Heart Unseen

by Andrew Grey

  James could almost feel the looks going between the other two men.

  “When Trevor lost Chase, he turned his back on most relationships.”

  James knew who Chase was, but the wording Larry used was strange. Did Chase die? Maybe that was the reason why Trevor was the way he was. He’d lost both his mother and a lover. James gently stroked Trevor’s arm and filed the information away for later.

  The phone rang somewhere in the house and was immediately answered. He heard Margaret talking softly, but didn’t try to make out her words.

  “She’s been fussing because she invited our neighbor Peter and his boyfriend to dinner as well.” Larry excused himself, and James was pretty sure he was alone with Trevor.

  The chair moved a little as Trevor shifted on the arm once again. “You okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m having a great time. Your family, or your soon-to-be family, is really nice.”

  “It’s great that my dad is so happy.” Loss tinged Trevor’s voice.

  “Then why don’t you sound it?” James asked. “You know your dad is never going to stop being your dad.” He slowly rubbed up and down Trevor’s arm.

  “He already told me that he and Margaret want to move to Florida in a few years.” A few others came into the room and Trevor grew quiet, but James could still feel the tension in him.

  “We have two more for dinner. They’ll be here in a few minutes, and then we can start.” Margaret sounded excitedly happy and the food smelled amazing enough that James remembered the tiny lunch he’d had and his stomach rumbled so loudly that he was able to hear it.

  The doorbell rang and Margaret hurried over to open it. “Peter, I’m so glad you could come.”

  “Let me see the ring.” That must have been Peter. “It’s gorgeous.” He could imagine them hugging. “And this is my new boyfriend, Collin.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  James knew that voice, and his blood ran cold. He wanted nothing more than to sink into the chair and try to hide. His ex. He hadn’t seen the jerk in years, and now he shows up like this? Just when James was feeling comfortable and having a good time, the jerk of jerks appeared out of nowhere.

  “Trevor.” James gripped Trevor’s arm more tightly to try to get his attention. But Trevor was already moving away, probably to greet the new guests. James sat stiffly in the chair, wishing he’d bothered to bring his cane. At least he’d have something to hold on to and to drain his tension into. He heard introductions being made and pushed himself upward, intending to turn around, but he must have put too much pressure on the chair and lost his balance.

  Chapter 5

  TREVOR SAID hello to the new arrivals, shaking hands with both Peter and Collin. A crash pulled his attention, and he hurried back to where James sat on the floor, trying to get up and about to reach for the glass-top coffee table. “It’s all right. I have you.” He took James’s arm and gently helped him stand. “Are you okay? You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?” Damn, he had this urge to strip James down just so he could check him over from head to toe and make sure he was okay.

  “I’m fine.”

  The word clumsy reached Trevor’s ear, and he was about to turn to see where it had come from. “You’re sure? You fell hard.” He didn’t want to let James go for a second as he gently led him to where Peter and Collin waited. “James, this is Margaret’s neighbor, Peter, and his boyfriend, Collin.” Trevor paused as James shook hands with Peter and hesitated.

  “Collin and I know each other.” James put his hands at his side, and Trevor felt the light go on in his head.

  “Is this—?” Trevor asked, and James nodded. Trevor wanted to throw the man out of the house that instant. How dare this guy treat James like he had for any reason, and Trevor had just now heard him say James was clumsy. Trevor’s hand clenched at his side as Margaret breezed in the room.

  “Boys, dinner is ready. Please come to the table.” She took Peter by the arm and led him in, the two of them talking quickly. Trevor hung back with James and let Collin follow before them.

  “Do you want to leave? I’ll make an excuse to Dad that I have a migraine and need to go.” He’d had them as a kid, and though he’d been free of them for a while, his dad wouldn’t be aware of that.

  “No. I’m not a baby or anything. It’s just a shock is all. I honestly never thought I’d hear that voice again.” James shook. “He made me feel pretty low about myself, and….”

  “There’s more than what you told me, isn’t there?” Trevor could see the pain in James eyes, even if he didn’t know it was there. It reminded him of what he saw in the mirror sometimes.

  “Yeah.” James held his arm and took a step toward the other room. “Let’s eat dinner and have a nice time for the sake of your family. Just don’t have me sit next to him, okay?”

  “Of course.” Trevor led James into the other room and sat next to Collin, with James on his other side. Trevor’s anger surfaced at how smug the towheaded asshole looked when he turned to James. Peter was oblivious, talking to Margaret, and his dad was deep in conversation with Rachel.

  Before dinner started, his dad stood and clinked his glass. “As you all know, Margaret has agreed to be my wife, and it seems there’s additional good news.” He turned to Rachel, who beamed and nodded. “It seems we’re going to be grandparents.”

  Trevor congratulated Rachel and helped point James to his glass. They all raised them and drank, with Rachel toasting with water. Trevor glanced at James, who toasted like everyone else, but the happiness and laughter that had been so close to the surface earlier now seemed very far away.

  “How long have you and Collin been together?” Margaret asked.

  “He and I met about three weeks ago. I was having dinner with friends at the Mequon Country Club, and after dinner, they had a live band. Collin asked me to dance, and we’ve been inseparable ever since,” Peter said, sounding happy.

