“I’m sure she does,” he said quickly. “I’m just saying, she doesn’t eat like this.”
“The pie at Anderson’s bakery on 101st street is way better than this. No offense, Grandma,” Elizabeth said.
I fought back a smile.
“None taken,” my mom said with a chuckle as she placed the last piece of Tupperware in the fridge. “I’m not a professional baker or anything.”
“You might as well be!” my dad said. “I’ve never tasted anything better than your cooking. Not in all my life.”
“Don’t listen to your grandpa, Lizzy,” my mom said. “He likes to tease me.”
“What I like is to watch the Pats,” he said roughly. He checked his watch and stood quickly, kissing my mother swiftly before hurrying into the living room. Shortly thereafter, we heard the TV turn on and his recliner creak as he sat down.
I rolled my eyes, “Nice talk, Dad,” I mumbled under my breath.
My mother patted my shoulder and moved to sit beside me. “Don’t let him get to you. That’s just your dad.”
“Doesn’t make it any easier,” I said as Elizabeth resumed working on her pie.
“He loves you,” my mom said as if that made everything okay.
“But he isn’t proud of me,” I argued.
“Sure, he is. He just doesn’t understand your life.”
“For someone who grew up not even two hours from the city, you would think he would be more okay with his daughter living there.”
“But he’s not and you can’t change that. All you can do is accept it.”
“Right,” I scoffed. “Like he accepts me.”
“You don’t give him a chance to,” she complained. “How many times have you been home in the past five years? My god, Alicia, we haven’t seen Elizabeth since she was three!”
“That’s not true,” I said, but I knew it was. I avoided Savage like the plague.
“Alicia,” my mom said. She shook her head and leaned closer to me. “Cut us some slack, okay? We just miss you. Both of you.”
“We miss you guys, too,” I said.
“I’m done!” Elizabeth announced.
“Put your plate in the sink,” I told her.
“Can I play outside?” she asked.
I nodded. “In the backyard.”
She smiled and hurried to the sink, where she stood on her tiptoes to set her plate inside before running out the back door. I watched her go with a smile. She was growing so quickly, I hated missing even a single second with her.
“Mom,” I said, turning back to face her, “do you think I made the right choice when I decided to keep her?”
Mom’s eyes widened slightly at my words. We’d never discussed my change of heart that day in the hospital, so I never knew how she felt about it.
“Honey,” she began slowly, “I think what really matters is whether you believe it was the right choice.”
“Most of the time, I do. But there are times when I wonder if Allie would have been better for Lizzy. There are times when I question whether I was meant to be a mother at all…”
“You love your daughter.”
“More than anything.”
Mom smiled. “Then you’re doing all right. What makes a good mom isn’t living in the right place or providing a traditional family. It’s loving your child and doing everything you can to help them succeed. From what I can see, you’re doing that.”
“Thanks.”
My mom’s words filling me with warmth, I sat back in my chair and checked the time on the kitchen stove. It was almost nine, which meant I had to meet Zane in an hour. Elizabeth would be in bed by nine-thirty, I hoped; I didn’t want to tell her where I was going.
“That’s the third time you’ve checked the clock,” my mom observed.
“I’m meeting someone after I put Lizzy to bed.”
“Someone?” Her eyebrows arched upward.
“Zane.”
“Ahh…”
“What?”
“Nothing.” She shrugged. “I’m just not surprised, that’s all.”
“And why not?”
“Because you two never could stay away from each other.”
CHAPTER 21
Alicia
At the bar, I considered which booth to sit in. Our usual table was just past the bar, up against the side wall, but the idea of sitting there made my skin crawl. That was where he’d told me he was leaving all those years ago. I didn’t want to relive that moment.
So instead, I chose a small table in the back. Only two chairs sat around it and there was no one in the vicinity. The closest patron sat at the end of the bar, a good twenty feet away.
I pulled out a chair and sat down, wiping the sweat off my palms. I was even more nervous than I’d been the night before.
Kellan’s felt different than Ricci’s. At Ricci’s, we were just two old friends catching up. Sure, there had been chemistry and tension, but nothing I couldn’t easily ignore. At Kellan’s, though? I knew I wouldn’t be able to deny my connection with Zane, especially not after what had happened the night before. The pub held too many implications. Too many reminders of our time together.
When Zane walked in, he spotted me immediately. The way he moved was enough to make my face flush. As he smiled, I couldn’t look away from his lips. I had to shake myself to stop remembering the way those lips had felt against my skin.
I gulped.
It was going to be an interesting night.
“You made it,” he said as he sat down across from me.
“Of course, I did. What? You didn’t think I would show?”
“Honestly, I wasn’t sure. I was worried you might regret last night.”
I shook my head. “I probably should, but I don’t.”
“I’ll get us some drinks,” he offered. “The usual?”
“Sure.”
He came back to the table less than two minutes later with our drinks in hand. He set mine down in front of me and I immediately picked it up to take a sip, needing something to help relax me. The alcohol burned slightly as it slid down my throat and landed in my stomach.
