Manservant

by Shari J. Ryan

  “Jelly-Bean?” Dad walks in without knocking, and I’m lying on my ground having sex with balls. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “Dad, get out. I’ll be with you in a minute. I—I, please, I’ll be—oh my—yeah.” My shouting and actions clearly terrify Dad enough to make him leave the room. He’s probably scared to death, as I am right now, but I’ll worry about that after I—yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. I grind my fist between my legs, putting pressure on the balls, and finally, as the third round of warmth fills me entirely, I get a moment of relief. My pulse is racing, and my heart is pounding so hard I can feel it through every limb.

  I pull myself up by my bed and jog into the bathroom so I can remove these fucking things. I pull my shorts down and stick my fingers on up there and yank the first ball out somewhat easily. Gross. I toss it into the sink, then reach up for the second one, but um . . . my fingers aren’t long enough, so . . . shit.

  I squat down, doing whatever I can think of to get this damn thing out, but it’s not moving.

  I pull my shorts back up, freaking the hell out as I run to the door, not feeling the good sensations anymore, which I think is a good thing right now, but, this is not good.

  Opening the door a few inches, I yell down for Liam. “Liam! I need you. Like, now.”

  Dad pokes his head in my door because he’s obviously been sitting in the hall since the lovely scene he was forced to witness. “Is there something I can help you with, sweetie?”

  “No, no, no, no, please no. I just, can you make Liam come upstairs? I have to talk to him right away.”

  “Sure, okay.”

  “Hey, Liam,” Dad shouts. I could have done that. I did do that. He’s still not up here.

  Finally, I hear Liam pouncing up the stairs. “What’s going on?” he asks Dad.

  “I don’t know. It looked like she was having a seizure a minute ago. I’m worried about her. She just wants you, though. Can you see what’s going on?”

  “Don’t worry, she’s okay,” Liam assures him. I can hear him trying to suppress his laughter, and I’m about to punch him in his balls if keeps this up.

  Liam closes himself inside the bedroom and smiles proudly. “What’s the matter, sunshine?”

  “Liam, I can’t get the second ball out. It’s too high up there.”

  “According to the directions, they should come right out.”

  “Oh, okay, a piece of paper tells you they shouldn’t get stuck in your girl’s vag, so I should totally just be okay, right?”

  “Just relax, it really is okay,” he tells me.

  “No, no, I’m pretty sure this isn’t okay, Liam. There is a ball stuck in my vagina, and I want it out, now.”

  “Okay, lie down and let me see if I can get it out,” he says.

  “Now, this is fucking hot,” I say, not even trying to hide my anger at the moment.

  Liam presses my legs apart as wide as they’ll go and slides his fingers up into the endless black hole. My body might swallow his fingers too if he’s not careful. Holy crap. This is ridiculous.

  “Hmm,” he says.

  “Are you kidding me?” I yell.

  “Relax, you’re probably forcing it up higher every time you clench.”

  “How can I relax?”

  “I have an idea,” he says. “Give me one second.”

  Liam slips out the door. “She’s fine, but she needs a minute alone, so don’t go in there just yet,” I hear him tell Dad.

  The thoughts of what he could possibly be getting right now are making me nauseous. I’m going to have to go to the hospital and have them remove a ball from my vagina. This just can’t be happening. I’m going to die of embarrassment, and then I’m going to kill him.

  Liam is back within a minute, and I can’t see what he has in his hand, but once again, he looks at me with as much seriousness as he can conjure. “Just try to relax again.”

  “Um, you’re not playing gyno right now, so what are you planning to do?” He pulls his hand away from his back, exposing a—“Are you sticking a fucking spoon up there?”

  “Just trust me.”

  “Trust you? I think that’s how I got a goddamn ball stuck inside of me in the first place,” I grunt.

  I feel the cold metal of the spoon slowly slide into me as I thank everything in this universe that Liam is well endowed, making it so easy for the head of this spoon to slide on up. I feel it connect with the ball, and I can’t help the giggle that comes out when it hits the right nerve, or my g-spot, not too sure if that’s what’s happening.