  “That’s so nice,” Margaret said as she and Trevor’s dad began passing the food around.

  “How much roast would you like?” Trevor asked James, who shook his head.

  “He needs that cut like a child,” Collin said from the other side of Trevor.

  Trevor took two pieces, putting them both on his plate, and passed the serving tray on. Then he cut half of what he’d taken into bite-size pieces and placed them on James’s plate, along with some of the horseradish sauce. He added potatoes and beans as well before telling James where everything was. “Just enjoy your dinner and let me know if you need anything.” He wanted James to have a good time, just now realizing how important it was to him.

  Trevor ate and watched as James took each bite with near agonizing slowness. Trevor tried to eat normally, but his attention kept being drawn to James and then to Peter and Collin, who whispered things between them. No one else seemed to notice, but with each whisper, Trevor’s anger grew. This was the man who had hurt James and left him with so much self-doubt, and Trevor had brought him into a situation where he had to have dinner with the guy.

  “The roast is delicious, Margaret,” James said. “All the food is amazing. You are a very talented cook.”

  “Thank you. Do you cook?”

  “I reheat things mostly. The microwave is a very good friend.” James was trying to be pleasant, and Trevor gave him a lot of credit.

  “I was wondering,” Rachel said after clearing her throat. “How long did it take you to be able to read Braille and develop your other senses? I find it fascinating how the others take over.”

  “I went to the same school I teach at now, and it didn’t take long to learn to recognize the letters. Just like any other method of gaining knowledge, it was the understanding of what I was reading that took time. Of course, now, I use it every day and don’t think about it.”

  “How do you read regular print?” Marshall asked.

  “I have a scan-and-read device. I feed the pages into it and it reads them to me.” James took another bite and seemed to
relax a little.

  The others had picked up on the tension. Margaret talked with Peter and Collin while his dad, Rachel, and Marshall spoke with him and James.

  “What do you do?” Collin asked Trevor. “I saw the motorcycle outside and assumed it was yours.” Collin had his nose in the air and looked as though if it started raining, he would drown.

  “I own auto and motorcycle repair shops.”

  “So the Harley is yours?” Collin pressed. “I always wanted to know what it was like to ride one of those bad boys. Could you give me a ride sometime?”

  James growled from next to him.

  “I don’t think so. The seat behind me on the bike belongs to James.” Trevor hoped that would put an end to that idea.

  He tried to put the best face on the meal that he could. The food was indeed delicious, and he kept an eye on James to make sure he was doing all right. A few pieces of meat and beans ended up on the table beside James’s plate, and Trevor picked them up and hid them in his napkin as best he could.

  Once dinner was over, he got up and gently touched James’s shoulder before cleaning up his place and clearing the dishes. No one said anything, but the look on Collin’s face said more than enough. Trevor wanted to break a plate over the smug bastard’s head. This dinner had turned from joy to discomfort in a matter of half an hour. And what surprised him was the reason for it. Trevor had been to many dinners, mostly for business, and discomfort was usually ignored in favor of getting the job completed. But tonight, James’s comfort and feelings were what was important.

  After Chase had ripped part of his soul from his very core, Trevor had told himself that he’d never allow himself to feel that way about anyone. Years of staying aloof and having a good time, keeping everything light and noncommittal, had been to protect himself. Now the wall he’d built to protect himself had been breached and he didn’t know what to do about it.

  “Thank you for helping,” Margaret said as she came in the kitchen.

  Trevor had been standing by the sink, and he wiped his eyes and didn’t turn toward her. He needed a few seconds to compose himself. “You’re welcome.”

  Margaret came closer and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Is this a crisis of the heart?”

  I’m not sure what the hell it is.

  “This happens to all of us at one time or another. I loved Rachel’s father very much, and losing him was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure. Larry told me some of what happened to you.”

  Trevor didn’t know how he felt about that, but he supposed she and his dad didn’t have secrets from each other.

  “Letting yourself feel again is perfectly okay.”

  Margaret was a kind lady, and Trevor knew she was trying to help, but he didn’t want any of it. He wanted to understand why the turmoil inside him wouldn’t stop. He’d always been able to push it deep inside and contain it before, and he needed to do it again. That was all there was to it.

  “Thanks. I’ll be fine.” He blinked and his strength returned. Trevor turned around, flashed her a smile that he hoped would reassure her, and went back into the dining room. All it took was a single glance at James and the turmoil was back.

  James sat at the table, biting his lower lip nervously, conversations going on around him. His pretty blue eyes were blank and unfocused. Rachel, Marshall, Peter, and Collin were all deep into some rapid-fire conversation. His dad was working to clear the rest of the dishes, and James sat alone. He was still the same beautifully stunning man he’d seen across the dance floor at the club, but now James was more than his looks. He was that smile that lit up his face when he was happy, and that touch of joy in his voice when he was excited. James was also the excitement that made old things new once again, particularly when they rode the motorcycle together.

  “I think Margaret is getting dessert together,” Trevor said as he sat next to James.

