Where The Gulls Cry (A Contemporary Love Story)

by G I Tulloch

  She fought her way home through a veil of tears but the next few days were a nightmare. Her pillow was wet every night; she alternated between rage at him, and frustration at herself for being so easily drawn in. Tempers were frayed, the children became miserable, and shouting and arguments became the norm. She daren't answer the phone because she knew she wouldn't be able to hold it together.

  It came to a head late on Friday when, in the course of an argument with Tom, he shouted "I want Uncle Geoff back". She saw red and hit him.

  Immediately horrified by what she'd done she recognised this couldn't go on. The next day Harry's mother popped in and took one look at Emma, the unkempt hair, the dark smudged eyes, with bags from lack of sleep.

  "Go away," she said. "Get away for a few days and sort yourself out, the kids will be fine with me."

  And hours later she was on the next train to her sister's place in Scarborough.

  Sally met her at the station and couldn't believe that the red-eyed, drawn-faced, hunched individual in front of her was her sister. She was horrified at the sight and insisted they go for a walk on the cliffs so she could be told everything.

  So Emma told her.

  "And this was Geoff? Geoff Gordon. It doesn't make sense. I don't understand it. When you talked about him he sounded so nice."

  "He might be to his fiancée," retorted Emma, "but obviously not to his bit on the side."

  "But why would he keep coming back to Chetsea if he wasn't serious?"

  "Well he was obviously serious about having some free time to indulge himself at our expense."

  "You don't know that."

  "Why else would he keep going back to London for three weeks?"

  Sally hesitated. "I must admit I did find that a bit odd," she conceded. "But it may have a perfectly innocent explanation."

  "What? Like him with his arm around this beautiful girl has an innocent explanation," Emma replied caustically.

  They talked and talked but Sally remained mystified.

  "Let me make a few discrete phone calls."

  "No. I forbid you. I can't let him have the satisfaction of hearing this."

  Sally was silent and nothing more was said on the subject for a couple of days.

  Emma brooded and her mood didn't improve. If anything it darkened. She took to walking for hours on the cliffs, which started to alarm Sally.

  It would be dramatic to say that she despaired but she felt that the dark tunnel she was in had no light at the end of it. She had been betrayed and there lurked the ugly thought that she was in part to blame. I'm damaged goods after all, she thought, things like this will happen. Happiness and contentment have gone for ever.

  She oscillated between anger and guilt, between depression and remorse. Oh why did Harry have to leave her?

  "Why?" she cried to the wind and the seagulls on the cliff-top. "Why me, why us, why at all? It's not fair."

  Two more days passed before Sally raised the issue again over the breakfast table.

  "Emma. You need to go and confront Geoff. It's the only way any of this will get cleared up and you can move on."

  "No."

  Sally took both Emma's hands in hers and looked her in the eye. "Emma, trust me, you really need to do this. Geoff's in Chetsea."

  "In Chetsea? Has he seen the kids?"

  "I don't know. "

  "The bastard."

  Sally shook her head. "Emma, until you went to London would you have trusted this man?"

  Emma hesitated. "With my life."

  "Then you need to sort it."

  Chapter 9

  Geoff was indeed in Chelsey trying to work out what the blazes was going on. All his plans were being thwarted. Emma wouldn't answer his calls and when he finally got through, Harry's mother would only say she'd gone away, not where, not with whom, not for how long, just gone away. So he had come to find out what was going on. This was driving him demented. Had she found someone else? Is that why she wouldn't answer his calls? Had he deluded himself that this woman actually had feelings for him? He was very close to convincing himself that he'd been taken for a fool, or totally fooled himself. He walked along the shoreline, mentally berating the seagulls for being so unfeeling as to ignore his plight and carry on with life as normal, screeching at each other whether on the wing or perched on masts. He suddenly wanted to have the simple life they led without all the bloody complications that human life could bring.

  Emma arrived back shortly after lunch whilst the kids were at school. Harry's mum was doing some washing.

  "Have you seen him?" demanded Emma.

  "Who, Geoff? Yes. As a matter of fact he called in this morning and took the kids to school."

  Emma saw red. "Do you know where he is now?"

  "He said something about going for a walk."

  She turned on her heel and marched determinedly out of the door, noting as she did that Geoff's car was parked across the road. She turned out of the gate and there he was, striding up from the direction of the quay.

  She waited until he was right next to her before saying anything.

  "You bastard," she seethed, "You lying, selfish, two timing bastard."

  And before he realised what was coming, still in shock, she slapped him hard twice and would have done a third time had he not come to his senses and grabbed hold of her wrist.

  "Let me go!" she cried, and lashed out with a foot.

  "I will when you tell me what all this is about."

  She fixed him with a look that would have carved steel like butter.

  "I was in London. I saw you with her. Your Fiancée." She spat it out like an orange pip. "You were choosing the wedding ring. I saw it all." She finished with a flourish, completing the case for the Prosecution.

  A look of bewilderment crossed his face. "Fiancée? I don't understand." Then a glimmer of comprehension came into his eyes.

