“How’s the book?” she asked, trying to return the favor of support. “Have you finished it?”
He rose from his chair and began clearing the table. “How Dickens ever found the inspiration to write in this town, I have no idea.”
“Maybe because to him it was home.”
“That’s probably true,” he said.
“I know that’s made a difference for me. I’m taking better pictures in Oregon now than I ever did here. The only thing that’s different is the love in my heart for what I’m photographing.”
“Are you planning to go back to Tahoe this fall?”
“Yes. Even with the assignments I’m getting, it’s still not enough to live on. I can’t keep mooching off my dad forever. But I’m enjoying it while it lasts. After next month I’ll go back to being like most photographers, taking pictures when I can but keeping my day-job.”
They talked for a long time. Everything from Josie’s wedding to Samuel’s recent trip home, to how she had ended up back in Europe for three weeks with Daddy. He was surprised to hear her talking about her dad so much. He said she had hardly ever mentioned him before. She realized that was probably true.
Things had changed a lot between her and Daddy in the last four months. She hadn’t seen him much, but the time they’d had together had been very special for her. She told Samuel that and ended up releasing a lot of emotion regarding her family as a whole. She had missed them all and knew she would miss them again when she moved back to California, but she didn’t know what else to do.
The clock was nearing ten when Samuel went to the refrigerator to pull out a bottle of champagne. He returned to the sofa with two glasses and poured them both some.
“I’ve been saving this for a special occasion,” he said, handing her the crystal goblet. “I think this qualifies.”
She smiled and took it from him. He held up his glass and made a toast.
“To the best evening I’ve had in a long time.”
She clinked her glass with his and took a small sip. Alcohol had never been one of her favorite beverages, especially without something to eat with it. She opened her box of eclairs and took out the last one. Samuel took a bite when she offered him one, and she savored a bite of the creamy dessert herself.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” he said, reaching out to stroke her cheek.
She set the eclair on a napkin and licked her fingers. “I am. It’s really me. Back from the dead.”
He moved closer to her side and laid his fingers over her own. “I couldn’t believe it when I saw you standing on the sidewalk. I thought for sure it was you, but I didn’t allow myself to believe it until I saw those sapphire eyes.”
“I didn’t know if you would be happy to see me,” she said, removing her glasses for the first time and setting them on the coffee table. “I almost didn’t come.”
“I’m glad you did,” he said, pulling her close to him.
She placed her hand on his chest and looked into his eyes. Being this close to him didn’t hamper her ability to see him crystal clearly, even without contacts. “Why didn’t you tell me how you really felt?”
“I was scared.” He caressed the back of her hand and smiled. “I was attracted to you from that first day I met you, but I didn’t want to rush anything, especially since you didn’t live here. I kept telling myself I’d tell you how I felt when you returned in the summer, but then when I heard you were taking a year off and would be around more often, I figured I could wait until the perfect time.”
“And then I never came back?”
“Exactly. It was like you disappeared off the face of the earth. I was a mess for months and then had to force myself to stop thinking about you and face the fact that I had let you slip away. But I kept imagining I saw you whenever I went to Paris: in restaurants, on the metro, walking along the river. And then suddenly there you were, for real, standing outside my building.”
He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, and finally her lips, lingering much longer than he had out on the sidewalk. She responded to his affections and felt herself getting lost in the gentle passion. Everything was just as she had imagined it would be all those times she had wanted to be with him like this before.
She hated to have to stop him, but she knew she needed to get going. “I told my dad I’d be back by ten. I don’t want him to worry.”
Samuel reached for her. “Can’t you call and tell him you’ll be back a little later?”
His plea was too much to deny. She reached for her purse and found the room key with the hotel’s phone number on it. Thinking that Daddy may be asleep, she didn’t want to bother him and left a message at the desk that she would be back in another hour.
Samuel had crossed the room to wrap his arms around her as she spoke on the telephone. Once she hung up, his lips returned to hers, the intensity of his kisses rose steadily, and his hands began to roam. A deeper yearning began to take over her body.
He stopped momentarily, and she opened her eyes to look into his face. “Spend the night with me, Natalie. I’ve dreamed about you so many times. Let it be real tonight.”
She laid her head against his chest. His heart was pounding as much as hers. He lifted her effortlessly into his arms and walked to the bedroom, setting her down on the mattress. He laid down beside her, and she let him kiss her, but she began to feel uneasy. Is this what she really wanted?
She pushed herself up and held him at arm’s length. “I need to use the bathroom,” she said. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
She really did need to go, but she welcomed the excuse to give her time to think this through. She hadn’t expected him to have these feelings for her. She hadn’t expected things to escalate so quickly.
After washing her hands and drying them on a towel, she gazed at herself in the bathroom mirror and knew she had to decide what she was going to let happen out there. A mental checklist formed in her fragmented thoughts.
