Damaged (Crystal Brook Billionaires)

by Blake, Jessica

  I closed my eyes and lifted my face to the spray, enjoying the harsh massage.

  Had he done it because he wanted to one up me or because he truly cared?

  For a rich man like Jason, the price of replacing such a big window — even quadrupled — was certainly nothing. So it wasn’t like he was sticking his neck out in any great sense.

  Which made it even more likely that he was just trying to prove a point to me. Namely, that he now cared.

  I still didn’t buy it. Nor would I ever, no matter how many windows he paid for or how many childhood anecdotes we shared. Care as much as he might that day, the next morning could be a different story entirely. And what about after he went back to New York and found himself with some real space between us? It was unlikely that his affections would stay unchanged.

  When the steam filled up the bathroom, and the heat became too much to bear, I grudgingly stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel from the shelf above the toilet. After drying my hair, I wrapped it around myself and headed out.

  And right into Jason.

  I halted, coming to a stop only a couple feet away from him. A water drop from my hair slid down my neck and underneath my towel, down into the spaces of my body that were jumping to attention at the sight of him. Meanwhile, he, fully clothed, stared at me like he’d never seen a woman before.

  “Sorry,” he said, his voice thick.

  “What are you doing up here?” I croaked.

  “I came looking for you.”

  Here I am. Naked and ready to go.

  I pushed the wicked thought away and shifted uncomfortably, way too aware of the bare space between my thighs. “Well, you found me.”

  He gave a single slow nod of his head.

  “I need to put clothes on,” I said, stating the obvious.

  “Yeah,” he agreed, then swallowed hard.

  I didn’t move and neither did he. My skin burned to have him in such close proximity, the memories of our time on the couch forever tattooed into it.

  Finally, he stepped aside, and I made my way into the bedroom.

  “I’ll wait out here,” he said after me.

  “You do that.”

  I closed the door, then took in a slow, steady breath. What if I opened the door and dropped the towel right then and there?

  I knew what would happen, of course. We would most likely have mind blowing sex, locked away in my childhood bedroom. My childhood teddy bear sitting on the shelf would need to have its eyes covered, and the quilt on my bed burned so that future house guests wouldn’t be subjected to sleeping on the blanket I’d done the naughty on.

  But damn, it would be good.

  And what would happen an hour after that, or the next day?

  Complications. Ones I could live without.

  Suddenly, that firefighter who was practically married to his motorcycle didn’t seem so bad. And least an emotional quagmire didn’t come along with his company.

  I helped myself to more of Claire’s clothes, choosing the tightest jeans and lowest cut t-shirt I could find. Just because I didn’t mean to give Jason what he wanted didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy teasing him.

  Slightly satisfied, but still horny as hell, I opened the door back up. Jason looked expectantly up from his phone.

  “So…” I didn’t know what to say after that.

  He gazed evenly at me.

  “You wanted to talk?” I asked, trying to make my words as cold as possible.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Sure.” I stepped aside, the warmth in my body doubling. He walked in, looking curiously at the room. Deciding I needed to put some space between us before I lost control, I went over to the window seat, leaving the door open.

  “So this is where you and Claire grew up?” he asked.

  I sat with my back straight and my hands in my lap. “Yep.”

  He pursed his lips and stopped walking. “So.”

  “So.”

  “I’m sorry if I offended you by paying for the window.”

  Anger clawed at me, a filthy little beast eager to get out and express itself, but I beat it back down. Being in the constant state of pissed off was actually starting to get old. So instead of blowing up, like I had at Freddy’s, I chose my words carefully. “It’s not so much that you offended me, it’s that I don’t understand why you do anything you do.” I thought about that for a second. “No. It’s not quite that. It’s that I don’t trust anything you do.”

  His head dropped to the floor like he was a sad puppy dog. “I want to work to build up trust between us.”

  I laughed, the whole thing had just crossed the line to ridiculous.

