HIS OBSESSION-To Load

by Beck, J. L.

  Sofia finished redoing her lipstick and laughed as she dropped the tube back in her purse. “Are you still upset about the wedding? I was in a bad mood that day. Weddings just remind me that I’m not the one getting hitched. It should have been you and I up there.”

  I rolled my eyes and rubbed my brow. I was already regretting this bathroom incident. It was funny how a man could think much more clearly right after a climax. “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked. “You are seriously demented. I think you should have yourself checked out by a mental health professional. I don’t have those feelings for you. We are very different people. Things would not work out, especially as I have made so abundantly clear to you that I love Mia. She is the only woman I will ever want. Would you want a man who was constantly pining and dreaming of another woman? Seriously, what is wrong with you?”

  Sofia thought a moment. “Well, when that man has no shot with the woman he is pining for, then yes. I wouldn’t mind, because eventually he would get over it. I’m sure you will,” Sofia said.

  “Look, this has been fun, but I’ve got to go. I hope that one day you get it through your head that nothing can happen with you and me,” I said.

  I was reaching for the doorknob when Sofia said something that stopped me cold in my tracks.

  “Well, I wonder how long Mia and her new fella will be together before she realizes how much she loves you and comes running into your arms?”

  What did she say?

  New fella?

  I turned back towards her slowly and stared her hard in the face trying to determine what type of game she was playing. The smile on her face said that she knew something that I definitely wanted to know.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked. My throat suddenly felt very dry and the words would hardly choke out of me.

  Sofia laughed.

  “This new guy that Mia was getting very cozy with the other night,” she replied.

  “You are lying,” I said.

  Sofia smiled wickedly. Her eyes fluttered with glee as she strode towards me pulling her phone out of her purse. “I thought you might need convincing of this, so I took some photos,” she whispered.

  She held her phone up to my face so I could see for myself.

  Sure enough, there it was. Mia was in Nick’s Diner with some handsome guy having coffee and pie. Both of them looked very happy as if they were bonding over the funniest thing ever.

  When the hell did this happen? Dammit. My heart sank low in my chest as disgust and wave after wave of nausea followed by rage overtook me.

  “I don’t get it,” I whispered. “How did I not know about this? She’s never mentioned another guy. Donovan would have at least told me if Mia was dating somebody. He’s like my best friend.”

  “Well, from what I can gather they just met and this is their first date,” Sofia said.

  “How did you gather that?” I asked.

  “I have my ways.” Sofia giggled. “I can be very sneaky when I need to be.”

  I stared at her blankly, my mind growing even hotter with total, blind rage. She was getting the message. This was not something to toy with me about.

  She sighed. “I went into the diner and got a cup of coffee. I sat like two seats behind them. They were into each other and their conversation so much that they didn’t even notice me.”

  I couldn’t believe it. What if this turned into something? If Mia was single and alone, then I had a much better shot of reminding her of all the wonderful ways we always made each other feel. But with another blossoming romance happening it was going to be much easier for Mia to forget about me and just move on.

  I couldn’t handle this. I had to do something.

  But what? My mind was racing, my steps pacing back and forth, as the rage and anxiety swept over me. Shit. I’d blown it. I’d missed my shot. I never should have left. It would have been far easier to take my chances with dropping out of the army. I could have taken my lumps and probably proved to Mia how much I loved her by doing that. I might have been blacklisted as a piece of shit by my country, which I never would have lived down, but at least I’d be with the woman I loved.

  And she wouldn’t have had a baby by another man either.

  “Fuck!” I groaned slamming my hand down on the sink, immediately wishing I hadn’t as stabbing pain shot up from my fist into my forearm.

  “Relax,” Sofia whispered in my ear. “This is wonderful news if you look at it the right way. Now there is nothing muddling your mind and you can realize how great we are together.”

  I had never felt like seriously hitting a woman until this moment.

  Without moving my head I shifted my eyes to my peripheral and glared right at her. My teeth gritted, my jaws clenched, and my throbbing fist opened and closed almost involuntarily.

  I spoke slowly. The words came out even with a long breath between them. “Get the fuck out of here.”

  Sofia’s expression softened and she looked almost horror stricken. The smile from her face was wiped away almost instantly.

  This lasted for two seconds before she turned back on the bitch mode.

  “Fine. You know where I am when you come to your senses,” Sofia said. With that, she walked out of the ladies room leaving me to sulk alone.

  I’m not sure how long I stood there staring into the mirror, my mind a total mess of emotions and wild thoughts. I felt defeated. There was no one I could talk to. I had no one to confide in. I felt disgusted with the entire world. I barely knew who I was anymore. I felt like just leaving town, letting my dad deal with the sinking store, kissing all of that income goodbye, forgetting about Mia, and just moving on to walk into the sunset. Alone.

  But dammit, I loved that woman. I needed her more with every breath I drew. I’d never believed much in soul mates or that sort of thing when I was a kid, and I had never been particularly religious. To be honest, at this time I didn’t know what I believed. I was still trying to figure things out for myself on a very fundamental level. Maybe I didn’t deserve Mia. I knew that, but I also knew in time I would be the man she deserved, the man she wanted, and the man she could be damn proud of.