I took another gulp. Then another.
Zane laughed. “Thirsty?”
“Nervous,” I admitted.
“All of this is still so new, yet…”
“Really familiar?”
“Exactly.”
I nodded. “I know. I keep thinking I have to speed off to class in the morning.”
“And I keep thinking I have to run off to PT before we even make it to bed. Feels like a million years ago, doesn’t it?”
“Sometimes. Other times, I think it all just happened. Like I never even left Savage.”
“Sometimes, I wish I hadn’t.” Zane’s face fell slightly.
I knew something serious had crossed his mind, but I also knew he didn’t want to talk about it. I smiled and leaned against the table. His eyes flickered down to my chest for a fraction of a second and I grinned wider. “What are you thinking about?” I asked playfully.
“Well, I was thinking about something, but now I have no idea what it was. All I can think about is how amazing you look right now.”
“I do, don’t I?” I said, tucking my hair behind my ears.
“You have no idea.” His voice was rough and his eyes bored holes in mine. I had forgotten just how much we could say to each other without speaking.
I moved my foot slowly across the floor until it touched his. When I slid it gently up his leg, he closed his eyes and exhaled sharply.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” he warned.
I smiled and leaned back. I finished my drink and got up to order another round, feeling his eyes on me as I walked away. When I sat back down, he looked ready to pounce.
“What?” I asked innocently.
He just smiled and drank his beer. We went through three more rounds, flirting and touching each other innocently. And we talked about everything from the past to the future, a
ll the while controlling our urges.
After the fifth drink, I knew it was no use. We’d been in this situation before. I glanced around to make sure no one was watching before I reached down and took Zane’s hand. I lifted it to my lips and slowly slid his middle finger inside my mouth.
“I want you,” he growled. “Now.”
I stood and led the way to the back hallway where the bathrooms were located, glancing around and making sure no one saw us. When we reached the bathrooms, I held my finger up, telling him to wait while I pushed the door to the women’s room open. I checked every stall, ensuring they all were empty. Then I opened the door to let him in.
He didn’t even wait until he was fully inside to let his lips crash onto mine. I tasted alcohol on his tongue, which intoxicated me further.
Zane pushed me against the door and I slid my hand behind me to lock it. Even drunk, I wanted to make sure we weren’t interrupted.
“Just like old times,” he whispered as he tore at the buttons on my blouse.
“Only better,” I moaned.
He didn’t bother unhooking my bra; he just shoved the cups aside and took my nipple in his mouth. My hands frantically pulled at his pants. I had to feel him inside of me. I couldn’t want a second longer.
He pulled me forward and pushed me gently against the sink. His hand reached under my skirt and pulled down my panties. He then pulled my unbuttoned blouse down so he could kiss my shoulders.
He was inside me in an instant. I bit my lip to keep from screaming as my entire body rocked with pleasure. His kisses turned to bites as he thrusted harder. I could feel every inch of him.
He pushed my skirt farther up so that he could wrap his hand around my bare skin.
God, he felt so good. I had nearly forgotten how good sex with him was. Now, I could hardly remember why I’d left him that day.
He held onto me tightly with one hand while his other slid down to play with my clit.
I held onto the sink for dear life and moaned openly, unable to hold them in any longer. Zane breathed heavily behind me and I knew he was close. I pushed myself closer to him, wanting the moment to last forever. The slight shift in position coupled with his wild stroking made everything more intense. My legs shook and Zane was the only thing holding me up. My grip on the sink went slack as he pounded against me, harder and harder.
I screamed as my orgasm washed over me, but Zane quickly covered my mouth and held onto me, both of us sweating profusely and breathing like we had just ran a marathon. I leaned back against his chest while he raked his nails up and down my thighs.
He lowered his head to lick the sweat off my body making me shiver. Then he turned me around and pulled his pants up with one hand while kissing me, hard and fast, his tongue desperately tasting mine. His hands gripped my breasts roughly and he growled into my mouth. He took a step forward, forcing my back against the sink. I could still feel the effects of my orgasm working their way through my body.
I pulled away quickly, pushing him backward. I exhaled sharply and pushed my sweaty curls out of my face with one hand while I holding him away with the other.
“Stop,” I said weakly. “If you keep doing that, we’ll never leave this bathroom. So unless you want to go again…”
He laughed and yanked me back to him, kissing me again, but stopping quickly. I moaned and grabbed the back of his head, pulling his lips back to mine. He pulled away gently, but I bit his lip and pulled him right back.
“Didn’t you just say we should stop?” he asked.
“I just can’t control myself when you’re around,” I said.
“I know the feeling,” he said.
I pulled my panties up and rebuttoned my shirt, laughing softly. “I didn’t expect that to happen.”
“Why not? It’s not like this bathroom hasn’t seen it before. Many, many times before…”
“Trust me, I remember. I couldn’t forget if I tried.”
I was ninety-nine percent sure our daughter had been conceived in that bathroom.
CHAPTER 22
Zane
Alicia’s face changed in an instant.