  “What?” he asked.

  “The way you’re talking makes it sound like we’ve known each other for years.”

  Pink tinged his cheeks, and I laughed again. “Are you blushing?”

  “No,” he quickly said.

  “You definitely are.”

  I clasped my hands together, aware that the conversation was getting way too lighthearted, which would make it harder for me to keep my distance.

  I cleared my throat. “Thank you for what you did. I’ll choose to see it as a gift.” I stood up, hoping that was enough to dismiss him.

  He didn’t go.

  I sighed. “Jason. Don’t do this.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t stand there, like… like…”

  “Like what?”

  I rubbed the spot between my eyes. “Like something is going to happen between us, because nothing will.”

  His face became absolutely stony. “You really want me to leave you alone? If that’s what you want, Gwen, I will, as hard as that’s going to be.”

  I placed my hands on my hips, not wanting to answer.

  He went on. “But before I do, I just want you to know that I’ve started to change since meeting you. Before, I felt like I would never be ready to accept another woman into my life. Now, I’m starting to see what that could look like.”

  My throat burned. Damn him and his suave words. I didn’t want to believe them. I couldn’t believe them, but they sounded so good. Especially when coming from such a beautiful mouth.

  “What you’re saying doesn’t make sense,” I said. “It can’t. We just met.”

  He stared me down. “I know. It’s part of what’s been driving me crazy.”

  I looked away. “I need to go downstairs.”

  I went to go out the door, but as I passed him, he reached out and grabbed my arm. My breath caught, and I halted, bolted to the spot. His face lowered, inches away from my own, and when he spoke, sweet, warm air brushed across my ear.

  “Tell me to leave you alone and I will,” he whispered. “But please think about it first. Look into yourself and tell me you don’t feel something there.”

  I felt something. Of course I did. The fluttery feeling I got when around him was more than all the giddy feelings from the rest of my life combined. And in a strange way, I trusted him. But that didn’t mean that I believed he wasn’t susceptible to the changing of the tides. He’d shown his quick to alter nature. Once a scorpion always a scorpion, destined to sting whether it really wanted to or not.

  I closed my eyes and swayed slightly, his fingers on my arm being the only thing to keep me in place.

  “Phosphenes,” I whispered, so low I could barely hear it myself.

  “What?”

  “The colors and stars you see when you close your eyes.”

  I opened eyes but didn’t move my face. His head was so close to mine, and I knew what would happen if we were nose to nose.

  Go, I told myself. Go now, or you’ll never get away from him. Let him get his claws in you any deeper, and you’ll go to your death bed still not over him.

  Harshly, I shook my arm free.

  “Cookies,” I mumbled. “Gotta go…”

  “What?”

  “I need to go, uh… decorate cookies or something.”

  “We already did that.
”

  “Then I need to go make a gingerbread house or whatever.”

  I moved away, taking a quick step and then another. I waited for his arms to come around my back; prayed for them to.

  They didn’t. Perhaps because he really was trying to be a good guy.

  It still didn’t matter, I told myself. Mike tried to be a good guy; to keep his promise and be there for me. And in the end, look what happened.

  I made it to the doorway before he spoke. “Gwen,” he said, my name all breathy and light.

  I placed my hand on the doorjamb and closed my eyes again. Phosphenes. Phosphenes. I would never be able to close my eyes and watch the dots spin without remembering that word.

  “One last thing,” he said. “Is there anything I could do to prove to you how serious I am? If there is, please let me know, because I’ll do it.”

  The question felt like a knife plunged straight into my heart. My bottom lip started to quiver, and I bit down on it hard. The answer was no, there couldn’t be anything to convince me. Because just like Jason had been knocked around by life and made into a person he didn’t want to be, so had I. And the person I was had very little hope left.

  I turned and faced him. “It’s not just you,” I said. “It’s me.”

  He took a step forward, looking hopeful. “We can try together.”