  Liam tilts the spoon upward a bit, and I feel like I’m being pried open by a speculum but in the opposite direction. The ball comes rolling on out, and Liam holds it up like a trophy egg on a spoon he just ran an obstacle course with. “Got it,” he says.

  I sit up, feeling my nostrils flare and my cheeks burn. “That was mortifying,” I tell him.

  “I didn’t think you’d be so sensitive to it. I’m sorry, really,” he says, trying not to freaking smile. He’s not sorry. He enjoyed every second of this. “Your dad does think you were having a seizure, though, so you should get dressed and let him know you’re okay.”

  I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my rage. Feeling relieved, at least, I pull a pillow in front of me and sigh. “Is everything okay with you and Sam?” I ask.

  “Couldn’t be better, and you were right.”

  “That’s not going to work as an apology.”

  “I’ll make this up to you, I promise.”

  “You better,” I tell him. “When are you going to tell Dylan everything?”

  “Tonight,” he says. “It’ll be the perfect time for a lot of things tonight.”

  “Okay, well, take your balls back, please. I don’t want them.”

  “That’s not what she said . . .”

  * * *

  I’ve never seen fireworks over the water, but this is the way to watch them.

  Jade is sitting in her chair, bored out of her mind, watching Cleary and Sterling talk to a couple of bimbos. She broke things off with Cleary last week because she concluded “on her own,” with no help from me that she’s still madly in love with Chip. However, Chip has not taken the time to return her calls or messages over the past week, so Jade is in depressed mode. There isn’t enough wine or ice cream in the world to fix her right now, but God knows I have tried.

  The beach is crowded and we’re all huddled close together, but as a man walks up behind us and yanks Jade out of her chair, I can’t help but gasp. Is that— No way . . .

  “Chip!” She shrieks.

  “Babe, you broke my goddamn heart, and I have been driving myself crazy for the last few months, pining over losing you. You need to know I’d wait another thirty years to marry you if I knew you’d stay with me. I love you, Jade, every quirky and cute little thing about you, and I don’t want to be away from you.”

  Jade is easily half of Chip’s size, but it doesn’t keep her from jumping into his arms and knocking him to the sand as she pummels him with kisses. My chest fills with relief, knowing my best friend doesn’t have to torture herself anymore. Things are falling into place, and it’s a nice feeling for a change.

  The rest of us—Sam, Daniel, Dad and his Miss Eloise—are seated on lounge chairs, sprawled out in a curved row as we watch Liam and Dylan build a massive sandcastle in the middle of our half circle. The mood shifts as everyone is most likely trying to block out the dog-licking-privates sounds from Jade and Chip, while tensely waiting for Liam to give Dylan a truth he deserves to know.

  Liam and Dylan are talking about making a sand tower, and I’m wondering how much longer Liam is going to drag this out because we’re all waiting and watching like they’re on a movie screen.

  Sam, of course, looks like she’s watching a sappy romance as she gazes at them with glossy heart-shaped eyes.

  “So buddy, I have something to tell you,” Liam says. Everyone becomes silent, listening intently. “It turns out, we have the sa
me dad, so do you know what that means?”

  Dylan looks taken aback, or more like shocked beyond belief. “Really?” he asks. “It means . . . like, you’re my brother?” His voice grows loud with excitement, and for a child who doesn’t want much to do with affection or human touch, he jumps on top of Liam and squeezes his little arms around his neck so tightly, the sight of it makes my chest ache.

  Liam squeezes his eyes shut, and tears roll down his cheeks. “I love you, little buddy. I always have.”

  “I love you too,” Dylan tells him. I can’t see Dylan’s face, but his voice is rattling and I can hear him crying. “This is the best day of my whole life.”

  “Mine too,” Liam says. “Dylan, I’ll never ever leave you. I may not be able to live with you forever, but I’ll never be far and we’ll always be close, buddy, okay?”

