Wildflowers

by Melanie Wilber;Kevin Wilber

  Her persistence and patience had paid off. She wasn’t getting her hopes up, but she knew the shots could very well earn her a cover photo for the upcoming issue.

  Once the sun had washed out the pastel beauty in the sky, she hiked along the trail, taking some more shots of the lake in the perfect morning light and enjoying the peaceful location one last time. Once the sunlight became too harsh, she packed her camera gear and headed back to her car. Other than a few pit-stops, she drove straight through and made it to Portland by early evening.

  Michael was on the couch in the family room when she arrived, the same place she had last seen him six days ago, but this time he was able to stand without assistance to greet her. His welcoming smile and tight embrace brought all those strong feelings she had for him back in full force.

  At church the following morning she sat with him during the worship service. Josie and Brandon joined them. Natalie had talked to Josie last Sunday evening and said she had something to tell her but that she wanted to do it in person, not over the phone. She hadn’t talked to her since, and although she would have preferred to tell her the news that she and Michael were together as only sisters could share such things, the look on Josie’s face when she saw Michael holding her hand was equally enjoyable.

  Brandon wasted no time after the service, teasing her in his good-natured, brother-in-law way. “What did you do to my poor defenseless cousin? Tackle him into getting him to go out with you?”

  “Ha, ha. Very funny,” she replied.

  “Did you hear who really did the tackling?” Michael asked, walking beside her with the help of his crutches.

  “No. Us married people are out of the loop. Who? Doug Mason?”

  “Bingo!”

  “No way, really? I was only kidding. That guy’s taller than me.”

  “Yeah, and about a hundred pounds heavier.”

  Brandon went downstairs to pick up Tommy once they made their way out of the sanctuary. Josie asked them if they’d like to come over to their house for lunch. Natalie didn’t know if Michael had other plans or not. The idea of spending the afternoon with him definitely appealed to her.

  “What’s on your schedule today?” she asked him.

  “Whatever you’re doing, baby.”

  Natalie shifted her eyes back to her sister and pursed her lips. Josie’s dark eyes were twice their normal size. Natalie suppressed a giggle.

  “I guess that’s a yes, Sis.”

  Natalie drove them to Brandon and Josie’s house and parked along the curb. Michael chose to walk to the front door without the crutches. Tommy greeted her with a hug and immediately dragged her upstairs to show her his new turtle in his room. Michael joined Brandon in the family room to watch a basketball game on television.

  Natalie once again realized how much she missed her nephew. She had seen very little of him since the move and decided she was going to have to make more of an effort to come by in the evenings and on the weekends as Josie had been inviting her to do every time she saw her.

  After asking Tommy several questions about his new pet and checking out the other additions in his room, she followed him downstairs and went to the kitchen to help Josie with the lunch preparations. They were having deli sandwiches and potato soup. Josie had already set the soup on the stove to heat and had begun slicing cheese to put on the tray with the ham and turkey slices. Natalie took two tomatoes from the plastic sack on the counter and rinsed them before taking them to the cutting board.

  “So is Michael the something you had to tell me?” Josie asked.

  “Yes,” she replied, feeling giddy. “I didn’t expect him to be so obvious about it this morning, or I would have gone ahead and told you over the phone.”

  “And all this developed on the retreat?”

  “Mostly. We had gone out twice before, but nothing really happened. We didn’t even know the other was going to be there.”

  “And what exactly happened?”

  “A moonlit walk on the beach,” she said shyly. “Talking--”

  “And?”

  “And--” Natalie whispered, grabbing her sister’s arm and pulling her close. “The most amazing kisses I have ever received.”

  Josie smiled. Natalie told her about finding the postcard and the note she had written on the back. Then about Michael hurting his knee and her playing nurse.

  “You?” Josie laughed. “The one who doesn’t like to clean up a little scrape?”

  “I even sat with him in the emergency room while the doctor drained his knee. I didn’t watch, but I sat there, holding his hand.”

  “This sounds serious.”

  Natalie took the mayo and mustard from the refrigerator door and set them on the counter beside the bread. “I think it might be,” she said, turning back to Josie with a hopeful smile.

  Josie’s pensive expression made her joy fade. She recalled Allison’s reaction concerning her strong feelings for Michael being similar.

  “What’s that look for?”

  Josie hesitated. Natalie leaned against the counter, watching Josie stir the soup one more time and turn off the burner.

  “Out with it, Sis,” she challenged further. “I can tell you have something to say.”

  Josie took the bowls from the cupboard and set them on the counter next to the stove. Her eyes slowly lifted.

  “Do you still feel the same way about God since the last time we talked, Nat, or has something changed?”

  “I’m going to church.”

  “I know and I think it’s great, but does Michael know you have doubts about Christianity?”

  “It hasn’t come up,” she shrugged. “Why are you being so judgmental all of the sudden? Don’t you think I’m good enough for him because I have different beliefs?”

