Damaged (Crystal Brook Billionaires)

by Blake, Jessica

  He looked down at the cardboard box near the bookshelf, then back at me. “You just moved in?”

  This time, my skin really heated up. “No. Not quite.”

  “How long have you been here?”

  “Uh…” I hesitated. “A while.”

  Try over a year.

  “Since you moved back here?” One corner of his mouth lifted into a little smirk.

  I crossed my arms. “No,” I growled. But almost.

  He looked back at the books, running a finger across their spines. The sight sent a shiver through my body, and I couldn’t stop the image of his finger running down the length of my back.

  “You like Edward Abbey?” he asked.

  “Yeah.” I took a step towards him. “Do you?”

  “Desert Solitaire is one of my favorites.”

  “Wow. Really?”

  His eyes squinted slightly. “Why do you sound so surprised?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, fully meaning it. Perhaps, in an effort to save myself, I had painted him as some incredibly shallow personality who never picked up anything but magazines to read.

  “I’ve always wanted to go to Arches National Park.”

  “Me too!” I said excitedly, untangling my arms and dropping them at my sides. “That’s so funny. Most people I know have never read Desert Solitaire. I want to see how that park is different now. You know, from what it was like when he was a park ranger there.”

  “The fifties, I think.”

  “Yeah.”

  He flashed his dimple at me, and I let the sweetness wash across my skin, knowing it really was futile to try and fight it.

  Screw going back to Mom and Dad’s. F that place.

  “Do you want a drink?” I asked. “I have a bottle of vodka somewhere. Or just tea.”

  He looked slightly surprised at the offer. “Tea is nice.”

  I nodded. “I just thought we could warm up before going back there. Assuming we have time.”

  “That sounds good, thank you. The news said the snow won’t be sticking until later tonight. If you’re worried about driving, the roads should be good for some hours.”

  I headed for the kitchen, the creaking of the floor and the passing of a car on the street outside sounding abnormally loud. After filling the tea kettle, I took a second to lean against the counter and take in a deep breath. I was only teasing myself, of course. Jason had rescinded his invitation for anything to happen between us, and as long as I held onto that idea, I was only going to hurt myself more.

  My hands shaking slightly, I grabbed two mugs and a box of herbal tea. Supposing he did change his mind yet again and decide to hook up with me? Would it really satisfy me, or would I just end up wanting more?

  Steam began to issue from the spout. The answer was a terrifying one.

  I’m falling for him. Like, in a real way. A stupid way.

  If only he hadn’t mentioned Abbey, I might have gotten away safely… or if only he hadn’t made the effort to come over and apologize to me… or if only he wasn’t so well spoken… or if only he didn’t have that quiet, stoic thing going for him.

  Basically, if only he was anyone but himself I might have gotten away with not falling for him.

  Except I was. I was back in the place I was so afraid of being. What I wanted was so much more than a weekend of fun. Once the man in my living room walked out of my world, it was likely I would spend the rest of my life thinking about him, wondering about what could have been. Story of my life.

  I poured the water into the mugs and went back out to the living room. Jason stood in the same spot I’d left him, my copy of The Shining in his hand.

  I set the teas on the coffee table. “What? You’ve never read that?”

  His mouth quirked up again when he looked at me. “No. I’ve seen the movie. Doesn’t that count?”

  I laughed. “Not quite. I mean, it’s a great movie. Stephen King hates it, though.”

  I sat down on the couch and he came over to it. I tensed, waiting while he sat down at a comfortable distance.

  “He wrote it. Why would he hate it?”

  “He wrote the book,” I corrected. “He thinks that, in the movie version, there’s no real character arc for the protagonist, and that it’s misogynistic,” I further explained. “He kind of blames Stanley Kurbick for ruining it, from my understanding.”

  “Wow. I never saw it that way.”