  Each word was more painful to say than the last. “No, I don’t want to try. I want to do.”

  He nodded. “We can do together.”

  I shook my head. “This is so ridiculous. We should be allowed to take chances. We should be allowed to fall. And yet I can’t let myself do that. I’m way too scared.”

  “I know. So am I.”

  “So, are you just pretending? Are you just acting like you’re so sure that you’re ready for something more?”

  I held my breath, waiting for his yes. Instead, the light in his eyes faltered. His shoulders slumped.

  It was all I needed. Spinning on my heel, I ran for the staircase.

  “Gwen!” he yelled after me.

  Frantically, I wiped the tears from my cheeks. I had to run. I had to hide. I couldn’t let anyone see me in such a state.

  Chattering came from the kitchen. I hurried past its doorway, going into the guest bathroom, slamming and locking the door. Taking in ragged breaths, I sat on the toilet seat.

  I didn’t quite need to place my head between my knees, but I was close. When my breathing became more even, I leaned against the wall and listened to the noises of the house. The clanging of dishes in the kitchen was so loud I heard it through the wall. The voices were more muffled, and though I couldn’t really pick out one from the other, I got the sense that everyone was still in a good mood.

  “I can’t ruin Christmas,” I said to myself. “I won’t. Nope. So get it together, Gwen.”

  Sniffling, I stood and ran some cold water into the sink, then splashed my face. Just the action of it made me feel slightly better.

  One day I would be ready for a man in my life. And when that happened, I would meet a guy who was a lot simpler and easier to figure out than Jason. Someone who wanted the same things. Wanted to live in the same city, for heaven’s sake.

  With that hope in mind, I opened the door and headed for the dinner table.

  The dining room was bustling with activity. Dad and Mom hurried around, setting the last few things on the table. Jason and Claire sat next to each other, their heads bowed close together. I forced myself to look away from them. Luckily, one of the seats at the opposite end of the table was available, so I slipped into it, putting myself next to Danny.

  If I sat at the very corner of the chair, the giant ham blocked half of Jason. I scooted myself into position, flashing a smile at Grandma.

  Happy Gwen, I reminded myself. Be a happy Gwen. Don’t ruin Christmas.

  “The napkins, Harry,” Mom said.

  “Right.” He hurried out of the room.

  “And the wine!” she called after him.

  Yes. Please don’t forget the wine.

  I kept my attention on my own end of the table as everyone got settled in. Finally, the room was calm. Mom uncorked the bottle of red wine and filled everyone’s glasses, ignoring Danny’s protests when she only gave him half of a serving.

  She cleared her throat and raised her glass up high. “I would just like to say how wonderful it is having the whole family here.” Her eyes sparkled as she spoke. “The year has been quite the crazy one. All three of my little chicks are busier than they’ve ever been.”

  I glanced at Danny. He wrinkled his nose slightly, but I could see that Mom’s sentiments were getting to him. I bumped him with my shoulder, and he playfully pushed me off of him.

  Mom went on. “And I think I speak for everyone when I say I’m so happy to have Jason here. His presence has been an incredible gift.”

  Everyone but me murmured their acknowledgments. I just stared at the giant ham like I was on a hot date with it and it could make me forget all about the man sitting at the other end of the table.

  “Thank you, Susan,” Jason said. “It’s been an honor to be here.” His voice cracked slightly at the last part, and I peeked up at him. Was he putting on a show or had he been sincerely touched by my mother’s words?

  Jason scooted his chair back and stood up. “I’d like to make my own toast, if that’s all right.”

  I suppressed a sigh and took a drink of wine. Dad shot me a dirty look, but I ignored it. I needed that alcohol ASAP. If every person at the table was thinking of making a toast, there was no way I could make it through without at least a few sips.

  Jason cleared his throat and then looked down before beginning. “When Claire invited me to spend Christmas with her family, I was nothing short of surprised.” He paused. I felt his eyes raking across me, though I kept my own trained on my silverware.