  “You kids stay here and I’ll give her a hand.” Larry carried the dishes into the other room, and Trevor suspected he was really after a few minutes alone with his bride-to-be. Not that he could blame him. Right about now, Trevor was ready for some alone time with James. Maybe he should make his excuses and take James home.

  “What have you all been talking about?”

  “The new Georgia O’Keefe exhibit at the museum,” Collin answered, turning to Peter. “He’s helping to curate it. The whole thing should be completely amazing.”

  Trevor understood fully why James had been so bored and excluded. He leaned over to whisper, “Once we’ve finished dessert, we can go.”

  “I don’t want you to cut your family time because of me. I’ll be fine.” James smiled, but Trevor knew it was forced, especially as Collin went on and on about the work Peter was doing.

  “Rachel, when is the baby due?” Trevor asked to change the subject.

  “Mid-January, and I’m so thrilled. We weren’t going to tell Mom and Larry that I was pregnant until after the first trimester, but I got so excited, I couldn’t keep quiet any longer.” The previous topic seemed forgotten as she continued. “Marshall and I have been trying to have a family for a while, and it didn’t look like we were going to be successful.”

  “The doctor told her to relax and it would happen when she wasn’t expecting it to, and that’s exactly what happened.” Marshall placed his hand on Rachel’s and looked into her eyes with such care and adoration. “I did have a good time practicing for the big day.”

  “Marshall,” Rachel said with a smile and a slight blush, clearly pleased.

  “I baked chocolate cake,” Margaret said as she brought plates into the dining room. She placed a piece at each place. Trevor told James where things were in front of him.

  “THANK YOU for everything,” Trevor said once the cake had been eaten and the dishes cleared. He stood, took Margaret’s hand, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I know you and Dad are going to make each other happy.” He said good-bye to his dad too, and James thanked them both for a wonderful dinner. Then Trevor guided James out of the house and to the bike. “I had no idea that they had invited anyone outside the family.”

  “It’s okay,” James said without any of his usual energy.

  “Let’s get you home.” Trevor could tell the evening had been difficult, as James was still a bundle of tension. He helped James get his helmet on and got James onto the bike. When Trevor started the engine, there was none of the usual energy that sang between them. It was nice having James close, but the excitement wasn’t there at all, and Trevor knew exactly why.

  He drove through town, taking the lakeshore and heading up to James’s small house. He loved that place. Every time he pulled up, the house seemed a welcoming reflection of James. Trevor helped James off the bike and out of the helmet.

  “Is it okay if we call it a night?” James asked and leaned down to kiss him. It was gentle, quick, and then James turned, taking a few steps toward the front door. “Thank you, Trevor,” he said, stopping. “Your dad and Margaret were very nice, and I really like Rachel and Marshall. It was very nice of you to take me with you.” He turned once again and walked toward the door. This time he didn’t stop and went right inside, closing the door behind him.

  Trevor sat on his bike, wondering what had happened. He’d clearly messed things up pretty badly, and this whole dinner thing had been a bad idea. He’d had no way of knowing James’s ex-boyfriend would be there, but the whole experience had clearly let a lot of the air out of James’s balloon. The thing was, he wasn’t sure what to do to fix it. James clearly wanted to be alone, and Trevor had no right to demand that James talk to him or even let him in the house.

  His phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket. The display said Dean.

  “How was dinner?” Dean yelled over the music in the background.

  “Difficult.” He could definitely use a drink after all that. “Where are you?”

  “At Carousel. Come and join me.” The call disconnected, and Trevor put his phone back into his pocke
t. He turned to look at the dark house, then revved the engine and took off.

  TREVOR’S MIND was awhirl, and he hoped that being somewhere familiar with a familiar activity would calm him. He pulled up in front of the club and found a place to park. Guys stood in line out front, waiting. Trevor took off his helmet and locked the bike before striding right up to the door. He nodded to the bouncer and went right in, paying his cover without a second thought. Trevor found Dean at the bar, leaning against it, looking over the crowd.

  “Now this is the Trevor I know. I knew you’d make it.” Dean grinned and pushed a drink into Trevor’s hand. “The guys are out in force tonight.” He seemed strung out with excitement as his attention wandered.

  Trevor followed his gaze to a golden muscle boy staring in their direction. Damn, the kid was yummy, and their eyes locked for a second before Trevor turned back toward the bar.

  “What’s wrong with you? He was really interested.” Dean sounded disgusted, and Trevor ignored him and set his glass on the bar.

  “Nothing. He was good-looking enough. Why don’t you see if he’s interested in you?” Trevor sighed. When a stool opened up, he slid onto it and turned from the bar to watch. The music pumped the way it always did in places like this, and it usually sent his heart pounding. But not tonight. Instead, it sounded cheesy, and the guys looked all the same, all dancing and having a good time. He could step off the stool and into the mass of writhing, jumping guys and probably easily find someone interested in a quick one.

  Dean headed off into the crush, and Trevor nursed his drink, keeping his eyes to himself.

  “Do you want to dance?” a rather timid voice asked from next to him.

  Trevor turned and looked into the eyes of a kid with long lashes who had to be barely old enough to get into the club. He was adorable. The kid stood between him and the guy next to Trevor.