can’t believe them fuckin’ niggas fell for that shit you fed them about me.”
That answered the question that was burning a hole in my brain. Who had ratted Kevon out? Misti. But how did she even know about any of this? That was another question I would have liked to ask Kevon had I been able to speak. Kevon’s entire jaw dropped. “Misti called you?” He looked at Caesar for confirmation.
Before Caesar could say a word, two gunshots rang out and I watched as he dropped to his knees. Stunned from the blow of the hot bullets, Caesar’s eyes left Kevon and landed directly on me. Then his entire body rested on the floor. A loud scream followed before I recognized the scream had come from my own mouth. I immediately placed my hand over it. Taking my eyes from Caesar, I came face-to-face with Misti. The gunshots had come from the gun that she was now pointing at Kevon and me.
“Kevon, babe, are you okay?” Misti lowered the gun and looked at him, concerned. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get here sooner. Thank God I was able to get here in time to hear those lies Caesar told. None of it’s true. Don’t believe none of it. It had to be that backstabbing bitch that’s standing behind you.” She lifted the gun again and pointed it in my direction. Knowing she could not be speaking of me, I looked behind me. Somebody had to be standing there. Realizing that there was no one behind me, I turned back to face Misti.
Kevon, on the other hand, hadn’t heard a word she said because what I saw next was strange as hell. Walking over to Misti, he started hugging her, and then kissing her all over her face.
“Don’t worry about that. I know that nigga lying. I’m just glad you showed up when you did.” Kevon held Misti tight. “That disloyal-ass snake was about to shoot me.” Kevon continued to shit on Caesar with lies about his character.
“No worries babe. You know I will always be here for you,” Misti cooed while massaging Kevon’s right cheek.
Talk about shocked, I was it. They were at each other like lovebirds; they had even forgotten I was in the room. I was trying to wrap my head around what all this meant. Because here my man was with his ex-girlfriend whom he’d claimed he didn’t fuck wit anymore. Yet they were about to rip each other’s clothes off with me right in the room.
“What the fuck is going on?” I yelled, finally finding my voice. They both turned around in my direction, giving me an annoyed look.<
br />
Misti twisted her thin lips into a vicious grin as she looked at Kevon, kissed him on the cheek, nodded her head in my direction, and said, “Go ahead.”
He gazed in her eyes like a puppy ready for his Puppy Chow, then spun in my direction. “You see, Yazz, it’s like this, sweetheart. Misti and I have never been separated. That was a lie.” He paused for a minute like he was expecting me to say something, but I didn’t. I needed to hear every word he wanted to share. “Misti here came up with a plan that involved us”—he pointed between the two of them—“recruiting you. We needed the most beautiful vulnerable girl from around the way. Naturally, my Misti thought of you because you fit that. The plan was to use you to seduce Caesar so that we”—again, he pointed at Misti, then back at himself. He must have thought I was slow too—“could take over Cash. So to make this work, Misti left town for a while. Meanwhile, I could flatter you into a relationship, gain your trust, and all plans would fall into place. And as you see, it worked.” He grinned at me. “Actually it was easier than I thought it would be.”
My whole face was on fire like a thousand bees had just finished feasting on it. I could not believe what had just came out of his mouth. He, along with his slut girlfriend, had not only used me, but played me like a fine tune. But the worst part was I had been naïve enough to fall for it. How could I not have known something was up? Kevon had been with this girl forever. Everyone, including me, knew that. This explained why I’d never seen her but then all of a sudden she was everywhere. I felt sick to my stomach.
“Damn, I can’t wait to start this new life with me the head of Cash and you as my wifey.” He kissed her on the nose and she beamed. Neither one of them felt any shame. Only victory. I could kill them both.
“You low-down, dirty-ass nigga. And you, you baldheaded bitch.” I spat at Misti, but it landed before reaching her. “Both of you will pay for what you have done to me.” My heart ached. Never had I felt so low. Not even Ruthie hated me this much.