  I pulled my legs up on the couch and drew them close. “He’s right about the characters being a lot more fleshed out in the book. The main character goes through more of a struggle to be a good person in the book than he does in the movie. And in the movie, his wife doesn’t do a whole lot more other than scream.”

  “That’s a book, though. There’s a lot more time to develop characters in a novel than in a movie.”

  “Yeah, but it’s not impossible,” I argued. “Just maybe trickier.”

  “Sounds like you missed your calling as a screenwriter.”

  I shrugged and averted my eyes. Even if his comment hadn’t been intended to be a compliment, it felt like one, and I could feel my cheeks heating up.

  He closed the book and set it down on the table. I resisted the urge to tell him to take it and read it while he was in Crystal Brook. Doing so just didn’t seem appropriate. Loaning books and discussing them was something friends did.

  Although we were already doing the latter.

  “Do you ever miss New York?” he asked.

  I picked up my tea, opting to stare at its golden waters instead of him. “I don’t know,” I shrugged. “At first I did. But since I opened the shop, my life has been so busy. It doesn’t really leave much room for reminiscing.”

  “Why did you decide to name it Freddy’s?”

  I smiled down into my tea. “When I was a kid, I had a dog named Freddy.”

  He laughed. “So you really do like dogs.”

  I glanced at him. “What? You thought I was lying the other day?”

  He shrugged. “So what was Freddy like, and why did you decide to name your store after him?”

  A strand of hair fell across my face and I tucked it behind my ear. “Freddy was awesome. I got him when I was four. We had him for ten years. He was my best friend.”

  Jason smiled slightly, his eyes sparkling in a way that made my stomach queasy. I looked back down at my mug to finish the story.

  “He was just one of the best things in my whole life,” I said. “When I was coming up with potential names for the store, the list was pretty short.”

  “What did he look like?”

  “There’s a picture over there.” I nodded at the little table in the corner. Although I had never unpacked all my books, one of the first things I’d done upon moving in was put pictures up. Seeing others around me, even if they were only photos, made me feel comforted and less lonely.

  Jason got up and walked over to the corner to inspect the framed picture of the little black dog.

  “A lab,” he commented.

  “A lab beagle mix.” My heart swelled at the thought of my old dog and I smiled. “I probably love him more than anyone else has ever loved a dog in the whole history of humankind.”

  He grinned. “That’s a big statement.”

  “I’ll stand by it.”

  “Did your siblings feel the same way?”

  “Danny was too young to remember him really. And Claire liked him, but not in the way I did. Freddy and I were always together. When I would get home from school, he’d be waiting at the living room window, watching the school bus, waiting for me and Claire to get off.”

  “That’s sweet.”

  He walked back over to the couch and I shifted my weight, pushing myself deeper into the cushions and further away from him. I still didn’t trust myself to act rationally when he was in such close proximity.

  “Claire really misses you,” he said, surprising me with the change of subject.

  “She told you that?”

  “Y
eah,” he said, then crinkled his eyes. “Although maybe I wasn’t supposed to tell you.”

  “I’ll keep it to myself.” I hesitated for a second. “What did she tell you, exactly?”

  “She’s just mentioned a couple times how great it was living with you. She said you two had a lot of fun.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, we did. We stayed up till dawn a lot. Way more than any responsible adult should.”

  “Everyone needs a little fun in their lives.”

  “What about you? What do you do for fun?”

  I cringed at the question. It sounded so cheesy, like we were on some lame first date or something. Jason didn’t seem to think the same, though. He just smiled and shook his head. “Nothing. I leave the office then go and shower and then check back in with the office. I’m a boring old man. I work even more than you do, Gwen Lawrence. This is the first time in years I’ve taken this many days off.”

  Gwen Lawrence. His voice echoed in my head, each rotation making my name into more and more of a sensual whisper.

  I cleared my throat and looked back down. Time to get the topic of conversation as far off myself as possible. “So speaking of Claire, what’s she really like as an employee?”