The chance of her getting pregnant was very slight. She had been taking birth control pills since college, hoping she would need the protection eventually. This was as ready as she had ever felt. She’d had boyfriends in high school and college who had been more than eager. She realized giving herself away to any of them would have been a mistake. Fortunately she had realized that then too. Since college there hadn’t been anyone she felt strongly enough about to give into their advances, until now.
Samuel had said he loved her, and she knew she had very strong feelings for him. The only thing stopping her was a little voice that said, ‘Wait. This isn’t the right time. And Samuel, as wonderful as he is, may not be the right one for you.’
I’m tired of waiting! I’m twenty-seven years old for crying out loud! Josie told me to wait until my wedding night. What if that never happens? What if I never see Samuel again after tonight? I can’t keep waiting for next time. We may not have that. This is my chance for it to be as wonderful as I always hoped. With someone that I care about and have waited a long time to have hold me.
Samuel was sitting on the bed, leaning against some pillows and waiting for her when she stepped into the room. He had removed his shirt, and she crossed the room, returning to his side with a smile. He picked up where he had left off. She liked the way he touched her. His kisses were nothing but enjoyable, and she felt safe with him.
So why did the uneasy feelings she had continue to linger? First-time jitters perhaps? She tried to ignore them--those voices telling her this was happening too fast, that this wasn’t the right time or place. But when Samuel began lifting her shirt over her head, they finally won out.
“Samuel,” she said, tugging her knit top back into place. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this. Not now.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “I love you, Natalie. Don’t you believe that?”
“Yes, Samuel, I believe you. It’s not you. It’s me,” she said and rose from the bed.
“Natalie, don’t go,” Samuel said, grasping her arm gently.
“Stay with me. We don’t have to do anything if you’re not ready. Just let me hold you.”
His offer was tempting, and she trusted him to keep his word, but she didn’t trust herself. Samuel looked good to her, he smelled good, his hands were strong but gentle. His kisses...
“I think I better go,” she said, heading for the living room to put on her shoes and grab her things. Samuel followed her.
“How are you getting back to the hotel?”
“I’ll hail a taxi,” she said.
“Not this time of night, you won’t,” he said rubbing the back of his neck and going to the telephone to call one for her.
She put her jacket on, retrieved her glasses from the coffee table, and slung her bag over her shoulder. Samuel left the room to get his shirt and his shoes.
“Don’t go yet,” he said. “I’ll walk you downstairs.”
Natalie waited until he returned, wondering if she had made the right decision. He walked her down to the front doors and stepped onto the stoop with her to wait for the taxi to arrive. She felt foolish and didn’t want to look at him.
Placing his fingers under her chin, he stepped in front of her and lifted her face. Her eyes slowly rose to meet his.
“You’re right, Natalie,” he said. “This isn’t the right time. I’m sorry I tried to rush you.”
“Do you think there will ever be a right time for us, Samuel? I’m leaving the day after tomorrow.”
“The company has an office in San Francisco. I’ve thought about asking for a transfer before. It might take awhile, but I would be willing to do that if you want me to.”
“You would move back to California for me?”
“Yes. In a heartbeat.”
The taxi arrived and he walked with her to the curb. He opened the door for her. She kissed him one last time. On the ride back to the hotel she didn’t cry. The reality that Samuel had invited her into his bed and she had left hadn’t sunk in yet. Everything had happened so fast. She didn’t know why she had made the choice she had. Where did that little voice come from, and how had it managed to shout over her strong desires?
She entered the suite quietly, not wanting to wake Daddy, but saw him reading on the sofa. Closing the door behind her, she set her bag in an overstuffed chaise and removed her coat.
“What are you doing up? I thought you were turning in early?”
“I took a little nap after dinner,” he said, “then decided to get up and read and wait for you. Old habits die hard.”
“I’m sorry I’m so late,” she said. “I left a message for you at the desk so I wouldn’t wake you.”
“I told myself I wouldn’t worry until after midnight.” He laid his book aside and stood to take his coffee cup to the sink. “You must have had a good visit with your friend.”
She hadn’t told him that her friend was a “he.” She didn’t reply and laid her coat over the back of the chair, then removed her shoes. He stepped back to retrieve his book and headed toward the door to his room. He turned back and searched her face.
“Are you okay, baby?”
“Fine, Daddy.”
“You don’t look fine.”
Her lower lip quivered and the tears finally came. Removing her glasses, she brushed back the wetness from her eyelids. He strolled to her side and took her into his arms. She held on tight, clinging to his presence. When she stopped crying, he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her.
“What is it, baby?”
She blew her nose and walked to the center of the room, then turned back to voice her confused feelings. “I think I either made the best decision of my life tonight or the worst.”
“Ah-hah,” he said in a fatherly way, folding his arms in front. “This must have been a friend of the male variety you went to see.”
She smiled at his insight. “How did you ever guess?”
“I seem to remember a certain prom night that ended in a similar way,” he said. “Is this something you want to tell your dad about, or would you rather I leave you alone?”