  But I needed that chance. I needed the opportunity to prove myself. And I was going to get it one way or another.

  I spent the rest of the day in a fog half distracted by this crushing news, my mind a mess of worry and anxiety over what I was going to do to remedy this situation and overcome this obstacle. No real solutions were coming to me, but I knew that if I had patience everything would reveal itself.

  After all, there was no way to kill true love. And whether Mia knew it or not, what we had was real love.

  And I was going to do whatever it took to make her realize that.

  Whatever it fucking took.

  Chapter Seven

  Mia

  “Wow, so it sounds like you had a great time with Tony.”

  I looked over at Rosy and smiled. I started to speak but had to cut myself short with a goofy little chuckle that made me sound like a twelve year old going to her first real dance. And truthfully, I felt like that too. There was this giddy magical feeling that kept coursing up and down my spine, like I was really excited for something to happen or I really wanted to do something but I had no idea what.

  “Yes, we had a great time,” I said, paying careful attention to emphasize my words so they sounded very natural. This did not work at all and I instantly regretted saying it that way.

  Rosy cheered and threw her arms up in the air. “Whew!! It is about time!”

  “Oh, stop it,” I said. “I told you I would date when I was ready.”

  “Well, it sure as hell took you long enough. I thought that you were going to be minus a plus one to Lola’s wedding one day,” Rosy said.

  I gave her a sarcastic smirk.

  “Really? Come on, I’m not that lame.”

  “Have you seen you?” Rosy asked.

  “What? Of course—“I started before Rosy interject
ed.

  “Then you should realize that you have it going on. I would kill for your figure. Do you have any idea how many men check you out all the time?”

  “What are you talking about? Men are not checking me out nearly as much as you think,” I said.

  I leaned back in the couch and pretended not to check the clock for the twentieth time in the past hour. Tony was picking me up at seven. I couldn’t believe that it had been two days since our coffee date. I’d expected him to text or at least call during that time, but the fact that he didn’t had totally fueled my excitement about our date tonight, which we had set up at the end of our coffee date at Nick’s the other day. I loved how nonchalant Tony was about everything. He didn’t seem to take anything too seriously and he sure didn’t come on too strong. Those things were important in the beginning.

  “Are you really that blind? Or have you just put up blinders so that you intentionally don’t notice the world around you?” Rosy asked.

  I took a deep breath. “Maybe you’re right. I have pretty much turned off the man radar in recent years, but I had a good reason. You know this.”

  Rosy nodded. “I absolutely do. You are a great mother and your little girl always comes first no matter what. You are to be commended, but just because you have a daughter does not mean that your own life is put on hold. That doesn’t mean that you just stop living.”

  I knew that Rosy was right, but I felt I had no choice.

  “I know. But I just felt that I had to be there with her for the first few years. I was afraid that if I was doing something for me I might miss something that she did. I couldn’t bear it if I missed her first word, or her first steps, or her first time going potty. I just decided to put me on the back burner for a bit. I guess I didn’t realize how much.”

  “Well, now you get to start your life again,” Rosy said. “So, what does Tony do?”

  “He said he is a technical writer,” I replied. “He used to do travel writing, but I guess he is done travelling for a while.”

  “Wow, travel, huh? I bet he has been to some exotic places,” Rosy said.

  “I’m not sure,” I replied. “I didn’t really ask him. Maybe we will get into that tonight.”

  “Oh, I’m sure you will get into something tonight, but I doubt it will be travel talk,” Rosy teased.

  “No,” I said. “No hanky-panky tonight.”

  “Why the hell not? It’s been over four years since you had some nookie,” Rosy said. She suddenly stopped herself with a puzzled look on her face. “Wow… has it really been that long for you?”

  I nodded weakly. I wasn’t sure why I felt ashamed of this, but Rosy seemed to think it was a big deal.

  “Damn girl,” Rosy said. “How the hell do you even do that? I mean once you pop your cherry you are a sex addict. All the time you will be craving sex, sex, sex. You can’t just turn that shit off.”

  “Are you serious?” I said bursting out with a huge laugh. My best friend Rosy was just too much sometimes. Never a dull moment, that was for sure.

  “Yes, I’m serious,” Rosy replied. I could tell that she was very passionate about the subject. “I mean, your body has needs.”

  “Well, I handle those needs in other ways,” I said. I instantly regretted what I’d said because I knew where Rosy’s mind was going to go. And that was totally not what I meant.

  Rosy was laughing hysterically already. “Wow, how many times a day? Do you do it manually or is there a special instrument?”

  “You are insane,” I said. “That is not what I meant.”

  Rosy’s eyebrows rose almost off her forehead as she looked at me with the most sarcastic expression I’d ever seen her give me.

  After a few moments I couldn’t take the heat anymore and I burst out laughing.

  “I knew it!” Rosy said.

  “What? I’m not ashamed,” I said. “But yes, I do have a few toys. Why the hell are we having this conversation?”

  “Because it’s hilarious, and it will get you thinking about sex. I expect details tonight,” Rosy said.