  “I think I told you before,” he replied, his voice slightly husky. “She’s great.”

  “No, really,” I joked. “You can tell me. She steals office supplies, doesn’t she?”

  “All right,” he sarcastically replied. “She’s the worst. She takes three hour lunches and naps beneath her desk.”

  I giggled. “I’m definitely telling our parents.”

  “Good. I’m firing her as soon as we get back to New York. Don’t tell her yet, though. The food at your parents’ is really good. I don’t want to get kicked out until after Christmas.”

  We both laughed. I looked back up at him and our eyes caught. Quickly, he looked down at the tea he still hadn’t touched. Although there were at least a couple feet between us, the space seemed so much shorter than moments ago. One movement and I could be on him, settled in his lap. Pressed against his chest. Our tongues intertwining.

  And that would be that. He would push me away, stand up, and leave. Or, if he found that — just like me — he couldn’t resist, he would give into temptation for a short while, but then end the passionate moment by leaving.

  I sipped my tea. Yep, better just to stay on my own cushion.

  “They’re all great,” Jason said softly.

  “What?”

  His face was just as gentle as his voice. “Your family.”

  “I guess. I’ve never really given it much thought.”

  “You’re biased. You grew up with them.”

  “Yeah,” I chuckled. “That’s true.”

  He shook his head. “Most people aren’t as kind as your parents and siblings.”

  I could feel my face fall. There was so much in that one sentence. Who was he referring to when he said most people? And had he intentionally not listed me as one of those wonderful ones?

  I swallowed hard. It was okay if he didn’t see me that way. Nothing about our short relationship had been easy and the kind moments had been few and far between.

  “You’re great too,” he said, as if reading my mind.

  “Great.” I snorted. “You don’t have to say that.”

  “You don’t care that much for yourself?”

  I traced the mug’s lip with my thumb. “I’m just nothing like my parents. Or Claire. Hell, even Danny’s better than me, and he’s a self-absorbed teenager.”

  Jason laughed. “You don’t see yourself the way they do.”

  I couldn’t help but peek back up at him. “Yeah?”

  “Granted, when I first got here I thought you were either cold or just reserved.”

  “Well, maybe I am,” I said, a tad too defensively.

  “No you’re not,” he replied, his voice soft. “The Gwen from the last twenty minutes is anything but cold and reserved. I’ve seen that same Gwen peek her head out several times.”

  I took in a sharp breath. Hadn’t I just been thinking about this very thing right before he showed up at my door? It was time I stopped pushing people away. Time I opened myself up to the world.

  “People are difficult,” I said.

  He laughed. “Yeah, they sure as hell are.”

  I chuckled, feeling slightly better. “Take you, for instance…”

  I literally bit my tongue to stop myself from saying anything else. Instead of looking offended, though, he just gazed at me with a curious look on his face.

  “What about me?”

  “Nothing. Never mind.”

  “You won’t hurt my feelings.”

  I tensed up, undecided about what to say.

  “Go on,” Jason encouraged. “But only if you want to.”

  I let out a heavy exhale and then let the words fly so fast they came out nearly on top of each other. “Okay, so when we had that conversation on the staircase, I thought you were kind of a creeper. I mean, you came onto me really intensely. And then, for some reason, I decided to take you up on your offer. By then, you had changed your mind. That’s a kind of crazy thing to deal with.” I finally stopped to take in some breath. Jason’s eyes slowly drifted to the floor and his shoulders sagged.

  “I see,” he said, sounding slightly pained.

  I shook my head. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I should have just been quiet.”

  “No, it’s all right.” His eyes locked on mine. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I wish I could make you believe that.”

  “You already told me so,” I pointed out. “So if I don’t believe it…” I let my words trail off, not even sure anymore what I was trying to say. All I knew was that I wanted to kiss the man sitting next to me. I craved the feel of his lips so badly on mine that it was like lava flowing through my veins.