I frowned and wrapped my arms around her waist. Something was troubling her, but I was too drunk and exhausted to wonder what it was. I held her closer and waited for my breathing to return to normal. When it did, I took her hand and pulled her gently toward the door.
“Maybe another drink or two? Then I’ll walk you home?”
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Give me a minute. I want to clean up a little before I head back out.”
“I’ll wait for you.”
“No. No need to. I’ll be quick. You go order us some drinks and I’ll meet you at the table.”
“Are you sure?” I searched her face for a clue as to what was suddenly bothering her.
“Positive,” she said.
Part of me wanted to stay put, but I knew she needed space for some reason. So I turned and unlocked the bathroom door. With a glance back at her, I pushed it open and let myself out into the hallway. When the door swung shut behind me, I stared at it for a fraction of a second.
It won’t do any good to wait outside the door, I told myself.
With a sigh, I walked slowly up to the bar. “Two more,” I said to the bartender. He nodded and went to work pouring our drinks. All around me, people were getting rowdier. It was almost midnight and even in Savage, things always began to heat up around this time.
I glanced around and noticed the people in the pub. There were a lot more than there had been before Alicia and I had disappeared into the bathroom. Most of the tables were packed now, and there were even a few guys standing by the jukebox.
I realized I recognized one of them.
I looked away quickly, my heart beginning to race.
“Prewitt!” a voice called from behind me.
Shit. The last thing I needed was a run in with McCoys. I pretended like I didn’t hear him until he was standing directly behind me.
“Hey, Zane!”
I turned around slowly and plastered a smile on my face. “McCoys,” I said. “What the hell are you doing here, man?”
“Just making the rounds. Visiting some friends. Thought we’d take a little road trip. I didn’t know you still lived around here!”
“Yeah, man. Savage is home. Not just because of the base either.”
“Where?” McCoys asked. He was already drunk, his eyes glassy. I couldn’t blame him though; I wasn’t exactly sober myself.
“Here,” I said. “This town. Savage.”
“Right,” McCoys nodded. “Well, let me buy you a drink! Man, it has been way too long.”
“Just a few months,” I said. The last time I’d seen McCoys had been at Leo’s funeral. The memory made the alcohol in my stomach churn.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I said. “Look man, it would be great to catch up with you, but I’m actually here with someone. She’s in the bathroom right now, but she’ll be out in a minute.”
“Oh!” McCoys grinned. “A lady? Well, I should meet her! Tell her what she’s getting herself into with the likes of you.” He bumped me good-naturedly and I tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace.
“That would be great,” I said. “But maybe another night, okay? It’s kind of a date, you know? Just us.”
“I see,” he said, his face changing in an instant. “Don’t have time for an old buddy?”
“It’s not that, man.”
“No, forget it. I don’t know what I expected. You haven’t kept in touch with any of us since we all left the team. Too good for us now?”
“It’s not that… Things have just been hard.”
“Hard?” McCoys laughed. “Yeah, I bet they have. Carrying around all that guilt can’t be easy.”
My face flushed. “What?” I said.
“We all know what really happened that night.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.�
� I turned away, my head spinning with anger and intoxication. I couldn’t believe he would dare bring that up.
“Yes, you do,” he spat. He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him. Spit flew as he spoke. “We all know why Leo died, Prewitt. You should have been there! You were the closest, and you let him die. You just let him—”
When my fist hit his face, I barely knew what happened. I connected with his jaw and his head jerked to the side.
I didn’t wait for him to fight back.
I tackled him to the floor, knocking a chair over in the process. We landed hard. McCoys rolled over and pinned me down, punching me twice before I kicked him off me. My foot connected with his stomach and I felt him curl inward. The satisfaction I felt was so great that I kicked him again.
And again.
Until someone I didn’t know pulled me away from him.
I struggled against the arms that held me, still kicking wildly.
“Get out of here!” the bartender yelled. “Both of you!”
I was carried out into the parking lot and thrown to the ground. It wasn’t long before McCoys landed next to me. I scrambled to my feet, immediately putting distance between us. The fight was over; we didn’t need to throw any more punches.
McCoys glared at me while his buddies patted him on the back and led him away. I watched as they disappeared across the parking lot. Glancing down at my hand, I saw that it was bleeding. I cursed and wrapped it tightly in my shirt. When I looked back up, Alicia was standing in front of me, furious.
“Alicia,” I began, “I can explain.”
“Save it.” She stormed past me.
“Stop!” I yelled, running after her. “Please, just listen! You don’t understand.”
“Oh, I understand perfectly, Zane,” she yelled back. She rounded on me, her eyes on fire. “This is just who you are! Right when things start to get good again, you screw up! You start throwing punches in bars! Beating the crap out of random strangers and—”
“He wasn’t random!” I screamed. “You have no idea what you’re talking about!”
“The hell he wasn’t!” she screamed back. “I can’t believe I fell for your crap again!”
“Will you please just listen to me?! I can explain! I know that guy, okay? We were in the desert together. On the same team and—”
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