  “Claire is one of the best employees I have,” Jason said. “And her generosity knows no bounds.”

  I peeked up at him. At least he had that right.

  “I was still taken back, though,” he said. “The last year has been a difficult one for me, and I’ve taken the stress out in places I shouldn’t have and on people I shouldn’t have. Simply being here in Crystal Brook has given me some much needed time for reflection. It’s opened my eyes to a lot of things. It’s helped me to look at my life and myself in a fresh way. It’s helped me to let go of some of the weight I’ve been carrying around.” He paused. “This last week has, in a way, almost been something like a miracle.”

  A long silence stretched on as not a muscle moved across the table. The speech was so tender, I might have been crying had it been delivered by anyone else but him.

  “There’s more,” Jason said, his voice husky. “Since arriving here, I’ve been experiencing things I never thought I would experience again. I’ve been feeling and thinking things that seem like they’re from a dream, or at the very least, from days past. You know, the kind of romantic days you live through when you’re nineteen and believe anything is possible.”

  He looked at my brother. “Wait. Forget I said that, Danny. Everything is possible.”

  There was a light chuckle around the table. So he’s a comedian now too. Great. My fingers itched for the wine glass again, but I held myself back. I didn’t want to be too crass.

  “Especially love,” Jason said. “Love is always possible, no matter how far gone you think it is from you. No matter how much you may have given up on it yourself. That’s why I’d like to make an announcement.”

  I couldn’t move; couldn’t breathe. Time slowed down to a barely perceptible tick. I wanted to tear my eyes away from Jason, but somehow they were glued to his face. He turned and looked at me, locking his hazel irises right on mine.

  “Gwen Lawrence,” he said. “I’m in love with you.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Jason

  It was so silent, you could have heard a pin drop. Gwen stared back at me, her eyes wide. She was in shoc
k, that much was for sure. But what else was she feeling?

  Down the table, Susan gasped and clutched her chest.

  “Oh, how romantic!” Grandma Lawrence cried.

  I didn’t look at either one of them, though. I kept my eyes trained on Gwen. Gwen, who was blinking rapidly. Gwen, who was planting her palms flat down on the table and pushing her chair back. Gwen, who was knocking back the entire glass of wine.

  And Gwen, who was then running right out of the room.

  The front door slammed. I glanced around the table, at all the other people who looked just as surprised as I was. Granted, I hadn’t really known how she would react to my proclamation, but I hadn’t thought she would actually flee the house.

  “Where is she going?” Grandma Lawrence asked.

  “She can’t drive anywhere,” Grandpa Lawrence said. “Jason, go after her. Kiss some sense into her.”

  Next to me, Claire stood up. “No. I should go get her.”

  I held my hand out. “I started this. Let me.” I looked around the table. “I’m sorry everyone.”

  “Where is she going?” Danny asked.

  Harry sighed and shook his head. “Freddy’s. Or her house.”

  “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” I promised, looking at Susan. “I’m sorry for ruining dinner.”

  She smiled, and I thought I saw the glimmer of a tear in one of her eyes. “You just made this one of the best meals we’ve ever had. Gwen is lucky to be loved by a man like you.”

  My heart swelled in gratitude. Susan had confirmed what I already thought about her and the other Lawrences — they saw the best in me. It was the kind of thing that gave you the courage to try and be better.

  Rushing out of the dining room, I grabbed my coat and pulled it on while opening the door. It was fully dark outside, but the Christmas lights from all the surrounding houses provided a decent enough glow. I glanced both right and left to see if I could clock the direction Gwen had gone in.

  I couldn’t see her, though I did notice her missing car.

  “Damn,” I cursed. Had she really been rash enough to drive through such snow? It wasn’t impossible, of course, but Gwen’s car was tiny and without four-wheel drive. I also got the sense that, growing up in North Carolina, she didn’t have much experience navigating through bad weather.