  The thing I understood least of all was my attraction to Jason. After the whole bucket’s worth of disappointment in only a few days’ time, I still somehow managed to ache for the man like it was my job.

  He laced his fingers together and leaned forward, resting his arms against his knees. “I guess we should be going. Once the snow starts really coming down, it’s going to be pretty heavy. We don’t want to get stuck here. Your car doesn’t look like it’s equipped for a snow storm.”

  “Yeah, it’s not,” I agreed, trying not to fantasize about all the potential benefits of getting snowed in with Jason Adler.

  Neither one of us moved. He glanced up at me and our eyes caught. Looking into his face, I could practically feel the conflicting emotions spinning around inside of him. He wanted me, but he couldn’t stand it. From the outside looking in, he seemed to be experiencing the same thing I was dealing with.

  “I don’t want to go,” I whispered.

  His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “It’s nice here,” he agreed, his voice so deep it curled my toes.

  I set the cup down on the table, my fingers trembling, and started to stand. The two of us needed to get out of the house and into the company of other people. If we didn’t, I was likely to turn into something akin to a lioness in heat.

  I planted my feet on the floor and stood straight up. But before I could step away, a hand slipped around my waist. I looked down and into Jason’s eyes.

  “Gwen,” he rasped.

  That was all I needed. In a heartbeat, I was in his lap. My hands threaded through his hair and my lips met his. His mouth was ready for mine, meeting me in the perfect kiss the moment we touched. His hands pressed into my back, one in the small of it and the other between my shoulder blades.

  Tangy sweetness filled my mouth, and I opened my lips wider, trying to get as much of the taste as I could. Jason groaned, a primal sound reverberating from deep inside of him. The noise woke something up in me, and my desire doubled. The spot between my legs pounded, screaming to be touched by him.

  His palms pressed harder into me and I shifted my weight forward, feeling
his hardness underneath me. Heat floated off his core, warming me and making the winter weather outside obsolete.

  His hands went down and found the bottom of my t-shirt. With one tug, the loose top slipped over my head, breaking our kiss. My vision blurred and I pressed my lips into Jason’s in a frantic attempt to stay grounded.

  His mouth pressed hard and fast, then slow and easy against mine, mimicking the ebb and flow of ocean waves. The slight chill of the air tickled my bare back and shoulders, but underneath my bra, my nipples were hot, aching to be released.

  Jason’s hands slid over my shoulders and down my back as we kissed, exploring the length of my torso. One of them traveled over a cup of my bra, teasing, and a slight tremor burst through me. The ache from earlier had doubled, growing into a pulsing so intense it overtook every other sensation.

  Jason’s hands slid up my neck, coming to rest below my ears. They cupped the back of my head while his mouth moved to the side, never breaking its trail of kisses. He pulled my earlobe in between his lips and sucked gently. A pained sigh escaped my lips and I felt my weight give. The only thing keeping me sitting up straight was the fact that I was pressed against him. If he moved back, I would surely fall down.

  His mouth went lower to suck on my neck. At the same time his weight shifted forward, pressing me down onto the couch cushions. I went willingly, collapsing into the softness below. His chest pressed down against mine, pinning me underneath him.

  All my reservations from before seemed so inconsequential. In that moment, there was only one path to take. He wanted me and I wanted him, so what could there possibly be to stop us?

  His mouth went lower down my neck and I took in a shuddering breath, my chest heaving up and down. My fingers found his hair and I grabbed hold, tugging as much as I dared to.

  Over the bra cups his mouth went. My nipples pressed up against the fabric and he grabbed one in his mouth, pulling at it through the bra. My torso jerked, pushing up towards his mouth and begging for more. He complied, running his palms over my stomach and down my sides. They came to rest at my hips, tantalizingly close to the waistband of my pants. His mouth went back up to suck on my neck while one strong thumb moved down. It slid and swirled its way across the top of my pants, teasing but never quite touching the place that needed it most.