  “First of all, that is not happening, and second of all I’m not giving you details if it does.”

  “Ah! If it does! That means it might,” Rosy laughed.

  I sighed and shook my head. Rosy was damn impossible sometimes and I decided to just let her win this one.

  Besides Tony would be here any moment. I couldn’t remember a time I’d been so nervous.

  “How do I look?” I asked standing up to show Rosy the outfit it had taken me seventeen tries to decide on.

  Rosy carefully scrutinized me looking my whole outfit up and down. “Turn around,” she said.

  I did so, wondering how simple it was to say “You look great!”

  “Not bad,” Rosy said.

  My eyes felt like they were going to drop out of my skull.

  “Not bad? What the hell kind of thing is that to say?” I asked.

  “What did you want me to say? It’s a cute outfit. But it doesn’t make you look like Kim Kardashian.”

  “Oh, thanks,” I said. “I happen to think my ass is way better than Kim Kardashian’s.”

  “Are you crazy? Do you have any idea how much her ass cost?” Rosy asked.

  We both lost it.

  Then I heard Tony’s pickup truck pull up outside. I felt instant panic and for a split second I thought about telling him I was sick and hanging out with Rosy, eating ice cream and watching chick flicks. It would have been a great time, but I knew I had to go.

  As I saw Tony striding towards the door all of my anxiety suddenly disappeared.

  ***

  “So, what did you really think of the movie?” Tony asked before taking a long swig of his beer. “Be honest; you won’t hurt my feelings.”

  I paused a moment and pretended to have bad news on the brain. He leaned in with anticipation across the table. I held it a moment and then smiled my biggest, toothiest grin.

  “I loved it,” I said.

  Tony matched my smile and leaned back as if I had completely relieved him with my response.

  “Great,” he said. “With a classic like “Urban Cowboy”, you can never be too sure.”

  “What wasn’t to like? I mean it had a great eighties soundtrack, which is my favorite decade of music, especially country music. That was awesome. And it had a great story. I totally fell for the whole thing. I even like John Travolta, who I’m not usually that fond of.”

  “What? I’ll pretend you did not just dis Swordfish,” Tony said.

  “What?”

  “It’s another amazing Travolta film that you should see. That one has a lot of action in it.”

  “I’m not too big on action movies,” I replied.

  Tony shook his head as if I’d just done something naughty.

  “It’s ok,” he said. “I’ll be happy to educate you.”

  I laughed almost choking on my hard lemonade.

  “Careful now. I wouldn’t want to do the Heimlich maneuver on you. It’s bad karma to do that on a second date,” Tony said.

  “Ah, so we agree that the other day was a first date,” I said.

  “Well, yeah. Pie was had. I thought I made all that clear.”

  “So, I love your taste in movies, music, and pie,” I said. “How about you tell me more about all this travelling you used to do?”

  “When I graduated college I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I mean, I was an English major so that was supposed to narrow it down, but I didn’t get teaching credentials because I didn’t want to spend any more time in a classroom, and when I was a kid I always felt that the teacher was the bad guy. I never wanted to be seen as the bad guy. Mostly because I’m too immature to handle that kind of responsibility.”

  “You are not immature,” I said. “If anything you are a huge step in maturity above the other guys in this town.”

  “Well, thank you for the compliment,” Tony said before continuing with his story. “So, anyway I had this English degr
ee and I had to find out what it was I wanted to do. Now, originally I planned to be the next Stephen King. I love horror novels and I love writing, so I decided that I wanted to do that for a living.”

  “Sounds like a solid plan,” I said jokingly.

  “Right you are,” he replied. “It turns out it is very hard to become the next Stephen King and it will invariably take years of dedication to even hope to make a career as a novelist. So I decided to do some other types of freelance writing while I was working on my novel. The idea was I’d work on various writing projects during the day and then work on my novels at night.”

  “That sounds like a lot of writing,” I said.

  He looked at me with a sparkle in his eyes. “Are you trying to bust my balls? Or are you just that hilarious?”

  “I’m sorry,” I said with a giggle. “Please continue. I didn’t mean to poke fun.”

  He played along with my sarcastic apology. Tony was so much fun.

  “Ok, so I read a bunch of magazines about writing and went online to do research about it. And I stumbled on the idea of travel writing. Apparently, magazines and big websites will pay people to travel places and then write about their adventures and discoveries. I’d always wanted to travel. I grew up a small town boy in Pennsylvania and have never been anywhere so I decided that I definitely wanted to do this. So I started pitching for jobs and eventually started landing some lucrative gigs.”

  “Wow, that is quite the story,” I said truthfully. Tony was so fascinating and interesting to talk to. He was by far the worldliest person I’d ever met. “What was your favorite place that you travelled?”

  Tony leaned back thinking carefully. The way he was sitting right then allowed the dim lights in the Canal Bar to catch his profile perfectly. Damn, he was handsome. He was by far one of the most perfect looking men I’d ever met. And for some reason he was interested in me. It was enough to make me think that I must be a lot hotter than I realized. Maybe Rosy was right and I did have it going on.