She didn’t feel comfortable sharing any details with him, but she needed her dad’s listening ear just as she had at sixteen.
“This time he’s not a loser. He just lives thousands of miles away. He might be moving to California, but I don’t know for sure.”
“Do you love him enough to move here?”
She thought about the possibility. If he did move to San Francisco she wondered if she would be willing to relocate there. Tahoe was on the other side of the state.
“I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe.”
He stepped toward her and reached for her hands, holding them firmly in his own. She waited for her father’s words.
“When it’s right, Natty. You will know.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“So, what are we looking for?” Natalie asked her sister, walking beside her down one of many aisles of the home improvement megastore.
“I’m not sure,” she said. “I haven’t been out looking yet.”
“Something pink?”
“No. Something neutral in case we have a boy next time, or if they’re wrong about this one being a girl. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen women at the hospital be surprised.”
Being four months along in her pregnancy, Josie was beginning to show. She had on a cute new maternity top that pouched out slightly in the middle. Natalie thought she looked adorable. She had come with her to help her pick out wallpaper, paint, carpet, and whatever else they could find to turn one of the upstairs bedrooms into a beautiful nursery for the baby due in January. Josie wanted to get started and have it finished before she got too big and too tired to handle the task.
They scanned the children’s wallpaper section, and Josie pointed out several she liked. Of her choices, Natalie liked the one with fluffy clouds the best. After much consideration, Josie decided that was her favorite too, and they headed to the paint aisle to find the perfect shade to match.
An employee helped them find all the supplies they needed and determine the amount of paint and wallpaper to purchase. Natalie thought the project sounded like a big job and wondered if it was worth it, but her sister’s face told her it was.
“You never got to do this with Tommy, did you?”
“No,” Josie said. “Patrick and Faith told me I could do whatever I wanted to with the room they offered me, but at first I wasn’t planning to keep the baby. By the time I decided, it was too late, and I couldn’t afford it anyway.”
Seeing her sister so excited made Natalie put the thought of hard work and sweat aside, determined to help her as much as possible.
“I’m pretty sure I know the answer to this,” Natalie said, walking beside Josie to look at carpet choices next. “But are you happy, Josie? Not just about the baby, but with Brandon and the whole marriage thing?”
Josie’s lips curved into a content smile. “Yes, Natalie. I am very happy.”
Natalie was happy for her and felt a twinge of envy. Will I ever be able to say I am very happy?
It was noon by the time Josie had paid for the purchases and had what she could take now loaded into the car. They got into the warm interior, and Josie turned on the air conditioning. She asked where she wanted to go for lunch. Natalie thought someplace with a great salad bar sounded good.
Once they were seated at the restaurant with their salads and portions of various hot buffet items offered, Josie wanted to hear all about her trip to Europe with Dad. Natalie hadn’t seen her sister since returning two weeks ago. Daddy had hung around for a few more days after they got home and then hopped on a plane bound for New York. Natalie thought he seemed more reluctant to leave than usual, and he asked her to drive him to the airport instead of taking a taxi. She had been surprised and enjoyed the fond farewell.
The next several days had been busy for her. She had taken some day hikes in the Mount Hood Wilderness with the writers on her team and then had been busy sorting through everything
she had thus far on the project and planning what she would need to get on her backpacking trip with Daddy next week. Her success in Daddy’s gallery in Boston had given her the courage to show her work to some local buyers, and she had placed several pieces in two places downtown and also in a Lake Oswego gallery this week.
She had finally gotten around to calling Josie yesterday. Brandon and Tommy had left this morning to go on a father-son camp-out for the weekend, and Josie had invited her to come shopping with her and help her paint the nursery--her project while “her boys” were away.
Natalie told Josie all about where she and Daddy had gone in Europe and what they had done. Josie said she thought it was neat that they’d had a chance to go together. Natalie agreed.
“It was like getting to know him all over again, Josie. I can’t tell you how great it was to see him having fun and relaxing. I felt like I was ten.”
“Of the three of us kids, you’ve always brought out the best in him, Nat.”
“You think so?” she asked, surprised at her sister’s statement. “I always feel like I was the biggest burden because I was still around when you and Pat were gone. And now here I am, living in his house like a kid again. I worry he sees me as a spoiled brat.”
“Oh, Nat, don’t think that. Daddy is a busy man and he’s made some mistakes, but he’s never been cold-hearted toward you. I think you are his little ray of sunshine that reminds him what life is all about.”
Natalie felt overwhelmed by Josie’s words. They made her want to cry, and she hoped her sister was right. She wanted to see Daddy happy and do anything she could to bring that to him.
They returned to Josie’s house and took all the purchases inside. She helped Josie prepare the room for painting, making sure her sister didn’t overdo or lift anything heavy, then got the rollers and paint pans and gallons of paint out to begin the project. Natalie stood on a chair to do the upper half of the walls and left Josie on solid ground to do the low stuff. She made her sister take several breaks while she continued to work.
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