  “I believe you,” Dylan tells him. “Thank you for being my brother.” Liam scruffs up Dylan’s hair and wraps his arm around his neck as he kisses the top of his head. “Wait, I have a question.”

  “Sure, what’s up?” Liam answers.

  “So, if you’re my brother, does that mean Julia will be my sister when you two get married?”

  As I was leaning back in my flimsy lounge chair, my feet fly up and I fall backwards into the sand. Did I just hear him correctly?

  “Oh boy,” Liam responds. “Why don’t we save that conversation for another day? I think finding out we’re brothers is enough for tonight, okay? But I got to hand it to you, you just knocked Julia off her feet . . . again.”

  Dylan looks over at me trying to fix my chair and laughs. With a wink and a wiggle of his brows, he says, “It’s totally happening, Liam.” All I can do is smack my hands against my face, but two small hands peel them away a moment later. “Julia . . .”

  “I release my hands, finding Dylan standing in front of me. “I only said that because . . .” He sighs and looks everywhere but at my face. “You’ve—ugh, this is hard.” He pauses for a few seconds, looking for the words he’s trying to say. “You’ve been like, the coolest nanny I’ve ever had, and you act more like a sister than some stuck-up, boring adult. I kind of like having you around, a little. Plus, it’s been more than ten days and it’s sort of a record around here, so that must mean something, right?”

  My emotions are on overdrive because hearing those words makes everything I’ve gone through this summer, even with it only being half over, completely worth it.

  “I didn’t want to let you down, Dylan. I’ve been having so much fun with you.” I grab him and pull him in for a hug I know he’ll squirm right out of, but he lets me hold him for just a second before he runs over to Sam, and it means the world to me.

  The first fireworks shoot into the air, filling the sky with what looks like diamonds, and it’s officially the best Fourth of July ever.

  Liam stands up from the mound of sand he’s been sitting on and makes his way over to me, taking a seat in the empty chair next to mine. “He’s pretty fucking happy,” Liam says.

  “So are you,” I say, looking at him with contentment, only because I told him to do this a month ago.

  “Yeah I am, but not just because of Dylan,” he says.

  “Because of Sam?” I ask.

  “Because of you, Jules.” My heart is beating hard for him. I was so afraid he’d hurt me, but he’s restored my faith in his pretty-man kind.

  “Well, I feel the same way, except for getting a Ben Wa ball stuck—” He places his finger on my lips, preventing any more words.

  “Julia,” he whispers while leaning in toward me. “As hard as this is to believe, I’ve never said what I’m about to say . . . to anyone before tonight.”

  “Liam,” I mutter with a hitch to my breath. Where is he going with this? I don’t know if I can take another surprise today.

  “Shh,” he hushes me with a gentle smile. “Julia, I’m falling in love with you. You’ve woken my soul up, made it feel alive, and I’ve never wanted to spend so much time with someone in my entire life. I’ve never looked forward to seeing a person after going just hours without seeing them. I love everything about you and now that I know you’re hanging around the area for a while, I can’t wait to see what happens between us.” He lets out a lungful of air as if everything he said had been pent up and exploding inside of him. “I know I told you I’d make you fall in love with me, but I guess I was the one who fell into my own trap.” He grins at his joke, and I don’t know what emotion my face has written on it because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before either. It’s new and I wondered if it was love or just lust, but it’s everything, except for the balls thing . . . that’s not part of this.

  “As much as I hate to admit you were right, Liam, you were.” It is hard to admit I might have been wrong about all hot men being assholes, so it’s a good thing I don’t have to admit to it. Liam can be an ass, but it turns out, I’m attracted to assholes . . . err . . . wait, no. I’m attracted to men with a domineering side equal to the one I have—we’ll go with that. Men shouldn’t be assholes, but they can be rough and sexually aggressive, while also showing an unexpected sweet side. That’s hot.

  “What was I right about?” Liam asks.

  “I couldn’t help falling in love with you too. It just kind of happened,” I tell him.