  “Natalie--”

  “I was nothing but supportive of you when you were the one falling in love. The least you could do is be happy for me.”

  Josie closed the distance between them and laid her hand over her fingers that were clutching the edge of the counter.

  “I am happy for you, Natalie,” she said. “I couldn’t be more thrilled to see you with Michael. I just think you need to talk to him about it, that’s all. I don’t know him that well, but I do know he takes his beliefs very seriously, and something tells me he assumes you feel the same way.”

  They finished setting out the dishes, and everyone got their own food before sitting down at the table. Natalie tried to pretend everything was fine, but she kept thinking about what Josie had said. What if Josie was right about this? What if it did matter to Michael? What if he said he didn’t want to see her anymore when she told him she didn’t know if she believed in God like he did?

  Natalie didn’t say much during the meal and did not eat all of her food. If Michael knew her better he would have known something was bothering her because of the second half of the sandwich she left uneaten. But he seemed to be enjoying the conversation and the company of his cousin. She was glad. She didn’t think she could handle having him look at her with those concerned eyes right now.

  Watching Josie and Brandon together as she often did, Natalie knew they were happy together, and she envied them. She had watched them often when they were first dating and in the months that followed, seeing them grow closer during their engagement. And now watching them as a married couple, she noticed them still sharing those secret glances, stolen kisses, and loving words with each other that conveyed so much more meaning than she could possibly know.

  Several times during the meal she caught Michael looking at her the way she had seen Brandon look at Josie. She pretended not to notice. But later as they relaxed in the family room watching the rest of the basketball game, Michael leaned over and surprised her with a tender kiss when Josie was out of the room and Brandon was distracted helping Tommy with something on the family computer.

  She shoved him away playfully, bringing back that vivid memory of her mother doing the same with Daddy all those years ago. A pa
nic surged through her, and she knew it showed on her face.

  “You okay?” Michael asked.

  She met his confused gaze and lowered her eyes. Rising from the cushion, she stood to her feet and left the room without looking back. She went to the hall bathroom, locked the door, and sat on the edge of the tub, thinking for several honest moments before crying silent tears. She wanted this so bad, more than anything she had ever wanted in her life, but she had the awful feeling in the pit of her stomach that it could never be for her and Michael.

  She knew Josie was right about the importance Michael placed on God and church. He had quit his secure, high-paying job to go back to school to become a youth pastor. And the way he led worship left no room for questioning his sincerity and his commitment. She could never share with him in that.

  Her parents had been in love once, but their different priorities in life had driven them apart. Her dad’s ambition had been money and success. She saw that same fire in Michael’s eyes for God and ministry. Only the goal was different.

  Michael didn’t know who she was--not really. He didn’t know about all the anger she had inside. About her inability to forgive her parents. About her doubts concerning the God he felt so passionately toward and was devoting his talents, work, and life to. She was living a lie, and whether she wanted to or not, she was going to have to either tell him the truth and force him to decide if he could accept her the way she was, or she needed to end their relationship before he had a chance to break her heart.

  Michael didn’t mention her unexplained departure until after they left Brandon and Josie’s later that afternoon. He had remained attentive, and she saw the concern in his face, but he didn’t ask her about her sudden mood change. They were sitting at a stop light when he reached over to take her hand gently into his.

  “I scared you again, didn’t I?”

  She kept her eyes straight ahead and nodded slowly. The light changed and she moved with the traffic. He reached for her hand again when she had finished shifting gears.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, squeezing her fingers lightly.

  His gentleness made her resolve to be honest with him more difficult. She drove to his house, trying to figure out what to say. Perhaps she was being too hasty. Perhaps Michael didn’t care if she believed as he did. Perhaps she could wait and see if it became an issue between them.

  But she kept coming back to what Josie had said about Michael taking his belief in God very seriously. She had seen that for herself. Like Patrick and Josie, he was apt to begin preaching at her soon too, trying to persuade her to give her life to Jesus like they had. Three years ago her own mother had married a man who became a Christian, and she ended up believing as he did. Natalie wasn’t ready for that. She didn’t know if she would ever be ready for that.

  Pulling into the driveway, she parked the car, turned off the engine, and opened her door. Intentionally leaving her keys inside, she felt determined to carry out the plan she had come up with in the last two minutes. Michael emerged from the other side, and she went around to hand him his crutches. He began heading for the front door but turned back when he realized she wasn’t following him.

  “Aren’t you coming in?” he asked.

  “No,” she said, resting her hand on the top of her open door.

  He stared at her for a moment before returning to where she stood glued to the cement. “Are you okay?”

  “No,” she said softly, swallowing the lump in her throat.

  “Natalie,” he spoke tenderly. “What’s wrong?”

  “I can’t see you anymore, Michael,” she choked out and tried to turn away. He didn’t let her.

  “Natalie, wait,” he said, leaning the crutches against the car and pulling her back toward him. “Don’t leave. What’s going on?”