  His mouth opened and shut several times, his face a complex sequence of expressions as thoughts tumbled through his mind. He went to say something but words failed him. He turned and unlocked his car, pausing briefly to look at Emma before getting in and driving off, leaving dirt and rubber on the roadway.

  And good riddance, thought Emma, a brief triumph echoing in her face before she recalled his last look. It was a familiar look, she'd seen it on Tom's face before, but where?

  She put it out of her mind and returned to the house, slamming the front door behind her as if to propel him out of her mind and out of her life.

  Chapter 10

  Geoff drove purposefully, even aggressively, back to London, his brain in turmoil. Fortunately no one got in his way. How could she, he thought. His memory went back to the day in London, the visit to the jewellers. Why did she have to be there? What were the odds of her being there? If only she hadn't seen it. Oh God why, he cried. He gripped the steering wheel as if endeavouring to crush it with his bare hands. If only he could turn back the clock, if only they could start again, if only...

  As he approached the North Circular in London anger started to bubble again. How could she believe it? Did she have such a low opinion of him as to give it credence? Was this the impression that he had given her of himself. He didn't know whether he was more angry at himself or her. Who was more to blame, him, her, or the gods. As he arrived home still seething inwardly he couldn't see a way forward, couldn't assemble a positive outcome. Once again he had fouled up another relationship and the future seemed as black as ever.

  Emma's life returned to routine. It was something that helped. In routine there was familiarity and security. Routine couldn't let you down, deceive you, or hold you responsible. She developed a closer relationship with her routine. The children noticed it too. Gone were the laughing carefree days of summer, autumn had arrived with a chill wind and a regimented life that left everyone with a heavy heart.

  Irene noticed, but being a wise woman kept her peace and waited her time. She loved this daughter-i
n-law and she hated to see her suffer, but she knew better than to interfere until the right time. As for Geoff Gordon, she was confused. She had had a lot of time for him and did not understand what was was going on. She normally saw herself as a good judge of character, but Geoff had let her down and her disappointment weighed heavily on them both. She began to feel her age more than normal, but perhaps it was just the colder days of autumn.

  Chapter 11

  Roz came home from a business trip abroad and got the shock of her life. She had left a happy Geoff in the house, lighter that she had seen him for years, but now she returned to a bear with the biggest sore head you had ever come across and she couldn't understand why. She wasn't aware of the growing band of people of which she was now a member but she didn't like it at all. Geoff threw himself at his work, which would have been a positive thing but for the fact that everything he produced went in the bin, thereby worsening his mood even further. Roz did once or twice try to get to the bottom of the change but got her head bitten off for her trouble, so backed off.

  She was increasingly worried about him, to the extent that when she next took an overseas trip she asked friends to keep an eye on Geoff as he was becoming increasingly depressed. She returned a week later to find the flat in a mess and Geoff drunk on the sofa.

  She took off her coat and put her case in her bedroom, a growing look of grim determination on her face. She put a pot of coffee on to percolate and removed the gin bottle and glass from the coffee table.

  Geoff remained semi-comatose, staring blankly at the wall, not acknowledging her presence in the slightest. Roz returned to the lounge, and sitting on the sofa turned Geoff's head so that she could engage eye contact.

  "You are now going to tell me what all this is about," she demanded, "or I am going to walk out the door."

  Geoff, always subconsciously afraid of this petite but determined woman, eventually told her everything.

  She felt like screaming, so she did. She felt like shaking the man beside her, so she did. She felt like slapping some sense into his face, until she saw the tears streaming down his face, and put her head in her hands instead.

  It was a turning point and Geoff finally came back to some sense of reality.

  Roz noticed it and gave an inward sigh of relief as they sat at the breakfast table.

  "I'm going back to work today. I've got to meet some clients," Geoff mumbled through some toast crumbs.

  "Good. I've got to go away at the end of the week, will you be okay?"

  "I'll be fine, don't worry. I'm okay."

  Roz wasn't convinced but kept her opinion to herself.

  Chapter 12

  Emma had returned from taking the children to school. Routine was still everything. Geoff was in the past, except when she was alone in her room and the kids were in bed, and then she would stare out of the bedroom window and wonder why happiness had been snatched from her. What had she done in her past life that warranted such treatment and such disappointment. She still treasured memories of the summer, as if the person she had shared it with was an entirely different individual to the person who had betrayed her. Tears would run down her cheeks and form a pool on the dressing table until she pulled herself together and climbed into bed for a night of uneasy rest.

  She came back to the present with a start as she realised that a car engine had pulled up and stopped outside. She checked the date on her watch. That's strange she thought, I wasn't expecting Irene today. She went to open the front door and was confronted with the beautiful and elegant vision from the jeweller's shop.

  "Hello, I'm Roz Gordon," said the vision brightly, holding out a hand, "and we need to talk."

  Emma was speechless for a good thirty seconds before finding her voice.

  "God, you've got a nerve."

  "That's as maybe but could we display my nerves inside rather than on your doorstep?" asked Roz.

  There was a firmness in her voice that brought Emma to her senses and she stood aside to let her pass. Still in a daze she led her into the kitchen, at least it seemed to be where Roz was going anyway. They faced each other across the table as if a barrier was necessary to prevent bloodshed.