  “Oh, I bet it was when I licked your—”

  “Please, stop,” I laugh.

  That’s not what you said then,” he whispers, seductively, as we both laugh.

  He leans forward and kisses me softly as the sky lights up with multiple explosions of beautiful colors. He smiles against my smile and tucks my hair behind my ear as he grips me tightly. “I really do love you,” he whispers into my mouth. “I love you so much, I’d willingly be your personal manservant for life.”

  “Careful what you offer,” I tell him. “I’ve recently been considering hiring one because I just need to be fanned sometimes.”

  “I don’t fan,” he says. “I clear out cobwebs, lick things clean, and sponge down dirty areas.”

  “Perfect. You’re hired, my manservant.”

  A YEAR LATER

  “You missed a spot,” I tell Liam.

  His head falls to the side and he dunks his sponge into the bucket of water he’s been using to clean the bathroom floor.

  “Did you come in here just to annoy me?” he asks.

  “Yup,” I reply with a devious grin.

  He stands up from his spot and grabs me by the wrist, pinning me against the wall as he presses the sponge onto my exposed neck. The water dribbles down the inside of my white shirt, and this is exactly why our house will never be as clean as Sam and Daniel’s.

  “I thought you were busy cleaning,” I tell him.

  “I just found something a little dirtier that needs to be cleaned first,” he whispers into my ear, fueling every one of my nerves into excitement.

  “Oh yeah? What’s that?” Knowing full well what he means, I slide down to the ground of the bathroom, finding this place to be a spot we frequent often.

  Liam pulls me back up to my feet, though. “Oh, do you have a better idea?” I ask in my sultry voice.

  He falls to his knees with the sponge and cleans a spot on the tile, but reaches into his back pocket at the same time, pulling out a long rectangular suede box.

  “A new toy?” I ask with excitement.

  “You can call it that,” he says.

  Liam drops the sponge and dries off his hands on his pants before opening the box. I can’t even imagine what it is this time. I feel like we’ve purchased the whole catalog we have hidden in our top dresser drawer.

  He opens the box and pulls a rag out of his other back pocket.

  “Oh my—”

  Liam drags the rag gently over the beautiful ring and looks up at me. “There, now it’s clean.”

  “Liam?” I gasp.

  “Jules, I love you more than I can comprehend some days and I would happily clean every square inch of this entire
world if it meant I could spend the rest of my life with you. Let me be yours, let me take care of you, let me always make sure your world is sparkling.”

  “You really want to be my manservant for life?” I giggle through tears.

  “I’d do anything for you. Anything.” He’s more serious than I’ve ever seen him and my heart swells with happiness.

  I fall to the ground with him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You’d really do anything for me?”

  “I would—I will.”

  “So, will you be the cover model on my next book?”

  He sighs and scratches at the back of his head, while glancing at me with his gorgeous eyes. “Only if I can be shirtless while holding a feather duster,” he easily agrees.

  “Then yes, I will marry you. I will spend every day making things dirty so you always have something to clean, especially if you always do it with your shirt off.”

  “Wait,” he says, holding his hands between us. “Can you title this book: Manservant?”

  “You want it to be our story?” I ask, wondering if he’s joking.

  I don’t wonder for long, though, as he doesn’t crack a smile. “Yeah, I think we have a story worth telling,” he says, placing his hands on my cheeks.

  “Me too.” With laughter echoing between the bathroom walls, Liam pulls me in and kisses me senseless, making my toes curl just like he did during our very first kiss and every other kiss in between.

  When our lips part, he slides the ring on my finger and squeezes my hand gently. “Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world, Jules.”

  “Thank you for being a good man—a hot, good man. I didn’t know your type existed until I met you.”

  “That’s because there’s only one manservant.”

  “And you’re all mine.”

  * * *

  There was a time I had it all wrong and couldn’t figure out men, but what I’ve learned is . . . if we don’t go through the assholes first, we’ll never know what’s on the other side.