  She knew it had been foolish to think she could walk away from everything they had shared without an explanation. Michael would not let her get away that easy. He cared too much already, making this all the more difficult.

  “Come on, talk to me,” he said when she didn’t reply. “Did I do something?”

  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Why did he have to be so sweet? Didn’t he ever get mad? She could deal with anger. She could say exactly what she was thinking when she had a fight on her hands. But she had no defense for this.

  Opening her eyes, she lifted her chin and looked into his face--his adorable, innocent, and caring face. His slate blue eyes seemed to peer directly into her troubled soul.

  “It’s not you, Michael. It’s me. I should have told you this before. I didn’t think it mattered, but now I know it does.”

  He waited for her to go on, appearing to have no idea what she was getting at.

  “I don’t believe in God like you do. I don’t know what I believe. But I know this is something we probably will never agree on and will eventually drive us apart.”

  Part of her expected him to say he didn’t care, that they would work through this somehow, but his dumbfounded expression told her otherwise. He let go of her and took a step back. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He took another step back and looked away. She could see the moisture in his downcast eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered and ducked into the car, closing the door behind her.

  She turned the key in the ignition, put the car in reverse, and backed onto the street. He didn’t move from his spot on the pavement. After he disappeared from her rearview mirror, she wondered how long he continued to stand there like a statue frozen in time.

  Feeling numb, she drove several blocks away, and then pulled beside the curb and wept until no more tears would come.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  “It’s beautiful, Leona,” Natalie said, gazing at the white birthday cake her surrogate mother had made for her. She reached out to swipe some icing with her finger and let the sweet morsel melt onto her tongue. “Mmmm, delicious too.”

  “I see some things never change,” Leona said, reaching for the glass lid to cover the dessert intended for the party to take place in another hour. “Maybe we will only put seven candles on there instead of twenty-seven.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Natalie replied, pushing herself away from the counter to grab something to drink from the fridge. “I could handle being seven again.”

  Natalie grabbed a water bottle from the shelf. Twisting the cap, she took a drink and walked to the patio door, staring out at the rain pounding on the deck. “When did Daddy say he’d be coming?”

  “His plane should be landing about now. He said he would arrive by six.”

  Natalie checked her watch. She had about fifteen minutes to spare before Josie, Patrick, and their families would be arriving for her birthday dinner, and she decided to go upstairs and change into something more festive. Her birthday wasn’t actually until tomorrow, but having the party on Saturday worked out better for everyone’s schedules. Josie had insisted they do something special since this was the first time she had been home in quite some time on her birthday. Natalie wondered if her sister’s plans had more to do with trying to cheer her up following the short romance with Michael she had ended four weeks ago.

  The last time her family had gathered together for her birthday was for her twenty-first. But that one had been held at her mom’s--the house she had grown up in, and Daddy had not been there. This time it was her mom that would be absent. She supposed the only future occasion where both of her parents would be together would be her wedding, if she ever had one.

  Natalie headed upstairs to her bedroom and opened the closet. She decided on a simple dress that she had bought a few months ago but only worn once to church. It had been a month since she had attended a service, a month since she had left Michael standing in his parents’ driveway. She had tried to push the image of his shocked and confused expression from her mind, but she hadn’t had much success. She thought about him every day.

  After stripping down to her bra and panties, she stepped
across the carpet to her bathroom, washed her face, combed and sprayed her hair, and squirted some perfume on her neck. Returning to her dresser, she pulled a short slip from her top drawer, pulled it on over her head, and reached for the light green dress that fit her smoothly through the torso and fell just above her knees.

  She turned back to her closet and scanned her racks of shoes, choosing her low-heeled white pumps and slipping them onto her bare feet. She searched her jewelry box for a dainty pair of pearl earrings Josie had given to her at Christmas and put them in. The postcard with the sand dollar and heart-shaped rock that she had placed in the corner of her vanity mirror caught her eye, and she pulled the memento from the edge of the frame. She recalled the look on Michael’s face when he had acknowledged reading the back of the one she had given to him, and his sweet kisses. Tears filled her eyes, and she sat back onto her bed, clutching the picture to her chest.

  Oh, Michael. I miss you so much, it hurts.

  The doorbell rang a few minutes later, and Natalie returned to her bathroom to dry her eyes and collect herself before heading downstairs to greet her family.

  “Happy Birthday,” Josie said upon her entrance into the informal living room. Natalie accepted a hug from her sister and from Tommy. When she released her nephew, Brandon stepped over to take his turn, and his caring embrace affected her more strongly than she anticipated.

  There was something about the way Michael had always held her that was very loving and protective, and Brandon had that too. She didn’t cry, but she had given up trying to hide her fragile emotions from them. She hadn’t told anyone about what happened with Michael for a few days, but when Josie had called later that week, she had burst into tears over the phone and told her. Her sister had been calling her regularly ever since, and she had been over to the house several times.