  "You didn't waste any time getting married," retorted Emma. She tried a sneer but didn't really feel she succeeded.

  Roz hesitated. "I don't think there is anything to be gained by prolonging, or perhaps delaying your agony. I'm not married."

  Emma frowned. "But you said you're Roz Gordon."

  "That is right." Roz hesitated, Emma frowned. "That is my name because I am Geoff's sister."

  There was a pause before Emma's knees buckled, but fortunately she sank straight into a chair rather than collapse onto the floor, giving an impression of elegance rather that witless stupidity. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry; she couldn't take it in, couldn't absorb any of it.

  "But, but, but....." was all she could utter.

  Roz smiled. "Tea is what we need here I think. Lots of tea." She reached for the kettle and filled it under the tap. "And then we'll see where we go from there."

  They drank tea, whilst tangled thoughts nested in Emma's brain and Roz gazed out of the kitchen window, admiring the view across the garden to the boundary wall.

  Emma finally managed to slow her thoughts down to produce sensible speech.

  "I've been such a fool."

  "That's for you to decide," replied Roz, "personally my concern is for my brother."

  "But you were there that day," rambled Emma, a frown creasing her brow, "you looked so much in love.."

  Roz interrupted and leant forward across the table as if trying to break into Emma's reverie. "I do love my brother very much, which is why I am here, but we were not there to buy a wedding ring as you supposed. The reason for us being there is not something you need to hear from me."

  "What do I do?” asked Emma, purely rhetorically, "I've hurt him so badly, can he forgive me? Can he trust me? Can I trust myself." She looked at Roz. "I don't deserve him."

  Roz held up her hands in surrender. "That's not a discussion I'm going to get involved in, but it is a discussion you need to have with Geoff, and the sooner the better."

  "But what do I say to him?"

  "You are a big girl; he is a big boy; I'm sure between you that you will work something out." And with that she got up to leave.

  There was a slight awkwardness on the doorstep as they worked out how to say goodbye. Roz let Emma lead and in they end Emma hugged her tightly.

  "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

  They parted, exchanging smiles, and Roz walked out to her car.

  She looked back. On the whole she liked what she saw, she had high hopes.

  Chapter 13

  "You what!" cried Geoff.

  Roz had debated all the way home in the car and decided to come clean. She was going away for a while anyway and that would let him cool down.

  "I told her," she replied coolly, taking her shoes off, easing the crick from her neck and walking through to the lounge in her stocking feet.

  "You should have asked me first, it's my life," he cried.

  "If I'd asked you, you would have said no."

  "Too damn right I would," he retorted. "You shouldn't have interfered. She's my....." He stopped, unsure of how to finish the sentence.

  "Yes, Geoffrey. She's your what?"

  "Never mind, just don't poke your nose in."

  "I wouldn't have to but for the fact that you were both acting like a pair of big children after a fight between friends in the playground. Someone needed to step in and behave like a grown up, my dear." She smiled sweetly at him, which she knew infuriated him. "How about a cup of tea, or perhaps something stronger?"

  He pounded the streets during the afternoon, trying to get rid of the angst that was plaguing him, but during his cool-down walks his thoughts hounded him as always. Had anything actually changed? She had still thought so little of him as to believe him
of duplicity of the worst kind, so she obviously didn't trust him, nor feel deeply enough to take the risk of finding out the truth. And then he caught himself. He hadn't taken the risk of telling her the mistake and getting to the bottom of her insecurity in their relationship, so he was as culpable. But he wasn't going to push himself onto her. If she wanted to rekindle the relationship then he would let her make the first step. But the thought made him stop in his tracks. He suddenly yearned for her smile, her touch and her laugh. He felt his heart was breaking in two and there was nothing he could do about it.

  "Call her," insisted Roz, when he returned to the flat.

  "Don't go there," retorted Geoff his face like thunder and threatening a storm.

  "Aaargh!" she cried, shaking her fists in the air with frustration. "I'd like to knock your silly heads together." She pummelled a cushion instead and then buried her face in it.

  Emma was confused but less aggravated. Irene noticed and asked Emma how things were. Fine, everything is fine came the reply. Irene wasn't convinced. Emma had stopped crying at bedtime but still gazed out of the window unable to disentangle her thoughts. Surely Geoff would ring. She was sure that Roz would have told him about her visit. Emma had picked up the phone on a number of occasions but so uncertain of what to say that she had replaced the receiver each time. She had no idea of how to put into words what she felt about the situation, how she regretted her actions and how to tell him what she felt without risking driving him away. In the end the risk was too great and the phone stayed where it was. At the same time she craved his presence more intensely than ever before but was beginning to believe that she had blown all hopes of a happy ending.

  Chapter 14

  In the end it was ten-year-old Tom who intervened without even realising it. Geoff came home at five o'clock and, having made some toast to keep him going until Roz came in, noticed the light blinking on the answer-phone. He poked the appropriate buttons to hear the latest message only to hear Irene's distraught voice.